Review [Issue 65] Rascal's List: Mischievous Map Obstacles

[Flexoo 6,980]

 

Map arrangement is one of the main criteria that determines whether the map will be popular or fall to oblivion. Each map has a very distinct set of props. Some form extensive plazas, concave canyons or corridors and then there are others that create obstacles serving just one purpose. To make your blood boil and annoy the pants off you. Join me as we review Tanki's most irritating map obstacles.

 

 

Before we start the countdown of the list I satirically called after those Russian pranksters who invented and implemented every possible option to troll the tankers, I want to tell you that these are just my personal choices. If you have any other picks for annoying obstacles, feel free to list them. Without further ado, here's the list.

 

Stairways

 

 

Let's start things off with the less irritating obstacle on the menu; the stairs. If you did not play the map Iran yet, you don't know the actual pain of climbing stairs in Tanki Online. As far as I am aware, Iran is one of the few maps ( if not the only one) where you can find this feature. To be frank, I am grateful for it.

 

Riding over those nine stairs with M0 or M1 equipment is just as stiff and time-consuming as running up the Niesenlauf's longest stairway on one leg. It's a drag, man! You can literally do all your household chores and watch the whole new Futurama series in that same time. My advice? Until developers finally implement something meaningful like escalators in the Iran, stand aloof from Tanki's stairway of terror. 

 

Bushes & Trees

 

 

The famous 2D Tanki trees and bushes that rotate alongside you can't be absent on this list. Perhaps you will disagree with me that trees can by no means be annoying, but trust me, there are instances when these woody plants make your eyes water out of sheer desperation.

 

Seriously, hire a lumberjack or something, Tanki. I know. It's not eco-friendly, but lot of us just can't stand this forest wilderness that provides a cover to those deadly campers knocking us down out of nowhere, or just messing with our view in general. I invite you all to sign the petition below.

 

Save the Amazon rain forest, chop the Tanki trees!

 

x ________________

x ________________

x ________________

 

Wall Colonnades

 

 

I get that these wall colonnades introduce a more strategic element to the gameplay, but who does enjoy those never-ending peekaboo games, when everyone is hidden behind those barricades. We want to destroy, smash, demolish, in other words turn the other tanks to rusty dust.

 

Walls prevent the fun and create a tedious game of whac-a-mole. Although a certain orange-skinned person would oppose me, I am confident we would do good with less walls in the way.

 

Invisible Walls

 

 

Is it just me who runs to probably every single invisible wall existing? I find it infuriating how these invisible phantoms devour my shots in their weird gravitational pull. It's often hard to tell whether your shot will be atop of that invisible line and it's quite annoying to find out when the shot's been already fired.

 

Ditches

 

 

Ugh. I always try to avoid these map loopholes and the tiptoeing around them. One slip and you are trapped with no possible escape route out of it. To make things worse, these ditches are ALWAYS on the most frequent places.

 

Just imagine the pain of laying ten or more mines and then accidentally slipping in those map holes. You can't get away and the only salvation is self-destruction that will wipe out all your mining efforts, not to mention that many Gold box drop zones are actually located in these holes. Just go to Gubakha, Molotov or Solikamsk. All these maps have at least one such drop zone. So, not only you often miss the Gold box dropped to these black holes, you actually get stuck in it with other unfortunates. These are two main reasons ditches easily earn their place on the list.

 

Bridges

 

 

Bridges are particularly interesting map features. On one hand, they connect multiple map parts and provide relatively quick passage. On the other hand, they expose your tank to heavy enemy fire. When you ride across the bridge, you are just like poor lil' lamb on a tray that is ready to be butchered by the pack of wolves waiting in the nook.

 

This alone is a reason to consider bridges as obstacles, but if you still aren't convinced, let me mention few examples like Camp's bridge or Monte Carlo's infamous 'bridge jump' that will make you reconsider it. If you ever played on these two maps, you know the displeasure with failing to achieve the smallest of tasks.

 

Self-destruct Zones

 

 

Pretty much every map has a self-destruct zone. Some are visibly marked with these skull warnings, others are hidden from the naked eye and can only be accessed by parkouring. While self-destruct zones often help you with quicker spawning as opposed to 5 second waiting time self-destruct button offers, they also can be quite annoying.

 

If you are playing on more open map that has an easily accessible self-destruct zone, any soft nudge from other player or short lag can make you fall into these pits of dead. Even parkourists have some problems, because these limitations influence the way they can perform the tricks. Imagine the salt of performing extremely demanding parkour trick after several hours of training just to self-destruct in midair or in some unknown self-destruct zone.

 

Hidden places

 

 

Although a lot of things changed with addition of Magnum whose specific shot trajectory can hit even the most unreachable players, there are still places that have ultimate trolling potential that can be easily utilized.

 

One such place is located in the one of the most popular maps, Polygon. If you manage to get there with light hull, holding the enemy flag, you can successfully stall the enemy since only other way to get here is that same narrow path you used. If you use a turret with impact force, you can easily knock incoming enemies into the self-destruct zone. There are other hidden places that can be used with the same annoying fashion, but this one is probably the best example of the ultimate irritation.

 

Noobs, Mults, Hy6s and co.

 

 

I just heard someone's jaw dropping. I suppose you weren't expecting this to appear here, especially since everything else on the list are pretty much map props. But one thing is for sure. These guys are far more annoying than everything on this list combined. There are instances I would rather have 9 walls as teammates because some players are, hmm what's the word; NUGS.

 

I am not expecting players to be absolutely perfect and super skilled machines, but I can't withstand those noobs who passed 30 ranks but still sink you in the battles because they do not know how to rotate the turret or they use M0 equipment in fight with Legends. Lot of these guys just fuss about underfoot, mult, and do everything in their power to be useless and annoying. Seriously, where's the 'Shoot-the-noob-on-the-Moon.' eject button. I desperately need it!

 

 

That's all on my obstacle list. Tell us what obstacles infuriate you the most. See ya next time. Have a great day!

 

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

OMG bro! That spot in Polygon is so annoying! The worst part of it is that Polygon has reversed bases, so players don't need to worry about running through enemy's base. This noob Rico-Hornet hid there before SU and no one could return/cap so we lost. However, that is sabotage, right? Really liked this article, very relatable.

[Penguin40 1,714]

OMG bro! That spot in Polygon is so annoying! The worst part of it is that Polygon has reversed bases, so players don't need to worry about running through enemy's base. This noob Rico-Hornet hid there before SU and no one could return/cap so we lost. However, that is sabotage, right? Really liked this article, very relatable.

You'd be in huge luck if your team had a sensible Magnum. He should stay on the island where the flag lies, and shoot directly at that saboteur, ggwp. Great article, Flex, and I particularly loved these two sentences:

 

There are instances I would rather have 9 walls as teammates because some players are, hmm what's the word; NUGS.

 

And:

 

Seriously, where's the 'Shoot-the-noob-on-the-Moon.' eject button. I desperately need it!

 

Also, I caught a little mistake - Solikamsk's ditches are too small to fit a gold box sign or a GB. XD :p

[Flexoo 6,980]

Also, I caught a little mistake - Solikamsk's ditches are too small to fit a gold box sign or a GB. XD :P

There's a Gold box drop zone in this one particular ditch in Solikamsk. It's right in the middle. I have it tested. Even such pro Gold hunter like me, cough, once failed to take a gold there. :rolleyes:

[Penguin40 1,714]

There's a Gold box drop zone in this one particular ditch in Solikamsk. It's right in the middle. I have it tested. Even such pro Gold hunter like me, cough, once failed to take a gold there. :rolleyes:

Oh that. I can guess a gold box would fit there, but I never noticed that ditch last time I checked the map :P

[Viking4s 10,791]

You'd be in huge luck if your team had a sensible Magnum. He should stay on the island where the flag lies, and shoot directly at that saboteur, ggwp. Great article, Flex, and I particularly loved these two sentences:

You can kill the guy using any splash damage turrets from the Island by the self destruct zone. I had one wasp who tried to hide there he thought he was safe, I used thunder he was done in no time, you can shout at him and he can reply back. haha. You still have to wait 30s before the flag goes back. Then you mine the entrance on the edge. Problem solved.

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

Oh that. I can guess a gold box would fit there, but I never noticed that ditch last time I checked the map :P

There's also a drop zone in Molotov inside a ditch.

[Zenyth 6,494]

There's also a drop zone in Molotov inside a ditch.

More than one, as far as I remember.

 

Would like to reiterate this, the one map prop I dislike is the castle ramp we find in maps like Fort Knox and Wolfenstein. However carefully I go along them, I keep stumbling and it is annoying when you're looking for a quick getaway. Not to mention that they conceal any enemy mines (which is mostly unknown, so that is not a serious disadvantage). Also worth mentioning are the narrow gaps between those small houses and the cliffs in maps like Highland and Silence, I somehow fall into them often (even though I know about it by now xD) and self-destructing is the only choice.

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

Another annoying prop is the bridges in Highways and Bridges. There always seem to be these invisible things that make your tank unstable. Just yesterday I flipped in space mode because some invisible little thing made my hull go off balance.

[Magenta 5,165]

Another annoying prop is the bridges in Highways and Bridges. There always seem to be these invisible things that make your tank unstable. Just yesterday I flipped in space mode because some invisible little thing made my hull go off balance.

not just bridges. if u r moving while ur side of the tank is stuck to a wall, and ur pressing both the forward button as well as the side button towards the wall, there might be a sudden jerk and ur tank will go haywire. especially annoying when ur in sandbox xp/bp, and u miss ur shot. 

[Ikillnathaniel 0]

stairs are easy to climb with m1 wasp

[Hex 11,520]

The texture for the ground in Space mode needs to be fixed. You are going perfectly straight and level and then all of a sudden, an invisible thing jerks your hull off-balance, just like Phenom said.

[DarkVengeance 31]

Cha no way. Props have nothing on comrades that act like deranged imbeciles while playing;

 

1) The guy that bumps Shaft/Rail, thereby throwing off the shot

2) The noob who stops and stares dumfounded while blocking a pathway a flag-carrier is riding through

3) The noob who thinks catching supply boxes is some kind of contest between teammates and snags DD/DA while this

     is already activated on said persons tank

4) The guy who cuts across line of fire while assaulting enemy, where 2 Tanks would finish the job quick, but one, the

     guy, ends up getting blown away

5) The brain doner who pushes from behind, pushing a Tanker into enemy fire

 

Generalised bumping bashing, cutting across line of fire so that Tanki resembles a highway of guys on speed and mescaline, that dont even need the enemy to mess things up

 

DarkVengeance

 

[Al-Za7eF 33]

Space mode in almost all maps invisible rocks keep on flipping me

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

Hy6s --> Hy6bl :d

[Benefactor 6,888]

The invisible bump near the bottom of the ramp on the blue side of Brest. Go down the ramp at full speed and it will flip you.