Under New Management [Tankiverse Fanfic]

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

Under New Management
Fanfic in the Tankiverse by Hippin_in_Hawaii

 

VIDEO	AUDIO	Runtime
FADE IN:   GENERAL FRED stands before a green chromakey screen, wearing his dress uniform.	MUSIC up and under: Federated States national anthem.   GF: Hello there. You may recognize my face from recent news. I am General Fred.	0:15
MORPH TO: GF’s head as the turret of a crudely-animated cartoon tank, leading a column of more cartoon tanks.	GF: I used to be the head of all armored forces for the Federated States.	0:05
CAMERA MOVE: Pulls back to reveal cartoon tanks encircling the Federated States Capitol. GF’s tank rolls in through the front door. The Federated States flag descends, and a new flag rises, featuring GF’s friendly face.	SFX: some crashing and brouhaha. Descending slide whistle as the flag descends; ascending whistle as the new flag rises.   GF: Now, I run the entire country. We’re under new management, and that management is me.	0:15
CUT TO: Interior, cartoon jail. Real GF escorting cartoon caricatures of the Leadership and staff into a prison cell.	GF: It turns out our former Leadership are a bunch of evil, power-mad cretins who wanted to take over the world.	0:15
CUT TO: Close-up of cell door slamming on Leadership’s face.	SFX: Cell door slams shut.   GF: Well, I’ve put a stop to that.	0:05
DISSOLVE TO: Exterior, cartoon battlefront. Oversized cartoon GF walks into frame, climbs on a hill, waving a white flag.	SFX: Gunfire and explosions compete with GF’s voice. Continue until specified.   GF: We’ve had enough, and we want to go home.	0:25
CUT TO: Medium close-up of GF and white flag. A giant bullet pierces the flag, leaving a large hole. GF looks sad.	GF: I know it may be hard to believe, but we’re honestly calling it quits.	0:10
CUT TO: Animated map of the war. Large arrows show the disposition of Federated States forces. Zoom in to show a column of tanks stopping and turning around, then zoom back out to the map with the directional arrows reversed.	GF: We’ve already halted our advance. Right now, we’re only fighting defensively. If everybody can just stop shooting, I promise, we will take our tanks and go home.	0:20
DISSOLVE TO: Interior, cartoon conference room. Cartoon GF sits alone at a round table.	GF: There’s a lot we have to work out. I’m not saying that this will be easy. But let’s start by trying a ceasefire.	0:10
CUT TO: Cartoon calendar page featuring May 15.	SFX: Gunshots slow to a halt.   GF: In three days, on May 15, at exactly twelve noon, our forces will stop firing.	0:20
CUT TO: Cartoon Federated States soldier in a trench. He peeks up, and a bullet bounces from his helmet. He shoots in return.	SFX: One shot, a ricochet, another shot.   GF: It’ll be tricky. Both sides will be afraid the other will cheat. But I promise we will only fire if fired upon.	0:20
CUT TO: Interior, cartoon conference room. Lots of figures seated at the table in Alliance and Coalition uniforms.	SFX: angry crowd grumbling   GF: You’re mad at us. We understand. Can we please stop shooting and start talking?	0:05
SHOT CONTINUES: GF enters with a bulging sack, which he sets on the table.	GF: We’re putting everything on the table. Returning land. Releasing prisoners. Handing over the former Leadership for trial. Restitution.	0:10
CUT TO: Close-up GF climbing onto the table.	GF: Even I am on the table. I’ll surrender myself, if that’s what it takes.	0:10
DISSOLVE TO: Real GF, still standing in front of green screen.   GRAPHICS: #PeaceNow	MUSIC: Give Peace a Chance (John Lennon) under.   GF: Please, let’s not shed any more blood. You’ve got three days to think it over. Then, all we have to do is stop shooting. It’s the first step in a long process, but isn’t it worth a chance to bring home our sons and daughters?	0:30
FADE TO BLACK	[/td]

 

Mahalo (thank you) for reading; I hope you enjoyed! This story is part of a series. Information on the series, and links to the other stories, can be found here.

[KillerGnat 3,135]

sorry for not approving this sooner -- I've been a bit busy.

 

Edits (precise changes listed as per your request :))

• In your first two video bits, there's a discrepancy in your grammar. Your first sentence was "GENERAL FRED stands before a green chromakey screen wearing his dress uniform." (no comma before the ing verb) and in the second you had "GF’s head as the turret of a crudely-animated cartoon tank, leading a column of more cartoon tanks." (added a comma before the ing verb). I made the two consistent. Honestly, I think something like that can go both ways... not even sure if there's a definitive rule about comma placement in that situation. You should always aim for consistency though.
• The beginning of your third video clip wasn't capitalised "pulls back to reveal..." to "Pulls back to reveal"
• In your 7th video clip, you had capitalised the second word of the sentence "Medium Close-up of GF..." to "Medium close-up of GF..."
• I couldn't figure out how to fix the weird formatting glitch making that huge gap between the title and content :/

I'm sorry, there may be more but I'm in a bit of a time crunch right now. I can have another reporter look over the rest of it later.

 

Approved

 

Loved the new approach. Genius way to format it. gg

[GrandExecutioner 1,403]

It was creative an' all but story next time pls

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

 

• The beginning of your third video clip wasn't capitalised "pulls back to reveal..." to "Pulls back to reveal"
•  

It's a continuous sentence. "Camera move pulls back to reveal..." The odd formatting makes that less-than-obvious.

 

 

 

• In your 7th video clip, you had capitalised the second word of the sentence "Medium Close-up of GF..." to "Medium close-up of GF..."
•  

In an actual script, those words (and many others) would never appear; instead, everything would be abbreviated (MCU in this case.) I changed all the abbreviations as an 11th hour decision, trying to be kind to a non-industry audience. Not surprising I wasn't consistent!

 

 

 

• I couldn't figure out how to fix the weird formatting glitch making that huge gap between the title and content :/

 

 

Rats. I was hoping it was a Chrome thing.

 

 

 

 

Loved the new approach. Genius way to format it. gg

Well, as much as I love being called a genius, 2-column scripts are pretty standard in video production. I tried to do it as a screenplay, which people tend to be more familiar with, but that's not the world I work in.

[Person_Random 4,991]

No can see video.  Maybe something is wrong with my computer?

[tweezers 1,034]

 

'mazing work. 

Edited June 10, 2018 by tweezers

[Viking4s 10,791]

Extra line removed :)

Good work.

[GrandExecutioner 1,403]

No can see video.  Maybe something is wrong with my computer?

I don't think there was one. It was the script of one though.

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

No can see video.  Maybe something is wrong with my computer?

There's no actual video, just words. The whole piece is a script for a video, the one that's referenced in part 3 of Interview with the General. But if you read the items in the left-hand column, then close your eyes and imagine what they'd look like, you're doing it correctly! ;)

Extra line removed :)

How? Where was it hiding? 

And thank you!

[Viking4s 10,791]

How? Where was it hiding? 

And thank you!

np. I had the same problem when I started to use table tags. You can't go to the next line once you wrote a tag, it needs to be on the same line. The BBCode do not know what to do with them and just add the "go to next line" before the table. 

Check your post you will see.

[Person_Random 4,991]

There's no actual video, just words. The whole piece is a script for a video, the one that's referenced in part 3 of Interview with the General. But if you read the items in the left-hand column, then close your eyes and imagine what they'd look like, you're doing it correctly! ;)

Ok now I get it

[GrandExecutioner 1,403]

I think you've already answered this but I'm assuming you've got a brief plan on all the chapters right to the end. So how many more chapters is that?

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

I think you've already answered this but I'm assuming you've got a brief plan on all the chapters right to the end. So how many more chapters is that?

There are three more chapters, all written and waiting their turns. 

 

I had ideas for several more that I would have loved to have written, but life intervened. I didn't want to leave the series unfinished while I was traveling all summer, as it seemed unlikely I'd return to it once I got back. Sadly, a death in the family forced me to start those travels two weeks early, so I had to wrap everything up as quickly as I could.

[GrandExecutioner 1,403]

There are three more chapters, all written and waiting their turns. 

 

I had ideas for several more that I would have loved to have written, but life intervened. I didn't want to leave the series unfinished while I was traveling all summer, as it seemed unlikely I'd return to it once I got back. Sadly, a death in the family forced me to start those travels two weeks early, so I had to wrap everything up as quickly as I could.

I'm sorry to hear that. You can always write more when you come back.

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

I'm sorry to hear that. You can always write more when you come back.

We'll see what happens! I know, from past experience, that once I lose momentum on a project, it tends to stay lost. Who knows? Maybe this will be the exception! I sure do enjoy seeing what hijinks these characters get into!

[Person_Random 4,991]

We'll see what happens! I know, from past experience, that once I lose momentum on a project, it tends to stay lost. Who knows? Maybe this will be the exception! I sure do enjoy seeing what hijinks these characters get into!

What I do is write in a notebook.  Maybe you can keep your ideas there?

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

What I do is write in a notebook.  Maybe you can keep your ideas there?

I've got an... I guess "organizational document" is a good term for it, that I use to track the series. I use it to keep the timeline straight, to keep track of details as needed (what WAS that guy's name?), and also to jot ideas or even rough outlines for stories. Not unlike a notebook, but my skill at writing by hand is pretty pitiful compared to my skill at typing. Not that my typing is anything to be proud of; I only use five fingers! But it's still far faster and more legible than my handwriting.

[Person_Random 4,991]

I've got an... I guess "organizational document" is a good term for it, that I use to track the series. I use it to keep the timeline straight, to keep track of details as needed (what WAS that guy's name?), and also to jot ideas or even rough outlines for stories. Not unlike a notebook, but my skill at writing by hand is pretty pitiful compared to my skill at typing. Not that my typing is anything to be proud of; I only use five fingers! But it's still far faster and more legible than my handwriting.

True.  I can't write as well as I type.  P.S. the quality goes down when handwritten (at least in my case)!

Edited June 15, 2018 by Person_Random