Review [Issue 51] Tanki Gift Giving Expectations

[Vikingsrallentando 3,058]

 

We all have a generous side to our personalities in some form or another, whether we are a fan of giving gifts or not. Regardless of your preference, there can be some humility in how we approach the allocation of our resources to deliver a message with some virtual item, right? Let us not prop up the aspect of the game that we have been waiting for since its launch, the condescension of our interactions. Please, let me explain what I expect of you if you so choose to spend your crystals on me.

 

Badge

I don’t want your 200 crystals worth, patronizing stamp of approval that is a badge. I know I am a tanker, I’ve been at this for almost 5 years now, why do I need it to establish my tankerness? If you dare send one my way, please try to include some sort of title to go with it. Best Viking of all time? Least active reporter? Something. Anything without such classification will be deleted, post skim-read.

 

Like

I didn’t know the interface of a game could be turned into a pseudo-social-media outlet. Understandable to show your satisfaction with my skill in battle, but I don’t need your thumb in my face. Where they are undoubtedly justified is upon the liking of my forum posts, not limited or subject to my articles. Not like I do this for anything else.

 

Dislike

The “perfect answer to ANYTHING you don’t like”. Really? In that case, send it to as many tankers, staff, opposing clan members, etc, as possible. Tell them how they are doing their jobs wrong while you dramatize the slightest poke at your ego. Tell them how their clan couldn’t possibly beat you when you don’t show up to practice. And please, tell me how much you dislike my destroying you repeatedly while I chuckle behind a screen.

 

Bro

Brahs, Bruhs and Bros: attempt to come up with a message that is original but not abbreviated or slanted with slang that is unrecognizable. My coolness is already +1,000. It was bad enough with the thumbs used in two directions. Giving me a statue implicating a spec of what I already obtain is pointless. I already use my powers to type out this roast of an article in record time.

 

Helmet

Who has ever played this game by the mantra “safety first”? Not ME. I’m not like the others who play the game hours upon hours a day, for many consecutive days, who are all in. Without boundaries. Without restraint. Well those people need some head protection, not me. I picked up this mantra called mod-er-a-tion. Not the act of cleaning your tongue in the chat, the concept of living.

 

Teddy Bear

I really can’t complain with this one. I mean, if you believe in online dating that is. Can’t say I do… well this is awkward. Obviously not for me but for you. Sorry dudes and dudettes. Your dream of winning a strong Viking such as myself has been ruined. I can’t complain about your desire, but I can about the flirting in the chat. GET A ROOM.

 

Claws

Do you want me to strangle my keyboard for you? I mean I know keyboards can get wonky, but I assure you it’s NEVER my error, it’s the keyboard's error. For your case, it is NEVER the keyboard's fault, it is only your own; therefore this gift is not fitting for my +1,000 coolness fists.

 

Tangled Turret

How appropriate is it that the gift’s icon features my favorite combination…and what kind of person would wish such a thing upon my brow? Right, the losers who are always better than everyone else they come across. The only time you can legitimately give this in correct context is if you were on my team and you outgunned me fairly, and even then I will complain that you’re being a brat.

 

Golden Wrench

So if I do the math correctly, if it were a gold plated wrench, it would be worth at least 5 times the amount it is equivalent to in crystals. Might be a too 'real' approach, I assure you I wont be for the next item. You think you'd add to my "sophisticated style?" I already turn my bolts with diamond wrenches. While I'll take the compliment of my elegance, you're better off saving the $8 worth of crystals for supplies to use against me.

 

Blue Sphere

Yep, this is it. First, we had the green pyramid, now this. Well...not saying this is anything big... but it must be the secret to the universe. How this could even be possible is beyond human comprehension. If I had to speculate, it is the works of Godmode_ON. I'm serious. Perhaps if you send it to him, you will unlock his true identity, hmm. But don't spend that much on me, I don't think you're that foolish.

 

Thanks for reading; hope you enjoyed.

Disclaimer: TO Newspaper does not condone the harassment of staff members; please be civil and contact their administrator should you have any questions or concerns.

I hope you picked up on the sarcastic tone of this... take it or leave it.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Vikingsrallentando

[Bugs.meeny 1,013]

To me, gifts are a waste . . . but ice article

Edited March 18, 2016 by Bugs.meeny

[Rico_Viking_9000 942]

um nice

[DragonOfStorms 2,706]

Hahaha! Loved it, and I promise not to send you anything :lol:

[Zenyth 6,494]

thoroughly enjoyed reading :P

[orbanbotond 407]

Good

[Lord-of-the-Snipers 1,620]

Funny and true. :D

 

 

 

[I.Devastation 2,053]

Your articles have become nice and lighthearted recently, I like this new style. This was a good read.

[Quarks 2,255]

Well written viking, however, it felt almost too sarcastic. In the future, I would suggest adding a little bit more wit instead of pure roast, similar to the now dead Unemployed Columns, which I thought were very well written and creative :rolleyes:

[Lord-of-the-Snipers 1,620]

Well written viking, however, it felt almost too sarcastic. In the future, I would suggest adding a little bit more wit instead of pure roast, similar to the now dead Unemployed Columns, which I thought were very well written and creative :rolleyes:

It was pretty sarcastic and meant as a roast as I 've read it, and very well done. :D

[Vikingsrallentando 3,058]

Your articles have become nice and lighthearted recently, I like this new style.

Its a bi-product of a different approach to writing, with an increasingly busy schedule, I've expanded my realm of what I an pull off in a short amount of time. Keep in mind, I keep it serious with my interviews Behind the Tank.

 

Well written viking, however, it felt almost too sarcastic.

I understand your point and appreciate the criticism. I think there is a stark difference in the goal of this article between what the column had. The column was consistent at poking at different aspects of the game, This article was to aim at the stigma behind the gifts and break it down more aggressively. I miss the Column too, perhaps it will return sometime.

[Quarks 2,255]

Its a bi-product of a different approach to writing, with an increasingly busy schedule, I've expanded my realm of what I an pull off in a short amount of time. Keep in mind, I keep it serious with my interviews Behind the Tank.

 

I understand your point and appreciate the criticism. I think there is a stark difference in the goal of this article between what the column had. The column was consistent at poking at different aspects of the game, This article was to aim at the stigma behind the gifts and break it down more aggressively. I miss the Column too, perhaps it will return sometime.

Could not agree more. I did like that last one I wrote...

[NewbieCake 3,067]

Most inactive reporter? Nah, @MadDog21 is, for sure.

[thunderousrailgunner 1,934]

Is it me or does anyone notice the illuminati in the blue sphere ?

[Lotus_Flower 46]

Whats with the attitude?  :huh:

Cheer up ... gosh

[A_U_S_T_E_R_I_T_Y 382]

To me, gifts are a waste . . . but ice article

I cannot stop clapping for this guy who summed up THE ENTIRE ARTICLE IN A SINGLE SENTENCE.

 

 

Vikingsrail was basically trying to say the same thing *SLOW CLAP*.

 

 

Edited March 22, 2016 by A_U_S_T_E_R_I_T_Y

[master_crafter 420]

Good Job I'ma give you a badge  :lol:

[BlueDragon_tamki 3,204]

:lol: this is hilarious XD

I might as well give you a gift

[Nikosking2000 0]

very nice article

keep up the good work

(no gifts included) ;)

[Zam-B 8]

Heh... Yeah I saw the Illuminati sign on the blue sphere :P     *insert X-Files theme here*

[I3ANNED 1,693]

Look properly at the blue sphere...

[Lord-of-the-Snipers 1,620]

Look properly at the blue sphere...

OMG!....

The Eye!....Illuminati confirmed....

 

[M4ShermanUSA 926]

Ha Ha Funny article!

No gifts for you!

[Superlative 500]

Most inactive reporter? Nah, @MadDog21 is, for sure.

kk. He's busy with life, that's why he's inactive.

 

But he's the best reporter. <3 :3

[guyfromwa 129]

tHE BLUE SPHERE HAS illuminati triangle IN IT!!!