How to be the Best Amateur Writer

[Jwimmer 2,835]

How to be the Best Amateur Writer

 

Since being one of the first members and distinguished members of the AWC, I have seen a lot of articles come through. Naturally, I have made observations about what makes an article good and bad, and now will present them to you. So please, sit back, relax, and learn how to be the best writer in the AWC.

 

Part 1: Determining your motivation

 

While it may seem like there are a lot of ways people should be motivated to write articles, only one of those works. What is it? Views, likes, and comments. If your article does not get more than 25 likes and 600 views within a week, consider it worthless. So, to do this, go to any means possible.

 

Part 1A: Racking up the likes.

 

There are a few ways to do this, with a few being more successful than others. You should expect about 10 likes off the bat, so you are searching out for 15. My advice would be to get one or more alternate accounts. Simply log onto them and like the article. Once you have done this, spam links to your articles literally everywhere- in posts on random topics, in your clan page, at the bottom of your other articles- the possibilities are endless.

 

Part 1B: Fishing for comments

The holy grail of comments is reaching the third page. However, this is hard to reach. The best method to do so is replying to every single reply in your article. Someone comments “nice article”? Reply with a hearty “thanks! If you liked it, here’s a link to my other article!”. An amateur mistake I often see is using the multiquote feature for this task. That only means you will be making one post, instead of 5. If your articles end up in the dumps, there is a great tactic that will naturally get you views and comments: bumping your post. Once your post isn’t on the first page, nobody is going to see it! Make sure to keep it at the top of the list by commenting stuff as pointless as “spam”.

 

If you follow the guidelines in parts 1A and 1B, the views will flow in. Now onto the next part: content!

 

Part 2: Content

 

By far, the best, most helpful articles are list articles. They are easy to write, have a small amount of content, and get sooo many views. Along with this, they often share an opinion, so they take no fact-checking whatsoever.

 

Part 2A: less time = better article

 

If you spend more than 30 minutes from start to clicking “post” on your article, it has taken too long. The key here is maximizing the views to time spent ratio. Luckily, the great “list” articles are quick to write and get tons of views.

 

Part 2B: EMOJIS!!!!

 

To keep the articles short and to avoid extra explanation, emojis are the only route to take. If one of the items in your list is something you like, add 5 smiley faces! If it gets on your nerves, the red angry faces are perfect. The other plus-side of this is they count as your pictures. There’s no need to go through the troubles of finding/taking your picture, and then saving and uploading to an image host. ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ :D :D :D

 

Part 3: What to strive for

 

While you already have motivation, you need something to reach for. This will give you more of a motivation to write the best articles possible.

 

Part 3A: Distinguished members who?

 

Just because this group of phonies (especially that guy who spelled “swimmer” wrong) has a fancy title does not mean they are good. They are just the kiss-ups who really have no talent. There’s not much else to say about these posers. :angry: :angry: :angry:

 

Part 3B: The Wall of Fame

 

Getting the recognition of a post from GoldNug in the “Amateur writing – guidelines” is nothing short of glorious. If you get one of these in your memory, you have officially beat the AWC. You are seen as such a good writer that you completed the AWC. The proof? You are officially too good for newspaper contests! They know you will win every single one of them, so they just blacklist you.

Only 2 people have been able to reach the Wall of Fame so far

 

 

---

 

If you made it this far, you are set to conquer the AWC. You know your motivation is likes and comments, how to make an killer article, and then know exactly what group you should strive for. Make sure to follow these steps exactly to be the best writer in the AWC.

---

-@Jwimmer

Edited November 30, 2016 by Quarks

[Quarks 2,255]

Great job m8, approved.

 

 

 

btw, I might have accidentally "corrected" some of your "mistakes" before I realized, and can't remember what they were. So feel free to edit those ;)

 

[Blackdrakon30 2,943]

Mixed feelings. I appreciate the (hopefully) satirical parts of it, but I felt like that is actually how a lot of people think. 

[tweezers 1,034]

 

If your article does not get more than 25 likes and 600 views within a week, consider it worthless. 

 

 

 

Oh dear.

[Kevred 1,586]

I LIKE

++++++++

[Quarks 2,255]

Mixed feelings. I appreciate the (hopefully) satirical parts of it, but I felt like that is actually how a lot of people think. 

Kinda the scary part m8

[Blackdrakon30 2,943]

Part 3A: Distinguished members who?

 

Just because this group of phonies (especially that guy who spelled “swimmer” wrong) has a fancy title does not mean they are good. They are just the kiss-ups who really have no talent. There’s not much else to say about these posers. :angry: :angry: :angry:

 

-@Jwimmer

 

Ya these people are big noobs.  :ph34r:

[Penguin40 1,714]

)

wow I feel sooo honoured now. 

 

 

no...? You shouldn't rush things... It doesn't mean: the faster you finish your article, the better it becomes, no to the contrary, take your time. Don't rush things.

 

 

excuse me? You advice people to make (and/or log in with their )alternate accounts, just to get more likes? Isn't that a little exaggerated? Sorry, but this is kind of a disappointment. (btw, advertising for your own article everywhere annoys people, so my advice is: once in a while is okay, but not too often.)

 

 

so, when you do plagiarism, you are too good for contests? That's what you say?

 

Anyways, I want to say that you don't need to be the best, or to have the best article. As long as you have fun writing it! That's all that counts! 

(fail) ITS SARCASM MISS!

 

Also, great job there Jwim, I actually originally thought it serious until I read it a bit :p

[Spit_Fyre 334]

How to be the Best Amateur Writer

How to be the Best "AMATEUR" Writer

How to be the Best "AMATEUR" Writer

How to be the Best "AMATEUR" Writer

 

Lol! Didn't see that coming. Nice!

 

Btw, is that pic for real??

[r_I_already_won0 2,339]

no article is worthless. ...

*cough* *cough*

[Jwimmer 2,835]

wow I feel sooo honoured now. 

 

no...? You shouldn't rush things... It doesn't mean: the faster you finish your article, the better it becomes, no to the contrary, take your time. Don't rush things.

 

excuse me? You advice people to make (and/or log in with their )alternate accounts, just to get more likes? Isn't that a little exaggerated? Sorry, but this is kind of a disappointment. (btw, advertising for your own article everywhere annoys people, so my advice is: once in a while is okay, but not too often.)

 

so, when you do plagiarism, you are too good for contests? That's what you say?

 

Anyways, I want to say that you don't need to be the best, or to have the best article. As long as you have fun writing it! That's all that counts! 

Looks like someone didn't catch on...

[jwimmer2 21]

Waw, wonderful article. 13/10, would reccomend. I will follow all directions to the letter in the future, and am espeically hoping to land a spot on the wall of fame.

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Me have no talent

 

Me cri

[TTK_229 1,080]

I LIKE

++++++++

oh look its that guy who figured out that ctf was catch the flying chicken

 

Me have no talent

 

Me cri

i cri evriteim

[mydoom.exe 5,154]

Me have no talent

 

Me cri

rip 1 like 1 pray

[Kevred 1,586]

oh look its that guy who figured out that ctf was catch the flying chicken

damn u were around for some time

[Magenta 5,165]

bruh, u posted it a week ago

and u got 15 likes, 149 views

 

".....If your article does not get more than 25 likes and 600 views within a week, consider it worthless...."

[Justsomeonelol 148]

)

(fail) ITS SARCASM MISS!

 

Also, great job there Jwim, I actually originally thought it serious until I read it a bit :P

okay ignore my posts then... still think this is some weird article... guess I'm too old for this sh... stuff.. and sarcasm doesn't really work when it's not in real life

Edited December 6, 2016 by Justsomeonelol

[Jwimmer 2,835]

bruh, u posted it a week ago

and u got 15 likes, 149 views

Its satire. Rarely anyone gets 25 likes and 600 views in a week. Also one of those likes was me trolling on my alt, so count it as 14.

 

okay ignore my posts then... still think this is some weird article... guess I'm too old for this sh... stuff.. and sarcasm doesn't really work when it's not in real life

lol, stealin my lines. However, this isn't sarcasm. Its satire. Sarcasm is just one line, and it is hard to recognize online. My article is filled with rather preposterous stuff, which is a definite sign of satire. If satire did not work online, The Onion would not be America's finest news source. And you can never be too old for satire- in fact, you can be too young for it (unlike a ton of other genres). It takes some brainpower to recognize it, and also its a great way to criticize people without being blatant about it.

Edited December 6, 2016 by Jwimmer

[mydoom.exe 5,154]

lol, stealin my lines. However, this isn't sarcasm. Its satire. Sarcasm is just one line, and it is hard to recognize online. My article is filled with rather preposterous stuff, which is a definite sign of satire. If satire did not work online, The Onion would not be America's finest news source. And you can never be too old for satire- in fact, you can be too young for it (unlike a ton of other genres). It takes some brainpower to recognize it, and also its a great way to criticize people without being blatant about it.

911 Emergencies, yeah, I just witnessed some shots being fired!

[Viking4s 10,791]

Btw, is that pic for real??

check out here http://en.tankiforum.com/index.php?showtopic=316961&p=5808792

[pieface101 285]

If you spend more than 30 minutes from start to clicking “post” on your article, it has taken too long.

 

Oh... shi...****ake mushrooms