Contest [Issue 75] Tanki Horoscopes

[KillerGnat 3,135]

I find horoscopes immensely entertaining. Whether they’re guessing the amount of money I’ll make this month or making bold predictions about my love life (which invariably are proved wrong because I’m forever alone ;__; ), I always get a laugh.

 

And honestly, writing horoscopes must be the easiest job ever, right? Anyone can write an assortment of vague predictions that can be taken any way a reader wants. Or can they?

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

In this contest, you’ll have to write a Tanki-based horoscope. Any topic is allowed so long as it’s Tanki related. It could be about the odds of a Taurus finding a Tanki girlfriend this coming week, or what battles to avoid if you want a higher DL. Be creative!

 

 

Limitations:

• Keep it short. There won’t be an exact word limit, but I don’t want to have to wade through novel-length horoscopes. 
• Keep it Tanki-centred. Don’t just find an online horoscope and put a Tanki spin on it. Make the main focus on Tanki.
• Keep it vague. Most horoscope writers have mastered the art of two-sided predictions. Your guess should be proven right no matter what the results are.
• No plagiarism. Okiety!

 

Prizes:

 

1st place: 30 000 crystals

2nd place: 20 000 crystals

3rd place: 15 000 crystals

 

Consolation prizes of 5 000 will be handed out to people who made a good effort but barely missed out.

 

 

Entries will be judged on originality and humour. The deadline will be on the 25th of May. Competitors should post entries in this topic. Start predicting futures!

 

 

Edited May 4, 2018 by KillerGnat

[LUCIFER1_the_dark 1,230]

Wait did you meant 25th of May?

Edited May 4, 2018 by KillerGnat
:ph34r:

[Guest]

^Yes, corrected.

[GrandExecutioner 1,403]

Good luck all!

 

 

 

Nice contest Gnatty

 

 

[Magenta 5,165]

Nice idea, gnatty. You're well on your way to reporterhood! I see great days ahead  ;).

[C.O.N.Q.U.E.R.O.R 3,845]

Meh, wasn't going to participate but might as well... Just gonna dump this out here, this's my entry, maybe I'll get points for humour :ph34r:

 

 

[You.Have.to.die 519]

Meh, wasn't going to participate but might as well... Just gonna dump this out here, this's my entry, maybe I'll get points for humour :ph34r:

 

 

:angry:  :angry:  :angry: Jk Yeah i get it.

Edited May 5, 2018 by You.Have.to.die

[Rhythmic 80]

Gemini: Try something new; something bold. Challenge yourself. Your love of using a brick to hold the spacebar has made your heart as cold as stone. Tonight, take a break from Twins; try Shaft. 

[JAGMAN2468 104]

Interesting topic!

Edited May 10, 2018 by JAGMAN2468

[Pyre 3,485]

Cancer:

As the Golden Star moves across the heavens, your luck will increase. You may find your Smoky's critical hits are more common, and now is a good time to invest in Containers. A secret admirer thinks your Firebird is hot.

Edited May 6, 2018 by Pyre

[CabbageRoll 3,018]

Cancer:

If you use Magnum turret through first week of the month, there are high chances that You will have bad luck until the month ends.

While Firebird is on Your tank, joining the losing team would most likely lead to great takeovers.

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

Might as well just give it a shot. Mine's not too funny but I'm not very creative.

 

 

This week bringeth glad tidings for the most part. thy plans wilt moveth along swiftly and thee shalt findeth yourself accomplishing most wondrous feats thee nev'r bethought possible, but beware Scorpio, for Jupiter may cause thee to loseth a gold box to Magnums and hammer apart thy computer. Unfortunately Jupiter eke aligns with Uranus so thither is a high chance that thy parents wilt catcheth thee on Tanki and ground thee. 

 

 

Not my idea (the Shakespear part, the idea is genuinely mi, but if I have to tell my source for the shakespear writing, I shall PM you Killer.

[Shami 103]

My Entry down here :)

 

 

 

 

Taurus:

 

Chances are there you might come across an isida hornet (first love paint) whom you may fall in love with, so, use isida with viking in battles to try your luck.  :wub:  Your chances of winning may increase if you use an animated paint especially a War one!  ^_^   Don't forget to Play Non Pro Battles esp ASL (Defense) or CTF as Isidas may be in abundance to Hold your back. :rolleyes: Finally, If your Birthday is Coming this week, Prepare for a Blue Sphere or Golden Wrench ;)

 

 

 

Edited May 8, 2018 by Shami

[TheBigBoom 1]

The Future holds less golds and less funds in ten minute battles. Containers can give you the losses with greater rewards, but if you can catch the rare black golds. The more you play, the more of the rare dark golds you can get from missions. If the stars are lined up, and the gold is an easy catch... you will probably die from a x2 damage shaft or magnum    :angry:

                                                                 

                                                                                                                     ***  TheBigBoom  ***

Edited May 8, 2018 by TheBigBoom

[Stamina 143]

Leo:-

You need to be wise & take a good choice, don't end up with mines in a container when gold is dropped together. Try to save up double damage supplies looks like in future you are gonna get a scarcity of double damage supplies. Wednesday can be a good day to hunt down something you like...As the Mars squaring Uranus you may have some luck in opening containers.

Lucky equipment :- Short range turrets combined with fatties would be fine

Lucky supply:- Mine

Edited May 23, 2018 by Stamina

[master_tank2_mega 1]

Lion :

Today you will have a lucky day because when you enter the battle many gold boxes will fall.You will also have containers today! But joy passes. findca when you open containers will not get lucky! Your chances of falling out of supply and 3500 cristals pack are great.Also a good player will invite you in his clan and you will participate in many events!

[panzerfust 0]

I'm defiantly going to try this. I wonder which topic I should do. wish me luck. 

[panzerfust 0]

Comrade,

This last week of the month in battles that seem lost you will encounter many unexpected gold boxes. most you will miss and may even rage quit over the missed ones. You may even look like this :angry:. and the winner of the gold box will look like this :D​.  But if you strategically use your power ups to get ahead of the others, and move at the right speed,and get there when the box  is landing, you will get 1 or even 2 boxes. Fail to do these and you will miss them all.

Edited May 8, 2018 by panzerfust

[Blazingpelt 4]

Tanker,

The battles that you join for the rest of this month will occasionally tie, and the rest of them will usually only be 1 sided battles, where the winning team is clear after approximately one third of the battle is over. Playing with railgun will  increase your odds of encountering a gold box, although it may decrease your chances of actually catching it. It would be worth it to get the adrenaline rush of seeing the orange notification, though. Make sure to catch as many supply boxes as possible, they have a good chance of both turning the tide of the battle, and they will save your own supplies. On the 23rd of May, if you play on Serpuhov, Rio, Kungur, or Magadan, use Shaft. Your battle fund will be higher than if you used any other turret. Plus, if you open 13 containers, your odds of getting synthestisia in the 14th container may increase.

Edited May 9, 2018 by Blazingpelt

[El-Conquistador 0]

Taurus

This month will witness lots of events good and bad. Venus turns direct to Leo. This shows your chance of getting a gold box and you will make loads of new friends as Venus symbolises love & money. The month favors snipers as rivals will fall on your crosshair. Snipers will higly benefit the use of Double Damage.

                                                                                 But be extra careful on your expenditure as you get more crystals, you will also have tendency to waste it. The position of saturn indicates that Hornets and Wasps should watch everywhere as there are minefields waiting for you in the battlefield. Make sure to arm yourself with double armor and modules. If you look before you leap, this month will be favouring.

Edited May 9, 2018 by El-Conquistador

[I_am_awsome 466]

Leo:-

Try not to destroy an isida this week or you will never be healed again by any isida for many years to come  :ph34r:

[Guest]

Gemini: You will die many times today. ;)

Edited May 11, 2018 by Quasar

[KILL_BILL_CHAUHAN 2,505]

Cancer

 

This week you might meet a old enemy in chat who will try to provoke you but you have to control yourself. This week containers can surprise you. You can get something in the container that you have been waiting for a long time. You might get disappointed with gold box but don't worry you will do good in battle. 

 

Lucky combo  :  Hammer+Viking 

Lucky paint     :  Red

Lucky map      :  Polygon

[Aigaion 636]

Aries: You will try parkour, and find out that it lowers your D/L a week later, through having fun :D . . . .(100k crystals in the swear jar plz)

 

Taurus: You will read this article (http://en.tankiforum.com/index.php?showtopic=371529)and take a stab at xp/bp, trashing your crystals and your D/L but catching plenty of GOLD BOXES! 

 

Gemini: Dont trust moderators, there plotting against you with every breath! (un-true :ph34r:) if they invite you to any battle, better bring something to defend yourselves with . . .

 

Cancer: face it, your a crabby tanker (my zodiac :ph34r:)

 

Leo: The moderators have been looking down lately . . .why dont you do something nice for them . . throw them a party in Q&A, but make it a surprise  :D 

 

Virgo: your probably breathing RIGHT NOW -jk- Anyway, My prediction for you Vigro, as an all-knowing sheet of paper, is you will see many Nightmare paint in the future, maybe even on yourself if you believe in the stars . . .

 

Libra: <-- chances are if your a non-Libra, you could not read that, if you are . . . Why not try a medium hull, your ALWAYS getting killed by twins/viking, and those dictators are ALWAYS stealing your gold, so give em a try 

 

Scorpio: Take a chill, or you will get banned soon, (see Gemini) Most violators or hackers are Scorpios (It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader.) Scorpios cheat at the STGs. If it's automated, they can hack it.

 

Sagittarius: They like to trying to play Tanki in the middle of the night with the lights out ( :ph34r:). They would sooner sustain crippling damage than do anything the easy way. (go the long way around the map with a flag and stuff like that :P)

 

Capricorn: If you ever cross the path of an isida, you have come in contact with a Capricorn, they are hard working and reliable. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur (healing you, mostly). They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ---- lets stop here  :lol: 

 

Aquarius: <--- these people love a tanki party, they love events, (but always getting beaten to them by auto-clickers  :( like me  B) jk  ;)) 

Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the "early days of tanki" because that was the last time they could spam-create battles in public and get away with it.

 

Pisces: recently kicked from clan, now you know how a Pisces feels, but dont worry, plenty of gold heading your way, (pssst, if you catch a Black-Box click on the lower right side for 100% luck, thank me later   ;)) 

 

Kottos: your a drugger, and not that bright either, as you did not notice "Kottos" was not a real zodiac  -_- (trolol0ololol B))

Edited May 12, 2018 by Aigaion

[RevengeAttacker 217]

What's all the things like leo, taurus, and stuff?