Other [Issue 69] Noobs - The 101 Signs

[Hex 11,520]

 

 

 

 

 

Noobs - The 101 Signs

 

 

 

 

From the tiniest of things to the most epic of moments one experiences throughout the entirety of their career, there are, well, some times they act, play or be a newbie. Welcome to the Newspaper and without further ado, here are a hundred 'n one signs that suggest you're a total noob...

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- The Signs -

 

 

1: You're a noob when you bring M0 equipment to a M3 battle.

2: You're a noob when you don't use your Overdrive, a.k.a the star levitating above your tank for ages. 

3: You're a noob when you realize that your turret can actually turn left and right as you rank up to Legend.

4: You're a noob when you think that turning your turret doesn't do anything better for your role in the battle.

5: You're a noob when you flip in the midst of attacking.

6: You're a noob when you inflict self-damage.

7: You're a noob when you think that your Overdrive doesn't activate someone else's supplies.

8: You're a noob when you use Hunter-Smoky with the Green paint.

9: You're a noob when you call Double Power as 'Double Damage'.

10: You're a noob when you side-flip with Magnum.

11: You're also a noob when you side-flip with Firebird, Freeze or Isida.

12: You're still a noob when you side-flip with Twins.

13: You're an eternal noob when you side-flip with Mammoth.

14: You're a noob when you flip on the building you were trying to reach in Parkour.

15: You're a noob when you think you can conquer the skyscraper in Rio.

16: You're a noob when you jump off a map deliberately.

17: You're a noob when you activate the false-positive of the automatic self-destruction system.

18: You're a noob when you jump hack.

19: You're also a noob when you self-right hack.

20: You're still a noob when you use speed hack.

21: You're still also a noob when you lag deliberately.

22: But most importantly, you're a noob when you get the 'Your account has been blocked on accounts of hacking.' message.

23: You're a noob if you don't scream and dance whenever you finally conquer the building you were laying eyes on.

24: You're also a noob when you don't dab after getting an epic kill.

25: You're a noob when you miss shots with Railgun.

26: You will remain a noob forever if you miss shots with Shaft.

27: You're a noob when your Magnum shells fly right past the enemy.

28: You're also a noob when your enemy easily dodges your Striker's rockets.

29: You're a noob when you don't use your Ricochet's bouncing projectiles.

30: You're a noob when you brick the Spacebar while using Twins.

31: You're a noob when you hit something else other than your desired target with Smoky.

32: You're a noob when you hit a corpse with Thunder, only to find out no damage has been dealt.

33: You're a noob when use waste your turret's energy.

34: You're a noob you overheat with Vulcan for fun.

35: You're a noob spam your supplies for nothing.

36: You're also a noob when you lay mines in a place no one will ever think of driving over.

37: Your a noob when you write 'your' instead of 'you're'.

38: You're a noob when become a Newspaper Reporter.

39: You're a noob when you send Godmode_ON a friend request.

40: You're a noob when you even think of buying the Swash paint as a substitute for Flow.

41: You're a noob when you have a ton of crystals but refuse to use them.

42: You're a noob when you enter your password incorrectly more than three times in a row.

43: You're a noob when you have a girlfriend on Tanki.

44: I guess you're also a noob when you have any friends on Tanki.

45: And your friends are noobs when they have you as a friend... anywhere.

46: You're a noob when you ruin a Firebird/Wasp battle.

47: But then again, you're also a noob when get through a Firebird/Wasp battle without ruining it even a bit.

48: You're a noob if you log into the game with the Puffin browser.

49: You're a noob if you log into the game with any web browser.

50: You're a noob if you only play XP/BP.

51: You're a noob if you ever play DR.

52: You're a noob when the Gold Box notification basically means 'Critical error will happen soon' for you.

53: You're a noob when you kill others when a Gold Box drops.

54: You're also a noob when others kill you while a Gold Box drops.

55: You're an eternal noob if you die centimeters under the Gold Box.

56: You're a noob when you pronounce 'Aleksandrovsk' as 'Alekhtandrofkshj' and et cetera.

57: You're a noob if you thought the maps Future and Year 2042 were more futuristic than the other maps.

58: You're a noob if you still don't know that Madness doesn't have a floor anymore.

59: You're a noob if you are still nostalgic about the "jump parkour" you used to do in Madness. 

60: You're a noob if you jump onto the pillars in Monte Carlo.

61: Likewise, consider yourself a noob if you tried to jump onto the pillars in Madness as well.

62: You're a noob if you camp in the middle of the map.

63: You're a total noob if you camp behind the enemy base.

64: You're a noob if you thought that the achievements are useless.

65: You're a noob if you ever thought x5 funds are going to come back any time soon.

66: You're a noob if you thought you could've beaten Ti-To back in Halloween '15.

67: You're a noob if you're willing to pay for the Spectrum module.

68: Similarly, you're a noob if you're willing to pay for special paints too.

69: You're a noob if you try to make fun of this sentence's number in the comments.

70: You're a noob if you sniggered at the issue number of this Newspaper.

71: You're a noob if your name starts with 'H' and ends with 'exed'.

72: You're a noob if you think that rank up parties are stupid.

73: You're a noob if you actually think this Newspaper is good.

74: Your noobness is undefined if you actually thought that the map Polygon is shaped like one.

75: You're a noob if you receive Blue Spheres on a daily basis.

76: You're a noob if you don't even bother to log in and play Tanki.

77: You're a noob if your username is named after Oufa.

78: You're a guaranteed noob for eternity if your password is 'incorrect' because you tend to forget it.

79: Love doing parkour with Mammoth? Yes? Noob.

80: You're a noob if you thought you could pause Tanki when your mum told you to.

81: You're a noob if you spend crystals to buy the Supply Kit.

82: You're a noob if you ornament your nickname on both sides. Example: Xx_Noob_xX.
83: You're also a noob if you only ornament one side of your nickname.
84: You're a noob if you make it to the 6th consecutive day of completing missions and then forget to do the 7th.

85: You're a noob if you leave a battle immediately after completing a mission.
86: You're a noob if you do not like to eat chicken.

87: You're a noob if you're a potato.

88: But then again, you're also a noob if you aren't a potato.

89: You're a noob for eternity if you think Ostrica is not a potato.

90: You're also a noob if you think GoldRock was an actual rock - he was a mult.

91: You're a noob if you think TheZigZagoon could, because he actually couldn't.

92: You're a noob if you ever thought the Night-Sisters weren't guilty of something, because remember, #BlameTheNS.

93: You're a noob when you try to plagiarize.

94: You're also a noob when you already plagiarized.

95: You're the biggest noob when you get warned and then banned for plagiarism.

96: You're a noob if you don't have the Connoisseur achievement in your profile.

97: You're a noob if you didn't like the Matchmaking test. 

98: You're a noob if you don't upvote the updates you don't like.

99: You're a noob when you think when is this article going to end.

100: Oh it ended, but I guess you're still a noob because this was such a short article.

101: You're a noob when you read this list.

 

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So those were around a hundred points that point out a noob. Well, do you agree with them? Do you disagree? Or do you admit that the points match up with you if they didn't sometime before? Do you think we should do more of these type of articles? Do you think I should stop asking questions now?

 

Okay then, see you next time!

 

 

[saurabhmann 509]

Edit. 

102: you are noob, if you just read a few from starting and then scroll down to the last.  :ph34r:  :P

[Hex 11,520]

 

:lol:

[Guest]

*cough cough*

102) you're a noob if your name starts with an 'H' and ends with 'exed'. :p

 

Short but Slightly comical, I like xD :D

[Stratosphere 2,234]

@So I am a noob?  :unsure:

[Magenta 5,165]

You are a noob if you are the proud owner of this avatar:

 

[GeekSHizzle 522]

101: You're a noob when you read this list.

YYEP I AM NOOB. :D

[GeekSHizzle 522]

Edit. 

102: you are noob, if you just read a few from starting and then scroll down to the last.  :ph34r:   :P

 

AHHAH  :D BEST OF ALL THEM :D  ;D

[Rooky 414]

Edit. 

102: you are noob, if you just read a few from starting and then scroll down to the last.  :ph34r:   :P

That's what I exactly did!

[Pyre 3,485]

Damn, Im a noob! Never expected that... :unsure:

[ThirdOnion 4,898]

We need a forum game that continues this list.

[lukey0 27,543]

You're a noob if you use painful, colorful text in posts/articles... 

[Snootera 52]

Edit. 

102: you are noob, if you just read a few from starting and then scroll down to the last.  :ph34r:   :P

 

I have to agree

[maryam98 1,171]

In short: You are a noob.

[maryam98 1,171]

Like you

Like you, you mean.

[WoundedWarrior 302]

Noobspaper number 69

[I3.R.0 1,700]

*ouch* strain on my eyes! Too orangy

[Skills_From_Dian 45]

I'm not a noob! :D

 

 

[Stamina 143]

understood I'm noob

[saurabhmann 509]

Edit: 

 

103. you are Noob , if you just came here to see if the list contains 101 signs or not. 

 

xD I want my likes 

Edited November 7, 2017 by saurabhmann

[JustSomeCanuck 17]

I hate to point this out but Polygon is, by definition, shaped like a polygon. All of the maps are, just some are more complex than others.

[Shibecaisu 534]

Nice topic, I do all 101 on a daily basis.

[Metaphor 538]

You're a noob if you use orange in an article.

Edited November 9, 2017 by Metaphor

[mynameisdaniel_2015 144]

funny..... :mellow:  :mellow:  :mellow:

[Anonono 1,233]

37: Your a noob when you write 'your' instead of 'you're'.

*Sneers*