Assassin [Part I]

[Tofu 6,773]

Assassin

[Part I]

__________________________________________________________________________

 

Yuri stepped out of the house, in a bad mood. Cool wind usually calmed him down, but apparently it was too much to ask for. He did not want to go in the house again, he and his mother just had an argument, a phenomena which was becoming increasingly common. Remembering what his counselor had told him, he sat down on the doorstep and took a deep breath. He looked around and felt an irresistible urge to run away, from this house, from his mother, from all the suffering. But he knew he could not do so. He had been given a job, a secret one, and failure to do it would lead to some very unpleasant, even fatal, consequences.

 

He went back inside. He apologized, but still got grounded. Rage overtook him. He had had enough of it, of the unfair treatment meted out to him, of all the jeers and taunts aimed at him. He started trembling with anger.

 

"Yuri gonna cry now? I expected nothing more from him." came the taunting voice of his father from behind.

 

Yuri took out his pocketknife, turned around and swung it with the accuracy that one achieves after being trained in the art since he was born. When the red mist cleared from Yuri's eyes, he saw his father on his knees, clutching at his throat and looking in shock at his blood soaked shirt. His mom let out a guttural scream. Yuri knew he did not have time to think about what he had done, and made a run for it. The last thing he saw of his house was his father lying on the floor, his mother frantically trying to call the police and his baby brother crying inconsolably. See you all in hell, he thought, as he went to the shed. He had kept a backpack full of necessities there, as he had a feeling that this arrangement would be required in the near future.  He grabbed the backpack and fled into the woods.

 

Once he knew he was deep into the woods, he sat down. He did not want to think about his actions, as he knew that the only thing between him and the title of the best assassin was his emotions. He did not feel sorry for his father, he deserved it. The mother too. But the only pang of guilt he felt was about his baby brother, whom he had now made father-less. 'Sacrifices have to be made' was the motto of the guild he had joined, and only now did Yuri realize how painfully true that was.

 

"The Guild! That's where I should go, maybe they will help me.'', exclaimed Yuri. He got up, full of energy, and ran towards the direction of the guild. It was impossible for him to get lost in the woods, he knew them better than he knew himself. 

 

He reached the Guild, greeted his friends and approached the Guildmaster. ''What is it? I told you not to come back here until you finished the task.''

 

''I just did that master, the victim being my father.''

 

''Good job!'', commented the Guildmaster with a smirk on his face. He was used to such incidents by young, passionate recruits, who go to any lengths just to prove a point.

 

''But master, now the police are after me. I was wondering if you-''

 

''That will be taken care of.'', interrupted the master. There was an awkward silence.

 

''An-nd, y-you said that i-if i g-get a kill, you would....''

 

''I would?''

 

''You would give me an assassination contract.''

 

''Oh that. Come here tomorrow, a contract will be ready for you.''

 

''I, umm, also need a place to stay for the night.''

 

"Granted.''

 

''Thank you master!'', Yuri said, beaming. He went off happily towards his friends. This one has potential; it would be sad to see him go, thought the master, as he dialed up a number.

 

"Wolf, we have caught another sheep."

 

"How much from this one?"

 

"High, very high."

 

"Good Job, make sure he remains loyal to you."

 

"Of course, I have plenty of experience.", and saying that he ended the call.

Edited December 19, 2016 by Hexed

[Hex 11,520]

Approved.

 

Edits:

Some typos, grammar and spellings, and

General re-designing.

[Tofu 6,773]

The first story I have ever written in my life. Please share your opinions and areas that can be improved :)

 

Approved.

 

Edits:

Some typos, grammar and spellings, and

General re-designing.

That looks much better :ph34r:

[Blackdrakon30 2,943]

Just wanted to say that I really like the descriptive writing. Great job Tofu!  ;)

[Tofu 6,773]

Just wanted to say that I really like the descriptive writing. Great job Tofu!  ;)

Thanks :)

[Tofu 6,773]

Also, if anyone cares, I have no idea when part 2 will be released, maybe in this year or next year

Edited December 19, 2016 by Tofu

[mydoom.exe 5,154]

Senpai has noticed you Qfu-san

[sre123 595]

WoW! Next HD member to join AWC. :ph34r: :P nice! btw. :P 

[Tofu 6,773]

Senpai has noticed you Qfu-san

Thx senpai

 

@Sre A long way to go :ph34r:

[google3_tanker_TURBO 369]

Why do I feel that this was inspired from assassin's creed series :ph34r:

But anyways good job)

Edited December 19, 2016 by google3_tanker_TURBO

[Tofu 6,773]

Why do I feel that this was inspired from assassin's creed series :ph34r:

But anyways good job)

It was? I have played assassin creed, and the story is not similar I think

 

Thx

[mydoom.exe 5,154]

Constructive criticism:
 

It's rather short and fast-paced. Too much so, I can't really find anything to critique deeply because the majority of the story is the main character killing his father and calling his boss. Try to slow it down a tad, develop the characters a little more. I have this flaw as well, so I understand it's a hard habit to break, but if you develop the plot slowly and then speed it up little by little, you will find the story is far more engaging. As well, this may sound a wee bit nitpicky, but the "master" thing just doesn't fit all that well. "Sir", or even "my lord" would suit the story better than the main character referring to his master by "YES, MY MASTAH".

 

All in all, this is your first story (copying my style gives you +1 points ;p), and you've done better than I in terms of firsts. Just a couple of mistakes to be fixed, and you have a masterpiece. Not bad for a piece of tofu.

 

[Tofu 6,773]

Constructive criticism:

 

 

It's rather short and fast-paced. Too much so, I can't really find anything to critique deeply because the majority of the story is the main character killing his father and calling his boss. Try to slow it down a tad, develop the characters a little more. I have this flaw as well, so I understand it's a hard habit to break, but if you develop the plot slowly and then speed it up little by little, you will find the story is far more engaging. As well, this may sound a wee bit nitpicky, but the "master" thing just doesn't fit all that well. "Sir", or even "my lord" would suit the story better than the main character referring to his master by "YES, MY MASTAH".

 

All in all, this is your first story (copying my style gives you +1 points ;p), and you've done better than I in terms of firsts. Just a couple of mistakes to be fixed, and you have a masterpiece. Not bad for a piece of tofu.

 

I always knew that I could not pace my writings properly, the master issue shall be addressed

 

I am special tofu

[Crip 4,735]

WoW! Next HD member to join AWC. :ph34r: :P nice! btw. :P

AWC = HD k.

[mydoom.exe 5,154]

AWC = HD k.

shoot they found out our plans to annex the AWC

[pieface101 285]

Nice! Creepy story

[KillerGnat 3,135]

Needs mor spam plz!11!!1!!!1!!1!!!1

 

 

 

Loved it!  :)

 

[Tofu 6,773]

Nice! Creepy story

 

Needs mor spam plz!11!!1!!!1!!1!!!1

 

 

 

Loved it!  :)

 

Thx

[I.Hax.I 128]

Nice story and hats off if it's ur first time. 

[Tofu 6,773]

Nice story and hats off if it's ur first time.

Thanks

[faroseh 442]

Professional for your first try.

 

Try to make Part 2 longer. This was so short, mostly of a chat between characters.

[Tofu 6,773]

Professional for your first try.

 

Try to make Part 2 longer. This was so short, mostly of a chat between characters.

That's what I am planning :D

[sre123 595]

Thx senpai

 

@Sre A long way to go :ph34r:

xD, sorry saw it just now since you didn't quote. xD 

[Ninja 10,468]

Looking forward to seeing Pt 2.

[Tofu 6,773]

Looking forward to seeing Pt 2.

Probably some time