Stella mortis

[kaisdf 3,320]

Friends, people, countrymen, lend me your ears and your votes. I am writing this with one simple goal in mind. To make you agree that a Death Star would be an excellent project for mankind.

There are MILLIONS of things I could say, but I think the most important point is this: ALIENS. I won’t bore you with the question of whether or not they exist, I think the fact that Donald Trump is president clearly shows their prevalence and brainwashing powers. Little, long-armed - and in Trump’s case, tiny-handed extra-terrestrials here to brainwash us and steal our technology? Abducting our people and experimenting on them? This is not ok! We need to do something to stop them! And the best way to stop aliens getting to us is to build a Death Star and blow their spaceships back to where they came from!

Speaking of fighting back against the aliens, you have to admit that building a Death Star would massively increase our national and international defence. For years, the USA has had the highest level of defence spending - more than the next 26 countries combined. Building this great project would put us, the UK, at the top of that list for years to come. Yes, it would cost rather a lot, but I don’t want to bore you with the figures, like the rough estimate of $852 quadrillion (from Centives, Lehigh University student economics blog) it would cost to manufacture the steel. That may seem like a lot, but you must remember that, not that long ago, aeroplanes seemed far too expensive to be feasible. That amount of money should definitely be available in the not too long term.

Anyway, what else would we spend our money on? One billion pounds to the DUP in exchange for six seats? Paying taxes which go to allowing MPs like Sir Peter Vigger to spend nearly £2,000 on a floating duck house, and a further £8,000 on his garden? The Death Star is certainly starting to seem more feasible now.

An extra-planetary body orbiting the Earth would also bring in some money. We could create a highly expensive and lucrative contract with a company like Virgin and their Virgin Galactic “spaceline”, an aeroplane able to leave the Earth’s atmosphere, which is already a certain amount of the way to being able to shuttle people out to space - a rather significant cost. They could charge exorbitant amounts of money to let the incredibly rich visit the Space Station for tourism, and, of course, a commission could be taken to help fund everything. If they were to slowly lower the price the more times they let people up, it would allow more people to visit and so generate more money.

And it is not like the money spent would be pointless. There would be thousands of jobs created in areas like construction, engineering and space exploration. These would all require considerable amounts of training and education, leading to colossal rises in fields such as apprenticeships, science, technology, engineering and mathematics places at university. This would hugely boost our economy, increase our national education rate, and therefore improve our position on the Human Development Index, which is partially calculated with the number of years spent in education. This would make our country seem more appealing to foreigners looking for work overseas, and thus lower unemployment rates, and increase our national Gross Domestic Product. Once construction is finished, we would be left with multitudes of trained and educated people looking for places to work. The scientists and engineers could go to schools and universities to fill up empty teaching positions and reduce the UK’s STEM teaching debt. As for the construction workers, they could work on building houses to try and save Britain’s housing market from having such an inelastic price elasticity of supply.

An accessible stop in space for anyone to visit at their leisure would helpfully provide evidence to disprove the ridiculous theories that the Earth is flat. Fly anyone who thinks so up a few thousand feet and show them evidence first hand that the Earth is not flat.

Let’s face it, the idea would definitely be popular among the people. In December 2016, over thirty-four thousand people signed a petition for the white house in favour of building a Death Star. Just because the US government decided against the idea, doesn’t mean we should. The numbers in the UK should be roughly the same. That would be an awful lot of votes, especially when you consider that there was only a relatively small number of people who found the petition, of which a large proportion of people would have signed. To extrapolate to the scale of the UK’s population, probably about half would be in favour, and less than half would disagree. A few other good policies and any political partyhas an easy majority - for far less than a billion pounds for six seats…

The technology we have is not actually far off. NASA’s current mission involves sending people to try and land on and mine an asteroid. This technology would be highly important in gathering resources for construction, and we would only have to land a probe on one or two of the larger asteroids like Ceres, with its nine hundred and forty-five-kilometre diameter, to have enough iron to last the entire project. A lot of the other technologies, like manufacturing food and oxygen in space, may be out of our reach for now, but they certainly won’t be for long. There are other universities and academic establishments researching this sort of thing as I speak.

We would of course have to make sure to avoid the hilarious “one man, one photon torpedo” spaceship destruction phenomena. This is certainly an easy fix though - just avoid leaving large holes straight from the surface to the ship’s core. Good surface weapon systems operated by people other than stormtroopers - notorious for their inaccuracy - would be suitable as well. This also goes to show that even after construction is finished, there would be plenty more jobs required. Ranging from fighter pilots to doctors, all the roles in normal civilisation would be needed - benefiting the Death Star’s and our GDP.

To conclude, a Death Star is not only feasible but ideal. It would create thousands of jobs, increase our defence (both national, international, and extra-terrestrial), benefit tourism, hugely boost GDP. We would be able to send it off to explore areas we’ve never been, and above all, it would unify our country in focusing on one project.

Edited December 9, 2017 by Marc

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

Approved.

Good stuff! Interesting read, good expression.

Only a couple of constant mistakes I picked up on - when using quotation marks, it is best to put the comma inside of them, as opposed to outside. For example, “noob,” vs “noob”,
It’s grammatically correct to use the first one, I believe but it was so minor that I didn’t touch it. The only other thing was your use of “and.” In some sentences, you made a list where you put “and” before the last item in the list. I fixed it up so it’s all good but just a minor thing. Also, in one sentence you said something like, “it will boost both apprenticeships and science, mathematics, technology and engineering.” I’m assuming you were only going to list two things then went on to list more. Oh yeah, also, don't use commas before a conjunction like "but" or "and." There were also some basic corrections like "star ship" to "starship," "earth" to "Earth," etc.

TL:DR; good read, interesting concept and very few mistakes but you had one really big issue that kinda stuffs up your entire piece:

The Earth is flat, Buddy.

 

Edited December 9, 2017 by Marc

[Magenta 5,165]

Oh yeah, also, don't use commas before a conjunction like "but" or "and."

You fool!

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

You fool!

It depends on the context but is generally not required.

[kaisdf 3,320]

It depends on the context but is generally not required.

I use the Oxford comma, and as far as I'm aware, either is correct, as long as you stay consistent throughout. 

Thanks for the feedback though :)

[Magenta 5,165]

It depends on the context but is generally not required.

Since it's optional, you shouldn't edit it. Did you? Claps if you didn't, shame on you if you did.

Edited December 9, 2017 by Magenta

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

I use the Oxford comma, and as far as I'm aware, either is correct, as long as you stay consistent throughout. 

Thanks for the feedback though :)

Oh, alright, I'll leave that if it happens again. 

Since it's optional, you shouldn't edit it. Did you? Claps if you didn't, shame on you if you did.

I edited a sentence where an "and" was used before the last item in a list. The comma, I can't remember but I think I did.

[Magenta 5,165]

Oh, alright, I'll leave that if it happens again. 

I edited a sentence where an "and" was used before the last item in a list. The comma, I can't remember but I think I did.

-_-

 

You bring shame on the elite class of Grammar Nazis. I think we should exclude your name from our list.

Oh, and kais, good stuff. AW tournament week 3, eh?

[shafter9 156]

 

Oh, and kais, good stuff. AW tournament week 3, eh?

 

 

 

Beautiful. But interjections might not count, and besides, there are so many other ways of using commas before conjunctions.

                But interjections might not count and besides, there are so many other ways of using commas before conjunctions.

"Oh yeah, also, don't use commas before a conjunction like "but" or "and.""

Edited December 10, 2017 by shafter9

[Magenta 5,165]

Beautiful. But interjections might not count, and besides, there are so many other ways of using commas before conjunctions.

                But interjections might not count and besides, there are so many other ways of using commas before conjunctions.

"Oh yeah, also, don't use commas before a conjunction like "but" or "and.""

Idk what you mean, but the first sentence is correct.

[kaisdf 3,320]

Also, in one sentence you said something like, “it will boost both apprenticeships and science, mathematics, technology and engineering.” I’m assuming you were only going to list two things then went on to list more. 

I've checked over my original, and although a bit long-winded, that is also technically correct. The original sentence:

"rises in both apprenticeships, and science, technology, engineering, and mathematics places at university"

Which is just the expansion of saying

"rises in both apprenticeships, and STEM places at universities".

(STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)

 

So a correction would be applicable for clarity and conciseness, but not due to inaccuracy  ^_^

Edited December 10, 2017 by kaisdf

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

So a correction would be applicable for clarity and conciseness, but not due to inaccuracy  ^_^

Ohhhh alright, makes sense. Probably in future put a "(STEM)" in brackets after listing all the fields. 

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

Grammar nazis :mellow:

Nazis* ;)

Edited December 11, 2017 by Blackdrakon30
ReKt

[r_trooll15 827]

Two things:

Oxygen in space exists, #iss

Photon torpedoes are not possible.

[Blackdrakon30 2,943]

You fool!

I will stand by the Oxford comma till the end of time. Anyone (including fellow reporters) who wish to fight me on this will find me truly unwavering. It is a superior way of life.

 

:mellow:

[r_I_already_won0 2,339]

I liked the article.

 

On whitehouse.gov, there is a page where you can submit online petitions, and if you collect enough signatures, the government HAS to look into your petition.

 

The petition to build a Death Star collected over 25,000 signatures, so Obama sent back an official response:

 

1. 850,000,000,000,000,000 is a hefty price tag.

2.We already have a Space Station (International Space Station)

3. Vaporization of planets is not on the agenda.

[Magenta 5,165]

I liked the article.

 

On whitehouse.gov, there is a page where you can submit online petitions, and if you collect enough signatures, the government HAS to look into your petition.

 

The petition to build a Death Star collected over 25,000 signatures, so Obama sent back an official response:

 

1. 850,000,000,000,000,000 is a hefty price tag.

2.We already have a Space Station (International Space Station)

3. Vaporization of planets is not on the agenda.

The current government will look into it, though.

[kaisdf 3,320]

 

 

 

I will stand by the Oxford comma till the end of time. Anyone (including fellow reporters) who wish to fight me on this will find me truly unwavering. It is a superior way of life.

 

:mellow:

<3

I don't think @Marc did edit the, out, but I can absolutely see you painstakingly going through and re-editing them back in...

 

 

 

 

I liked the article.

 

On whitehouse.gov, there is a page where you can submit online petitions, and if you collect enough signatures, the government HAS to look into your petition.

 

The petition to build a Death Star collected over 25,000 signatures, so Obama sent back an official response:

 

1. 850,000,000,000,000,000 is a hefty price tag.

2.We already have a Space Station (International Space Station)

3. Vaporization of planets is not on the agenda.

I did do some​ research  ^_^

Thanks for the feedback though!

 

The current government will look into it, though.

Link it to nuking North Korea, and I reckon we could make it happen!

Edited December 11, 2017 by kaisdf