Contest [Issue 76] Continue The Story - Final Chapter V

[thethiefofvictory 339]

There were 4 entries in Chapter 4, which did NOT get extended. Five in Chapter 3, which got extended. Six, I think, in Chapter 5. Yet another month? Rather odd, I must say. Unless I've been disqualified, in which case I should go and fix the PoV.

Edited June 27, 2018 by thethiefofvictory

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

It is always easy to think of a conclusion of a story because the basic plot is already given and you don't have to think out of the blue. So less entries in the conclusion mean less overall participation. Or maybe what happened was this.

Lemme be Flexoo for a minute.

Looks at the entries.

Selects Grand's entry as the winner.

Finds out that Grand already won fourth CtS.

Searches for Conqueror's entry.

Finds out he is sick.

Extends the contest.

[JAGMAN2468 104]

... What is this, 4 entries were entered into the last one and 6 were entered here yet this got extended :huh:.

[C.O.N.Q.U.E.R.O.R 3,845]

Hmm...  :ph34r: 

[Viking4s 10,791]

Writers grab your pen, sharpen your vocabulary and let your imagination go.

[Person_Random 4,991]

Wait a second there were more entries this month than last.

 

Is there a conspiracy to stop me from winning the top 3?

 

Yah i think so :ph34r: :angry: :ph34r:

 

Noooooooooooooooooooo!

 

 

 

I bet they're just judging write for tanki news contest.

 

 

Well that gives me time to edit.

But now i have 923 words.

NOOOOOOOO!

Edited June 28, 2018 by Person_Random

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

LOL after I edited my entry I too got 930 words and shaved them down to 899 words.

Do not remove a part of your story and instead remove unimportant and useless actions from different parts of the story.

For example

He held a knife in his hand can be made into He held a knife because any dummy knows you can hold a knife in hand only. Even removing a single word contributes to the process of trimming.

Edited June 28, 2018 by P.4.R.K.O.U.R

[Person_Random 4,991]

Well I still have 4 weeks.

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

Itna sannata kyon hai bhai?

[Person_Random 4,991]

No comprendo hindi.

[thethiefofvictory 339]

Itna sannata kyon hai bhai?

There, I've figured out your nationality. Anyways, it appears nobody else wants to enter. Oh well, I like stories. 

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

You just figured out the south-east asian region.

[Person_Random 4,991]

Coulda published this and stopped me from being so bitter....

 

And i edited my story.  Tell me if you liked the old version better.

Edited July 6, 2018 by Person_Random

[C.O.N.Q.U.E.R.O.R 3,845]

I'm going to begin here, but as I'm going on vacation don't expect it to progress much over the next week or so. I'll put it here so gou guys can draw some tips or something from my story. No promises that I'll finish though...

 

Gerald, by now thoroughly confused, sank to his knees with an expressionless face, turning a deaf ear to the world around him. His mind was a merry-go-round of thoughts as the jumbled puzzle pieces ordered themselves. Is this Alexis my father? Was it a last ditch effort to persuade him to write? Could anyone or anything be trusted? Gerald cried out and fainted.

[Person_Random 4,991]

I'm going to begin here, but as I'm going on vacation don't expect it to progress much over the next week or so. I'll put it here so gou guys can draw some tips or something from my story. No promises that I'll finish though...

 

Gerald, by now thoroughly confused, sank to his knees with an expressionless face, turning a deaf ear to the world around him. His mind was a merry-go-round of thoughts as the jumbled puzzle pieces ordered themselves. Is this Alexis my father? Was it a last ditch effort to persuade him to write? Could anyone or anything be trusted? Gerald cried out and fainted.

So far so good.  Although this is just my opinion, fainted might be too early in the story, and please italicize thoughts.  At least that's what I've learnt in school...

 

Now Imma be bumped down to 3rd assuming that Flexoo thought mine was better than everyone except conq and grand.  Grand being the one who has a secured second either way.

[C.O.N.Q.U.E.R.O.R 3,845]

So far so good.  Although this is just my opinion, fainted might be too early in the story, and please italicize thoughts.  At least that's what I've learnt in school...

 

Now Imma be bumped down to 3rd assuming that Flexoo thought mine was better than everyone except conq and grand.  Grand being the one who has a secured second either way.

Yeh, I'm thinking out a plot right now, don't take that as final

[Person_Random 4,991]

ok conq

 

...he still enters (and wins)

[Kalhound 0]

The End of the Beginning
 

Gerald can't believe his ears "Is he really my dad? Is this why I never know too much of my family?" he thought. And without hesitation, he rushed towards Alexis and hugged him.

"I wish mother was here..." Gerald said.

"I know, son. I know." Whispered Alexis.

Then, something stuck into Gerald's mind "But how about Kristi? Why is she tied up?"

Oswald replied "She still worked for the company. We can't have her being at risk, although she tried to restrain."

Silence filled the room for minutes.

Then, Alexis snapped "Oh, I forgot. The assignment." He handed Gerald some C-4 and its detonator. "This is a risky task, but I trust you in this."

Gerald looked surprised "Hold on, what am I gonna do?"

"Simple. Blow up the building." Alexis smiled.

"Wait, I'm not a terrorist or something, I don't even know the basics yet!" reasoned Gerald.

"It is basic. All you have to do is to place each one on the bottom supports, get out and blow it up."

"You will do it at night, anyways." Added Oswald. "Oh, and also have this. I call her Nancy." He handed Gerald a gun.

"I am ready. I-I think." stammered Gerald.

Hours passed until it was past midnight. "If you need help, just call us." Alexis handed him a walkie-talkie.

Then, Gerald sneaked in the building, almost passing through security. He carefully did what his father told him to.

Just as he finished placing the explosives, he was met with a very bright light.

"Hands up!" Said a voice behind the flash. He saw lots of assassins, including most of his best office mates.

Gerald gulped. He was sweating, panting, not knowing what to do. He then turned his walkie-talkie on.

"Well, what do you say for yourself?" Gerald almost recognizes that voice. It was Kristi.

Gerald stammers "H-How did you--" then was interrupted by Kristi "Besides, I was one of the dangerous assassins since your mother's death."

"But she is our mother!" Gerald proclaimed.

As he thought his life is going to end here, he heard gunshots, and screams.

Gerald fainted. Then he woke up on the arms of his uncle "We have to hurry up as long as they are still here!"

Alexis followed "Gerald, do you still have that detona--" then he was shot at the stomach.

"No!" shouted Oswald. He dropped Gerald, which made the detonator slip off his pocket and slid to Alexis' side, lying there motionless

Gerald panicked "Oh, no! What am I going to do?" Moving on all directions.

Then, Alexis tried talking to Gerald "Son... G-Get Oswald out of here... Give... Give me the detonator."

"No! I am not leaving you behind!" Gerald protested.

"Its... Its the only way out of this hellhole. Go."

Gerald starts crying, but he knows the job must be done. He kicked the detonator nearer to Alexis, and carried his wounded uncle.

He then glanced one more time at his father "I love you dad." he said. Then he dashes to the nearest exit.

"I love you too, son." Alexis sobbed. He detonated as we watches his family go.

The walls of the building crumbles, the fire is eating everything, the nearby people got scared, and Gerald walks back to the apartment.

Years passed and Gerald is sipping on a cup of coffee. He was about to watch television until he hears his mailbox being closed.

He walks to it, wondering who might be sending something at this time. It was a letter from Oswald. The letter read:

'How is my nephew? I know you are enjoying life and all, but we founded some traces that the company might still be alive. We never found traces of Kristi since the explosion, suspecting she might be still alive. And as I say 'we', I mean an organization I founded to rebel against it. You might be interested to join us. Maybe.

P.S. Do you still have Nancy? I've planned some upgrades for her.

Your uncle
Oswald'

Gerald jumped with joy as he read this. He is excited to see his uncle again.

He packed up his things, his clothes, his gun, everything he might need.

This is still just the beginning...

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

I am not actually good on giving stories. I hope you like it.

Edited July 17, 2018 by Kalhound

[thethiefofvictory 339]

 

I like it...

 

because I don't think it can get to Top 3 :p

 

More feedback (and tips) after results... or, maybe tomorrow.

[Person_Random 4,991]

 

Several minor issues here and there.  Better than most of my stories.  Haha.  Maybe change the dialogue, kinda ping-pong.  Cliffhanger not bad, could be used for sequel.

 

P.S. I thought Gerald no uses a gun.

[thethiefofvictory 339]

 

 

 

Lots o' grammatical errors. Please keep it in third person, past tense. Other than that, not a bad story. As Person said, the dialogue could be improved. 

Edited July 18, 2018 by thethiefofvictory

[Royalworld 1,269]

A Job Well Done

 

A profound silence followed. 

 

“But why didn’t you ever-,” Gerald muttered before he was interrupted by Oswald.

 

“I know you have a lot of things running in your mind, Gerald, but trust me this is not the time to clarify things. We have a lot to do to make things right. Time’s running out. Boss could be looking for you.”

 

“Why does he want me? I haven’t done anything for him to know that I am a rebel.”

 

“You haven’t submitted the reports and now you’re missing from your house, Gerald. He may get suspicious and send his men after you.”

 

“Ah, okay.” sighed Gerald. He still had many doubts in his mind, like what his father had been doing all these years, and why couldn't they secretly tell him the truth earlier. Was it necessary for him to be recruited by the company in the first place?

 

“Gerald.” His father finally spoke breaking the rush of thoughts in Gerald’s mind. “I am sorry, I know this looks like we’re stuck in a terrible situation, but we didn't have a choice. Now, we need to take over the company back again so that we can shut it down ourselves for good.”

 

“The boss will not step down, will he?” asked Gerald.

 

“No, that is why we need to have him dead,” Oswald responded.

 

“Dead? What? You mean we have to kill him?” exclaimed Gerald overwhelmed with fear.

 

“Not us, You have to kill him, Gerald. We cannot do that. Boss doesn't meet anyone without any reason. He is always alert around the experienced members. A slight suspicion in his mind is enough for him to act in retaliation to any threats he might face. You, on the other hand, are a new recruit, who doesn't even have any experience in combat or assassinations. So, he wouldn't be wary of you when you’re around him.”

 

“But, how will I get to him?”

“The reports, Gerald. You can meet him on the pretext of handing the reports. You were working on them, weren’t you?” asked Alexis.

 

“Yeah, I was. But, they aren't complete yet.” replied Gerald.

 

“They don’t need to be complete. You just have to get into his office with a file in your hand.”

 

….

The plans were discussed that evening and Gerald returned to his home. He looked around his house to 

check if anyone was hiding and waiting for him to return so that he could kill him. That wasn’t the case. He carefully placed the handgun, in his cupboard, which he received from his uncle Oswald. He tried to remember the demonstration given by his uncle on how to use it. Exhausted from all the hustle that day, he lied on his bed.

 

….

Gerald reached his office building on time. He managed to get through the security check without having his gun revealed, thanks to his father who was the guard on duty that day. 

 

“Goodluck son, trust your instincts. You have it in your blood.” whispered his father while searching him for the sake of apparent security protocol.

Trust your instincts. The words ran in his mind. What if he failed that day and had him and his family killed. He became tense. His heart started beating unusually faster. He was sweating profusely.

 

“Good morning, Gerald,” said Stephanie. He didn't realize that he had reached his desk. 

 

“… Morning, Steph” he replied after snapping out of his thoughts. He smiled a little to make everything seem normal.

 

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You seem a little worried.”

“Me? No. I am fine.”

 

Gerald immediately sat down and pretended to work to avoid any further communication. Stephanie had been working there before Gerald. What if she knew everything about the company and was faithful to it. It was the best for him to not talk with her.

 

Gerald worked the entire afternoon without even getting up from his seat once. He glanced at his watch frequently. 

At 2’ O clock, it was time for him to submit the reports.

 

….

 

Gerald knocks at the door. 

“Come in,” said a voice.

Gerald opened the door and saw the boss standing at his desk, facing towards him. 

“Ah, I’ve been expecting you, Gerald.”  

“Expecting me?” fretted Gerald.

“The reports are due today, I hope you have them”

“Oh, the reports, here they are,” said Gerald as he hastily placed the file on his desk. 

“Getting the hang of the job, eh?” He said. “I have to tell you something important. Sit down.”

 

Gerald didn't move an inch. He reached for his handgun and pointed it right on his Boss’s face. He saw his face for the first time, as he didn't have the nerve to look him in the eye earlier. His face seemed remarkably similar although he was looking at him for the first time.

 

“What are you doing, son? What have they told you?” yelled the boss.

 

“Son?” repeated Gerald. His eyes searched his face carefully.

“I am your-”

Two bullets were fired. The boss fell on the floor. Gerald searched his body. He found a driving license in his pocket. The name read ‘Alexis Elizir’. Gerald cried. 

 

He had been framed.

….

“By the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I hereby order Mr. Gerald Elizir to serve a life sentence for murdering his father, Mr. Alexis Elizir.”

 

 

897 words

Edited July 20, 2018 by Royalworld

[thethiefofvictory 339]

 

A Job Well Done

 

Good one! That twist at the end surprised me.  ;)

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

 

The Rebellion ( Or Not?)

 

Gerald couldn't control his emotions and he hugged his father.

"Dad...", he said

"Yes, son?"

"...you smell like asparagus."

"Curse the perfume."

Suddenly someone entered the room, clapping. There was an armed guard behind him. "Family reunion, huh? Well, let me complete it ", he said. His face was covered. Gerald recognised him as the same person who had given him the horrendous tasks.

The person threw away his sunglasses and Gerald heard his dad whisper "Father...". He looked quite like Gerald in his old age. "With a face like that, I too would have to cover myself up. I can't afford to have people throwing eggs at me." Gerald thought.

"Yes, I am Ferris.. it's a shame being a father of such traitors" said his grandfather. He looked around "I see that all the filth in the family blood has collected here."

His eyes fell on Gerald. "After Alexis ran away, I thought that at least fresh guns would continue the family tradition. But they turned out to be even worse.... That's why I like old guns."

The guard handed him a musket. He took out a pouch of gunpowder and filled the barrel. Then he took a bullet and loaded the gun.

"Why doesn't the ball go inside!" he roared.

"Hand me the gun, Dad" Alexis offered. Ferris handed it over and Alexis banged the backside on the floor, and the ball went inside. " Here you go".

"Thanks, now prepare to die!!".

Gerald closed his eyes and bid goodbye to the evil world.

Ferris pulled the trigger and the gun fired... at the wall.

"CURSE THE AIM!" roared Ferris.

"Try again, father" suggested Alexis. Ferris loaded the gun again with the help of Alexis and aimed again.

Gerald again closed his eyes and bid farewell to the evil world. Ferris again pulled the trigger.

A shot was fired and Gerald heard someone groan in pain. He opened his eyes. His grandfather lay there with a gunshot wound on his head.

The gun had misfired.

" What a noob, Ha Ha Ha!" laughed Alexis clutching his stomach while Oswald giggled. Even Gerald could not help but smile.

But the threat was not over. The armed guard pointed his pistol right at Gerald. Gerald closed his eyes for the last time and bid farewell to the evil world.

A shot rang out. Gerald opened his eyes to find the guard dead.

"Darn it!!... Why do you keep adding suspense again and again and ending it in such a stupid way?!"

What actually happened was this:

Kristi Elizer stepped in like the heroine of a story and began tickling the guard and the guard, laughing madly, pumped a bullet in his own chest.

"How dare you free yourself! I was going to come as a hero to save you!" groaned Gerald.

"I saved your darn life, kid" snarled Kristi.

"Yeah, THANK YOU!" he barked at her.

"Please stop fighting.", interrupted Oswald looking concerned, "You know what...Ferris never comes alone."

"Of course he brought a guard." said Gerald, pointing at the dead man.

"I meant other than him."

"Yeah, he brings his rusty old musket too", suggested Alexis.

"I mean except his guard, musket, sunglasses, clothes, underpants, EVERYTHING!" shouted Oswald.

At that moment several armed men entered the room.

"Spies", Oswald informed Gerald.

"The game's over!" said the leader.

"The GAME ended June 8th." said Gerald.

"You think you are punny, kid?", replied the leader with a smirk. "...Then embrace your end!"

Oswald was quick to react "Your shoelaces are untied!"

The leader looked down. His shoelaces were actually untied.

"Hold this for a moment, will you?", he threw the rifle towards Kristi.

"Sure" she said. The leader tied his laces. Kristi handed over the gun.

"Thanks", he said and aimed his weapon at her.

"What about we get some fresh air and talk this thing out in the open?" suggested Gerald.

"Ok".

Gerald, Kristi, Oswald and Alexis got out of the basement of Oswald's house and onto the lawn along with the men.

At that moment, many police cars filled the driveway. The officers got out and pointed their pistols at the armed men. "Put your weapons down and hands up!" they yelled.

The leader chuckled "You think your pistols are any match for our firearms?".

"Actually, no...but we have something else."

The officer pulled out a poster and showed it to them.

It was an image of Flexoo... when he was a noob.

"Aaargh. The mammoth and isida are so UGLY!" the leader screamed. "We surrender, we immediately surrender".

The spies threw their guns down and the officers arrested them.

Gerald looked around to see everyone smiling.

"This really is a happy family reunion" said Alexis.

"But one of us is dead" pointed out Oswald.

"Can't say I am sad".

Everything looked great for Gerald. The agency would be closed and there would be no one to make him assassinate anyone...

The commander of the unit headed towards them. "For the work each of you have done..."

"Would we be getting a nice reward?" asked Gerald, excited.

The commander nodded. "You two...", he pointed at Alexis and Oswald, "..are charged with various counts of murder and you two..", he pointed at Kristi and Gerald, "...are charged with abetment to suicide and conspiring to murder, respectively. Officers please arrest them."

And that's how all four of them ended up happily in jail.

The End

 

Word count is 0.0000000899 X 10^10.

I hope I don't get disqualified for mentioning Flexoo's tank when he was a noob. The Game Rules don't allow me to mention obscene pictures....

[thethiefofvictory 339]

I hope I don't get disqualified for mentioning Flexoo's tank when he was a noob. The Game Rules don't allow me to mention obscene pictures....

Mammoth, Isida? Maf comes to mind, not Flex  :huh:

 

Plus, how is a mammoth and isida obscene? (Hint: it isn't)