I understand that I upset a lot of people when I wrote this article, especially because of the lack of research on my part. I guess I can call myself a bit of a hypocrite because I despise ignorant people :P . Anyways, thanks for the constructive criticism, I'll try not to make a mistake like this again. Some parts of the article were meant in jest, i.e., the hating on classical music because at the time of writing I thought that no one enjoyed that genre anymore. Reading over it again, I can understand why it would offend some people: I'll try not to make the same mistakes again, thanks for the feedback! ;)

I'll admit to being a little biased as my first impression of classical music was from my piano teacher and she didn't do a very good job of it. Edit: OK, very biased. But I see your point

I take pride in my copypasta sources

Oh they were to represent different genres of music :P

My Opinion on Music Ever since the dawn of time (well, not really), humans have always enjoyed one simple thing. Eating. Well, ok, maybe this article isn't about eating. But let's first celebrate human gluttony with a meme: Anyways... let's try again. Every since the dawn of time, humans have always enjoyed one thing. And that is music. Admittedly, the first forms of music were crude. A caveman banged two rocks together and bam! Percussion. So they invented heavy metal before classical music. Go figure. Then humans became more... civilized... and came up with ancient harp music. Now this music was boring by today's standards, but they probably jammed out to it considering everything else they had were goats bleating and rocks smashing. Then came classical music. It hit the world by storm and became an instant success. Stuff like Beethoven's Ode to Joy and Mozart's Turkish March were playing on all the radio stations, um, ballrooms. I don't particularly like this era of music considering the music wasn't that energetic and this was the time where people wore fancy stuff and danced in ballrooms. Way too formal. Not fun. Anyways... moving on. Sometime around the 20th Century, Rock, Blues, Jazz, Disco, Pop, all popped up (incredibly bad pun intended) and hey, I have respect for this era. Plus, that's when TV and radios and everything appeared. It's also the start of the internet. Then we hit the 21st Century. Pop, EDM, Dubstep, Metal, all like, appeared I guess. Anyways, that's where we are now. Please don't comment down below that your favorite music is Czerny's 29th Symphony or whatever. I just gave you an unofficial history of music. You're welcome. So you may be wondering what this article is about. I mean, I could probably end it here and break the 400-word limit or whatever, especially considering the filler I put at the beginning. First, however, I would like to put the definition of opinion here real quick: a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. Okay. Glad we could clear that up. Anyhow, this article is about... my opinion of music worth listening to. First, I will be reviewing a lot of music, so if you don't want to click all the links (because I don't know how to insert a video), then this probably won't make much sense. Second, I'm pretty sure that most seniors wouldn't be playing a game where you move tanks around and shoot other tanks, and constantly spam the chat with "n00b", "drugger", and the ever so popular "gold box pls admin" (which somehow still exists, even after all the PSAs from SOC3 and fellow tankers). However, if you are a senior and playing Tanki, then please know that the musical tastes of this generation may be different from your generation. I'll use the fictional character Grandpa Irwin Joe to demonstrate a point. This is not meant to offend anyone, it's just a stereotypical character. Grandpa Joe is a 200-yr old man, is in the Guinness Book of World Records, and enjoys classical music. He doesn't see what kids enjoy about "music these days" with their earsplitting noises and shameful lyrics. I'm also imagining Grandpa Joe is the kind of person who can't use a computer to save his life, and claims that computers are ruining the minds of children and that back in his day he used libraries to get "real entertainment", not this "Internet thingy". Now, if you're a Grandpa Joe, I'm not really gonna argue with you as there's no point. Sike! Okay, Grandpa Joe, I'll try to make my argument, but at the end of the day, it's all down to opinions. The Argument First, answer the question "What is the point of music?" If your answer was "relaxing noise to listen to in the background", then yeah, I can see where you're coming from, Grandpa Joe. However, it's the 21st Century, where entertainment is just a few clicks away. My thought on the point of music is "a form of entertainment for the ear". So that's a pretty vague definition. However, if you played classical music, then today's people would quickly fall asleep. After all, we are being bombarded with information, from Google to social media. Any lapse in information would be replaced by boredom. So the ideal music for the 21st Century is music that carries a lot of information. Fast and energetic music would be the best choices. (Keep in mind I'm not a music expert so I don't know the actual answer to the question) So what about loud, screeching noises? Well, to the untrained ear, it would certainly sound like such, but, if you're familiar with the fast and energetic music, you can decipher a melody and rhythm from that. I also believe that the loud noises keep viewer awake and paying attention. Imagine turning down your volume so that the music becomes barely audible. Yes, it probably wouldn't sound as good. You still might not be convinced that such music is necessarily good, though. I'm about to present a foolproof argument (#PieBrags) that will be the clincher, though. Ever heard "survival of the fittest" before? Go on, Grandpa Joe, look it up in your library. I can wait a few hours. Or you can look it up on Google in just a minute. Anyways, according to my good pal Charles Darwin, there's a thing called Natural Selection. Now, Natural Selection, (or NS) is the process where organisms better adapted to their environment survive longer to reproduce, while organisms ill-adapted to their environment die out. Eventually, the organisms change, or evolve, over time because only those best adapted to their environment are left. Now how can we apply NS to music? Well, think about it this way. Two bands each release a piece of music (or composer, depending on what era you're living in :angry:). One piece is better than the other. That piece begins to sell more copies than the other piece. The band that was better survived (and had enough money) to record (or compose) another piece, whilst the other band was left working for McDonald's. Over time, only the good bands remain, while the bad bands are left working for McDonalds. On an unrelated sidenote, check out IceJJFish and try not to cringe Okay... that may have been an unrealistic simplification, but you get the point though, right? Over time, music better adapted to their audience survives, while other genres die out. Tis what happened to classical music and banging rocks (I mean seriously, when do you ever see someone jamming out to, say, Tchaikovsky?). So, Grandpa Joe, do you have any counterarguments? Don't worry, though, you can always blame the NS. Geddit? No? :( . Whatever, Grandpa Joe, you can leave now. Done? Okay, moving on. Genres of Music There are many adjectives that describe me. Ignorant Pie. Narcissistic Pie. Self-Proclaimed Ruler of the World Pie. And they're all true :P . So don't hunt me down for only including a few genres of music, some which have died out in this list of best genres of music, okay? Classical: 1/10 I can't sit through more than 1 minute of any classical piece. Blues: 2/10 Slightly more exciting, but still, the melodies aren't exactly what you would jam to. Traditional Music (from any region of the world, Arabian, Chinese, African, etc.): 3/10 I'm not saying Traditional Music sucks. It's great, and when I was making this list, I realized a lot of these music genres were from an American point of view, so I decided to add this in. This genre mainly is so diverse that it's hard to give a score. Some parts would score between Rock and Metal, while others would be between Blues and Jazz. Jazz: 4/10 I would've given Jazz a much lower score if it weren't for this (course you could argue that it isn't jazz, but still <_< ; also, yes, I'm a cancerous Undertale fan and proud, despite never actually playing the game). Rock: 5/10 What I consider right in the middle. Not good enough to be "good music" that I'll jam to, but not bad enough so that I click out of it immediately. Metal: 6/10 Before kills me, let me explain ,okay? I mean, I can totally see where you're coming from with this one. It's got nice, catchy rhythms, but the real kill factor is it's too heavy for my liking. Pop/Rap: 7/10 Used to be my favorite genre, what with songs like Closer, Fight Song, and Best Day of My Life. Dubstep: 8/10 I also can easily see where you're coming from. However, the thing about Dubstep is that it's make or break. Some songs I just don't like, while others, like Turn Down For What and My Heart are amazing. EDM (Electronic Dance Music): 9/10 Spectacular. I'll hit you with a famous one right off the bat: Alan Walker-Faded (which is currently sitting at almost a whopping 1B views). Actually, I'm not sure if Faded would be EDM, so here's another one DEAF KEV-Invincible. EDM has that balance of rhythm, melody, and I wouldn't say adrenaline but I don't know what it's called. Also, Geometry Dash. What could beat EDM? Melodic House: 10/10 Huhhh... WHAT IN THE WORLD IS MELODIC HOUSE PIE??? Sheesh, calm down. First, let me say there's a blurry line between Melodic House, EDM, and Dubstep. And I only knew of the name "Melodic House" when someone on YouTube corrected me, so I'm trusting him. Now some songs might be in different categories so, ok? Tobu-Candyland, currently sitting at around 22M views. There's also Ahrix-Nova and Alan Walker-Spectre, and maybe our pal Faded from EDM. This is also a genre of music where it mysteriously sounds better and better the more you listen to it. So there you have it! My rankings of music genres, which will probably be criticized and scrutinized by viewers, and I'll be ostracized, never to return (it's a fun word to say, so?). However, after ranking the music genres, it's only fitting that I should rank the music itself... Top 20: Music Before every great ranking, I like to give a disclaimer (in fine print): DISCLAIMER: This is a public aforementioned work of art that is protected by the SSS law 97, code 3, such that no one shall taint, argue, or call another nug by the law enforcement administration or you will be sentenced to permanent ejection from cookies and pie, by the order of Pie, this shall henceforth be known as the disclaimer, and no one shall be able to do anything to it or face permanent criminal charges and life in a state of time out. This is a public aforementioned work of art that is protected by the SSS law 97, code 3, such that no one shall taint, argue, or call another nug by the law enforcement administration or you will be sentenced to permanent ejection from cookies and pie, by the order of Pie, this shall henceforth be known as the disclaimer, and no one shall be able to do anything to it or face permanent criminal charges and life in a state of time out. This is a public aforementioned work of art that is protected by the SSS law 97, code 3, such that no one shall taint, argue, or call another nug by the law enforcement administration or you will be sentenced to permanent ejection from cookies and pie, by the order of Pie, this shall henceforth be known as the disclaimer, and no one shall be able to do anything to it or face permanent criminal charges and life in a state of time out. This is a public aforementioned work of art that is protected by the SSS law 97, code 3, such that no one shall taint, argue, or call another nug by the law enforcement administration or you will be sentenced to permanent ejection from cookies and pie, by the order of Pie, this shall henceforth be known as the disclaimer, and no one shall be able to do anything to it or face permanent criminal charges and life in a state of time out. This is a public aforementioned work of art that is protected by the SSS law 97, code 3, such that no one shall taint, argue, or call another nug by the law enforcement administration or you will be sentenced to permanent ejection from cookies and pie, by the order of Pie, this shall henceforth be known as the disclaimer, and no one shall be able to do anything to it or face permanent criminal charges and life in a state of time out. And without further ado, let us begin (I'm too lazy to post links, just Google everything)! 20: Vexento-Masked Heroes The only song by Vexento on here, and his most famous one, Masked Heroes starts off reminding me of a bird chirping (IDK). However, continue listening and it'll hop into a funky beat. It would've been higher on this list if it weren't for the repetitive tune. 19: TheFatRat-Xenogenesis Fun fact: My story, Euphoria, (#PieAdvertising), was going to be named Xenogenesis. Anyways, this song has many of the ingredients of a good song. A great beat, a bass drop, and two different melodies that alternate. However, the tune isn't that catchy, and there is a pretty annoying whirring part halfway through. 18: Tobu-Higher When I first heard Tobu-Higher, my thoughts were "Meh" at best. It was way too bouncy for my liking, and the beginning especially. However, after listening to it some more, I managed to pick out a melody. It's a great song, but it falls in the same category as Xenogenesis, namely, the tune isn't that catchy. 17: TheFatRat-Unity Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably heard this tune somewhere, if not its name. No, you've definitely heard this tune somewhere. It's light, happy, catchy, and fun. So where did this go wrong? It's waaaaaaaaay too overused and there is a cancerous singing part a few minutes in. Be warned. 16: Alan Walker-Fade The annoying little brother of perhaps one of the best songs in existence (which will appear on this list, by the way). Fade isn't really that kind of song you would jam to. It's sorta slow, and not that catchy. However, granted, it is a great song, but overshadowed. 15: Tobu-Infectious Confusing. The melody isn't exactly great, and it switches between multiple tunes with large pauses in between. It shouldn't be on this list if it weren't for the fact that it doesn't really do anything wrong. Yes, the tune may not be that good compared to other songs on this list, but it is better than most, and it does have some variety. 14: TheFatRat-Windfall You would expect a song titled Windfall to be epic. It disappoints slightly in that aspect, but makes up for it with it's great tune. Whenever I listen to it, I get an incredible feeling of nostalgia. The only downside I can think of is its slowness and simplicity. 13: DEAF KEV-Invincible This song starts off with a bang! Beginning slowly, it immediately launches you into an epic tune. If you listen to a lot of music, you'll know what I'm talking about when I say it's slightly glitchy. I could listen to the tune all day. The only problem? When the main melody ends, a disappointing side melody begins. 12: OM*G-Hello The only song on this list that you can burp out. Not kidding. It's got a great melody, but the problem is that its lyrics are "gur, gur gur gur gur gur gur gur gur gur, gur gur gur, gur gur gur gur gur..." Nevetheless, it's an incredibly popular song on YouTube so I had to put it here. 11: DJ Snake ft. Lil Jon Turn Down For What Because you saw this coming. Seriously, it's catchy and there's nothing really wrong with it IMO. Except for the music video, which was strange and questionable. One could also argue that it is repetitive, but I'm not gonna go there. 10: TheFatRat-Jackpot This and #9 came in a close tie; they were pretty similar and were both great. However, after much consideration, I decided to put Jackpot in the #10 spot. Jackpot is the title track of TheFatRat's Jackpot EP. 9: TheFatRat-Epic Epic is the second track from the Jackpot EP. Not much to say about this one really. It's got a nice tune, it's catchy, and it has a drop. Really. Also, I totally did not just copy paste that. 8: Ahrix-Nova Great song, and the 4th most views on NCS (No Copyright Sounds, it's a great YouTube channel). Ahrix Nova has all the qualities of Melodic House. It's a great song, but sadly too slow for my liking. Rest assured Nova, you're sitting at a steady 88M views. 7: Different Heaven and EH!DE-My Heart What I call dubstep at it's finest ;) . I know some may argue, so I remind you to view the definition of opinion. Anyways, apart from the fake-sounding singing (still better than some other ppl who use autotune, just saying), it's got a great beat and is heavy, but not too much so. Also, don't tell me the tune isn't catchy as a cold (more bad jokes!). 6: Alan Walker-Spectre Welp. Here we have it. The catchiest tune of all tunes. The Lord of the Tunes. Whatever you call it, you can't deny the fact that it is way too overused on YouTube, which is why this landed only at #6. By the time you get around to listening to it, it's already lost its novelty, but for those of you who don't frequent the tubes, enjoy! 5: Tobu-Candyland Based on my scrolling through the comments, a lot of people believe that this is the best of Tobu, but it is overrated imo. However, that doesn't make it a bad song, just that I have one I believe is better :D . The happy vibes it gives off are truly out of this world. 4: Alan Walker-Faded How do you jump up twelve spots on this list just by adding vocals? I have no idea either, but I happen to love Faded. Plus, it's one of the most watched non-pop music videos on YouTube at around 975 million views. 3: TheFatRat-Never Be Alone You can probably tell by now that I'm biased towards TheFatRat and Tobu, but this song is just gold. It's not exactly the most intense song on this list, far from it in fact, but the feels just run deep. I probably confused you now with my un-poetic-ness? :lol: 2: Itro and Tobu-Cloud 9 This song was my first impression of Tobu, and it was brilliant. Incredibly well done and not too heavy or light, this song is spot on. It's hard for me not to hum this tune, so it would be amazing in a "Try Not to Hum Challenge" (like a try not to sing challenge, except lacking vocals). Bouncy, fun, it really makes you feel like you're flying among the clouds. Before I unveil my number 1 pick, here are a few Forgot to Mentions: Forgot to Mentions: (Like Honorable Mentions, but I just forgot to include on this list) -Tobu Colors (would be between 15th and 5th) -TheFatRat Time Lapse (would be between 9th and 3rd) -Disfigure Blank (would be between 16th and 13th) So yeah, go check them out, they're pretty good too. Course you don't have to if you don't want to since I didn't add any text gushing over them xD. Well done Pie, well done. And now for... 1: TheFatRat ft. Laura Brehm-Monody How do I explain this? It's epic. The beginning just reminds me of something big, I don't know, Lord of the Rings? Then, about half a minute or so through, it changes into a fun, bouncy tune. Even the vocals add to the overall feeling of "it's a lot bigger than you thought", which would normally detract from the overall song, but in this case (and #3, #4), I decided to make an exception. Truly a musical masterpiece, and hey, it looks like most of the people in the comments section agree with me! Conclusion So there you have it! My opinion on music; which genres were the best, which songs were the best, and yeah... that's it. Congratulations for making it through this exceptionally long article (unless you skipped here, in which case, good job nug :angry: hope ur proud of urself). You've just wasted some of your life. What? It's true. You spent some time reading this article and came away with nothing. Because of my stalker cameras behind you, I know that you didn't actually take the time to listen to any of the songs. So great. You read an article and then nothing. Unless, of course, you managed to learn something. Maybe Natural Selection (NS). Maybe your horizons broadened. Or maybe, just maybe, you listened to the music and came away with a wider selection of I dunno... songs you think sound good. this was secretly a persuasive essay PLOT TWIST: Grandpa Joe was the one writing this whole article. (Yeah, I killed Pie) BAI NUG GO TO DEM LIBRARIES AND GETS REAL NAWLEJ

Somehow the AWC info article is entirely white... :ph34r:

Flabby's been recruited for the army to serve as replacement for the dying reporters promoted I see :D Anyways, nice stories!

This story in a nutshell: Everyone gets murdered brutally by a psychopath who murders people for the sake of murdering people. In other words, my kind of story! :P creepy laugh :ph34r:

U MAD BRO?

Inconclusive results. Must be experimental error. Either that, or split personality disorder.

Someone's getting cocky here :ph34r:. Edit: *eegad grammer

Itsa all ur fault go cry in a corner you poopyhead because it's time for a time out and no cookies and you're getting coal for Christmas. Ha! Take that!

Great article! I applaud you for taking the time to do your research and write a comprehensive article (which I'm too lazy to do :ph34r: )

Yay! Finally got that Distinguished member spot :ph34r: Congrats Savage and everyone else!

xD why not

Alright, time to bash out on your taste of music disagree politely on metal being your best choice. Seriously? No, really? As I quote SOC3 (I hope I'm quoting him, if I'm not that's embarassing) "The point of Tanki is to have fun, not to burst your eardrums because it gives you adrenaline" Anyways, that's my opinion, here's some Trap/Glitch/EDM songs that are not too heavy (In no particular order): Marshemello-Alone (10/10 a cool trap song that reaches it's climax a little late) Tobu and Itro-Cloud 9 (10/10) Tobu-Candyland (9/10) Tobu-Colors (7/10) TheFatRat-Epic (8/10) TheFatRat-Jackpot (8/10) TheFatRat ft Laura Brehm-Monody (11/10 best song by far, but not too heavy and adrenaline) Vexento-Masked Heroes (6/10, a little low mainly because of the way too much syncopation) And here's where to skip ahead but I suggest listening to the introes: Marshmello Alone at 0:33 Tobu and Itro Cloud 9 at 0:00 Tobu Candyland at 0:00 Tobu Colors at 0:00 TheFatRat Epic at 0:00 TheFatRat Jackpot at 0:00 TheFatRat ft Laura Brehm Monody at about 0:40 Vexento Masked Heroes at 0:00 Artists: Alan Walker TheFatRat Tobu

Just finished reading Broken Vows. Another story with a very morbid ending! Newspaper caught a theme, didn't it?

Umm... very interesting and morbid ending. I guess?

Ah. Valentine's Day. A time for love, Cupid, arrows, broken hearts, chocolate, and cool Doodle for Google Pangolin Love games. I must admit, I sadly did not have enough time to finish the exquisite platformer by Google because of ahem... homework <_<. However, fear not! I have ground out yet another article (once again, very belated Chinese New Year). So get up off your couch and wipe those gosh darned potato chip crumbs off of your ripped jeans and stop having a love fantasy with your brand new PS4 and Macbook Pro, for it is time to finally discover the true meaning of love... Or not. Because let's face it, you're 21 and single and every hour you could be spending on a dating website is instead spent on the not-so-dating website Tanki seeking out unsuspecting tankwomen in the EN3 chat. Either that, or you're spamming the comments of this article with love cliches and quotes. So yeah... Naturally, you're gonna click out of this article if it were a real dating guide. Instead however, this is a guide to discover a tanker's characteristics from just their paint* turret and hull combination! This is also because if you do in fact have a significant other, you don't click out of this article. Don't kill me, I was just listening to advice from Jwimmer awhile back when he wrote an article on writing a good article. You will be able to discover a tankers' true heart far before you begin spamming the chat with x's and o's and making all your teammates and adversaries leave in disgust. (And note that you could not have done this without the help of I, the Great Pie, Celebrator of Holidays that Already Occurred, Narcissistic Dunderhead.) So without further rambling, let's begin! The Turret One of the most obvious places to look on a tank is of course the turret. You can tell a lot from the shape of a turret, it's condition, and where it's pointed. For instance, if a Shaft is pointed at you, you're pretty much screwed. However, we will just focus on what turret it is. Firebird Firebirds are majestic beasts that have a burning passion for something. Their desire can be for anything, music, art, literature, or maybe even you if you're lucky. They are often outspoken and easily find their voice. They are often extroverts, enthusiasts, or maybe even fanatics. Firebirds are your best bet for the tankwoman of your dreams. A Firebird's worst enemy is the Freeze. Freeze Freezes are stone-cold monsters that are mostly frozen inside themselves. The usually carry a quarrel with someone and are easily irritated. They are often unable to be moved with words and almost never cry. Despite their bad appearance, Freezes are actually a necessary part of society as they are steadfast, stubborn, and determined. However, it is occasionally nice to remind a Freeze to Let it Go (sorry, I had to). A Freeze's worst enemy is the Firebird. Isida Isidas are the healers on the sidelines. They are loyal and charitable, and love to help others. They are strong-willed and often do things for the greater good. However, they are often not brave enough to charge into enemy territory, instead, staying behind healing others. They are also very loving and are the second best bet for the tankwoman of your dreams. Isidas get along best on the battlefield with Vulcans. Hammer Hammers are gamblers, risk takers, and adventure seekers. They only have three chances to get it right, but if they hit their mark, the reward is extremely satisfying. Hammers love trying new things, taking risks, and playing card games. It can be difficult to deal with a wild Hammer, however, the best bet for getting along is the Striker. Twins Twins are conservative and meticulous. If Plan A fails, they always have a backup Plan B. They are extroverts who love being around others. In fact, they may panic if alone, they always like having exactly two of everything. They may even go to such lengths as to purchasing doubles of items like tools, furniture, and food. Twins can easily crumble if they lose their support, however, they are powerful otherwise. It is always good to have a Twins on the team, as their plans are well thought out and they have a cool head. Ricochet Ricochet users are aloof, neutral, and love bouncing around. They are often spies and flip-floppers. Be suspicious if there is a Ricochet in your clan or on your team. They are known to come out of nowhere and hit you hard in the back if you don't watch yourself. However, they are carefree and never anxious. They can be great emotional support, especially for a Twins user. They are also the "cool" side character in movies and books. Smoky Smokys are bears​. Smokys are the underdogs, often the oldies but goodies and the under-respected and underrated. Although they may not be as powerful as some of the other turrets, they form the backbone of any team, clan, or relationship. They are the basics, and often are just average. However, don't underestimate them. Smokies are known to make a critical impact every once in a while. They are very different from their older brothers, the Thunders. Striker Strikers are trendy and ahead of their time. They can often sense the winds of change and love doing new things, much like the Hammers. Because of their uncanny ability to know when something is about to happen, like a new shoe brand trending or a video going viral, they are often mistaken for fortune tellers and psychics. This has given Strikers a bad rep, but don't be fooled; It's always useful to have a Striker on your team. Vulcan Vulcans are very similar to Isidas. They love sacrificing their own lives to help others, although often indirectly. They can take some serious damage so long as they know they are attacking the enemy. However, unlike Isidas, they are not as patient and overheat easily and can get pretty hotheaded. It is not wise to cross a Vulcan, as it may explode. Vulcans are also far braver than Isidas. They often inflict self damage and undesirable things onto themselves to help the community. They can be politicians, police officers, and inspirational speakers. Thunder Thunders are well respected and popular among the other turrets. They can make a huge splash upon entering any battle or situation. They can easily get along with any other turret and make friends with almost anyone. They are very trusting and will listen to any tank, no matter how weak. They are very good at dealing with groups and mobs, and are often peace keepers. However, this comes with a price as the Thunder's friendliness may come back to bite them, dealing significant damage. Railgun Railguns are the most diverse group of turrets, as they are often used, well respected and relatively powerful. Railguns can be parkourists, snipers, midfielders, campers, copycats, and n00bs. With this large sample size, there can be two major groups to split Railguns into: pros and followers. Pros can easily be identified by their unrealistic D/L and their ability to turn their turret. They are often the most skilled players on the battlefield and in real life, and should never be crossed as they clearly know what they're doing. Followers, on the other hand, "do Railgun because it's cool" and can often succumb to peer pressure. They may not be a skilled as pros, and may copy whatever you do. They are easily manipulated and can often be tricked into being servants or even minions. Shaft Shafts are lazy campers who believe there is such thing as a free lunch. They often look for the easiest route, and never move and shoot at the same time. They never go above and beyond, rather settling for "just good enough". Somehow they still manage to pull off a respectable D/L. The only benefit of Shafts are that they never overthink a problem, and are helpful in finding the path of least resistance. #nubs The Hull How could we mention the turret without mentioning the hull? Whether it's an immovable glacier like the Mammoth, or a tinfoil Wasp, the hull is a great indication of a tank's personality. Wasp Wasps are fast and straight to the point. They hate dillydallying and have an obsession with getting everything done as fast as possible. They are known for their excessive speeding and occasional sloppiness. Wasps are never late for meetings; in fact, they are often 45 minutes early despite being pulled over countless times. Wasps hate yellow jackets. Hornet Hornets are light hearted and happy. They absolutely despise pressure of any kind weighing them down. Don't count on them for tough assignments, as they will most likely fail. However, there is one exception to this rule: Hornets excel at capturing clutch flags, whether in Tanki, a game of real life Capture the Flag, or in an actual war. Hornets, like Wasps, hate yellow jackets, which I guess makes them allies? Hunter Hunters are old fashioned and tend to stick with what they know best. They often don't want to let go of childhood possessions and often enjoy much the same things they enjoyed years ago. They have a hard time with this thing called "technology" and prefer to stick to the library. Hunters can be found in log cabins in abandoned mountain villages practicing taxidermy. Viking Vikings are a group of Norse men that raided villages and wore horned helmets. The end. Vikings are neutral and unopinionated, preferring to go with the flow. They often prefer the middle, rather than the two extremes. Be wary of any Vikings on your team as they are neutral and do not have any strong allegiances. Like Ricochet, Viking may stab you in the back at any moment. However, just like Ricochet, it has its benefits. Because of its neutrality, it cannot be easily swayed. They are not very gullible and tend to have their own opinions largely unchanged. Dictator Dictators are bossy, loud, and generally hated by the other tanks. Due to their high vantage point, they feel like they have an elevated status (ah the puns) compared to other tanks and can control them. They are very greedy and love seeking shiny golden boxes. They expect other tanks to obey and can grow infuriated otherwise. However, having a slightly less extreme Dictator on your team can be beneficial, so long as they are a good leader. Titan Titans are sadistic monsters who love to bully others and push them off the edge in Monte Carlo. *drops mic. I'm done here. Mammoth Mammoths are sturdy, stable, and relatively slow compared to other tanks. They have a "take it slow" attitude, the complete opposite side of the spectrum from the Wasps. These big dudes have no need to hurry, and love hanging out and going camping. Their bodies are big enough to be the tents, but you still have to remember to pack Shaft, as its scope will allow you to see the Andromeda Galaxy on a clear night. Although not completely lazy, it may appear like Mammoths are that on the surface. Conclusion Welp. You've analyzed your entire team and the opposing one too. You think you understand everyone now. There's only one thing left to do: Tell her how you feel. You cross your fingers and wish upon the Andromeda Galaxy along with the other Mammoths as you sit around like a mult while your team gets pummeled by the other Railguns. Turns out they're pros. As time creeps past, you observe the screen anxiously, sweat trickling down your back and your dog rolling over for a belly rub. Oop. You got flat out rejected. Looks like I forgot to tell you how to get her to like you and not act like an immature 3 yr old :D *fails innocent expression* Oh well. At least you learned something, right? Right? Oh, and don't kick your dog out of frustration (that's animal abuse I believe). So on that awkward note, I end this article. BAI NUg LIeK DIS ARTikLE AN DoN FURGIT!!! TO COMKEnT uR TANKY COmB0

Nice article! Here's an image for "gold box pls admin" btw xD

Haha lol. Ah I see Savage you sly dog...

Warning: Read at your own discretion. Certain parts may be found gory or alarming. Or they may be too thought provoking and shatter your brain into a million pieces. Streetlights (Prequel to Psychopath) As per request of an... anonymous penguin nug It's always raining. Always. It's rained for the past few days. Weeks even, months. When it isn't raining, the sky is grey and polluted from the factories near the city. And when the chaps at the city decide to turn off their smog, it starts raining again, pouring, storming, drenching the streets in mud and runoff. Although I'm not gonna say that to anyone's face. See, the city folk are our only source of money. They supply us with money for heating and plumbing. In return, we go work in their factories on minimum wage and probably for longer hours than legal. No one complains though. If anyone so much as peeps, our little funding will go down the drain. They haven't exactly done a great job. The fence surrounding the jail is made of chicken wire. No one is locked up, so they're considering shutting it down. Electrical bill too high. And it's quite gloomy, adding to the dark atmosphere the town has. If you could boil our town down, it would be scrap metal and driftwood. And coal. For the wayward men who don't want to go to the factories, they go down to the mines. Come back with dirty faces and hands and lungs full of coal dust. Not that you can see the difference in the 24/7 darkness. The only source of light, apart from the kerosene lamps and incandescent bulbs are the streetlights. They are on all the time to cope with the darkness. So going to the ramshackle shack that they call a school is like walking at night. Raining, windy, and the streetlights on. Actually, though, I really am fond of the streetlights. Really, the only thing I am fond of in this town. They are bright and quite nice compared to the single incandescent bulb in my house. Which, by the way, I don't bother to change unless I absolutely have to. Or my mom is around. Dad used to do that, until some gang in the city stabbed him to death. Now Mom works in the factory and sews alterations in the city. So she doesn't come home save for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Or so she tells me. Anyways, I guess that doesn't exactly explain why I am walking out this late at night with a kitchen knife. Watching the streetlights doesn't cut it, no? I guess not. You could say I'm crazy, a psychopath, even. Or you could say that Dad's death broke me and I was never the same. Or that I was born with mental illness. I actually don't know. The "doctors" never told me. So I suppose I owe you an explanation. ___________________________________________________________________________________ Diary Entry #37 It's been 37 days since Dad's death. School was good for once today. Mrs. Parker announced a new project: write a report on some diurnal animal. I chose fireflies because they reminded me of the streetlights. The only hope really that I have to move on forwards, because it's so dreary. Mrs. Parker says that fireflies aren't diurnal, they're nocturnal. So I switched to butterflies. That seems like a good project. Diary Entry #43 Mom came home for Thanksgiving. She says I should try to make new friends. After all, this is my first year of public school and the other kids have known each other for years. I don't know. I tried to convince Mom to home school me again, but she says she can't, not after Dad's death. So I told her I would try. Diary Entry #44 I tried to sit with the other kids at lunch today. They seemed nice enough, so I tried repeatedly to talk with them and join their conversations. They told me I was annoying them. I didn't know what that meant, so I looked it up in a dictionary in the library: irritate (someone); make (someone) a little angry I guess I failed. I'll keep on trying. Diary Entry #50 They don't seem to want to be friends with me. Diary Entry #52 They invited me over today. Finally after over a week, I finally became friends with them. We're supposed to meet at the intersection of Walter Street and Meadowbrook. That seems a little far away from home. Diary Entry #53 Absolutely awful. Tell you more about it once these bruises heal. Diary Entry #54 They ambushed me. When I arrived, no one was there. Then they jumped out at me and pinned me down. Called me a "nosy little jerk" and a "******". One of them held my arms down while the others repeatedly punched me over and over again. I stopped feeling pain around fifty. Told me never to tell anyone or they'll murder me in my sleep. Good thing I had a cold that night and passed it on to one of them. A girl. She went home sick, probably a coincidence. Looks like I won't see her for a while. The others left me there to die. Told me never to try to be friends with them. That I was weird, choosing to research butterflies in the library. That I had no friends. That I was stupid because I was only pulling a D in class. I really felt alone yesterday. Like the whole world was against me. The only thing stopping me from suicide was thinking about how sad my mother would be. Once all was said and done, I cried for a whole hour. I know because I had a watch. Then I dragged myself home. My only companions were the streetlights. Diary Entry #55 They apologized to me at school today. Very eloquently. They said to meet up again at the corner of Walter and Meadowbrook to have the "official" hangout I was due. Do they really think because I only have a D average that I'm that gullible? Because they have no idea what's waiting for them. Diary Entry #56 This will be the last entry. I know because my normal life will end today. An uncertain road of hell lies ahead. I suppose I should say my apologies now. I'm sorry Mom, for disappointing you. I'm sorry Mrs. Parker. You were very nice to me when I didn't understand fractions. I'm sorry Dad. You'll never see the son you wanted to. I'm keeping this diary in a very safe place for someone who knows me to find it. You know who you are. Goodbye, diary. ___________________________________________________________________________________ The truth is, I'm scared. Even though I'm armed with a kitchen knife and they're not, they outnumber me. Not to mention the volunteer police. And where will I go when the job is done? Nonetheless, I press on, the streetlights winking behind me. At least I think they are. After they attacked me, I began having conversations with "imaginary friends". I feel like I understand the streetlights a little better. The corner of Walter and Meadowbrook is an eerie place. Maybe because I was ambushed there. Or maybe because the spot between the two houses, where I got ambushed, was a dead end. I honestly don't know. In the daytime, you can see dark patches on the ground. No one bothered to clean up the pools of blood. I'm sure the people who live there have a hard time sleeping nowadays. But in our town, you learn to never complain or ask questions. Questioning has a way of vanishing your paycheck. When I arrive, I expect to see no one. What I don't expect is that all of them are all there, leaning on the fence and kicking chunks of concrete and asphalt around. It occurs to me that I might've been wrong about them having bad intentions and I hesitate. But I decide that nothing good can come of them in just a few days. "Hey Nile!" the oldest boy calls out. Carter. He's a foot taller than me, stronger, but at least I'm faster. Sweat runs down my back. Which, along with the adrenaline coursing through me, doesn't make me feel cold and miserable at all. Although one thing is working out in my favor: they're all in the dead end, quite far away from the exit. Probably because they don't want me to escape. But it'll be the other way around soon enough. "You know I'm not stupid, right?" I call back, walking towards them, blocking off the exit. "I know you're gonna ambush me, just like last time." "No we're not." replies a girl. I remembered that her name was Elizabeth. "We regretted hurting you, right guys?" "Yeah." replies Carter. "In fact, we brought you a present from the inner city." We brought you a present from the inner city. That's not good at all. I step forwards. "So you're sorry for hurting me?" "Yep." I pull out my knife. "I'm sorry for hurting you too."

Sweet dreams pumpkin... :) IK it's really late but I just came up with this perfect creepy comment.

Warning: Read at your own discretion. Some sections of this story may be found gory or alarming. Psychopath I'm a dead man. Dead ever since I first pulled out that knife, when it was more silver than rust colored. Dead ever since the day I let hatred control my thoughts. Dead the moment I was born, when my genes told me to retaliate rather than walk away. Dead the day I decided to experiment. Dead the day I chose to deviate from the societal norm, the rigid path imposed upon every functional member of society, and wander off the beaten trail. Indeed, my coffin has been a constant companion before I even knew it existed. I've just been luckier than most. You can't gamble with Death. In the end, he always wins. It's a lesson I learned the hard way. Many others, too, tried to gamble with him. They all failed. Yet I refused to accept history. Why? Stubbornness. Ignorance. Qualities shamed upon by society. A voice shakes me out of my reverie. "Nile Warner. You have committed just about every crime that warrants your immediate execution. What do you have to say for yourself?" I look up, but instead of a courtroom, I see a mud-soaked field with officials sitting in the bleachers, upon a backdrop of grey sky. Rain soaks my clothes, while the cold air bites at my cheeks. At this point, I'm begging for them to get it over with. There are a few volunteers who know how to shoot a gun that are now aiming their barrels at my head. Only one of the guns are loaded, so that no one will know who shot me. Clearly, they don't care where they hit me, as some of the men and boys have trouble holding the heavy hunting rifles. Poverty has a way of doing things like that to a town. "Well, Nile. If you have nothing to say, then we will continue with your immediate execution. I'm afraid-" "Wait." I'm not sure how to continue. That I'm sorry? That would be a lie. "I would just like everyone to know that I regret nothing. I am pleased with what I did, actually." I look one official in the eye. "I would like to say that I'm sorry about your son. The truth is, I'm not. Really, it was quite the pleasure. I will die a happy man. Just like my father did." Much to my delight, he looks away in disgust. The volunteers clearly look like they would rather be anywhere else than listen to me speak. However, town laws dictate that a convict, no matter how despicable, should be allowed to say his final words. So I look at another person I recognize and continue. "It was your sister wasn't it? 24? Pregnant? Man, were her screams music to my ears." She too, turns around and begins picking at something out of my vision. "That's enough." says an official coldly. "If you have nothing to say, then we will proceed with the-" I cut her off. "Elizabeth. What a pleasure. We were classmates in 5th Grade, remember?" "As you clearly have nothing to say, I believe we may-" "Nothing to say? You are mistaken. I have not yet finished my apologies." "Apologies? You filthy scum. I hope you roast in hell. No, I know you will roast in hell." I laugh, a gurgling, hysterical, laugh. The last laugh my victims heard. The last sound really, other than the sound of a knife and their own screaming. "Oh, so I deserve to roast in hell. What about you? What about your 5th Grade... pals? Huh? 'You ******, you'll never have any friends'. Who said that, huh? Who gave me these pleasant scars that I still carry today? Who blackmailed me so I couldn't tell anyone about anything? Not you and your angelic friends who should be in heaven, no?" Her face turns a bright shade of red. I'm very familiar with that color, although a darker hue. I laugh again, louder, covering the yards between us in a matter of seconds, drowning out the pattering of rain. "Do you really believe that your malignant tactics will save you?" I laugh again, choking on my own saliva. "No. I don't care if you shoot me right now. Just know that doing so won't change anything. 'An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind', as my friend Mahatma Gandhi once said." "How dare you quote Gandhi you filthy... piece..." "What? Out of words?" I grin. "Shoot him." There is a loud crack and suddenly I am writhing on the ground, my limbs flailing, screaming my head off. Not a very proud way to die, sure, but as spots swim before my eyes and I die from blood loss through my stomach, it is excusable. I inhale, then slowly exhale, calming myself down. It's hard as I gasp for breath, taking in air rasping and wheezing, while my stomach feels like it is ripping apart. They really wanted me to have a painful death. As my energy fades away, I force myself to turn and look at the officials. They are smiling smugly. "What... a... d... despicable... way... t-to kill.. a man." I spit out, before butterflies obscure my vision. Butterflies. How fitting. After all, that's how it all started. And then I'm falling down a long, long, tunnel and there's nothing at the other end. ___________________________________________________________________________________ Somewhere, a mother weeps for the once beautiful son she knew. ___________________________________________________________________________________ Epilogue A child tugs at his father's hand. There is a giant stone memorial, carved out of rough marble, sitting on a pedestal. Inscribed are hundreds of names. Children climb the memorial, laughing, without a care in the world. "Daddy, what are the names on the rock for?" "They're the names of the people killed." replies the father. "Who killed them?" "Nile Warner." "Why?" "Hatred." "What were his last words?" "Screaming." Authors note: OK, I did not originally plan on writing this, but yeah. Like, stuff happened. I know, a very unorthodox story to tell, and a very unpleasant one too. And no, I'm not writing a sequel to this, so I'll leave you to speculate in the comments.

The Tanki Tribune Wait for the Mammoth to cross the road... Coup of the EN Community Manager Spot Sparks Riots TANKI - A man who has widely been praised and criticized as one of the most influential Community Managers, Cedric Debono, may be finally facing the end of his rule. Over the course of the past year, he has made many important changes to Tanki such as donning that stylish halo (I know, we criticized it in Edition 2 and we would like to offer a formal apology). However, recent developments have suggested that the colonies of Tanki have rebelled in anger and demanded a free democracy once and for all. Just this past Tuesday, there have been reports in EN 3 of mults refusing to fight in a Polygon CP. Whether they simply are AFK, or are stubbornly surfing the net while leaving the tab open, we may never now. Others are taking a more violent approach by spamming the chat with such kind words as #$@!, @#$%!, and @#$@!. Still others are taking out their anger by equipping the fearsome Striker with Dragon paint, and cornering community helpers in battles, before firing barrage after barrage, salvo after salvo, of flaming goodness. A battered Yisroel.Rabin was the only one available for comment. ... Sir, should we insert fliller? Never mind, he's dead. Tanki has retaliated against these riots with a fearsome system of police going by the sinister name "moderators". They have cracked down on the hardest cases, banning two people a minute in some servers, a record low. "You gotta make them lick their wounds, you know? That's why we admins never drop gold boxes when they ask nicely." a developer reported on these constant clashes. Despite all of Tanki's attempts to quell the riots, there can still be young firebrands seen in EN 4 rallying up the crowds with such inspirational quotes as "Pros only", "Come for gold", and "Any grls?". One such wayward young lad initiated a strike on catching gold boxes, formally known as "Save the Gold" or STG. When asked what his intention was, he assured us that "it is fun and entertaining". Whether it is a code to some of his followers is still to be decided. As the tension grows, groups of tankers have banded up to oppose the fighting. "We recently started a peaceful march on the streets of Alexandrovsk. Non-violence is incredibly important to us, so even if we get roasted by Firebirds, we still will not retaliate." explains a leader of the pacifist belief. "Unfortunately, we only have one or two followers including Absolute Pacifist and Smeargle. Anyone willing to join our cause must complete the initiation process by reading the EULA, the Terms of Use, etc., recite the hundred page long google doc containing the pacifist oath, and bake a fresh batch of cookies to be delivered to HQ (rules require the cookies to be still warm and contain chocolate chips)." Still other tankers spend their time reminiscing about the "good old days" of Tanki to young lads. Although harder to find, a Semyon Kirov was found in the darkest corners of the forum exclaiming how "back then he was still community manager". This comment was soon followed by a smart aleck who retorted "I thought you quit Tanki, nug". Needless to say, he was never heard from again. In the face of these radical changes to Tanki, our beloved community manager, Cedric Debono, has agreed to step down from his podium of glory in the near future to allow for a free election. The exact rules have not been agreed upon, but a plan has been sketched up. These actions prompted several nugs to question whether anything could be voted upon. Simple things like the official turret of Tanki and whether XC was a legit format were debated, and one nug even went so far as to vote on the ugliness of Blue paint, to which the NS replied "Shut up GoldRock". As this new story unfolds, the Tanki Tribune will keep you posted on stuff. OK you can have the mike now *click -Pieface101, freelance writer for the Tanki Tribune