@ILiveOnTheChatBox123 If you would like, I could get it done in two hours. (Probably 20 mins, but yknow, i gotta eat lunch and get to class...)

Huge congratulations due this Monday ? New blood on the reporter team: congrats to @LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH @angeclown @Dynasty for passing their candidacies and joining the reporter team. Can't wait to see how many more articles we crank out ?

Not quite. If hidden well, they can be a fun puzzle to solve.

Me too! Finally someone agrees. Update: I have one friend from church who doesnt play valorant from the entire group. i saw him playing this morning. hate fills my heart pure hate for valorant

Awesome! Glad to see that this series has returned to the Tanki Online newspaper. I really enjoyed the character and plot development, can't decide which one is better ?' Great as always, awaiting the next chapter already

Do you read The Dictator and secretly think to yourself: "Well, I can definitely write something better?" Then you're in the right place; yeap, you can now write for The Dictator. Find out how below! ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Task Write a piece in the style of "The Dictator" for a chance for your article to be featured in the next edition of this hilarious column. Of course, that might take several years, so see your piece in 2021. Remember to use your funny bone to make your piece the best of the group, but of course, please make it original. Oh, and a quick note, please don't write me a textwall. Something around 100 to 300 words shall do nicely. Rules As per the previous contest, you may submit up to two entries, but please remember to only submit them from ONE account. Please submit your entries via Forum PM. Just two quick notes, in case anyone doesn't know anything about The Dictator (shame!): It has to be Tanki-related, and make it funny. Hint: Our next issue may be Halloween themed. Prizes Each winner will receive a prize of 40 000 crystals. Oh, and did I mention, a feature on The Dictator? Example As this is a larger project, I'll give you an extra week to get your creativity juices flowing. But remember to submit your entry before 25 September to be featured in the next "The Dictator", thanks! ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I'll leave you with Yis's last words: "The key is to be funny and original..." Good luck! Give it your best shot.

Hm, this is a very interesting question. I'm still thinking about the question and trying to understand right now, but I'll try to respond to it in an article.

sowwwyyy ? i can't be funny; it's not in my blood. our next mission to steal Yis funny bone

I see not of the crime that we committed. Unless it was accidentally eating from the pink box marked "kaisdf's donuts do not touch"...

Yesterday, I was trying to make conversation for the umpteenth time, and I got sick of it. So I left a Discord server. Serves them right for never including me.

oh, how i wish i could eat less too... but mealtimes are very organized in my house. i'd love to forget to eat, though it would likely mean I would get glasses from looking at a computer all day long.

Indeed the Dictator returns. We the slaves dictator writers hope you enjoyed your reading experience. As for the Dictator continuing... well, look below Thanks! Hopefully we can keep this up during nonquarantine season too...

I'm not quite sure if that's supposed to make me feel better or worse :c ?

ooof, if I were to play (which i dont have time for) I would be matched against Legends. Yikes.

Hey all! Hope you're doing well in this time of quarantine. Of course, the majority of us are stuck in our houses, condos, apartments, mansions, etc etc. and spending all your time with the people that you live with During this course of time, I'm sure you've found that your upstairs neighbor keeps waking you up at 6:30am with all the burpees or your roommates likes watching all these shows you hate. Over time, your tolerance transforms into conflicts, and almost immediately, pet peeves and grudges start to come up from that. Currently, I've got a few quarantine pet peeves of my own, including: Sharing a computer (ugh!) the asd gang (thats just this discord friend group chat) playing games and watching movies all night AND not allowing me to join them when they are watching anything above PG-13 Studying every day according to schedule :c Waking up early and going to sleep late and still not being able to sleep at night... Being held up in DMs before I can go to sleep; being bombarded with DMs before going to sleep when I'm trying to keep my eyes open but then not being able to get a response when I'm available My left foot (which has unbearable pain) Minecraft Valorant Deadpool I and II John Wick I, II, and III Anime (specifically BnA and Interspecies Reviewer because, well look up) That one kid who never talks to me when I say hi x100 okay, okay PR STOP LISTING THESE PET PEEVES, yea thats about it for now How about you? What's irking you in quarantine?

:0 this contest returns, sounds fun best of luck to everyone, and may the best puzzle solver win

Awesome story! I believe I've heard a story or two that have a similar concept, but yours definitely beats them all. I enjoyed the plot, especially because I could relate to the struggle of being a writer trying to come up with ideas (I actually wrote semi-competitively for a year, it was full of deadlines and plot diagrams and mentors and people who kept making me feel bad about myself, and I absolutely hated it). I somehow feel like this could be a short series, but as a one-off piece it's probably even better as series usually fall into some sort of cycle (where the same things happen again and again). Overall, great piece! I can't wait for more.

Approved. Awesome interview! I've seen many of your interviews. This one may be the best one yet. I'm seeing that you're learning a lot about asking questions and getting great answers back, so that's a great improvement! I can't wait for another interview with yet another helper. Keep it up, and it'll be on its way to the newspaper and beyond! Edits: Topic to be locked on owner's request.

Awesome art! Btw thanks again for making me signature v.2.0 Oh and i dare every newspaper reporter to use the Press signature ?

okay, time to collect two free containers tomorrow

Container openings. A simple task, but it brings along suspense and excitement, as well as anger, frustration, and jealousy with the unsatisfactory rewards the Tanki Gods bring. With a few quick stories however, you'll find that your viewpoint will slowly shift from disgruntled to grateful tanker. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ Ah, containers. I was quite interested in these strange items in the garage once I got my hands on them. The first time I opened a container, all I wanted were a few easy crystals, and I was thankful enough for a small handful of Gold boxes. Nowadays, even 10 000 or 25 000 crystals upfront doesn't seem to cut it anymore. I didn't understand why. How did I change from pleased to hungering for more each time? It simply didn't make sense. But after lunch, I took a quick walk around my house, and it was just a few minutes down the age-old memory lane that I found the answer: I had skewed my expectations so high that it was almost impossible to satisfy me. To understand this, let's get into expectations. Oh, I almost forgot, welcome to the Tanker's Column. In each episode, I'll be covering some everyday tanker dilemmas and using real life stories to illustrate how I found solutions through them! Expectations Let's get this bre... aw come on, 3 500 crystals again? An expectation is basically something that you want to happen. Say if I rolled two six-faced dice (with numbers from one to six) in a board game, then I would expect to roll a sum between two and twelve. At first, that was how I started out, but as the game progressed, I started to think "Oh, I wouldn't want to roll a 7 or smaller, I need those large numbers". Because of this, I started to restrict the expected outcomes in my brain to a different set of numbers, which frustrated me. That's exactly what is happening right now. When you open a container, you're already searching for something, like an XT skin or a Hull Augment. When you get a shot effect, this bothers you since you've been looking for the Augment and not the effect. But that's just a small piece of the puzzle we need to solve. This next factor was the one that brought my container expectations to an unbeatably high bar I could never clear. It keeps me (and many other tankers in the same trap) in perpetual jealousy. The Neighbour Theory Theirs: Mine: Basically: "If my friend can get a new MacBook for his birthday, why can't I?" This theory is often applied in many situations, and it leaves those who believe they are short-changed by this philosophy angry. Take this example. I was probably twelve years old and had joined the elite ranks of a friend group. Since many of my friends' birthdays fell into the spring months, I remember seeing many of them celebrate at our lunch group with lavish gifts and enough to feed our group of nearly 100 people. As I enjoyed the festivities, I thought, "Well, I'm also an elite in this group, perhaps I'll get a celebration like this next year". I expected to have a similar celebration just because several other people had amazing parties, including my friend Preston, whom half the group disliked for his pompous attitude. But enough about pompous Preston, it's time to get back to the story. By the time the next year, and my birthday, rolled around, I got a fat load of nothing from most of my friends, with the exception of a 75-cent cupcake from the lunch counters. You could just say that they all forgot my birthday. I was infuriated. Ah, my favorite paint. I've finally got it now. A few years later, I was chilling with my friends back at MoF, the parkour club I used to be part of, and we were talking about containers. My friends had opened containers to find awesome special paints (including the E236 I so desperately wanted, as it was the unofficial club paint), and an XT. I proceeded to open my fifteen containers, and the most I got was... a 100 supply pack. Seriously? Again, I was beyond angry. But over time, my attitude changed, though my container luck did not. Looking back, it's all about mindset. In Retrospect Several months ago, I celebrated my birthday again. That day, I was supposed to take a four-hour exam and then trudge through my first three classes, which were boring torture. I received two birthday wishes and a couple of small presents, but instead of feeling short-changed, I was grateful. Though I had no expensive gifts and no large celebration, I was thankful enough that some people had chosen to spend some time with me. I realized that during that day, I had stopped comparing what I had to what others had and accepted whatever I got with an open mind. Whereas I had nearly lost my mind earlier with the birthday celebration and the 100 supply pack, I now decided to let it alone. Who cares what type of celebration others have on their birthday? Who cares if there are four friends who each get 100 000 crystals from their containers? I didn't. Not anymore. Solution Method 1: Become a Youtuber and get lucky on video. So how can you achieve this peace of mind? Simply follow these steps: Have an open mind: Don't shut yourself into an unreachable tower of expectations, especially if its something you can't change. Instead just go through this as if it were opening a gift from a distant relative: unknowing, but ready to accept whatever is inside the packaging. Focus on yourself: Thinking about what others receive will just trap you deeper into a world of expectations you'll have trouble living up to. They might get the XT you wanted or the PC you've been begging your parents for. But that's them, and you're you. Don't worry about them. Avoid Temptations: For many, social media is a form of temptation. Multi-talented people make you feel slow, stupid, and unlucky. If it's getting to you, unplug. Following these steps will greatly benefit you and start to change your mindset. It's either that or doing it the hard way: having life disappoint you so much that you've been sucked of all hope. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ And that's about it! Remember, this is the Tanker's Column where we'll solve Tanki problems with everyday life lessons. Good luck in Tanki and life! If you have any questions you would like answered, PM me.

AWS Article Awards After a bit of a hiatus, Article Awards returns - now with crystal prizes! ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Many of you have been asking: "Where is Best of AWS 2019?". While I can't give you an answer to that, I can undoubtedly give you some article awards - from 2020! These awards are for writers who have been active in the past half of the year of 2020. Each article winner will receive 10 000 crystals, and the winners of special distinctions 25 000 crystals. Overall Awards Let's start off with the Most Active Writer of 2020 Q1/Q2: @Sabrytoun_Superman. Give it up for this consistent writer! Our next winner will take home the Most Valuable Writer Award: @Lose. He's written many great pieces in 2020, and has improved with each new article! We'll get into the Article Awards next: Article Awards DarkOperative, our love by @Sabrytoun_Superman This is undoubtedly the best one out of Sabry's interviews. Detailed, informative, and intriguing, it shows us the real face behind one of the members of the chat moderation team. It's a great interview, so if you're looking for an example on how to conduct one, look no further, just go and read! Forumavirus, Explained by @TSY_the_crazy TSY gives us a shot of humor that really made the team chuckle. It was a great piece that parodied the coronavirus crisis and gave us a good laugh to stop thinking about quarantine and isolation and all that fun stuff. Keep it up! Creativity Awards What should I name this? by @Lose Great, great story. I had quite a laugh while reading this. It really brought me back to the annoying semi-competitive writing days of old, where I would scramble to come up with an idea with two days left before my piece was due. I had a great time reading this, and I believe you will too. Poetic Chat (Episode 2) by @Cyber2_O.o and @ILiveOnTheChatBox123 This was a playful poem that took a different voice from TSY's Forumavirus. Instead of a humorous approach, these two used the art of poetry to lift the spirits of those around them with a lively chat about the pandemic, the "new normal", and of course, poetry. It is definitely a calm and relaxing read, so if you need a break from the everyday stress, you're at the right place. The Village of Stone by @foxer_XXX This was one of the longer stories, but definitely, one of the best. Foxer uses description to great lengths here, giving us an amazing amount of background information about each and every character. The plot, however, is even better, going at a perfect pace and filled with suspense as it ends dramatically. Great work! ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ~TWNC~

Stock Report We're coming to you live from our studios with an exclusive stock report. Grab your crystals and invest in our top picks - you're sure to succeed! ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ We’re coming to you with a new column: our new stock report. Stocks have shown a bit of a downward slide since recent updates, but most are recovering. Let's take a peek at the best performers: Nivestech (NVT) - Our Top Pick! Our advice: Get your crystals - quick - and pour them all in this new stock. You've got a great chance to bring in a great profit, so get started right now! Nivestech is making great strides on the latest Tanki Technology, providing the engines that help the new Ares hull hover and bringing us the new status lights so we can see who's firing up an overdrive by the flag. Whatever tank tech you need, Nivestech has got it - better than all others, which is really bringing its stock up out of the unknowns since its early 2020 IPO. Invest right now to get a doubling of your crystals before the holidays are over! Kirov.inc (KRV) Our advice: The man who could do no wrong - Semyon Kirov, is back at it again, but now taking a stab at industry. His new company funds the very Matchmaking battles that we play. Due to the lockdown, we've seen a huge upward spike - players are playing more, bringing up the valuation of this stock. A shaky investment though, one player reported spending 10 000 crystals on fifty shares of the stock and losing a good number because of closed markets, and by the time he could sell, his 15 000 crystal profit had dwindled to a mere 5 000. Tanki Discord Merch (TDM) Our advice: A new merch shop featuring pictures of our Discord team. You wouldn't want to miss out on the shirts - nor the uptrending stock! Buy a shirt and some stocks today - you won't regret it at all! One of their bestselling products, by the way: Only available in Adult XXXXL Whatever stock you choose to invest in, invest wisely, don't throw away every crystal, and be grateful for every little bit of profit you make. Good luck with your stock investments! ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ~TWNC~

Entertainment Looking for something relaxing to read? Take a break and stop to look at our Tanki Parody or get acquainted with a new Tanki Personality! ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Tanki Song Parody Collab: "Sounds of Tanki" Lyrics ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ TO Personalities Yes, yes, it’s me again, @Person_Random, bringing you even more Tanki Personalities. Earlier, I was trying to keep my sanity during my pastor’s doomsday sermon, and suddenly, I found a new source of inspiration for my personalities: some… unique people from my church. Today’s personality: the toxic teammate. One day, he’s your best buddy, the next, he will have “forgotten” that you even exist. Lovely, ain’t it? This dude loves to switch around best friends until he’s sucked out every last hitpoint from them. Of course, his key move is something you wouldn’t quite expect for an Isida: kill stealing. He lurks around, watching you deal damage until he thinks it's time, and then takes the credit. It’s his specialty. Oh and did I mention that he always takes the repair kits you so desperately need every single time? Equipment: Dictator, Isida, whatever trendy paint there is. Exclusive Footage of our very toxic teammate lying in a storage house known as the Tanki Online Wiki. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ~TWNC~

News Wondering what's popping in the Tanki Online community? Then look no further, we've got the best reporters covering the news, as well as a handy traffic report. Read on! ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Vandals Rob Molotov Bank: Chaos Ensues It was dawn on the morning of June 2nd. The streets of Molotov were nearly void of traffic save for the occasional Wasp rushing to an early work shift. The sun was just peeping out over the horizon, creating a hazy line which divided the city into half shadow and half illumination. Everything appeared normal on the western front as the city began to wake. However, all was not well at the famous Cedric Memorial Bank. At precisely 6:30 AM, a loud cry was heard by multiple civilians residing on the street directly opposite the bank. Immediately afterwards, according to a nearby taco vendor, a group of four or five masked tanks burst out of the west end of CMB dragging several large briefcases later discovered to have contained approximately 50 million tankoins. Within seconds, they had made their getaway and were last seen headed towards the country’s northern border. Police suspect they might try to smuggle the stolen goods into adjacent TankiX, and border patrol units have doubled down on their security measures. For the moment, the TWNC team advises those of you located north of the crime scene to stay indoors, keep a sharp lookout, and stay safe. Meanwhile, the Molotov police department has begun construction on a military base located near the outskirts of the city. Through this they hope to discourage other robberies and disruptions in the downtown area. Blue and red crates containing military weapons have been set up inside the half-finished base, and two ramps lead from the second level platform. Police captain Cole Huntington put it this way. “We hope to achieve the maximum level of safety for our beloved residents of Molotov. If they feel vulnerable and unprotected, then we have not done our job.” The base should be finished being built by the end of July, according to multiple sources. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Juggeryeti Sighted in Remote Village We’ve all heard the tale of the Juggeryeti. Mothers sometimes scare their young with references to a mountain-dwelling cannibal, while men oftentimes allude to the beast when sharing campfire horror stories. Avid hunters of the legendary savage frequently scour where they think he might turn up, but with no success. Many tankers blow the entire story off, refusing to believe that such a creature could ever exist within the Tankiverse. But what if these stories are true? What if enough evidence could be obtained to confirm the Juggeryeti’s existence? Experts think a set of photographs taken Monday morning could prove just that. Widely regarded as the “last frontier”, a small, secluded village located at the foothills of the Kirov mountain range has recently become the talk of the Tankiverse. The town first garnered national attention last week when a local tavern owner discovered a mysterious trail of footprints leading from the rear of his building up into the nearby mountains. This was quickly followed by multiple sightings of a large, hairy beast over the next few days, although concrete proof of the creature's existence was still absent. This brings us to Wednesday, when a group of tourists were able to obtain the visual evidence yeti-hunters have desperately been seeking for. The photos, taken from varying angles and distances, depict a lanky, ape-like figure en route along one of the mountain ridges. According to one of the witnesses, the party attempted to get closer but were stopped upon arriving at an impassable ravine. One particularly clear picture shows the creature deploying what appears to be a blue force field. When activated, this field repelled all nearby snow and other debris at a stunning outward velocity. Professionals seem to think this is indicative of what they call an “overdrive” characteristic, but this is yet to be confirmed. Avid Juggeryeti hunters have since flooded the tiny city up to the point of danger, and in the past few days multiple tour outfitters have sprung up to supply ample mountain guiding. Their goal - to catch this legendary beast. Will they succeed where many others have failed? Only time shall tell. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Traffic Before we move on to the entertainment section of today’s broadcast, let’s quickly take a look at the current traffic situation. A major crash near the Barda suburbs has forced lane closures on Route 420. Apparently, a military personnel truck hauling a large supply of Striker rockets was rammed by an eager, impulsive Firebird. The semi immediately exploded upon impact, and the resulting debris clogged the left two lanes. For the inbound 420, it’s going to take approximately two hours just to get from Saboteur Road into downtown Barda, a ten tankometer long stretch that normally takes just 15 minutes. We highly advise you to seek an alternate route into the downtown area for the next few hours. A couple of other minor crashes include a three tank spin-out on the Kofflehart Highway as well as an incident involving a Mammoth towing a mini-garage on Route 19. It’s going to be about fifty minutes from central Alexandrovsk to Ryker Road on the outbound Kofflehart. On Route 19 a few gapers have slowed traffic down enough to induce a twenty minute backup along the stretch between Knight Boulevard and Blitz Road. Heading into Iran on 24th Avenue will take roughly a half hour due to a downed bridge thanks to T-Storm Hazel, while the inbound 90 Edinburgh is completely closed as a safety precaution against the fire. For Kolhoz it’s going to take an hour on the Opex Rah bypass. This is traffic on the eights, presented by Toyota - “Tanki runs on Japanese tank manufacturers”. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ~TWNC~