Story [Issue 17] The Base: Dictator's graffiti manual

[Ilia.ArchangeI 6,785]

 
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This article is meant to be pure humor, and no offence to any party is intended.

"Fed, I need help!" Eragon's high-pitched voice could be heard from the near-by garage, if not five blocks away. "I don't know how to open this tank!"

Fed groaned as he buried his face in his hands. "Why can't that kid just learn to read?" he wondered. Pretending to not have heard the young Gefreiter, Fed got up from the chair and was about to continue his rounds around the base, when Eragon burst into the room. A number of crashing noises followed in his stead, and Eragon grinned sheepishly.

"Fed, I've tried everything, I just can't get it to open!" Eragon pleaded. Fed's emotionless expression remained unchanged, and he didn't budge. Eragon blinked a couple times and tried to smile even bigger, though it made him look utterly ridiculous. At last a sigh escaped Fed’s lips, and he shook his head. "Fine."

Eragon was back at his tank in an instant, waiting impatiently for Fed to come and open the door for him, like a pup that had finally been let out of the house to play. But Fed didn't notice, it seemed, and proceeded to stroll past the tank to the old work desk, piled with tools and greasy tank parts. Picking up one piece at a time, he threw them casually away, not caring in the least where they landed, until at last a soiled piece of paper could be seen.

"Like I've told you before, there is a manual." Fed picked up the old book, barely discernable in appearance from the old rags that lay scattered around the garage, and flipped through a few pages, until coming to the section he was looking for. "Compartments" he read aloud.

Eragon rolled his eyes and slumped into the wobbly chair facing his tank. "I've read that manual hundreds of times, there's nothing useful in there" he murmured. He soon regretted his tone, as the open book came slamming down into his face, and all could hear was the rhythmic steps of Fed leaving the garage. He pulled the book of his face and saw the simple latch of the door he was trying to open clearly sketched out on the page before him. "Oh".
 
 

 
 
“You will be punished by your supervisors.” Rem gleefully eyed the frightened recruit. “You’re not allowed to be in this garage!”

Rem, like Eragon, was no more than a gefreiter himself, but he believed he could walk around the camp and boss the young soldiers around. He wasn’t called the Junior Dictator for nothing.

Rem smirked as he spun around on his heel and walked over to his desk to finish the “correctional note” he was writing for the recruit he had just rebuked. He hummed in harmony with the scratches of his pen, oblivious to the large figure that had appeared in the doorway.

“Rem, a word, now.” a deep voice boomed out through the garage, as a large shadow swept over Rem.
Rem froze momentarily, noticing that his hand was trembling. “H-h-hamster?” his voice sounded muffled and shaky.

Nobody knew why Dan was more often called “The Hamster”, but everyone knew that he was nothing close to “cute” and “harmless”. Hamster had been around for as long as anyone could remember. He’d been an Advisor, an Interviewer, even a Peacemaker. In fact, he had just recently been removed from Administration, due to having given the new soldiers such a scare, that often the Laundry Sector had more wet uniforms to deal with than they could handle.

Hamster leaned against Rem’s trusty tank, still out of sight of the shaken gefreiter. “So Rem, it seems like some of the younger soldiers are complaining about your ‘tyranny’,” Hamster began. “I’m sure you’re trying to help, but we’ve got plenty of Peacemakers to keep track of what young soldiers, including yourself, should and shouldn’t do.”

Rem gulped.

“I hope this won’t happen again.” With that Hamster turned around, and his heavy footsteps could be heard exiting the garage.

Rem sighed and let himself relax, though his heart was still pounding. Hamster may be just an Interviewer, but he had friends in high places, and a long history in Administration. Someone to be wary of.
 
 

 
 
“Psst,” the hiss could be heard across the entire garage. “Rob, hurry up, we gotta go, she’s coming!” Fly whispered frantically to his twin brother.

But Rob was helplessly engrossed in his graffiti art, and the little black earphones that blasted high-frequency music into his ears didn’t help much.

The fast-paced steps could be heard nearing the door. In a last-minute attempt to save himself and his brother, Fly lunged across the room at his brother, skillfully rolling underneath the tank as he did so. Unfortunately the small metal can slipped out of Rob’s hands, flew a few feet up into the air, and then landed on the cement floor. The door opened just in time, and the can rolled bluntly into the polished brown boot with a quiet “thud”.

Fly held his breath, and that of his brother’s as well by mercilessly squeezing his hand onto the other’s mouth. A slender hand reached down and picked up the near-empty can. “What a work of art.” A female’s voice rang out mordantly, as the brown boots took slow steps towards the freshly painted graffiti. “I guess I’ll have to take my tank out, while I clean up this mess.” The voice continued with a hint.

Fly could hold it no longer. “Okay, okay, Selena, it was us, we’re really sorry!” Fly blurted out. The two dirty rascals climbed out from under the tank, and stood next to each other. Fly stared shamefully at the floor with his hands behind his back, but Rob kept on listening to his music and chewing his gum. He couldn’t care less.

Selena had been around the camp for quite some time. At first the immature boys at the base would throw cheesy pickup lines at her, but they soon realized it would always backfire due to Selena’s quick and witty mind. She was never short of clever comebacks, so “Where have you been all my life?” was usually answered with “Same place I’ll always be - your wildest dreams.” In short, if you didn’t want to be made a fool in front of the entire base - don’t mess with Selena.

Selena gazed at the two young boys, and decided reporting them wasn’t worth it. “You boys clean up your “art” in the next fifteen minutes, or I guarantee your suspension.”

Fly noded gratefully, and dragged his brother out of the garage to get cleaning products. Selena rolled her eyes inwardly, and continued on her daily chores.

To be continued...
 

Edited July 31, 2017 by Hexed

[robbiealdo 373]

Is it me or do Fly and Rob refer to FLae and me o.0

[Ilia.ArchangeI 6,785]

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

:P

[Meliora 1,652]

don’t mess with Selena.

Eh-heh. That's true.

There are a few errors and punctuation issues.

Edited November 1, 2013 by Meliora

[q456wert 18]

Nice story

[I.Devastation 2,053]

Yay me iz in it :3. I like it

MAKE MORE!! Make a series on us :3

Edited November 1, 2013 by I.Devastation

[GoldRock 6,165]

:lol:

 

Now that's a brilliant article! Best one I've read thus far in this issue. I'll tell eragon to take a read now ^_^

[CooperO 7,956]

 Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

 

Don't lie. It's remarkable how even here eragon is the one that gets put down as the noob/newbie/dumb person or however you like to call it.

Next time try to actually come up with names and characters for your story yourself instead of getting them from the forum.

[Xerothermic 44]

Don't lie. It's remarkable how even here eragon is the one that gets put down as the noob/newbie/dumb person or however you like to call it.

Next time try to actually come up with names and characters for your story yourself instead of getting them from the forum.

[GoldRock 6,165]

Don't lie. It's remarkable how even here eragon is the one that gets put down as the noob/newbie/dumb person or however you like to call it.

Next time try to actually come up with names and characters for your story yourself instead of getting them from the forum.

Well then it wouldn't have beem funny whatsoever... The comparison is what gives this article its humour.

 

I think it's an issue of offending people here. What Arch has done is OK, but if I was him, I'd have checked with some players if they were fine with being made fun of in such a way. I'm sure Arch's intentions here are good-natured i.e. not intended to offend or upset at all, but it's always best to get permission from players if what you write about them could be taken offensively.

[Ilia.ArchangeI 6,785]

Feedback

Feedback

Guys, first of all, thanks for you input :) It's been noted, and I will keep it in mind next time.

 

Like Gold said, I did not intend to put anyone down. I respect every member in the forum, in their own way. If I were a character in this story pictured in a funny way, I'd laugh the way I intended its readers to.

 

As Gold also said, it's not that I had a problem coming up with characters. I thought that comparing our forum to an army base would create an interesting humor article, and I'm very proud of it, as it is my first ever. 

 

A good story needs two sides, otherwise it becomes mundane. So I took people's most outstanding character trade (as per the forum) and exaggerated it to make it funny.

 

I apologize to anyone who may have been offended.

[r_Firingsniper0 1,215]

 

 

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

 

Then why is eragon being slapped by a book? You said in your last comment that it's 'for the humor' - but I don't think it's funny to write that he/she is pleading and getting slapped -_-

 

Anyways, good luck on your next article, and hope you write some good stories :D

[CooperO 7,956]

...

Then would you mind removing/editing that little red line?

[therider99 99]

good stories  but editiing..

[Valletta 834]

Eh-heh. That's true.

There are a few errors and punctuation issues.

Holy cow! If it gets Selena's approval then this really must be outstanding! Good job Arch :D

[Xerothermic 44]

On an unrelated note, your banners are exceptional.

[GoldRock 6,165]

Then would you mind removing/editing that little red line?

I don't really see the issue with the little line of red text, which is obviously there to joke about the article as a whole - I used a similar foreword for my own Behind the Breaking News series. On the contrary, that made it obvious that the article was good-natured, and not intentionally offensive, to me. Though Arch could do with adding that the article isn't meant to be offensive in any way to the red text, just to make that fact clear.

[LETCHIK_WOLK 370]

First story that actually made me laugh LOL

[Ilia.ArchangeI 6,785]

...

This article is meant to be pure humor, and no offence to any party is intended.

[GoldRock 6,165]

^Thumbs up  ^_^

Edited November 2, 2013 by GoldRock

[Bakker-NL 1]

First story that actually made me laugh LOL

Yes, I think the same! I don't think we have to complain about this, we just have to enjoy it! Looking forward for more of these articles, good job

 

B-NL

[DynamiteBang 119]

Stop complaining in the topic, just pm him

[Ilia.ArchangeI 6,785]

Don't worry peepz, I've already talked to the people from the next issue.

[Lhamster 4,081]

This is brilliant!  :lol:

[GoldRock 6,165]

Stop complaining in the topic, just pm him

What would be the point of allowing people to post and respond to articles if we were only allowed to give positive feedback? I'm sure that Arch doesn't mind criticism if it's contructive, and he's made some good changes to the way this series works in response.

 

That's like us only being allowed to list our favourite mods on the forum, and not the ones we think can improve! Pfft, that'd be crazy(!)

 

Your post has hereby been downvoted :P