[Issue 54] [Special] Newspaper Crystal Giveaway... with a twist!

[moe950_PRO 3]

moe950_pro

God_Of_Troll

 

 

Teacher: Can you see God ?

 

Student: No

 

Teacher: Can you touch God

 

Student: No 

 

Student: Sir,can i ask you a question ?

 

Teacher: Yes

 

Student: Can you see Your brain ?

 

Teacher: No

 

Student:Can you touch your brain 

 

Teacher:No

 

Student: So you dont have a brain ?!?!?!

Edited July 8, 2016 by moe950_PRO

[Gazorpazorp 0]

@Gazorpazorp

@Dracomaniac

 

Joke:

The United Nations decided to conduct a world-wide survey. So they sent a letter to the representatives of each country with the following question: "Please, with all honesty, give your opinion on the scarcity of food in the rest of the world".

The survey was a huge failure. Why? None of the European countries knew the meaning of "scarcity". The African nations did not know what "food" was. The Cubans were puzzled and asked for elaboration on the meaning of "opinion".

The Argentinians were not familiar with the word "please". The North Americans had no idea what was the so called "rest of the world". And the Brazilian congress is, to this day, debating what exactly is "honesty".

Edited July 8, 2016 by Gazorpazorp

[Dracomaniac 0]

@Dracomaniac

@Gazorpazorp

I heard Apple is trying to develop a new car, but their having trouble installing windows.

[RebaParker 0]

Girl_tanker_03

reaganthebestram

 

Question: How much dirt can you get from a hole that is 4 feet deep, 6 feet long, and 13 feet wide?

 

Answer: You can't get any dirt from a hole :)

[Dusk 1,629]

 

A man tried to hijack a busload of Japanese tourists. Luckily the police had over 500 pictures to help identify the man.

 

 

 

no ban this happened

 

 

Edited July 8, 2016 by Dusk

[r_Sir.Samuel0 0]

Sir.Samuel and Sun.Strike (p.s idk how to hyper link...)

 

One day three explorers are exploring an ancient forest when they get captured by a cannibal tribe. The leader of the tribe says if you want to live,then you must pass a test, but if you don't, then we will eat you. The first part of the test was to find 10 of 1 fruit. The first Explorer came back with 10 apples. The second part of the test was to insert them up your gluteos maximus(you know...) without making any sound or expression. So he inserted 3 apples up his... but on his 4th he winced and he was eaten. The second Explorer came with 10 berries. He inserted 9 up his... but on his 10th he burst out laughing and he was eaten too. In heaven the 2 men met where the 1st man asked the 2nd why he laughed. The 2nd man said I laughed because I saw the 3rd man with 10 pinnaples...

 

(XD sorry if it's too long or slightly disturbing)

[VaudeVille 1,428]

@tramtaradaa

 

Dig a hole, name it love

 

 

Watch people fall in love.

 

 

[Rebellious.Isida 4]

koszmarnykarolek

 Railgun_of_tokiwada 

 

Joke: A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dogs IQ. Heres how it works; If you spend $12.99 for the video,your dog is smarter than you.

Edited July 9, 2016 by Rebellious.Isida

[swiftbillyle 0]

1. swittbillyle

2. shoaib1928

 

Joke :-

Boss: Why was your phone off last night, I had some important work for you.

Person: Sorry boss but as soon as I reaches at my house I always closes everything even my water tap(very tightly) so that you or your message doesn't reaches to me and I could have rest with out any problem.

*Boss gets very angry*

[SulfuricAcid 504]

@SulfuricAcid

 

who says that fishes have 2 eyes?!! :ph34r:

Answer

 

Fishes have 1 eye. i

 

Edited July 9, 2016 by SulfuricAcid

[jovijose 1]

Jovijose

Ultimate_Godbomb

 

Father: Honey! Why is the baby on fire!?

* The baby then laughs*

Mother: Buy me more jewelleries!!!

LOL

[theteramessanger_PRO 1]

TheTeramessanger_PRO

 

Blazing Spark

 

A bear walks into a bar. Says: "I'll have a beer and a........hot dog."

Bartender says:

Why the big pause?

 

Edited July 9, 2016 by theteramessanger_PRO

[Destrod 2,634]

@GoldRock and @Destrod

 

A shaft walks into a bar.

"Hey, why the long face?" 

[THE_DARK_CHAMPION 22]

THE_DARK_CHAMPION

PAKHYAL

 

A donkey kicked a guy (*Sardar) and ran away.

 

He saw a zebra and started beating it and said, "Don't try to trick me by wearing a tracksuit!!!"

XD

*Sardar means (Google it)

 

Good Luck Guys  :D  :D  :D

Edited July 9, 2016 by THE_DARK_CHAMPION

[retinazer 0]

 retinazer

 tanker_josh

Q: Why did Cinderella's coach kick her off the soccer(football) team?

A: Because she ran away from the ball!

Edited July 9, 2016 by retinazer

[Nidhiki 2]

1.Nidhiki

2.An_avenger

 

I bought a wasp, it was fast. my friend tried to catch it but since he was a mammoth(already extinct), he could not. He told me in a dream:"i had no idea you had to pay for an insect!' :P

[jeffry2001 0]

jeffry2001

IM_BETTER_THEN_YOU

 

if a butcher is 170 what does he weighs

 

flesh

[hebachi015 0]

hebachi015

NoobstergGaming02

I've just released my own fragrance.

No one on the bus seems to like it though.

Edited July 10, 2016 by hebachi015

[R313 7]

belakor 

Crushed.Bones 

 

Someone bite a cat , why ?
 

Because the cat taste is delicious :D

 

Ik bad one :(

[pokemon5353 0]

pokemon5353 and awesomeryan-2014

 

 

what do you call a fish with no eyes?

 

 

A fsh!!!

[XMagnet 3]

1. Clantanki

 

2.  XMagnet

 

 

Jokes:

 

Clantanki: 

 

Teacher: Our first lady is married to the president

 

Student: I thought Adam was married to the first president

 

XMagnet:

 

Teacher: If anyone thinks they are stupid please stand up

 

Narrator: No one stands up.

Then Billy stands up

 

Teacher: Billy, do you think you are dumb?

 

Billy: No, I am just sad that you are standing there alone!

 

Tanks a lot for the contest, though I will not win...

[ethanisme 1,115]

@ethanisme and @tankerped (not me alts m8. :P He's my friend lol not me xd)

 

---

 

Yo momma so fat when she fell no one laughed but the floor cracked up!

 

 

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

 

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

 

 

Two goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says,

 

"do you know how to drive this thing?"

 

 

An Atheist, a Cross fitter, and a Vegan walked into a bar.

 

I know because they told me. . .

 

 

How Long is a Chinese mans name.

 

No it actually is ;)

 

 

This is too much fun :P

Edited July 12, 2016 by ethanisme

[DubsFrolf25 5]

DubsFrolf25

 

MaxedOUT96

 

 

It is so cold outside today I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs!

 

[ChrisandStefanPRO 379]

@ChrisandStefanPRO

@danu_guraocnitei

 

Microsoft joke

 

ChrisandStefanPRO: Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they"re gonna pay.

danu_guraocnitei: You have my word 

[Efxzz 30]

@Efxzz

 

 

 

my joke,

one doctor says that if he cant cure any patient he would pay the patient (say 1000 bucks),so one patient tries his luck

 

patient:doc, my taste buds have died i cant taste a thing.

doc( to nurse):bring box no. 404.

      ( then he removes a small bottle from it an drop a few drops on patients tounge)

patient(shouts): URINE!!

doc: so, ur illness is cured.

       (patient comes again later for revenge)

patient:doc, i lost my memory.

doc(to nurse): bring box no. 404.

patient: why urine again!!?

doc: so ur memory has recovered.

 

     

what is teachers favorite dance?

 

atten'dance'.

 

 

 

conversation b/w girl and a boy

G: what do u think about me?
B: ABCDEFGHIJK.
G: but what does it mean?
B:A-angel,B-beautiful,C-cute....G-gorgeous,H-hot.
G:so sweet, what does IJK mean?
B: I'M JUST KIDDING! :D  

 

 

Teacher asks john "name two living things without teeth"

 

John:GRANDFATHER AND GRAND MOTHER.

 

 

one guys draws a painting of a cow and talks to himself" hmmm the painting is nice but i need to improve its head and body...maybe the legs and the tail too... REST is fine

 

 

the other acc is my cousins, he played in my pc with that acc recently , so ip address maybe same 

Edited July 12, 2016 by Efxzz