Other [Issue 24] If the English Community was stuck on a Desert Island...

[hogree 4,179]

*Newsreader looks up urgently*
Good evening, this is the 6 o'clock News. Breaking News has just come in. A TO Cruises ferry has been reported missing after setting off on its journey this morning. The ferry, which was on its trip from Iran to Rio, lost connection with the servers ten hours into its journey across the Atlantic Ocean. Worryingly, the large ferry has not been spotted, and did not send a distress call. Wasp 777 searchplanes have been sent out to look for any signs of the boat. Families of those on board have been told, and the whole earth looks on anxiously as another sizeable passenger transporter is lost on its journey. We will update you when we receive any more news on the lost ferry.

MISSING FERRY. As the news struck headlines all over the globe, it was mildly ironic that the people from the lost ferry were less than bothered about their predicament. After the Captain, Simon Keerove, had done a huge gaffe and somehow managed to switch off all their connections, turn off the navigation systems and also turtle their ferry, the entire ship was evacuated within seconds, even though a few of the Americans were busy eating. They cleared out of the ferry in record-quick time, a number of them eagerly greeting the ocean with a whoop as they jumped overboard. Naturally, most of them missed the lifeboats in their wild jump and were picked up later, even though one of them stubbornly refused to get into any of the lifeboats, assuring them that he was a very capable swimmer and he wanted to go "solo". He then realized that he couldn't see land, but even after about an hour of people all around telling him to get into one of the lifeboats, he only climbed into a lifeboat when a girl told him to "get a life". And so, all the groups in the lifeboats left the ferry wreck, trading insults with the other lifeboats nearby for good measure as they fell asleep on their journey to goodness knows where.

And so it was that they arrived on a desert island. Seemed like pure chance to apparently everyone except the owner of a Fish and Chips Shop who was nicknamed "The Gold Rock" because his food tasted like gold (literally). He claimed his in-depth knowledge of the Atlantic Ocean had led him to the island shore. Seemed dubious considering he wasn't navigating, but many of the passengers accepted it as fact since, after all, he did get A* in Geography.

And so, they arrived on the desert island. Naturally, the passengers assumed that the island was deserted since, after all, it was a desert island and so it must be deserted. Plans had to be made to keep themselves safe, healthy and eventually get into contact with the real world. The captain Simon Keerove, and one of his first mates Issho Fujitora, a pasta-maker-turned-sailor, took the lead by setting up an "Ideas and Suggestions" board. Every plan made which was not put on the board was then wiped out by Issho who eagerly reminded everyone that Ideas and Suggestions could go on the board and the board ALONE.

Organising everything wasn't as easy as it seemed. The little cliques that had set up in the lifeboats were kicking it off against each other, challenging each other to tug-of-war contests, relay races and even going as far as a sandcastle-building competition. It was chaos. Every time a sandcastle was made, the other side would knock it down, before Mr Flae who judged the competition would come out with a smart comment like "how to cheat ok" and the whole place would erupt like an active volcano. Sometimes, two of the young members of the crew, like the cleaner Micah and the look-out Darkop would get themselves involved but needless to say, they would be buried in sand within seconds. The crew members of the boat had an "emergency meeting" to discuss how to solve this issue, and the mature monk, Burn, decided that the best way to avoid these unnecessary fights was to put up a board on the beach titled "Sandcastle of the Day - Have Any?" on which people would put their sandcastles before being judged. This temporarily solved problems, but the same Mr Flae still couldn't hold back his smart comments which inevitably created another rift.

While an attempt at organisation continued, others were sent off to get food. Not saying that they needed to get much, since the Americans had jumped off the ship with their backpacks on - typically full of food. All the same, a rich passenger who went by the esteemed name of Mr. Makavelli, decided to go on a wild killl-streak and claimed he had killed the most wild boars, yelling that he should be on the World Records list for "Capturing the Most Wild Boars on a Deserted Desert Island". A fellow passenger piped up, an employee of Guiness World Records who went by the nickname Archy. Just as the form for Mr. Makavelli's entry into the World Records was being completed, another pasta-maker who passed by the simple name of Nick suddenly spoke, claiming that Makavelli was actually a type of pasta which he had created and he should get the record. Since Makavellii did indeed end in "elli", there was no argument and from that day on, Mr. Makavelli was looked upon as a mere piece of pasta, while Nick typically walked away with the award.

It wasn't long before people began to get bored with life on a desert island, and started experimenting ways to connect with the outside world. Ari King suggested "flooding" water underneath the desert island so as to lift the island upwards and ensure that it was more visible. After a week of intense discussion, the idea was proclaimed "slightly flawed". Then came the suggestion of sending off all the Alpha Males into the ocean and get them to swim off and find some help from whatever they encountered, be it human, jellyfish or whale. It was only after the petition was made that everyone suddenly released that there were no Alpha Males, and the only people willing to go was a gang known as the "Dangerous Noobs" who were willing to find help under the condition that, as a reward, they earn the right to win every Sandcastle Tournament as taken for the next year. They returned just an hour after going, with a piece of coral in their leader, Mr Dreyar's hands. His claims were that they had defeated the coral in an intense battle, and they could use the coral as a sort of "Green Flag" to wave for help. As it was his idea, they appointed him as their lookout, and gave him the coral to wave 24/7. He resigned from his role the next day.

Several months passed, and they lived on through wear and tear. The members of the crew lost heart in finding help and resorted to playing Solitaire. Everyone else just sat down and tried to think of things to do. Some genius inspiration led to wonderful games such as Sand Flappy Bird, Coconut Crack (Haider's Head Edition) and Capture the Coral hitting out among the passengers. All in all, the passengers-turned-community managed to survive adequately, even though the Americans' food was starting to run out.

2 Days Later...

*Newsreader looks up slightly less urgently*
Good evening, this is the 10 o'clock News. Breaking News has just come in. The passengers and crew of the wrecked TO Cruises Ferry, lost last June, have been discovered on an abandoned beach on Bermuda. Local kids discovered their presence last night, after 6 months of futile searching. Although the wreckage was found a few hundred miles off the coast of Bermuda, it remains a mystery as to whether the passengers really were on the beach for 6 whole months - and if so, why didn't they reveal themselves?

Edited January 7, 2018 by Hexed

[flae88 948]

<3

[Guest Maserati]

gj - keep it up

[Eragon 13,876]

The title is...  :lol:

[Duchess 741]

This has made me laugh.

Great job Hogree

c:

[HichigoShiiro 4,378]

So Mrs.Dreyar asked me to check out this article.. loool a very good job, hog. XDD 

[I-Iero 823]

This is hilarious you make more for next issue :D

[r_PlasmaTank1 19]

This is amazing Hog   :D

Edited July 2, 2014 by r_PlasmaTank1

[Atakhan 1,229]

This was funny. Hope to see more :3

[Valletta 834]

Coconut crack Haider's head edition had me rofl-ing for a good while :D

Technical flaws spotted: Boei.. I mean, "Wasp" 777's are, er, a rather airliner-y type of plane in RL, so I suggest using F/A 18 Hornets, since they are actually used as scouts and are a bit more plausible ;)

[miasne007 49]

So good to read :D Kepp up good job :D

[falcosenna1 8,320]

:o So well written. Awesome work. Keep making articles like this!

[gazatron30 513]

how to cheat at writing articles ok

 

jk, great job hog :)

Edited July 6, 2014 by gazatron30

[phill4177 115]

Great! :D

[red_tank_the_best 300]

Great article

No sign of me :(

[unholycloak5 1,814]

Hilarious article, hogi. Keep it up! ^_^

[eg.tankman 218]

Fantastic... We need more of this :D.

[tankitaki12 0]

:o did the people on the ship survive?

[Tofu 6,773]

Awesome LOL

[canucks1 11]

One of the best articals EVER!!

[EatYourMeat 27]

Lovely article hog, well written, with alot of humour in it, which has been by far your best capability. Excellent stuff :)

[prince2004 2]

HOW DID YOU GET THE IDEA

 

PLEASE PM ME

[blackopspaul 753]

Nice hog!

[ognjen556 231]

Nice work hog,keep it up!  ^_^ 
 

Edited July 28, 2014 by ognjen556

[nexx_mowarek 35]

Amazing job hogree! A really humorous article! Waiting for another ones!  ;)