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How to Raise a Tanki Baby.


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Hello Moms and Dads! Today, I will be explaining how to make your baby Tank into the most versatile, legendary tanker out there! Lets get started!

 

You're a mom/dad. You just had a tanki baby. You wonder, "What do I do?" well, I have the answers for you! Here they are:

 

1. Monitor what your baby is buying.

 

Making sure you know what your baby is buying is always a good thing. But also make sure he doesn't have too much of one upgrade (M1, M2, M3 etc.). Encourage your baby to use drugs. And tell him if people are calling him noob, he's doing something right.

 

2. Make sure baby is happy.

 

Make sure your baby has a stockpile of crystals and supplies. Trust me, babies love seeing that random number of crystals. Especially if it's high! 

 

Note: I am in no way responsible if you go bankrupt because of you trying to keep your baby "happy".

 

3. Teach him the function of each turret.

 

This will help. Tell him what each turret does; you won't impressed if you see baby using Firebird as a sniping weapon. 

 

4. Teach him to never stand down.

 

His team may be losing, but tell him to never give up, to never lose hope. Those are important elements in a battle and is usually why the winning teams win.

 

5. Give him/her edible food.

 

What do baby tanks eat? Well, that's a good question *searches up on Google* ah! Diesel fuel and kerosene (whatever that is), just what a baby tank loves! I would also like to say, if your baby if your baby begins have exhaustion coming out, find the nearest latrine. Also, after baby eats his food, try to see if you can burp him. If he doesn't burp, his engine is gonna begin smoking like the chimney.

 

6. Play interactive games with him.

 

Play mine hunt with him! Or, you can create a racing track in big maps. Or just simply join a battle with him

 

In conclusion, babies are hard to take care of, and can really be a drag. But in the end, when you're nothing but a rusted Titan - Fire, you'll be proud to see your Thunder/Viking out there, fighting the good fight. And he's on the top of leaderboard too.

Edited by 150010836
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The F did I just read?

You just read how to raise a Tanki baby, sir. I FORGOT to mention one thing, every Tanki baby starts out as a Hunter/Smoky/Green.

Edited by 150010836
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GUYS: this was intended to be a humorous article. I don't expect you guys to actually burp your baby tank. Or at that matter, even have one.

Edited by 150010836

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