Contest [Issue 38] Can you Contribute to Tanki's Finest News Source? Returns!

[GoldRock 6,165]

Are we only allowed to make one entry?

Yep, make it good :P

[TriNitroToIuene 4,765]

Experts say this very explosion had a power of 27kg trinitrotoluene. 

Is everyone making ploys on my name, now? :lol:

[BlueDragon_tamki 3,204]

Is everyone making ploys on my name, now? :lol:

lol what?! :lol:

[opidude 437]

Yep, make it good :P

mkay :D

[VxV 40]

                                                  Raid on Tanki Online

 

          

       Police had made a raid on tanki's office.Semyon kirov hide under the table. Parents protest that their childrens play tanki all the time.The whole staff gets into in panic.Mariya Trusevich screamed like a mouse.A father was angry on the fact that his child starts to act like Semyon.He lost his debate competition because he copied the style of Semyon by opening his mouth too big and saying Hello Tankers to the audience.The judges did not wish to listen it more.Maksim Khusainov came out like a bull in gangster style,shaking his head but was forced to shout "oooh mama" by seeing numerous moms outside,holding sandals  and slippers.McMonkey escaped to his old village in nothern jungles with his friensds,hamster and frogree.Semyon is still out of his senses.

 

     The community is waiting for next V LOG.Well the whole scenario was recorded and especially semyons feelings when he was hiding.Make sure you dont miss the next V log.GoldRock

 

      

          

Edited August 27, 2015 by VxV

[Daniel898 327]

Yep, make it good :P

 

Goldy, are the participates allowed to present 2 or more entries, not to get multiple places, just to get a better shot at the first prize?

ಠ_ಠ   

Edited August 27, 2015 by Daniel898

[rtey31 51]

                                                  Raid on Tanki Online

 

          

       Police had made a raid on tanki's office.Semyon kirov hide under the table. Parents protest that their childrens play tanki all the time.The whole staff gets into in panic.Mariya Trusevich screamed like a mouse.A father was angry on the fact that his child starts to act like Semyon.He lost his debate competition because he copied the style of Semyon by opening his mouth too big and saying Hello Tankers to the audience.The judges did not wish to listen it more.Maksim Khusainov came out like a bull in gangster style,shaking his head but was forced to shout "oooh mama" by seeing numerous moms outside,holding sandals  and slippers.McMonkey escaped to his old village in nothern jungles with his friensds,hamster and frogree.Semyon is still out of his senses.

 

     The community is waiting for next V LOG.Well the whole scenario was recorded and especially semyons feelings when he was hiding.Make sure you dont miss the next V log.GoldRock

 

      

          

This would be awesome if it had proper grammar...

[fighter310 67]

The Origins of the Legendary Hornet XT - A Man's Self-Realization Story

(featuring )

 

It was once thought impossible to build a tank with wings Heck no! Numerous sightings have been reported over the past few years. However, Community Manager Semyon Kirov, 23, dismissed the reports as 'a load of barnacles'...

 

Only recently, however, we see players driving a flying Hornet - the fabled XT Hornet. Upon further investigation, we managed to pinpoint the genius behind all this: a man who preferred to be named 'Exodus Tee' (no surprise). We scheduled a friendly interview with Tee who was delighted to share his story with us!
 

"Well, it was a darn shame, bro!" he began, "There I was, years ago: rock bottom. No job, no family, no 'Netflix', and of course, no hope! Heck - even Maksim's head is brighter than my future!"

Tee's story started out depressing, but soon, it branched out to be an interesting and inspiring life story!

"I could not endure this situation, so I followed Shia's advice and got my behind up. I decided to get in touch with my pal Sonson. Trust him - he's an engineer! Together, we built an extraordinary Hornet! With wings tougher than a Nokia, the Hornet XT was ready to go!"

Unfortunately, that is all we absorbed in our short interview as Exodus began working on a separate project. This story goes to show that it in order to grow as a person, you must take the first step!

 

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

And In other news folks, today we have a player called I godmode on, he told me personally that he likes to eat g̶a̶r̶b̶a̶g̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶v̶e̶r̶y̶ ̶o̶l̶d̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶e̶s̶ pizza and taters. He is w̶i̶e̶r̶d̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶y̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶s̶ ̶t̶a̶n̶k̶i̶'̶s̶ ̶r̶a̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶s̶y̶s̶t̶e̶m̶ ̶h̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶s̶i̶d̶e̶r̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶a̶m̶o̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶p̶ ̶1̶0̶ ̶m̶a̶j̶o̶r̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶a̶n̶k̶i̶

Self motivated and o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶k̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶w̶a̶r̶d̶s̶ ̶t̶a̶n̶k̶i̶ ̶g̶o̶a̶l̶s̶ is almost always being a n̶o̶o̶b̶ ̶d̶r̶u̶g̶g̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶s̶e̶l̶f̶  good helper to any team, he prefers to just go around using his twins, always h̶o̶l̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶p̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶b̶a̶r̶ to shoot at a̶n̶y̶ ̶m̶o̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶  enemies. If you meet him, Do give him some g̶a̶r̶b̶a̶g̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶v̶e̶r̶y̶ ̶o̶l̶d̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶e̶s̶ ̶ pizza and taters to eat.

[hassaan2014 270]

Hope mine isn't too cheesy :D

 

Taco?

 

 

 

Taco?
I felt the walls closing in. It was as if I was becoming trapped inside with the burning sensation throughout my body. Ripping through my sole were blades of knives sharper than a shark’s teeth. The ground beneath me started disappearing into the horizon like dust of the Sahara desert. My surroundings seemed to be no more than a vague presence as I felt I fell into my own world. I saw my life flash past in front of me. All those moments seemed miles away and I presumed that I had died. How though? What had killed me? Sudden bursts of emotions spread into my body. In the background I could hear a recognized voice calling out my name. Yes, finally I recognized the voice it was of my friend, Fred. Why was he calling out my name? Soon I started coming back to reality. The Burning Sensation still lasting there in my tongue. James’s Shop’s Tacos were really as spicy as they said.

 

 

[NewbieCake 3,067]

Tanki Online Releases "Flying Tanks"! Close Range Weapons become "long range"!

 

After much begging not to do this from the players work, TO devs are proud to announce they will be inserting flying Tanks (look in the spoiler for a pic) and that all close range weapons will be getting a huge boost! Claiming they "listened" to players feedback, they're sure flying tanks will be a permanent stay in the game.

Here's some players feedback:

@150010836 - "I've never seen a game go downhill that fast with flying tanks! Will be sure to quit quite interesting!"
@NewbieCake - "I hate love it! Parkour will be so easy with this! Now,  Freeze, Isida, and Firebird are more OP balanced than ever! "Tank" you not Tanki devs!"

- "We were proud the moment the idea came into our head. I mean, who doesn't love flying tanks! Sure, close range weapons will kind-of be useless; so we decided to amp their range. ALL close range weapons can hit across the map! But hey! Medium and long- range turrets will still remain the same. We're proud of this update, and we hope you're too; players."

- "When we were studying our very complex bar graphs, we found that in the equation f (fun) = t(turrets)+h(hulls)+c(crystals) we found one variable to be missing! That would be b(flying tanks)! We found players were getting too bored of TO and leaving because of "lack of action"; we decided flying tanks would add a new aspect to the game!"

The question @Remaine's now, will this be a permanent update and add a new aspect to the game? Or just another way to make TO go bankrupt and lose all their players? Stay tuned to find out!

Below, you can find a tanker who was doing an attempt to "fly to the Moon".

Copyright 2015, NC works.

Edited August 28, 2015 by NewbieCake

[VxV 40]

rtey31

This would be awesome if it had proper grammar...

 

Yes its true,My grammer is  weak.But tell me one thing do you laugh while reading it because I am astonished that you comment on my sucking entry.

[Phoenix-Warbird 1,329]

Chicken versus Pancakes

 

Riots have broken out in the streets of Rio! And this time, the madness wasn’t the aftermath of certain Experimental Camera Speeds.

Hogree, on one side, was carrying his red chicken flag, screaming “One versus one, nug!” That nug was, of course, the notorious Fen-Harel, who was leading Team Pancake with his head held high (cough). “Banter! I could squash you like a pancake!” he retorted appropriately.

All of a sudden, Remaine stepped in and the chaos was instantly tamed. Several Generalissimos froze mid-fight, chicken drumsticks handy and ready to hammer away at any ninja-star-shaped-pancake throwers nearby.  “Everybody remaine calm,” said the wise Reporter. He continued by declaring that one doesn’t simply compare the savory to the sweet and vice versa.

Unfortunately, not everyone was able to pretend as if that solved everything. It took more than one to hold back a thoroughly enraged Phoenix-Warbird, who cried “Can’t we all just agree that pancakes are better?! Leave my species alone!” …which set off the uproar all over again.

GoldRock was well hidden in the shadows until a very dark operative picked up the unmistakable scent of cookie wafting from an even darker corner. He quickly spotted GoldNugget, who appeared to be innocently nibbling on a cookie as he watched the frenzy unfold with great amusement.

Dark wasted no time. He pointed at Gold and shouted “Free cookie!” And, in that moment, the sound of chicken drumsticks thudding and pancakes splatting onto the ground, sounded like rain. All tankers scrambled for Gold’s half-eaten cookie (still in his hand) like a stampede.

Well, he lived to tell the tale. And, to this day, he can’t say which was greater: the size of his horrified eyes, or the pitch of his squeal when everyone charged.

In another later interview, we plan to ask Semyon what he thought of the devs launching the “canadarules has taken the cookie” notice. Stay tuned.

Edited August 28, 2015 by Phoenix-Warbird

[Guest Maserati]

The Legendary Feared Arcade eSports' defeat brings rages like no other!

 Fans bought this paint during the finals, they are devastated by the fact they lost 0 crystals - 0 crystals, oh cmon. Are you serious? They spent their time to get that much and get rewarded with nothing, even the staff are getting angry. Rumors stated that eSports Star Series V will be canceled, it currently is not official but this will be the end of Arcade and its fans. Many thought they could triumph eGuards but they have been mistaken, fans rioting the tanki eSports section with 'floods' which can't be controlled, over usage of posting - causing lag to many players, especially the word 'noob' being used by none other than the community. Who knew that they could cause such lag in such a diverse way. Luckily the 'mods' of Tanki decided to put some medium format tournaments on the forums as they think XP is too 'mainstream'. It turns out fans are getting angry, they aren't getting their way and that means more trouble!
Wait... Wait... News just in!
All In have beaten eGuards and avenged Arcade, but they have caused embarrassment on themselves and their fans for choosing such ridiculous sales, many have not used this as they are mourning for their champions' death. Whilst many people including the pig, monkey, penguin and de goldnug are just laughing themselves off as the losers just wasted a hell of an amount of cry.

by: ~230 words

Edited August 28, 2015 by Lord.Shadow

[MaestroX 53]

Brilliant Victory by M0 Underdogs Against....M3 Champions?!



The deeper you dig in an RU1 Server, you will come across a series of battles suited for 'noobs'. A pleasant site for inexperienced players; simple maps without complex geometry and a non-turret-turning galore! For some, it would be the crowning achievement in their quest of being a total jerk; an opportunity to ruin the innocent amusement of newcomers

One day, Tanki decided to organize a tournament battle in which an rank, with any modification, could participate. Two friends named Monster and Sonson48 took part.

"Oh look! It is Mudster and SuckDuck! What noobs! My Grandma can beat you guys in her sleep!" these were the taunts conjured by the M3 players; an attempt to provoke the two M0 losers.

But no matter how difficult things turned out to be, Sonson and monster were ready to wet their opponents' pants. With skill and hope rested in their turrets, they kicked major butt on the battlefield!

At last, a menacing challanger approached: Shamari. Armed with M3 Firebird, he can destroy tanks faster than Taylor Swift's breakups!
As their blood starts to boil, a cookie fell from the heavens, crumbled, and transformed into Epic_CookieTank: a Railgun M3 warrior!

"Are you ready, you son of a son?" said Shamari
"Of course - you are a total sham!" replied Sonson
Monster shot cookie right in his cookie tank. Sonson finished off Shamari.

"I CALL HACKS! NOOB HACKERS!" cried the losers.
Monster and Sonson won the battle... almost like magic! There you have it folks! The key to triumph over foes thrice your strength is with skill! (or maybe hacks when no-one is watching).

 

 

~sonson48

Edited August 28, 2015 by MaestroX

[greyat 2,972]

The time allowed for entries has elapsed. Good luck to all participants!