Reform Tanki

[KillerGnat 3,135]

Reform Tanki!

 

 

 

Ladies and tankmen, as chairman of the Tanki Reform Committee, I would like to bring to your attention the heinous crimes of the Tanki devs. Too long have they ruled with absolute power, unobstructed by the fearful player base that they’ve kept so long in the dark. Without knowledge we are nothing but mindless babies fed daily by the devs’ honey-coated lies, blissfully unaware of the abominable atrocities being committed. Today, I will reveal the truth about these villainies, in the hope that you, my reader, will be compelled to join me in my attempt to reform Tanki. Viva la reformation!

 

Equipment, paints, and supplies advertised in the garage should not be used!

 

 

 

Thunder

At first glance, this weapon seems harmless enough. Its appearance does nothing to warrant more suspicion than any of the other Tanki turrets.

 

But we here at TRC care nothing about first impressions. Upon further scrutiny, Thunder has been proven to be the most environmentally unfriendly turret in the game. Each blast releases the equivalent of 500 bottles of hairspray into the air at once, which could potentially be catastrophic for our ozone layer. Exchange and use of this turret should be a bannable offense.

 

(Note to reader: Smoky releases toxic fumes as well, to a smaller extent. While this is true, studies have not given any conclusive evidence that it will be harmful over the long-term.)

 

 

Mammoth

Fumes emitted from the Mammoth make it an environmental hazard. Its hefty weight of 5206 at the M3 stage requires an engine with an astronomical carbon-emission rate. High-rankers are discouraged from using it.

 

 

Various paints

All endangered species of animals. Proof that Tanki is part of a worldwide poaching operation.

 

 

Deforestation! Rumors are even circulating that the fully MUed modifications have been constructed out of redwood. The devs have people stationed in tens of countries partaking (mostly illegally) in the trade of lumber.

 

 

Lab tests have shown that the excessive use of the Lead paint will lead to poisoning of underground water supplies, thereby subjecting inhabitants of Tanki maps to early deaths and birth defects.

 

 

Swamps, aside from being disgusting, muddy, oozy, nasty places, are a prime breeding area for mosquitoes. More specifically, the mosquito Aedes aegypti, carrier of the deadly dengue virus. Tanki is increasing the habitable areas for these mosquitoes, and potentially increasing the rate of infections in humans.

 

(Note to reader: incidentally, international anti-dengue day is on June 15, I’d suggest you do some research on it if you don’t already know what it is. And just fyi, these are about the only sentences in this entire article that aren’t just a load of useless sarcasm, I sincerely think that awareness should be raised for dengue.)

 

 

Drug promotion

Need I say more?

 

 

So this is it, now it’s your choice whether to continue living in your same bubble of false happiness ignoring what I’ve told you, or join me in my reform.

 

REFORM TANKI!!1!!!1!11!!^!87687^!*&^*5615^&$!^*

 

 

 

 

 

You just wasted about two minutes of your life.

 

Actually, maybe there was something useful about this, you learned about dengue. THIS ARTICLE IS EDUCATIONAL!11!!

 

[asiftanker_Superman 9]

LOL I mad LOL Nice Article 

[Hex 11,520]

Hilarious xD Good job!

[BlueDragon_tamki 3,204]

XD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD :lol: hilarious!

 

+1 :lol:

[Anonono 1,233]

Haha well put together! Good job!

[Quarks 2,255]

Interesting idea, I thoroughly enjoyed it. 

[LinuxH4cker 236]

There is a reason why drugs are so expensive.

[KillerGnat 3,135]

Why you all laughing? You don't see the seriousness in this? Even after all this evidence proving the devs' evilness, you continue to ignore it!!1!11!

;-;

 

 

 

Thanks for the support guys :P.

 

[BlueDragon_tamki 3,204]

Why you all laughing? You don't see the seriousness in this? Even after all this evidence proving the devs' evilness, you continue to ignore it!!1!11!

;-;

 

 

 

Thanks for the support guys :P.

 

you have a good sense of humor :)

[mydoom.exe 5,154]

I'M WITH YOU GNAT, REFORM TANKIIIIIII11!!!!!!!!1!1!!!1

 

 

Great article. :D

 

[Bydo 20,125]

OMG you lost in tears after the hairspray projectiles .. that was too good ..i'm still laughing

[Aslan 671]

Omg I lost it xD!

rotfl!

[VaudeVille 1,428]

I use hunter/smoky with clay. Am I harming the environment in anyway? :P :lol:

[ethanisme 1,115]

Hhhhhhhhhhhh

 

Hhhhhhhhhhh

 

HHHHHHhhhhh

 

Hhhhhhh

 

Ahahahahaha

 

Bwahahaha KG for president!!!

 

Why on earth would you open all of these?  :huh:

 

Great article KG :P

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 17, 2016 by ethanisme

[basenji7 1,199]

#Gnat4President

[Zenyth 6,494]

bwahahahah

[KillerGnat 3,135]

you have a good sense of humor :)

Aw, thanks. I don't have much of a sense of common though, if you get what I mean. xD

 

I'M WITH YOU GNAT, REFORM TANKIIIIIII11!!!!!!!!1!1!!!1

Yeeeeeees! You can be... idk, maybe a board member.

 

I use hunter/smoky with clay. Am I harming the environment in anyway? :P :lol:

Well, Clay is all natural, and hunter has one of the best engines compared to its weight in terms of carbon emission, so you're good there. Smoky is the only hazard, especially at M3.

 

 

KG for president!!!

 

 

#Gnat4President

:') Thanks for the support, even from such shameless dog lovers.

 

 

And thanks to all you other people, I believe this has been my most well-received article yet.

[BlueDragon_tamki 3,204]

Aw, thanks. I don't have much of a sense of common though, if you get what I mean. xD

 

Yeeeeeees! You can be... idk, maybe a board member.

 

Well, Clay is all natural, and hunter has one of the best engines compared to its weight in terms of carbon emission, so you're good there. Smoky is the only hazard, especially at M3.

 

 

 

 

:') Thanks for the support, even from such shameless dog lovers.

 

 

And thanks to all you other people, I believe this has been my most well-received article yet.

common sense you mean? Uh...

[BLASTER872 1,892]

Good article! I'm never using Mammoth or Thunder again -.- They're M0 anyway... I have Forester but don't use it often.

[VaudeVille 1,428]

Well, Clay is all natural, and hunter has one of the best engines compared to its weight in terms of carbon emission, so you're good there. Smoky is the only hazard, especially at M3.

 

 

Ooh.. If smoky is harmful at m3, what turret do you recommend I should use at m3? Since railgun works on the principle of magnetic effects of electric current, I presume it would be the turret that causes least harm to the environment. Unfortunately I cannot afford the very high electricity bill at the end of the month due to the over consumption of power by railgun.

Can you suggest any other turret?

 

I'd also say you forgot to mention both Freeze and Firebird in your article.

Freeze is essentially a turret filled with CFC and therefore it can harm the ozone big time.

As for firebird, when it fires, you can definitely see at the max range of firing, the flames turn black. This clearly shows us that there's incomplete combustion taking place and think of all the suspended particulate matter that end up polluting our air.

I would say Firebirds were more environment friendly before the Rebalance since they fired blue flames back then and blue flames is a sign of complete combustion and therefore there was minimal pollution. It is evident that the developers are cutting costs on Firebird fuel by providing low quality fuel to Firebird users.

Edited June 20, 2016 by VaudeVille

[Dead_Men_Dont_Bite 2]

Awww... Thunder's my favorite turret. But... What about Hornet? and Wasp? Hunter? just suggestions...

[basenji7 1,199]

Lol I'd expect wasp to consume a lot of fuel due to its high metabolism (or whatever the word is)

[Thekillerpenguin 1,731]

Don't forget about these other heinous crimes!

 

 

 

 

As you can see, before the revisionist l00minati developers censored the garage description of Python, the process used to make it was revealed shamelessly in full detail! A poor python was starved, fed inedible food, and decapitated just so you can have some Freeze and measly Shaft protection!

 

 

 

 

The developers promote illegal activity!

 

 

 

 

Despite their claims of eco-friendliness, the Jade paint depletes precious and rare natural resources! Maybe this awesome brown jade came from jade mines run by corrupt officials using borderline slave labor! Maybe it protects you from Shaft because the snipers are so shocked by your immoral coating, jerk!

 

 

 

 

The l00minati devs promote obliterating forest animals with tank weapons! You can't even use the carcass afterwards, what a waste!

 

 

 

 

If you buy this, you buy this because you hate Smoky the Bear so much that you want to destroy his precious forests! You will contribute to the destruction of animal habitats and the extinction of woodland species!

 

And last, but not least,

 

 

 

 

The developers steal property from the civilizations of old! This paint was sacred, grave robber! How can you claim to imbue others with creative power if you steal ideas from others! That's not creativity, that's plagiarism! Why am I using so many exclamation points!

 

#MOONSILENCEWASFAKEDDECK9WASANINSIDEJOB

 

WAKE UP SHEEPLE

Edited June 19, 2016 by Thekillerpenguin

[BlueDragon_tamki 3,204]

xD xD xD xD

[Shellfire_tanki 1,820]

ROFL

nice one gnat :lol:

Edited June 19, 2016 by Shellfire_tanki