Review [Issue 37] Tanki Aesthetics

[S.C.Y.T.H.E 1,072]

 

Hello tankers! One fun element to Tanki is the fact that, simply put, tanks, hulls, and paints are quite cool looking. From the deep greens of Emerald to the havoc of Graffiti, there are multitudes of pleasing paints that can both strike fear and jealousy to the enemy. Let’s face it. Most tankers don’t buy a paint simply for its protection. I know I don’t! Honestly, I would prefer an awesome looking paint to an awesomely protective paint. The developers have obviously put a lot of effort into making our paints look epic. But, to be frank, some paints look way better than others. This article will cover the most beautiful paints and the ugliest paints in the game, providing a “beauty rating” for all paints selected.  
Before I get to basic paints that appear in our garage, I will show you my top three favorite holiday paints in the past.
 

The Beautiful Paints

 
Holiday Paints
 
#1. May Day 2014

Beauty Rating: 9/10
This is one heck of a paint, especially for a holiday paint! This paint appeared in the garage last year, (2014) for the May Holidays. This paint initially looks a lot like a favorite paint of mine: Helper. But when one looks close, you can see that this paint is actually very different. The pattern is of purple fireworks. This is certainly one unique paint, and resides in first place for my favorite holiday paints.
 
#2. Halloween 2014

Beauty Rating: 7.5/10
Halloween 2014: A background shade of dark blue-indigo with shadowy black bats, this paint is not a generic holiday paint. The camouflage was excellent for the nighttime Halloween map, but along with that, there was something striking about the deep color that resides in this paint. These bats really give me the shivers!
 
#3 Cosmonautics Day 2014

Beauty Rating: 7.5/10
This is another decent holiday paint. The canvas is a brilliant view of space with gleaming stars spangling the dark void. This paint is another rather dark holiday paint, also unique. When mounted on a tank, this paint does not look like a simple pattern. Something about this paint really conjures up the vastness of the final frontier.
 
Special Paints
 
Other than holiday paints, there are other special paints that look magnificent. Let’s look at a few of my favorites!
 
#1. Helper

Beauty Rating: 10/10
This paint is definitely one of the best paints in the game, in terms of looks. Due to the fact that there are no other purple paints in the game, Helper really stands out. When I started playing this game, I was curious as to why there were no purple paints. There was one after all! Helper looks similar to a purple version of Emerald. There is something affirmatively crystalline concealed in the paint’s pattern. Alas, Helper is only issue to the Best Helper of the Month.
 
#2 Masters of Parkour 2014

Beauty Rating: 10/10
Masters of Parkour is a paint many of us have mounted on our hulls during the 2014 Masters of Parkour contest. Overlapping shades of light green and yellow intertwine across a sea green background. On any combination of turret and hull, this paint is bound to look good. Masters of Parkour is a very impressive looking paint that is seen fairly frequently for a special paint. All in all, I believe that this paint ties for first place for most beautiful special paint. Sadly, this paint was only issue to the winners of the Masters of Parkour contest held during late 2014.
 
#3. Microchip

Beauty Rating: 9/10
Microchip is an outstanding texture. It obviously resembles a microchip, with gold circuits winding all over a dark surface. A very complicated and special paint, it is impossible to mistake Microchip for another paint. This paint accurately looks like part of a piece of computer hardware. Microchip is issued to Facebook moderators, although was once issued to the late helper position, Consultant.
 
#4. Acid

Beauty Rating: 9/10
Acid: The texture appears as a twisting tapestry of poisonous green. This paint almost looks like it has started to corrode or degrade. Fierce and mysterious, Acid commands fear in the minds of enemies. This paint is quite rare, adding to its intrigue. Acid is undoubtedly one of the best looking paints in the game.
 
Regular Paints
 
Regular paints are the day to day paints that always appear in your garage. These paints differ extremely in appearance and aesthetic value. Many paints stick out for separate reasons. Below is a list of my top five paints.
 
#1. Graffiti

Beauty Rating: 10/10
There is no doubt about it. Graffiti is a piece of art, and a masterpiece at that. Graffiti is an excellent paint that looks good with everything. This paint is perhaps the only paint that can be sincerely worn with a swagger. Graffiti’s sprawling, maniacal canvas has no clear design or pattern. Interlocking shapes and kaleidoscopic patterns add to the nearly berserk atmosphere attributed with this paint. Graffiti easily tops my list of most beautiful paints in the game.
 
#2. Spark

Beauty Rating: 9.5/10
Spark is a heavenly paint. Light blue to dark purple ripples of color sweep over an eerily dark background. Mesmerizing waves of luminescent light cascade across the tapestry. There is something very intriguing about Spark; it doesn’t appear to resemble anything. Unlike many other paints that are either camouflaged or designed to look like something that appears in real life, this paint has its own mysterious ambience. What does this paint represent? We may never know. This paint is an epitome of beauty, and owns a well-deserved spot on this list.
 
#3. Emerald

Beauty Rating: 9/10
Emerald; this paint is almost legendary. One of the most common M3 paints in the game, it is slightly rare to find a Generalissimo without it. This is not without reason! Along with decent protection, this paint is quite nice looking. As I said earlier, it would be almost indistinguishable from Helper if only the paint were Purple. The crystalline facets of this paint appear nearly translucent. Emerald is truly an exceptional paint in terms of beauty.
 
#4. Cherry

Beauty Rating: 9/10
Cherry is an astonishingly striking paint. A deep, dappled red, this paint looks almost like a fiery blaze. This paint’s marbled appearance is quite unique. Cherry is one of the only Red paints in the game, and when one mounts this paint they will stick out of the crowd. This is one of the newer paints released only a few months ago, and when I first saw it, I was very confused as I had never seen a paint this shade of red. Sometimes, this paint is hard to distinguish from Ruby. 
 
#5. Electra

Beauty Rating: 8.5/10
This paint is similar to the paint Zeus, however instead of Blue lightning, the thunderbolts stretching across Electra are threatening shades of red. Electra wouldn’t be my first pick when searching for the best looking paint, but it certainly is in the top ten. I personally think this paint is more attractive than Zeus, and it is much cheaper. One slight problem with Electra is the fact that it doesn’t look good on certain combinations. For example, on Viking/Thunder, one side of the hull is almost completely black, and the opposite side of the turret is almost completely black. However, Electro does look amazing with most combinations.
 
#6. Zeus

Beauty Rating: 8.25/10
Zeus is considered by many one of the best and most beautiful paints in the game, but I think it is just a bit overrated. Electric blue bolts of lightning arc over this paint, causing it to appear like the center of a thunderstorm. There is little doubt that this paint looks good. Although, I would say that the background of this paint is too blue and a bit repetitive, looking tacky on M0 and M1 equipment.
 
#7. Picasso

Beauty Rating: 8.25/10
Aptly named after the world famous painter, Pablo Picasso, Bright greenish-yellow shapes interlock and overlap to give this paint a splendid appearance. It may not stand out as much as other paints, but when inspected closely, Picasso reveals careful and intricate details. This paint also looks like freshly cut salad or grass, which is why horses must be kept far away. All in all, Picasso is a good paint that will not disappoint when considering beauty.
 
#8. Fracture

Beauty Rating: 8/10
Very common to find in the XP-BP formats, it surprises me how popular this paint has become. This paint is made up of different shades of neon green-yellow ranging to almost an almost orange color. The shades of these component colors are not found on any other paint. The paint is divided into many jagged chunks, as if at one point the paint was flawless and whole but was shattered into pieces. But, the design and color of Fracture is not super unique. There are many other green paints with similar designs. However this paint definitely appears better than most.
 
#9. Tiger

Beauty Rating: 8/10
Out of the “cat paints” (Tiger, Irbis, and Jaguar), Tiger is my favorite paint. It is definitely a ferocious and well-designed paint, but I would say that when mounted on a tank, it does not make the tank look like a tiger. Tanks and tigers (or most animals, for that matter) are not similar in appearance or shape. Because of this, I believe that mounting Tiger looks more like you are draped in tiger patterned furs. But I still like this paint quite a bit. The orange/black contrasts pleasingly with the blue/grey or M3 hulls and turrets.
 
#10. Digital

Beauty Rating: 7.75/10
With a distinctive color combination and design, Digital provides both camouflage and style. Digital’s pattern is a pixelated collage of overlapping green, brown, and black tiles. Pixel is probably the only paint that looks very much like this paint. Digital can blend in with a number of types of terrain, but also has a very decent appearance. Not much else can be said for this paint, though I would point out the fact that this paint is very underrated. It is quite rare to see this paint around the game, despite its nice look.
 

The Ugly Paints

 
There are many beautiful paints, but accompanying them are a few slightly ugly paints.
 
Holiday Paints
 
New Year 2015

Ugliness Rating: 9/10
This is quite a strange paint. A red, green and white pattern, there is something plaid-ish about this paint that I can’t quite put my finger on. The majority of the color on this paint is a light shade of red. But green stipes weave across the paint, clashing strongly with the red. It wouldn’t be so bad if there was more green, as green and red are the colors of Christmas. But the thin lines of green almost resemble blood vessels, not a trait I would want in a paint. To boot, there are tiny white reindeer interspersed every now and then. It is as if someone threw all the icons of Christmas (including wrapping paper, reindeer, Christmas trees, and flowers) into a vat and attempted to turn this chaotic soup into a paint.
 
Special Paints
 
#1. Reporter

Ugliness Rating: 8/10
I hate to criticize my own paint, but to be honest Reporter is not that great.  As Kevred put it, this paint looks like “toilet paper”. The paint’s main color is a slightly off-white. Until about one foot away, this paint looks identical to White. When you actually look at Reporter, you realize that it is not in fact White. Rather, it is White but with ineligible and cryptic symbols scrawled across it. There are some downright disturbing aspects of this paint. For instance, did you know that there is a fish on Reporter paint? It’s simply an outrage that a chicken wasn’t placed here instead!

 
#2. Aramid

Ugliness Rating: 8/10
A criss-cross of dark blue and black, there is nothing spectacular about this paint’s appearance. The design is unchanging and simply dull. But besides this, this paint is not even that special! About a year ago, during the first Star Series Season, players had the option of choosing between four paints to show support for their favorite teams. Each paint had the same design, but with a different color. For example, NoobesT’s (Arcade) paint was silver and black. But the design of the paint was literally exactly the same as Aramid.
 
#3. Champion

Ugliness Rating: 7/10
Champion is an incredibly prestigious paint, perhaps the most prestigious paint in the game. This paint is supposed to look like gold, but, frankly, fails miserably. It is almost impossible to conjure the shine and color of Gold into a virtual setting. Champion looks more like mustard than gold, or perhaps a crumpled Rolo wrapper.
 
Regular Paints
 
#1. Safari

Ugliness Rating: 10/10
Safari is about as ugly as it gets. Only containing two colors, white and black, this paint is a Zebra patterned design that compels all that behold it to cringe. If anyone likes this paint, they should be exterminated are clearly out of their mind. It is hard to explain why I dislike this paint so extremely, but I am sure other tankers share my sentiments. Why is it even called Safari? Zebra would be a much better fit. 
 
#2. Lumberjack

Ugliness Rating: 10/10
No. Just No. I can’t even…
Lumberjack is renowned as one of the ugliest paints in the game. Plaid, let alone wood cutters, shouldn’t be a part of this game. Boring red squares cover this paint. There is nothing remotely interesting about this paint. When one traces this paint’s pattern, one finds that this paint is actually a ludicrously simple pattern of only four squares:

This basic pattern is echoed all across a hull, but never changes whatsoever. For being a paint that costs 300,000 crystals, Lumberjack really lacks style.
 
#3. Mary

 

Ugliness Rating: 9.5/10
Mary is an annoying paint. It is simply a messy looking color. It looks like spilled blood, or as the garage states, “Tomato Juice”. Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be driving a tank covered in ketchup. Perhaps in some circumstance it may appear frightening to some, but the paint’s stark white background makes Mary even weirder.
 
#4. Swamp

Ugliness Rating: 8.5/10
Of course, one shouldn’t expect much from a paint titled “Swamp”. Obviously, this paint wasn’t intended to be displayed in the louvre. Swamp is another three-tone paint, with a very similar design to Flora and Marine. The three colors that make up this paint are grey, yellow, and black. The paint does in fact look like a swamp, though I think is better resembles a landfill.
 
#5. Dragon

Ugliness Rating: 8.25/10
The phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover” would really apply here, though in an opposite sense than usual. The title “Dragon” sounds intimidating and fierce. But this paint has nearly nothing to do with Dragons. Dragon is a dull, dusty yellow hue. Only the ugliest of dragons would have this as their color! Also, the “scales” appear dry, peeling and almost rectangular. I am not quite sure what this paint looks like, but it certainly isn’t the coat of a dragon.
 
#6. Hive

Ugliness Rating: 8/10
Hive: Certainly not the ugliest of paints, but it doesn’t look great either. The design of this paint is rather interesting: A shifting, hexagonal pattern that envelopes the tank. But the colors are dull and do almost nothing to increase Hive’s beauty. Brown is a boring color, and this paint has lots of it. The paint is basically only two shades, light brown-orange, and dark brown. In all, Hive is just not that pretty of a paint compared to many others.  
 
#7. Invader

Ugliness Rating: 8/10
I would have posted this paint earlier in the list if not for its creative design. Invader would frighten any player of the old game “Space Invaders”, as this paint is covered with other-worldly invaders. Some might be confused by this paint’s apparent lack of decent graphics. The aliens appear slightly pixelated, but this is all because the game “Space Invaders” actually looks like this. But everything aside, this paint is pretty ugly. Strange bristling green shapes repetitively line a blank dark background. Invader is just not that dynamic.
 
#8. Chainmail

Ugliness Rating: 8/10
Putting chainmail on a tank; doesn’t that sound a bit redundant? Tanks are built because they have incredibly powerful armor. Chainmail is armor from the medieval ages, to be worn even underneath regular armor plates because it is weak. But, putting this aside, Chainmail is not too great looking. It is yet another dull, brown paint that doesn’t stand out from the crowd. One can identify the metallic loops of mail that make up the paint, but the background behind the paint is a boring shade of brown. The paint’s design is a monotonous one, with no changes to be found anywhere. Chainmail is a paint to be worn mainly for its protection, rather than beauty.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
What are the most beautiful/ugly paints? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below! 

Edited July 29, 2017 by Hexed

[TriNitroToIuene 4,765]

Aw, come on, Emerald and Cherry deserve better :D

[Legolover3 91]

Spark....IS supposed to resemble something.....like.....sparks.

:D

[Supernatural 2,053]

Say anything, Green and Blue looks awesome with m3 XP. Arcade's paint is also awesome.. Wanna keep it so bad...

For me, EGuards paint is horrible. looks like vomit

[iamthebadboy2 168]

Nice article!

[Phoenix-Warbird 1,329]

Ugly: Regular* paints

 

oh Swamp, really? :c I'd say that's not such a bad one :PP good camo too

and Tiger over Fracture, but otherwise, (y)

[Sleek 43]

Lol congrats Scythe, on finally changing ur logo ;)

[Penguin40 1,714]

New Year 2015, Lumberjack and Champion deserve better. They look so epic on a tank (for me at least).  :angry:

[Fruit 6,570]

I'd agree with every description, but one does stand out. Champion, it's not so ugly...

[Darren4Turbo 4,913]

Nice article :)

[Scientist 4,224]

 But besides this, this paint is not even that special! About a year ago, during the first Star Series Season, players had the option of choosing between four paints to show support for their favorite teams. Each paint had the same design, but with a different color. For example, *NooBest’s (Arcade) paint was silver and black. But the design of the paint was literally exactly the same as Aramid.

Decided to give you a candy for fearlessly calling Champion an ugly paint, but after seeing you revealed our secret the candy-giving process has been cancelled!

[Cor7y 13,862]

"Refular paints " Lol. Correct that :Lol:

Edited August 2, 2015 by Cor7y

[NewbieCake 3,067]

.

Edited August 4, 2015 by NewbieCake

[Indra_Otsutsuki 329]

I have Dragon paint(I now use Desert paint) and if you asked me when I bought it I was thinking that this paint should have been named "Lizard" cuz it really doesn't resemble anything like a fierce fire-breathing beast.

Edited August 3, 2015 by Indra_Otsutsuki

[The.Boss.TO 10]

i am a big fan of arcade e sports //.. please give me that paint please tanki !!!

[Arcohhs 67]

How could you forget Moonwalker?! it's rare to see one use it

[ultryX 0]

@nighthawk: so true. I can't agree with you more.

[Cke1st 102]

Someone in a heated Massacre DM commented that Tiger reminded him of a porn star's panties.  That's all I can think of when I see Tiger now.

 

Massively ugly, IMO:  Magma.  It looks like a rock-eating monster threw up all over your tank.

[NewbieCake 3,067]

^ Oh, god..

[Miracle_Quip 1]

How about Africa??? It is an amazingly beautiful paint, with all of the weaved looking textures, simply stunning

[anuclearbomb 220]

.

^amazing, sentimental, i believe this says it all.^

 

btw great article, a few errors but they have mostly been pointed out.

Edited August 10, 2015 by anuclearbomb

[PetertheGeniusGamer 74]

Inferno looks beautiful.

[Strawwitz 86]

Lead is beautiful when you are parked in bushes, and people drive right past you.  

[robbie56 2,403]

I don't really agree with the ugly paints , they are pretty cool.