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[Issue 76] The Dictator: Tanki's Finest News Source - June '18

By Yisroel.Rabin,
in Newspaper Archive

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Yisroel.Rabin 16,224

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Greetings, readers! Here at the Tanki Online Newspaper, we are passionate about providing you with information on all the latest updates, turrets, hulls, maps, contests or just about anything related to the community or game; and you can trust us to cover it all.

 

 

Community Manager drops the 'N-word' on Friday livestream 
By @Yisroel.Rabin

 

Last Friday, Tanki Online held a public livestream instead of a standard V-LOG. During the stream, our community manager, , spoke about future plans for the Tanki Online mobile app, as well as a new summer clan tournament. All was going smoothly, at least until our CM turned it all around. As we've seen quite a few public figures do in the past couple of months, Nives dropped the N-word during the stream.

 

It all happened during a parkour stunt showing, where Nives was fooling around with @Nikk, one of the parkourists. At one point, Nikk began pushing Nives around, and, when Nikk managed to push Nives off a bridge, Nives slipped up:

 

"Nikk, you stupid n*wb!"

 

Naturally, the community instantly started bashing Nives with criticism, comparing him to Delayne who sung with Kendrick Lamar, PewDiePie, Ninja, and so on. As we all know, the word 'n*wb', known as the N-word, is not a word to be taken lightly, and definitely shouldn't be thrown around like Nives used it around lower experienced players, like Nikk.

 

Nives has publicly apologized to Nikk and everyone who he's hurt from the fact, and this story will probably die within two days and will come back the next time someone drops the 'N-word'.

 

 

Admin error grants GrandExecutioner HOTM after appearing more times in the newspaper than any of the reporters
 
Despite not being an official reporter, GrandExecutioner was awarded HOTM last week due to a misunderstanding by the forum admins. While the reporters were busy doing whatever reporters do in between publishing times (namely multing, spamming forum games, and doing their best to accomplish nothing), Grand managed to switch various bits of newspaper material with his own writings. Come deadline day, Grand's articles were published along with the official reporter text walls. 
 
Resident forum potato and HOTM issuer, Ostrica, mistaking Grand's work for that of an official helper, immediately bestowed the honour of HOTM on him, as his compositions were of a much higher quality than the reporters'. 
 
Chief editor and dictator of the Tanki newspaper, Flexoo, was not on-hand to make any comment following the mixup, and we currently await his final verdict in this matter.
 

 

URGENT NOTICE: Winner_Of_Turkey loses his turkey 
By @Yisroel.Rabin

 

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Administration in trouble as many found playing Fortnite
By @Hexed

 

"Where we dropin' boys?", said Flexoo. "Risky maybe? Maybe even Titled? I don't know you choose...", V'tando answered back. All of the Administrators were busy in a custom match of four versus four with three teams facing off against each other. Flexoo, V'tando, CooperO and FederalBI were in the first team, who ultimately decided to land at the so-called Yonder Yard. On the second team, Ostrica, Yele, Stiffler and Winner were all readying up to land at Dusty Divot and get their loot packs and ammo going. Finally, the third team consisted of Maf, Impulse, Skeletor and Lucifer, who were all considered to be Fortnite professionals with death-defying skills and precise aim.

 

The Administrators had set up a wager tournament, setting a prize of a thousand dollars going to whichever team won the match. In the audience, cheering the three teams were the rest of the Administrators - Nikk, Eragon, Goges, SuperNick and so on. Claiming that their Administrative Lodge was actually a full-on Fortnite eSports Center, everyone got their popcorn and took to their seats so that the match could finally begin.

 

3... 2... 1... It was dropping time. As planned, all of the teams landed at their spots, began gathering materials and weapons. Early-game SCARs were abundant in chests, as at least three people found it in their first chest. Time kept ticking and eventually, the circle closed in and the teams started to close in on one another. The first person to get shot was Winner, who was busy chopping down a tree in the middle of the map and didn't see Lucifer coming in from Retail. After knocking Winner, Lucifer and Maf teamed up, built up a one-by-one tower and began shooting at the rest of Winner's team. Unfortunately, even with Yele and Ostrica turbo building walls and ramps at quite a rate, Impulse's handy Minigun broke through and killed them. There were now two teams remaining. As the circle closed in one more time, supply drops began falling through the sky and all the eight players, who were all full health and shielded, went to secure them and upgrade their weapons. Flexoo and V'tando, who had no idea what they were about to get into, built a structure around two close drops, when suddenly, the C4 rigged at the sides of the drops set by Maf blew up. Down they went, which increased pressure on Federal as he seen quite uncomfortable when this happened. In came Maf and Lucifer, who both tried to kill Federal but got knocked due to a clutch rocket which also ended up knocking Federal down due to splash damage.

 

It was now one versus one for Cooper, with Impulse on the other side of the circle, proudly eyeing his legendary Minigun who had just taken out an entire squad earlier. Cooper pulled out her epic Bolt and started taking peek shots at Impulse, who, now finally awake and aware, got his legendary Burst Rifle out and damaged Cooper. Cooper popped a mini-shield, and the fight was back up. Both players were being a bit passive, since both of them wanted their team to win. Soon enough, the circle started moving and closed in once again. After dueling with their ARs and building insane structures to keep themselves safe for about a minute, Cooper and Impulse were both now one-shot with no ammunition and healing items left. The circle closed in once again - this was the last circle, it would not stop until all the map was covered. It was now or never! Both laid a few ramps, brought out their pickaxes and jumped towards each other...

 

*door opens*

 

"Guys...?, said Nives, in full shock and not being able to understand the situation.

 

"A... W- WHA-"

 

 
Tanki's Birthday announcement leaked along with sales
 
A reliable Dictator source stationed in the Tanki Online headquarters gained access to the upcoming announcement files earlier today, and sent the results of his labours to us.
 
Included in his report was Tanki's Birthday Celebration announcement, leaked a full month before the festivities are set to kick off. Enjoy.
 

AYO TANKERS. WHAT'S POPPIN?!
 
Today we just dropped some brand new animated paints. The coolest paints in the game, that is a fact.
 
You know where to get them. tankionline.com/shop or link in the description.
 
This year we're looking to make the celebrations the BEST EVER. cause you guys know we here at the tanki headquarters love you guys.
 
To kick off the celebration, we're gonna have sales in the shop (link in description), followed by more sales in the shop (link in description), and topped off with one final sale in the shop (link in description). You don't want to miss out on this, okay. The biggest shop sales in Tanki history.
 
If you don't know how to buy stuff in the shop, we'll show you real quick. You've just gotta click the little shop icon next to "Garage", find the item you want to purchase, and give us your credit card details. Simple as that, yo.
 
Well that's another announcement finished! Don't forget to like and subscribe. Buy those shop items (link in description) and blow up some tanks!

 
Dictator analysts are baffled as to what could have brought about this dramatic change in the announcement format, but we're hoping to be back with answers in our next instalment of The Dictator, Tanki's Finest News Source.
 
thanks for reading plz liek and subscribe
 

 

If you want to read more from The Dictator, here are the news reports from previous months!

 

The Dictator Issues

- July 2014
- August 2014
- September 2014
- October 2014
- November 2014
- January 2015
- February 2015
- March 2015
- August 2015
- December 2015

- January 2016
- February 2017
- March 2017
- April 2017
- May 2017
- June 2017

- July 2017

- September 2017

- October 2017

- November 2017

- December 2017

- January 2018

- February 2018

- March 2018

- April 2018

- May 2018

 

 

 

 

The Dictator Specials

- The Dictator Special | Origins of Nives

 

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Nine 693

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I like the Fortnite part, Anchard archers or retail row is the best place to land :P

Who plays fortnite tho?

 

:ph34r:

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