Read all about it! http://en.tankiforum.com/index.php?showtopic=241739

Another year of Tanki and one full of times to remember. From controversial updates to long-awaited releases, this article is a memento of those moments that we'll all look back at in two or three years' time and think to ourselves, "Yeah. I remember that." So, what are we waiting for? Let's begin the 10 Most Memorable Moments of 2014! Changing Equipment in Battle March 25th We begin, naturally, at the beginning of 2014 and kick off with what I would class as the first big deal of the year. The long-awaited ability to change equipment was finally brought into the game - and with it, a new dynamic of teamwork and gameplay. Having the ability to switch equipment in a battle not only meant that a team could set up with ideal combinations for their different situations, but also enabled players to join a game and judge first what would be best to use before getting it. This was an undoubtedly successful update - many new players still wonder how players could cope with having to quit the battle every time they wanted to grab a different gun. Clever update on Tanki's part too, because now not only did it provide strategic improvement, but it also meant a large variety of paints in your garage could come in handy as players would be able to change paint at will in their battle - meaning more players would buy more paints, obviously leading to higher income and better business. A memorable moment for all the right reasons. Release of Tanki Online Brazil April 16th Arguably the most substantial event of the year was the creation of Tanki Online Brazil which took full form in early April. Created similarly to the Chinese Tanki with its own separate servers, it was heralded by the appearance of a new map in the game which has turned in many circles into a stalwart. Rio settled in quickly, not least because of its beautiful scenery, and certainly grabbed the attention of players as heads turned to Tanki Online Brazil - of course, co-incidentally or perhaps not so co-incidentally established at the time the world looked towards Brazil for the FIFA World Cup. Now, nearly a year on, Tanki in Brazil is going from strength to strength with an ever-growing playerbase. Ping Pong Secret Room May 30th Don't know about you, but the only thing I can actually remember about The Game this year was the Ping Pong Secret Room. Just simply for the oddness of it all. Linked in with Tanki's 5th Birthday, the Game wasn't the biggest deal with all the discounts flowing around, but the discovery of the Ping Pong Secret Room made everyone intrigued. "The Rock" stuck on the wall? Never... Scarcely believable, but sure enough, when the players took the visit, settling on the platform, their eyes adjusted to the jolly face of a well-known actor placarded across the back of the room. Not a big deal, but certainly memorable. The Return of the Tanki V-LOG June 6th Another event which you sense will live to play an effect for a long time, the Tanki "International Video Blog" returned for good when Semyon took up the job in June, and even though some of the old players will always say Bruce was the best, Semyon's enthusiastic presenting, endless hand gestures and his diligent efforts in providing a V-LOG full of information has given him a place in many players' hearts. Providing up-to-date and relevant news every week, and carrying the role the monthly newspaper is unable to, many players spend Fridays looking forward to catching up with the V-LOG after a long day. Featuring a special video and question every week, as well as the always-entertaining newly-added Test Box at the end, the V-LOG has been a wonderful institution, and the moment Semyon kicked it off again will always be remembered. Release of Smart Cooldowns September 29th And so, we skip forward, zooming past the Double Funds of the summer, to one of the most controversial updates of Tanki's history. Smart Cooldowns. Back then, you needed little more than to mention those two little words to start a heated discussion which could last goodness knows how long. One thing's for sure: the removal of the drug war, though temporary, did have a negative effect to the playerbase of the high ranks. However, Smart Cooldowns in themselves are great little things. Ensuring that both the buyers get an advantage, but that the non-buyers can challenge them was just what the doctor ordered. What the doctor didn't order, however, was the complete removal of Drug Wars, thus causing the controversy. Overall, it was, and has proven to be, a positive update, but no doubt SCD definitely had to go through a few tweaks. Very possibly the most memorable update of the year. Release of Predictable Drops (And the 100 Crystal Boxes) November 18th But this comes pretty close. Predictable Drops were brought out in November with more than a few different opinions on the whole thing. The decision was partly dubious due to the part Crystal Boxes played in the whole thing. Who remembers those mini-gold-rushes for the 100 Crystal Boxes? I certainly do. The day the update came out, opinions were extremely mixed. Some players were in love with these nice big boxes dropping from the sky - but there was no doubt that gameplay was being seriously hindered, especially in CTF Mode. Players would just be camping for the crystal boxes in complete ignorance of all else that was occuring around them. So, of course, as we all know, changes occured (you'll be able to see a bit more about this in the next memorable moment). All the same, the actual Predictable Drops update with the supply markings on the ground have been a hit. Less luck, more tactics in most scenarios which obviously raises the level of interest in the game. Very memorable though, certainly those 100-Crystal Boxes. R.I.P Crystal Boxes November 20th Just two days after the Predictable Drops hit the game, the Tanki developers immediately released things needed to be done. Labelled by some players as the "stupidest update of all time", the developers reacted quickly in what they called the "experiment". In this, along with a slightly odd test where the Gold Box would drop IMMEDIATELY on the alert, Crystal Boxes were to be removed as a test - and, in contrast, the fund would grow higher. This would completely stop those camping for crystals - as there were no longer crystals to camp for! However, it was an experiment that would ultimately bring about mixed reactions, especially after the news came out that it was here to stay. No more crystal boxes. For some, like me, it was great news - I had found earning crystals by the fund so much better and they had been a distraction more than anything. Others differed, saying that the crystal boxes were such key parts of them staying as players since a low rank and ridding them would be ridding a large portion of the playerbase. In the end, the developers stuck to their guns, and crystal boxes have never returned... yet. StarSeries Season 2 Final November 22nd It was a hectic period of Tanki, to say the least. Literally, while the experiment was in full swing, Tanki were hosting their StarSeries Season 2 Lan Finals over in Russia - with four of the top clans meeting together to come and compete for top prize. In a showdown of epic proportions, which was unfortunately understated in its publicity across the English Community, Arcade scraped eGuards to the title - and I mean scraped. Coming in to the final with a 1-0 lead in a Best of 5 Rounds since they had qualified directly without a loss, they immediately went 2-1 down after eGuards took the first couple of maps with relative ease. Arcade supporters were at a loss but after conquering Tribute, they set up a showdown in Barda which closed the $12,000 prize out in a deserving but incredibly close victory for the holders. If any of you ever, and I mean ever, have one hour or so to spare and want to watch something good, I could not recommend you a more entertaining battle on Youtube. Yes, it's commentated in Russian, but it's so worth watching. Link is here. An immense battle, a great watch, and a deserving memorable moment. Release of Night Mode December 4th December was nigh, but Tanki wasn't done yet. Another long-awaited update, promised years ago for the cancelled Tanki 2.0, was finally added to the game - the Night Mode. Adding a new twist to visuals and putting dynamic lighting to full usage, the Night Mode was really popular, especially in its first days, and is turning into a favourite for rank up parties. Also joined with Shaft's laser, the effect of the two combined really lit up a few faces with smiles. The maps graced with the Night Mode were well-chosen, and although not as controversial or debatable as some of the other updates, this update will certainly be remembered as the maps take on more graphical abilities in the future. Release of Hammer December 18th Our last "memorable moment" of 2014, and boy was it memorable?! After name suggestions, careful design and weeks of waiting, Hammer entered the game - the first piece of equipment to be added for over three years. The fact that protection was not immediately dealt out against it didn't go round well in some circles, but its popularity is undoubted, and Hammer has enhanced the diversity of gameplay which Tanki thrives upon. With a character and a look of its own, we can expect to see a lot more of this gun in the future - and it won't be long before we'll think back to the days when Hammer wasn't around and how strange it was... Well, memorable? 100000%. Guaranteed, this event will stick deep into the history of the game. So what about you? You got any other memories from Tanki last year which stick out particularly for yourself? Feel free to share below! Well, another year ends and another year begins. How about popping back here at the end of the year and see how many of them you still remember? Memories are treasures - don't let go of them!

If you really want it, that's fine. I'll start it up in the newspaper at the beginning of March. :)

TOPIC UPDATED! Firstly, I'd like to apologize to all those who posted their birthdays back in 2014 and I didn't update. Especially TankiMedic who clearly wanted it added. A disgraceful whole 2 months since I last updated the topic, smashing my limits. I've resolved (sorta) to cut it down back to a month. So, don't lose hope yet. However, there is a positive in taking so long to update. In the time, we have managed to fill in loads of our untouched birthdays! Now, not only are January and September officially full of birthdays, there are only 24 Days left in the year where we don't have a birthday - let's hope by the end of the year, we'll have made that figure a lot smaller! Happy Belated Birthday to ishan29, doduobird, mes1, crystalhunter123, HarshRocks1, JimmyFatcorn, SERIAL-DRUGGER, sebytto, Daveski123, russia102010, matthew8182, The_M.K, mikop63, Dawid10P, KNELSEN4, Raaish, mr0, jokjinari, jdude360, Warlord, shadewarttt, Ninji1, akashrox_re-born, Emanuel, Ilia.Archangel, prajwalkandel, RosettaDelBlanco, mark5513, pagaduan, RifleMart, I.Lampard, Phatal, bmxrpx, jrReaper, eminemrapgod, ThisDictator, EuzLo, BirdKnights, Redbullet, DaSpamer, ShahDon, A.n.a.R-C-h.i.s.T, HirunMeepage, sufainsamikhan, kostaskkk3, kristians34, Killer2_the_best, thebeastUSA, Tommy60, Ernestkaaa999, pottergeorge, mohmmed-22, Suryansh15, Invictus_Light, Deathsfire, Fjelstad1678, Mr.Tanker9, bombardier1999, dhruv200, BB635, THE_DASHER, SalvadorSTM, Selena12121, tiger_of_malaysia, DuckHonk, UnKnown_AngeLz, professor_theo, railgunfreeze, mr0, sporte_smerti, Musty9, clawman, manojindestify, AlexMcrostie, masterplanes, Ironassasin, emoNinja, 0123akiva3210, reddevilfanNO.1, ArmyOf300, Nolke12, cody1999, sgtnash, oopssorry, bombbombbomb, jbrockXX< gharnyy, Longcat970, kingbilal7, Mr.Newb, iblacksand, shadon007, Lt.Tank-Marshall, swagboss77, JK14, rhartman, TobyMacFan, 0555944, bluesky12345678, mannybakshi, enon97, Reda12, jrcool, Deathly_Hallow, okfighter, alpha_destroyr, goblin786, mitun, MozartTanker, SportsKing700, BoSsBoSsTaNkIbOsS, speedlion, yolMafia, syphax96, RicoQueen, gwlgupta, Miche_MKZ, xpgamer, BlasterGod, ben171270, surfrider1, destroyer9015, qetuoadgjlxvn, Alexandru_Stance, BTP3000, k77frank, Tiger1915, TakUrciteee, jesse554, SpHyrfBoss, ultimatebigchill, bugattiveryon, ZaturnZXT, lordmostafa, ShadowPizza, Shut.Your.Mouth, Tareq.Jami, roadkill78, ukrop0011, loktinho, U.PAVAN, areebahmad122, tecnomet, mini1302, Beast8008, translater, legenddestroyer, millartery, Whitee, touqeer, Okle7, ralm15, TankiMedic, godofwar30, AngelBelle, fptp, uberblackninja, rahmannoor077, THEREDBARONKILLER, indianagoofy, hirl123, PurpleBlood, P3DRo0o, zain555, destructordrago, KillerXenaRider, jayed98, rinse, already.dead, whodat34, ATHENA123, Peace-Keeper-99, tanki_101, raja612, Therider, kaileygirl101 and RampagingVenom! Happy Birthday to xxElyxx, King.Illegal, RandomFace and Quick.Silver! And as a special new introduction for 2015, I will pick my favourite three names from the birthdays of this update! 1. 2. @millartery 3. @already.dead Keep Posting!

The Pillow and Cushion War

If I had to currently describe how I'm feeling, it'd probably be like an overexcited helium balloon which was pumped up then wasn't tied properly, so it just went Whoooosh. Potentially a great topic. Remembering players who have served the community well is a great way to honour the greats of the past. But, no offence intended, this topic is just a list of blindly-formed players who stretch from a couple of ancient Russians about one person in the English community actually knows to being some of the least deserving players I have ever seen. Seriously? Form a proper topic. Some words of advice. Remove all of the Staff Divisions. It's a massive divide. As if players don't matter. Many people who are mentioned in Staff Members were indeed Staff at some point in their careers, but should actually be remembered for their service to the game. Just one list would be perfect. A topic like this should be formed in honour of the legends. And this should be in line with those who the community recognise as people who have served hard. How a topic like this could not mention players such as gamepiong, Afghani, AdvocatusDiaboli (Yep he's left, whether you like it or not), wertweuri, Kozayya, justoriginal, husto, Lieutenant_Me, White_Owl, skitee, PistolenPaultje and Bruce Lunga completely bemuses me. And, yes, Bruce. Don't come out with your rubbish that he still plays. He just popped in, and his service to the community (which he has left) has been insanely important. And I'm not even mentioning quality players of the past like Alkline, TheRomanionFalcon, Reiki12345 (I could go on), as well as the English Community servants of the past. To make this a serious list of players of the past, some work has to be done. And honour needs to given to those who deserve honouring, and likewise for those who do not deserve having their name on such an esteemed list. Personally, this could be a treasure - but at the moment, it's just a mess.

Just saw this again while scrolling through the old forums. I've decided. Best quote of all time.

Very valid point stated here.

Really really apologize for the delay. Will be updated next week.

A New Year of life, a New Year of Tanki and a New Year of the Newspaper. As we move into 2015, my longing to write another history piece has stretched to its limit, and as for subject, the newspaper is a more than deserving candidate. With a history going back nearly 3 years, this article covers the Behind the Scenes of the newspaper's history, whilst following the mixed bag of reporters, past and present, the scattered outstanding articles; and the story behind it all. Let's cut straight to it. The story of the Newspaper all began one spring morning in April 2012, when the first newspaper was published. Led by the eager community manager Bruce Lunga and his Russian accomplice administrator Les_Alterman, the Newspaper had just a handful of writers, all keen to start something that would become something big. Tommy60, one of the main planners behind the Newspaper, as well as skitee, another brain behind the initiation were joined by two more English Community veterans, the mature and experienced conanthedestroyer and the vibrant face of cablaz. A few weeks of planning. a few days of writing and the first Newspaper was written, designed and published. Strangely, if it really came down to it, the actual creation of Newspaper sprouted most probably from envy. Just a couple of glances from the members of the English Community at the Russians would see the activity of the Russian Newspaper and its popularity amongst the community. Of course, if you had asked them six months before when Bruce had barely started his immense work in the community, not many people would have seen a newspaper forthcoming. But, indeed, with the new community manager keen to get as much as he could started, the newspaper was quickly planned, and put into action. The first issue of the Newspaper was a great hit. The avid readers of the community delved into some fantastic pieces of writing, including a couple of interesting interviews with two top English players of the time, Koolwalky and Contaminated. With a top-notch design from Les_Alterman covering the very first MT, the newspaper had well and truly begun. Bruce soon realised the importance of getting a couple more writers involved. Four had too much brunt to carry. After a discussion in their Skype chat, the well-known faces of chriswu and Lhamster were suggested and unanimously voted in to join the team of reporters. Chriswu immediately rose to one of the greatest reporters with some absolutely top-quality writings in his first two issues, including a couple of world-class stories such as his "Secret of the Lost Temple". As for Lhamster, his involvement in the newspaper over the years has been one of the main reasons why the newspaper still exists to this day. The readers of the newspaper were becoming more and more impressed, with fondness in particular growing for Les's fantastic designs. In case the newspaper was turning too much into a "magazine", skitee decided to start up a weekly update on the progress of the Tanki Online World Cup, which was going on at the time. Some other interactive events started up including the Editorials and the well-received Clan Logo Contest, which got almost all of the clans in the English Community involved - obviously bringing up the interest of the paper. Another contest of epic proportions, the "Designer of Tanki Online", posted in Issue 4, brought in a staggering high level of quality entries and was won by dimmmmy who came in to join the Tanki Online Designer's team for a very short time. Soon, a major event in the life of the Newspaper was to take place. Les_Alterman gradually passed the baton over from his early administrative role as he went back to work with the Russians and let Conan take over as boss; and it's stayed that way for the last couple of years. A fine designer, chris took over creating the Main Topic - and he did a mighty fine job of it too. Another addition would be joining to seriously bolster content in a couple of issues, after cablaz had to quit his Reporter when he quit. An avid worker, Ranger7 would sometimes write nearly half of the articles in one issue - that's how much he wrote. In fact, the Reporter team had to limit content publiished by each writer because he sometimes wrote so much that it was a bit of Ranger overkill! A few of the more long-lasting series started off early including the popular "If The English Community was..." as well as the popular contest "What Map?". Two issues later, with the readership growing and the newspaper's quantity of articles with it, Conan employed a couple more reporters. The proficient and detailed ShadowVisions and the... erm... yeah, hogree joined the team. Though I say it myself, it was a good time as a Reporter. The Newspaper was going on well, even with the hectic Rebalance occuring at the time. With skitee's fantastic coverage of the clans continuing, featuring the Clan Championship Final review, as well as the always-entertaining Predictions for 2013, articles were being produced well, and the atmosphere was great. The next couple of months contained a couple of outstanding articles, with ShadowVisions' complete "Shopper's Guide to the Rebalance" giving the full lowdown on the post-rebalance Tanki in style, and skitee's "Maps That Once Were" stealing the plaudits in Issue 9, giving a detailed and thoroughly enjoyable look at the maps of the ancient times! Meanwhile, new additions to the team were popping up. already.dead who reported for a couple of issues, and a new superb designer, FOG-LIGHT stepped in to take over the Main Topic with chriswu's departure from the team. Along with them came another new reporter, suggested by ShadowVisions, the hardworking loktinho. The next month or so was slightly more eventful for the team. Firstly, it was April. And for it, Lham decided to pull of an attempted April Fool's trick for the occasion. Claiming the English and Germany Communities were to close, and the Newspaper with it, it went surprisingly well, mainly because Bruce joined in with a "confirmation" message on the topic. On a less light-hearted note, Visi was taken quite seriously ill, and legendary reporters Skitee and Tommy60 both quit. With a sudden chronic lack of reporters, Conan put out a call for new reporters. He was certainly heard, as 5 New Reporters were accepted into the team the very next month. These five reporters were the smart jokjinari, the always-entertaining GoldRock, the light-hearted character of SwagBoy11, the consistent Valletta, and the meticulous Selena12121, bringing a new dimension to the writing of the newspaper. They didn't take long to warm up with GoldRock producing one of the most humorous articles of all time in "The 10 Commandments of Tanki" among the entertaining works that the new Reporters would produce over the next few months. Little would change in the next couple of months. Stand-out moments included the beginning of the series of "In the Beginning, Tanki" which would eventually become the longest series to date, the first "Ultimate Guide" - to Isida and the addition of Raphael2 as a writer for the French readers. Soon, he would become a famous English reporter who was known for always providing an entertaining article, no matter what. On top of this, Lhamster was "promoted" to a Designer's Position and took over doing the Main Topics after Fog-Light had to quit. A number of well-known new faces were soon to bumper up the team once again. After a few less welcome events which culminated in GoldRock and Selena12121 being removed from the team - at least, temporarily - the search for new reporters began again and 5 new faces of differing influence were added. The five new ones, this time, were the artistic ArchangeI, the diligent Vikingsrall, the humorous Fjelstad1678, the helpful hithere1, and the receptive aojsd. Each would take on different degrees of roles in the future of the Newspaper, with Vikingsrall's interviews, Fjelstad's stories and ArchangeI's creations catching the eye in particular. It was around this time that the Arabic newspaper started as well, with MisterGeneral and 6B6B (now JL6H) taking main responsibility for the running of Arabic articles for the vast Arabic playerbase. There were more stand-out articles as both sets of new reporters settled in in different degrees. Especially eye-catching were Valletta's last episode of "The Crisis", which got great feedback, hogree's "Mastering the Tanki Keyboard" detailing different set of available keyboard controls for players, and the ending of Jokjinari's long series detailing the life of a young boy who got involved with the Tanki developers in real life! It was now March 2014. The Newspaper was moving along nicely, but a change was set to happen. As a test, Tanki moved the newspaper onto the homepage, and Monthly issues ended. The articles would be published separately at any time, and posted on the front page. It was risky - a risk that didn't pay off. Although some great articles were published on the front page, such as the returned GoldRock's detailed guide on XP Battles and hogree's guide on the same subject. But there was just not enough articles, and to say it didn't succeed is an understatement. Thankfully, the newspaper moved back to the Press Forum to happy faces in June on one of its most well-viewed issues. Soon after came the announcement of four new reporters to help move it back along. After many applications were sent through for the job, the four chosen were the extremely experienced MadDog21, the "turns-out-he-was-a-good-cherry" (inside joke) kirby2008, the parkour-mad williew and the procrastinator Fen-Harel. Nonetheless, he is still a good writer. :P Along with these four came along the face of MrAngel (now Law-Enforcer) to help with the Arabic newspaper. The next few months were golden months for the newspaper. With possibly one of the most successful series of all time in the newspaper, Kirby's Comparison Series beginning, along with GoldRock's "What to Mount on" Series and the always-funny "The Dictator" - it meant that the readers were definitely not going to be let down with the articles! Three more reporters would be added soon to keep the fresh writing coming in - the precise Remaine, the sprightly Kevred and the knowledgeable Thekillerpenguin adding to the bunch of reporters writing. And so, the newspaper continues on. Conan's still here, Lham's still here, we're all still here - and we'll try to be here producing entertaining and useful articles for as long as we can! Well, that's the history, folks! If you have any more things you want to see articles-wise from the old days, just take a look here at Raph's fantastically-compiled Newspapers' Summary. If you want to read more about all things newspaper, you can read about The Life of a Reporter - and if you want to see a couple of more humorous articles about the newspaper, feel free to read Ranger's "The Beginning of the Newspaper" and "How an Article is Published". Keep reading, readers! You're what we're here for!

Correction: The update was in December 2012 at the time of the Rebalance. Apologies for those who were mis-led by the statement.

Quality LOL

^Have you received them now?

BTW, Kirby got an offer from Cambridge, so congrats!

Foreword: To all those mentioned in this article, don't take this seriously. Purely for entertainment purposes. It was just your typical Friday evening in the English Community. Hordes of lunatics littering the streets to catch a glimpse of the bloke with a Question Mark glued to his head; street-sellers screaming out the most recent tasty piece of gossip about the increasingly on-the-ropes relationship between Sir Polygon and his flirtatious wife Ms CP. A bunch of rowdy 10-year-olds flooding the pavement surrounding an irate kid violently remonstrating regarding the blatant hacking involved in his most recent duel defeat; and an unassuming group of lads swaggering down to the local fast-food joint McDeathtrack's to order a Main of Hammerburgers, Hunter's Chicken and Smoky Fries with a side of decidedly average banter. Everything was rolling along just as expected. Then the aliens landed. After the natural dosage of uproar that followed, it appeared to several desperate faces in the packed crowds that Mayor Simon Keerove had taken the loser's way out, succumbed Planet Earth to its rather interesting if not entertaining destiny, super-glued some wings onto his freshly-MU'd M4 Wasp and gone for the obvious Ctrl+Alt+Delete --> End Task get-out-of-jail-free manoeuvre. Smart people that the onlookers were, it seemed the obvious reaction to attach their figures to the underside of the pimped-up vehicle and attempt a stowaway stuck on to the bottom of their beloved mayor's inspired spaceship. Although there were desperate attempts from several members of local scientist team Dragons & Knights to delete the laws of physics, the mission ended dismally with all but pilot Simon himself dropping into the mosh of green slime and purple eyes below. All seemed lost till Mr Keerove, smirking, casually reached into his pockets and unveiled the SuperGlue once again. Mind-blown, the onlookers gaped in awe as he proceeded to rub the contents onto the underside of the tank and called out in his alluring deep voice, "What are we waiting for? Let's get going." Stunned and overwhelmed by the complex science at work, no-one dared venture forwards until the trance was broken as liverpoolaum, curious, poked his head underneath the vehicle and commented, "nice". As if on cue, the entire community raced underneath and within seconds, they were in the air, flying into the unknown. Seventeen hours into the journey, several passengers were becoming restless after finishing the 470th round of "I.Spy with my little eye" and successfully completing "Count to a Million"; rumours were spreading that the navigators didn't have a clue what they were doing. "All they want is the dollar" muttered one. "Yeah, I mean, just look at how small the rewards have got for the Arm-wrestle Tournament. They don't care about us." And as if it had all been written in the closer-than-normal stars, a voice yelled out "Land-ho!" and lo and behold, the passengers swung round to see a red planet come into focus. Grinning proudly, chief navigator MarineMan2 shouted "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Nars!" "Wait, I thought it was called Mars." countered a confused passenger. MarineMan frowned. "That can't be right. I must have ranked up accidentally. Thought Mars only unlocked at Major General." Silence. But Mars it was and after a slightly imperfect landing during which both wings smashed and canadarules's glue came off early causing him to crash headfirst into a rock on the surface, the group dismounted and set up shop in their new home. First chore was organised by the eSports team to find the best shelter with the winner earning a selfie with Arabiannoble. Darren4Turbo claimed the victory and was just taking out his rather dashing phone for the coveted picture when GeneralVeers coughed. "I thought it was best of Six Rounds, and doesn't that mean you have to win four times? These Russians always forget to clarify the rules." The palaver that followed only ended after Damn_Slow let loose a meaty laugh and boomed "Just have a selfie with me instead". Rumour has it that in the hiatus that followed twenty fan-girls fainted from the sheer awesomeness of Damn_Slow's figure and the record for the largest amount of noise ever made on Mars of was resoundingly broken. And so camp was set up in the dark plains of Mars. Despite sonofchrysalis3's claims that he had set up his own pimped-up cave on Mars during his unicorn escapades and knew the place back to front, a couple of scout groups were sent out by local girl Ostrica to explore the area and hunt for food. One group, All Kind, succeeded in taking down twenty-three adfulincoiuacdsfllkndsfaliens (a Martian animal affectionately named by Mr.Dirty) despite claiming another wild Martian beast that they eloquently titled DDOS had violently attacked them on their escapades. By the time they returned, the other group, nicknamed trendily "Writing Club", had just restarted their mission for the third time after twice breaking up 100 metres from base after heated disagreements on whether their name tags should be black with black spots or black with black stripes. The English Community thrived in their new home, enjoying the diversity of their new climate although the high level of valuable materials on the planet meant that "Gold Box will be dropped soon" suddenly had a severe health warning stapled to it. Despite news carrying across the airwaves that the aliens had fled from Planet Earth after catching sight of Lhamster's garage, little action was demanded amongst the settled colony. Pleasant games such as Chess, Snakes & Ladders and MASSACRE DEATHMATCH were all the rage and with the recent release of Blockbuster "Ice Age 6: Guerilla Mammoth Twins", the settlers were kept entertained. Life was a blast. Then the aliens landed again. Previous articles in this series: [issue 5] If the English Community was a company.... [issue 10] If the English community was a football [soccer] team? [issue 11] What if the English Community was a restaurant..? [issue 15] If the English community was a city.. [issue 24] If the English Community was stuck on a Desert Island...

She requested for them to be removed a while back unfortunately :/

Greetings, readers! Here at the Tanki Online newspaper press, we are passionate about providing you with information on all the latest updates, turrets, hulls, maps, contests, anything related to the community or game, and you can trust us to cover it all. But the Newspaper isn't all about boring facts and figures. What about the stuff that's been going on behind your backs this month? Here at the Dictator, we fill in where the rest of the paper does not, delivering you shocking news stories and fresh rumours direct from the battle-lines. Enjoy! Hog: Well well well. Where to start? Firstly, I do apologise for a lack of material last issue. As many of you know, the rock of gold decided to take an unprecedented break from things before publication last issue. Meanwhile, I was eating a 20p ice-cream cone in McDonalds in Malaysia, dreaming of a plate of beef fried noodles, a legitimate table-tennis bat and a decent Internet connection. Unfortunately, to cut a long story short, we didn't get anything written. Not only that, but as I said earlier, the rock of gold's packed up his bags and said his farewells. Yeah, I know. *swallows and sniffs simultaneously* However, it's not all doom and gloom. For starters, we're back, of course. And, also, I've got a bag of Sweet n' Salt Popcorn. And to top it all off, Kevred's come to give me a hand! So tuck in... Kev: There's McDonalds' in Malaysia? I definitely have to go there more often.Oh and yeah great being here and all, I'm honored and stuff, thank you blablabla you're the best giggety-giggety-blah now leave me alone so I can steal Hog's popcorn in peace. Smashed cars and muscle strains as the "February New Year's Resolution Syndrome" strikes again! By @hogree I like to think of New Year's Resolutions as playing with Shaft. Fun and challenging for the first few weeks - but after that, just a pain in the neck. Similar sort of story - happens every year, without fail. So, as the extremely nice people we are here at The Dictator, we thought it an extremely nice idea to take a look around and admire the extremely nice failures of people around us. This year, we managed to disguise it as a serious investigation into the "February New Year's Resolution Syndrome" alerting readers of the syndrome's potential ability to remove gravity, delete the sun and install a parallel universe. But, you know, no biggy. Let's cut to the meat. Where to start? Well, rumours that Semyon's resolution to "Never crash into a lamp-post again" were quite literally smashed have spread, after Therider claimed to see him fleeing the scene on footage from one of his specially-modified Semyon-hunting drones. And although shadewarttt's resolution to play Tanki for one hour this year looks to be heading towards a big fat zero, that is surely shadowed by the impressive failure of Orfee5's resolution to "not post a real photo until the second day of January", which went out of the window pretty quickly. However, we can report that a couple of players do look on the way to defying the odds, as Fen-Harel's resolution to "Do one pull-up" is surely on the horizon with a reported 0.86 pull-ups; and I.Epicness's vow to create "10 more clans" this year was classed as "too obvious to call a resolution" by the Dubious Resolutions Committee. Well, I guess, after all that, all we can say is "Good luck". Because if you're anything like me, deleting the sun would probably have a major effect on things in general. On the positive side, I won't need sunglasses anymore. Then again, I might find a use for them in the parallel universe. "Ouf!" New record-breaking crazes smash RU1 with some force... By @hogree Breaking records is a bit like eating a chicken drumstick. One second, the drumstick's there - and the next it's gone. Same with the record. So, when the records company called, reporting that a record had been broken, it was natural for us to feel a bit excited. I was slightly worried that the record would say that someone else had nicked some record off me like "Most chicken soups eaten in one hour", but thankfully it is rumoured that the record for "The shortest time a 20-player unofficial public battle has become full" was overcome this month with an estimated figure of 3 seconds. Created by the popular Youtuber, O.U.F.A, the battle was quoted by the record company as having "filled up quicker than McDonalds on a winter evening". The figure of O.U.F.A on Server RU1 is certainly gaining some fans with many expressing their love for the with eloquent quotes such as "oufa u r d best", "oufa king" and even "hi oufa". Meanwhile, another craze has gripped RU1 by storm this month. With the XP/BP craze still going, it looks like it's been joined by another of its friends from the P Family - CP. Polygon CP XP/BPs (Mouthful huh?) do provide an extra level of definition to the word banter with a gameplay speed claimed to beat Mr.Dreyar's new Internet in a race. With the return of Bruce Lunga this month sparking joy around the community, it's rumoured it was simply the sheer speed of the growth of the Polygon CP craze that his electrons automatically logged his brain onto Tanki. Makes sense. Ish. Others haven't been so impressed with C_M_P_T_O_H_O_C_E_H rumoured to have written a rap featuring the line "You say CP? I say creepy" which was backed up by new clan Trenzalore's first-team crew when they posted an official Twitter update which read "get off this rubbish and give us back our sanity i.e. parma". Strange events reported after the Dictator receives mysterious transmission By @Kevred Last week an anonymous group calling themselves the "Iloumynati" sent a voice recording to the Dictator. In the message was a bunch of gibberish that when plugged into Google Translate, popped up into either "The moon is fake! It's actually just a projection in the sky! It's cast from a top-secret US base!", or "pink shadow likes fighting kitties". Both options are being considered by the Investigation department. After the two paths ended up in dead-ends, the case was closed by Chief Detective snipe3000. But recent events have forced the detective out of his couch and pulled his eyes off the TV (much to his parents' happiness). The previous week, the Dictator had sent three of his best reporters on a shuttle to investigate the moon, but had mysteriously lost contact with the cardboard Coca-Cola propelled space rocket "Apallou thirtiin" three minutes after take-off. In addition, the next three candidates for the trip to the moon were all afflicted with a strange disease, never diagnosed before. Fortunately the three reporters affirm that hamburgers, chips, cokes, and TV marathons makes them feel better, so scientists have a good lead for researching a cure. Also, snipe3000 was witnessed in the laboratory, trying to sniff the bacteria samples of the sick. The reason is currently unknown. Meanwhile, the Dictator has done some investigations and after 3 packs of Hog's Sweet N' Salt popcorn (without his approval, of course), they have finally made a discovery. It seems that, when under specific conditions, pink shadows really do like fighting kitties. Researchers had put a shadow in a pink room, and put a small aggressive kitty in it. When they checked back in 15 minutes, they found out that the shadow was following the kitty wherever it went. Further investigations will be conducted on why the shadow disappears when the cat goes away from the window. Readers should note that the shadow was, unfortunately, not pink. The NASA has been contacted about these events, and at time of writing, we have just received a reply. ________________ From: NASA To: The idiots who wrote the wrong email address Subject: Whatever the aforementioned idiots wanted to say in their blank email. Go to the attached link for a list of child-friendly websites. Fen-Harel stakes claim for open The Dictator spot in dramatic fashion... By @hogree The departure of GoldRock has twisted hearts on so many levels. On hearing the news, some have broken down in tears, others have cried for their mummies, and his many smitten female fans have experienced emotional trauma at this time of his departure (Rumours claim some only find themselves able to sleep by listening to his commentary). However, none have felt the effect of GoldRock's departure so strong as his fellow reporter buddy Fen-Harel. After reading the goodbye message, Fen was next seen hiding in the baggage holder of an aeroplane from Belgrade to Manchester with nothing but a Chemistry Paper in his hand in a last-ditch attempt to lure him back. Nonetheless, at arrival, he was transported back via helicopter (Yep, police), and vowed to make amends for his failure by grabbing the vacancy in The Dictator team to show his commitment to his cause. Understandably, this was greeted with unsure looks from the choosers of GoldRock's replacement. However, using some elite psychological techniques, he worked his way into the minds of the defenceless staff. His plan was almost complete and he was just going to move into The Dictator premises - until he realized he had forgotten to pack a Periodic Table. Thinking of GoldRock's disappointment, he ran back home. Enter Kevred. Seeing his chance to join the most amazing thing, like, of all time slipping away; he had prepared a pile of jujutaiskaladooshjitsu moves. He did the old-school "hide behind the curtain" method, and when Fen returned, panting for breath after running all the way from Serbia, he pulled out a Percy Jackson manoeuvre and kicked a winded Fen-Harel out of the premises, to claim the position for his own. Will Fen have a comeback? He normally does. The saga continues next issue... "I have a dream" - The Map Edition By @hogree Note: this is not a Novel. Or a Lost Temple. I have a dream that one day at the great Fort Knox, men will travel from across the Islands, past the Highways, down the Combe and over the Highland to unite together at the top of the Hill, take off their Sandal, Wave and proclaim to all with a great Noise that "Chicken is the Future!". I have a dream that all people, from the wastelands of Chernobyl and the Desert of Iran will join together. Men, women and children from Cologne, Dusseldorf, Berlin, Edinburgh, as far as Monte Carlo and Rio will sing together with one voice. Men and women will Cross the Bridges (children across the Short Bridge) and meet at the Grand Stadium Arena to celebrate nothing in particular. I have a dream that one day there will be no more Opposition and no more Rift between nations. I have a dream that Gravity will still exist, that the Subway will Pass over the deepest Valley and that my descendant Jimmy McHog will Siege a Factory in Tribute of the Skyscrapers that have fallen into Silence. I have a dream that the Scope of Madness will no longer exceed the Deathtrack of the scariest Esplanade, but in contrast, the children would take Courage and swim in the Forest with the hippopotamuses. I have a dream that all this will be true by the Year 2042. I have a dream that on that day, the world will be ruled by a man named President Atra Barda Bobruisk Boombox Brest Garder Gubakha Kolhoz Magistral Molotov Osa Parma Sandbox Solikamsk Wolfenstein, and all will be good. Oh, and Aleksandrovsk. That's his... middle name. If you want to read more from The Dictator, here are the news reports from previous months! July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014

Rem a first hand answer would be nice. All of my beaut paints were edited from pics on the Web.

There's a sense where it's not always wise to look creepy y'know.

I must admit, I side with DS here. Interesting suggestions with the Analytical reports. Possible. Also, Kev, I don't think it's fair for you to say that about news reports - and the fact is, as Tanki staff, we are integrated as part of the developer's team. And thus, it's not a problem to gain information from those higher-up. Honestly, it is very viable. There's no need to write it off. "Not so easy to get an interview with the devs anymore, you're right. Nothing much we can do about it" - Must admit, this was a very disappointing quote to read. There is a lot we can do about it. As for this topic, I feel it would be most useful integrated into Newspaper Requests - or perhaps directed at your PM box. DS, as for News in the newspaper, we have thought of integrating it over time, but the V-Log has taken over that respects of things. We have, in a sense, decided to keep the "news" over there in many respects - while we use this as more of an entertaining and useful platform. That's my view on it.

Still unanswered?

Strangely, now I'm a Generallisimo, there are a couple of things I do enjoy doing which you can only really do at the top rank. 1. Generallisimo-only XPs with (or in my case, against) some pro Russians 2. Going into servers like EN1 or EN2 and having a real ego-boost by getting all these low ranks chatting to you 3. Taking real initiative in creating slightly more eccentric maps knowing people will be likely to join if they see a Generallisimo in it.

Had a sort of similar experience quite a while back. Crush on this girl I met on a week away, never got that close to her, but it was serious mind-invasion. She added me on fb and I wasn't sure what to do lol. Of course, nothing really happened (She lived the other side of the country) but I appeased myself by starting up one chat with her which didn't last long in fairness, but I was pretty head-over-heels so something needed to be done. Yeah, so if you do have some contact with her over any networks, go for it, even if the chat doesn't last long and you don't see her again, it does help you to get your mind off it a bit in some strange way.

Best wishes