[Issue 60] [Other] The Unemployed Column #7

[Yisroel.Rabin 16,224]

Looking for a job but can't find one because you're too lazy to get off your couch and go out and find one but won't admit it to your wife? Well you've definitely come to the right place; welcome to the Unemployed Column! Here you'll be greeted with great fun and totally not underpaid jobs, all you have to do is pick the one which suits you best!

We've satisfied many in the past and we're here to satisfy you too. But of course, you probably already know that slogan of ours because most of our viewers are second-time-around viewers, for some reason.

Anyways, go ahead, pick a job which accommodates your laziness the most, and don't worry, we won't judge you (I can't say the same for your wife though).

 

 

Bans Lawyer

You've got a suit lying around your dusty apartment which you never wear (besides for when your parents invite you and your family over for dinner)? Great, put it on (oh, but dust it off a bit first) and apply to become a bans lawyer! Every day an estimate of three bazillion tankers get banned, and most of those tankers want their bans cleared (the rest have no idea why they can't chat to their friends and conclude in breaking their keyboard, we have another job for that). Be the one to lend a helping hand in civil court and make a ton of crystals at the same time (hey, maybe the next time you take off your suit you won't scavenge your apartment for ten minutes, looking for the least dusty spot).
No law school degrees required, all we require of you is that you waste about eight minutes of your life reading the rules and another ten reading the EULA. So I guess you can say we require you to know how to read too, hopefully you can.

 

 

Teacher

Teacher students of all ages things as simple as the basics of turning a turret (although many students do struggle with this particular task) to the more complicated of things like how to do a sick back flip shot with XP and become the new king of XP (side affects include not being able to talk in the main chat without getting Warrant Officers or below spamming you with both messages and friend requests).
Students will be on their best behaviour, guaranteed. And we promise, this is nothing like when you applied for the roll of a regular teacher and you were guaranteed the students would be on their best behaviour there too ("Gold, how's this? Sounds believable?" "Perfect!").

 

 

Photographer

Hello there? Yes, you, with the camera! You take photos? Oh, what do you mean "yea, I guess", get some enthusiasm! You could be the next pro photographer of Tanki Online (hint). All you gotta' do is have a lot of people in your friends who don't mind standing in one spot for five minutes while you get the so-call "perfect angle".
Hey, if you're feeling up to it, try even arranging unofficial albums which have no professional format and/or use it as an excuse to stay on the family computer longer (the alternative is becoming a newspaper reporter, but what's the fun in that?).
Hm? Oh, yea, you don't really get paid... Teehee.

 

 

Secret Spy Agent (/Mini-Mod Mod Wannabe)

If you don't already have the

downloaded, download it! Why? Because it's time to go undercover and get charismatic and dynamic! Your mission is to seek out the worst of the worst crimes which players commit on the battlefields daily.
Sneak around building corners in Dusseldorf as you follow a suspect drug smuggler, and don't you dare begin to subconsciously worry about making to much noise with your rumbling tank, hit that mute button like a boss!
Found a pre-teen male slipping a couple of em' curse words? Capture that screenshot like a boss and report it to TO HQ, and if you're feeling the need to do a bit more boss-ness and you just so happen to know the players parents, show them the screenshot to and get your now-not-such-good-friend banned from the computer for six months or more (and maybe receive a chocolate chip cookie as a token of gratitude from the thankful parents)!
Note to self: Don't write newspaper articles while listening to the Mission Impossible theme.

 

 

Community Manager (of Tanki Online)

Being a community manager is so easy! All you have to do is sit in front of a computer the whole day and spam the forum. Right? Yea, sure, that seems about right. I mean, all that I could possibly think of that might come across as hard while "playing the roll of a community manager" is having to deal with hundreds of hate comments, having to write out a script for a weekly V-LOG, having to interact with the community like a chiller yet still sustain a professional attitude, having to take in feedback and analyze it then use that feedback to create a good plan for the development and the growth of the community.
...
OK, now I see why being a community manager is so hard. Well, I guess the harder the job the more crystals you get paid, right? What's that? Community managers don't get paid crystals? So why in the world did Cedric become community manager?

 

 

Tanks Cleaner / Repair

None of the above jobs fit you well? Oh well, I guess this is your last voyage, but I'll try and make it sound exciting anyways.
As a day of battles comes to a close, it's time for you to have the time of your life smearing off the the dirt of worn out tank treads and redoing detailed paint jobs (you don't have to redo the 'Dirty' paint, that's the beauty of it).
The most depressing part of it all is that the tanker never knows you worked your brains out perfecting his tank, and you'll never be recognized for your work and effort. Trapped, in an endless cycle of work, without recognition,
So much for making this job exciting... I suggest you scroll up and rethink your options.

 

~ @Yisroel.Rabin

Previous editions: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6

[Guest Maserati]

I didn't read it, but Rabin is the best ;)

EDIT: Ok I READ it

awesome as always :P

Edited January 7, 2017 by Lord.Shadow

[Yisroel.Rabin 16,224]

I didn't read it, but Rabin is the best ;)

EDIT: Ok I READ it

awesome as always :P

I didn't read it either.

Edited January 8, 2017 by Yisroel.Rabin
Okey, I read it.

[Benefactor 6,888]

I choose Buyer. Amazon, Ebay, Tanki - all the same....

[boomber_01 3]

i think a ban lawyer "suits" me because it feels like being a part of the community, tho how can i make it official ? if that even possible.

[ldea 1,544]

I wanna sue someone for taking my N2O box in Island CTF...

any layer here?

:- Island dont have N2O 

Me: woops busted!

[boomber_01 3]

but with ma skillz in being a lawyer we can make dat ting ........

a thing ._.

[r_I_already_won0 2,339]

Entertaining article! :) Well done!