Shorts

[beaku 2,656]

:excl: Disclaimer: Read further only if you're certain that next 6 minutes will be futile. The author is not responsible for any nose injuries caused due to reaction of reading this article.

 

 

SHORTS

 

I keep staring at the blank screen. My eyes feel itchy. Has it been so long already? All kinds of thoughts are running around in my brain, unfiltered; each trying to take the form of words. How intriguing this process is! I wonder how animals think. Does a cat think in 'meows'? Does it even think? Wait... What does 'think' mean? What are thoughts, after all? Communicating ideas with oneself (self-slap) Chuck that! Focus! Need to focus. Ideas... I need ideas. I should probably ask others' opinion. Ah, group chat! Such a nice invention. The guy deserves a billion dollars.

...

...

No reply. Sigh! Looks like everyone is busy. What now? A guide sounds nice. But, what kind of guide? Nah.. Never mind. I could never write a guide. Even if I could, I seriously doubt anyone would read a guide by a person with beak in his name. Is that a wasp outside the window? Go away! Shooo! I'm deathly afraid of you even though I pretend in front of others I'm not!! Wait, why do I do that, again? Isn't it a natural human instinct to protect yourself from a potentially fatal, in this case, wasp? Why do I have to 'man up'?! I wonder who thought of that phrase. Could it have evolutionary roots when males were the Hunter/Farmers while females were in charge of their respective progeny? Hmm... Then, do people also say 'Woman up' to a mother who's unable to shush the crying baby? How come I've never heard anyone say 'woman up' to my mother? Possibly because I was the crying baby myself.

 

(Self kick) Note that for future. For now, Focus! Ideas... Ideas.. Why aren't there any ideas when I am in want of one? Is that psychology playing reverse psychology? Huh.. Sounds cruel. Almost too cruel to be true. Thoughts.. Thoughts.. Thoughts.. Too many thoughts. Is a thought an idea? If it is, then why do I seem to have an excess of thoughts but lack of ideas? How does this thing work, exactly? We should have a manual it, in my opinion. We always have a manual for complicated things. That reminds me, there was no manual in the Juicer-grinder box mom bought last week. How could that be? Do they think I'm born with the knowledge of operating a juicer grinder? Sigh! Some companies nowadays... They'll do anything to maximise profits. I wonder how it must be in early 90's when you had actual leg-space in airplanes. Did they have a meeting one day to decide how much they could compromise on leg space? I can't even imagine how that meeting must have gone. "Sir, our engineers have determined that if every passenger hands over their legs to us and carries one bag with them, we can add up to 50 rows in one plane!" "Sir, actually I was wondering, why don't we add seats in the cargo hold? We can have upto 200 rows this way and we can charge double for transferring luggage through a cargo plane" *cue music* everyone dances while it rains money

What's this? Laptop shut down?! Oh.. It's just gone into sleep mode.. Whew.

...

Waw, beaku, congratulations. You've managed to stare at a blank screen for 30 minutes. OMG! What's that devil face?!! What in the name of XP is that horrific thing on my face?! When was the last time I shaved? I'm pretty sure it was last week.. Could be two weeks. Sigh.. I doubt my poor shaver will be able to do anything about this forest.

(self smack) FOCUS! Laptop is on! Hands in keyboard... Now type! What? Arghhhh!! Wait... Wasn't I writing some or the other kind of series sometime back? I could take a look into that. But I don't even remember the characters. Would it be any good writing a sequel in this state? Nah! I wouldn't be doing the series justice. It deserves a good plot and a good ending. Wait, did Titanic have a good ending? Eh.. Pretty debatable question. On one hand, you get a nice little love story with a tragic end. People dig that stuff. Huh, 'dig'! Interesting slang. Slang itself stands for Short Language. Intriguing word! It's like self aware. That reminds me of Deadpool. Gosh, that movie was superb. I swear I'll rage if they don't add Deadpool into X-Men series at one point. He's probably the only reason why half the population knows what '4th wall break' means. 4th wall break?

 

Hmm.... Therein lies a problem. What if we have a self aware character in a book? He doesn't have three walls around him. Would we call it 'breaking the page'? But what if he's on more than one page?! 'Book cover break'? 'Book cover except pages 123, 603 and 864'? Stupidity at its best! Why do such stupid thoughts occur? Is it an intentional process to dwell on these stupid thoughts? What does stupid even mean? Who defines what's stupid and what's not? The boundary line is real blurry. Boundaries... Boundaries. Why does *an unnamed American celebrity* need a wall on his boundaries? Is that stupid? What happened to the last guy who decided to build a giant wall? Do I know his name? Guess not. Did that giant wall help his or any other empire? Nope! Sigh.. I guess it's human nature to build walls. We create walls around our lands, our homes and even ourselves. I wonder how it would be like to live in a world without walls. I think I bought some Kwality walls ice cream yesterday. I don't know why mom gave a huge lecture on why no on eats strawberry ice cream. She probably has finished half the brick herself. Les femmes! Is that even proper French? I see reading Poirot has had effects on my thoughts too. Hmm.. Poirot. I could write a nice little detective story. But can I really? I don't think any plot I can come up with can be original in any way. Man is really an unoriginal animal. Dang this writers block. Wait... Didn't some other guy asked about writer's block few days ago? What was it *Le mult admin* answered? It was probably something about not over thinking or something. Chuck it! I'm too lazy to scroll back up. In any case, an advice is only as good as the person receiving it. I don't really have a good karma as far as listening to advice is concerned.

 

Why is it so hot here? Screw these tropics! I'm gonna live in Antarctica few years from now. Pretty sure penguins don't disturb you in middle of the day to ask for sugar. My skin is practically leaking. I should probably take a bath.. Hell, why am I wearing jeans?! I should change into....... Ah!! BINGO!!! I've got it..... " Shorts "

Edited October 19, 2016 by beaku

[Quarks 2,255]

Edits:

Minor spacing, spelling, and grammar

[Ninja 10,468]

Ahem, you seem really bored when you wrote it.

[Penguin40 1,714]

Nice, except you simply must divide the post into paragraphs. Otherwise hilarious :lol:

[Brendantr1 4]

Nice

[I3.R.0 1,700]

Eh, the article was nice, so a +1 like. But, umm, I think you wrote it because you were bored..

[beaku 2,656]

Eh, the article was nice, so a +1 like. But, umm, I think you wrote it because you were bored..

The article explains why I wrote it.. ^_^

[ToHoYoNTaDa 1,147]

Nice job Beaku :D

[mydoom.exe 5,154]

Eh, the article was nice, so a +1 like. But, umm, I think you wrote it because you were bored..

Isn't that how people got to writing stories in the first place? ;P

 

Well done Beaky.