Other [Issue 67] If the English Community was a Bowling Alley

[Yisroel.Rabin 16,224]

 

Everyone gathered down in the bowling alley after a week of organizing done by @Cedric Debono, the community organizer. He organized this whole thing, from beginning to end. We already saw those guys running to the alleys; the game didn't even start yet, nor did anyone get their shoes yet either. They think they're pros, they're usually the rich, privileged kids, who'll excuse every mess they make. Like the one @Marc's about to make; rolling that ball before those gates blocking the pins comes up. One, two, three, aw, nevermind, he missed anyways.

 

We were greeted by , a Russian man who basically runs the entire place. There were a couple of other workers there, but they all just looked like sleeping zombies staring into space. He gave us all shoes and set up the alley for us.

 

Down all the way at the other side were the wannabe-cool guys. They've already turned their caps backwards, which just made them look more nerdy. They separated themselves from everyone, which was also a failed attempt to make them look cooler, and actually made them look like bigger anti-social losers. I can just imagine them crying when they won't get picked for a team. Serves them right for playing on their phones while we're trying to create a match here.

 

The normal guys were getting their shoes on. There was obviously that one guy who was tiny, and no shoe was small enough for him, so they ended up stuffing his shoes with leftover 'Tankiverse Candy' rappers from the trash can. No one laughed outside, but it was rather hilarious on the inside. There was the opposite problem for @The.L-E-G-E-N-D; no shoe was big enough for his foot. He was the huge guy of the party, not necessarily the strongest, but the biggest. The guy you'd usually call big foot. Yea, he'll be complaining how he has to fit his feet into a size 12 for the whole game.

 

Meanwhile, there was that overtired @Maf guy. He was laying on the benches, looking like he stayed up till 5 AM last night. Yup, you can already tell he'll be missing every roll he makes. You don't want him on your team, but you'll probably get him. Because, "your team always has to lose for no reason, Hy6 nub molt team!"

 

The teams were being made. Cedric appointed @Hexed to make them, the highly respected loyal guy, who somehow gets all his work done in minutes, and finds time to have a life. He's trusted with any job an official is too lazy to do. As he was trying to make teams, there were multiple (noob) players, such as @Darren4Turbo, @Quantum, and @Zenyth, who tried to push their way to Hexed, the important guy in the crowd, and were screaming "Pick me! Pick me!". Hexed looked passed them and made fair teams, which didn't really stop people from complaining, but whatever.

 

There was the same mysterious figure with a speech bubble with a question mark in it as a head. He was standing at the door post, with a belt of eight roles of duck tape, ready to round up bad guys. He walked over to me, and told me to stop provoking people. For some reason, I didn't get what he was talking about, until after he lifted my foot off a noob's chest, wrote "Provocation, One Round, =R=>" on a piece of duct tape, and put it over my mouth.

 

All my friends, or, thought-to be-friends, began laughing at my miserable face. But I ignored them, and continued like normal (just without my foot on a guys chest). While I was banned I was more aware. I noticed that @Sia kept getting notes in her bag. Every time she looked in it (she has some obsession of making sure she hasn't been robbed) she'd pull out another sticky note with something like "Look to your left <3" written on it. Every time she did, a group of 12 year olds in jerseys with the letters "EN3 LEGENDZ" printed on the backs were trying to act cool at another alley. The "leader of the pack," usually the fattest and ugliest one, would always scream at the top of his high-pitched voice "SHE'S WATCHING!" when she was. Immediately they all went into this weird phase where they all started giggling in a flirty manner, completely forgetting to try to act cool by bowling.

 

Everyone in our group rolled their eyes and looked away. Meanwhile, at the fancy score screens which haven't updated their graphics in the past 20 years, @I3est was still trying to explain to newbies what everything meant and how it worked. I thought I heard one guy ask "So can I name myself Godmode_ON?" I3est told him it was already taken, by me. Typical me, I know.

 

After what felt like days of I3est explaining the rules and everything, the first guy was up. @SwiftSmoky did a whole dance before finally striking. As if he was some acrobatics parkour club champion. Everyone clapped, I yawned. I had a while till I was up. But I had to stay up to support my "friends." Someone from my team was up now. @Adriel.RB admitted he had no clue how to play. But knowing him, he could've been admitting that he hadn't taken out the trash last week. There's no knowing what Adriel wants to say with his English. He put his face in front of the conveyor belt, where the bowling balls were meant to come back up, because he was waiting for a pink one, for some reason. The pink one eventually did come, but it hit him in the nose. A nearby Isida wrapped his nose in 'self-Isida bandages', and Adriel was ready to go.

 

Despite knowing nothing about bowling, he didn't do too bad. He ended with a total of 6 points, which is pretty good for a guy with a bandage covering his eyes. As he hit a couple of pins down his "assistant banter bro" (in other words, the other guy no one could relate to on a human intellectual level), @personia cheered him on with old memes like "Kirby saving the day again!" and they exchanged inside jokes no one had the interest in deciphering.

 

In an alley to the right of us, @Scientist set up a whole laboratory on the lane, and was experimenting with some random mixtures and compounds. Occasionally we heard loud bangs escalate from his area. It always resulted in us all turning our heads to him in unison and discovering a man with his face covered with ashes. He reassured us with the words "I'm okey!" every time. He never actually played, we have no idea why he even came. He might as well have stayed home and experimented with month old faded nuclear Twins plasmas there. We didn't mention it though, it became a norm for Scientist.

 

Meanwhile, @lukey0 and @a7x_Pedro48 were being the pros, but at catching the arcade prizes. They were the guys you'd usually find sitting in front of a machine trying to catch all the prizes using a plastic hand too big for the hole, and somehow doing it. They repeatedly won random prizes, and occasionally ran back to our lanes to brag about prizes they won like "the cool 'Magnum iPod.'" They were surrounded by six year old children asking them to catch a couple of prizes for them. They did and announced what number prize it was every time. "Prize number 749!" lukey yelled. Eventually they forgot about the difficulty of getting the prize, but instead it became a competition between the two of who could get more prizes within 10 minutes.

 

In the midst of all the commotion which was coming from all 's strikes and the loud "BOO!"'s coming from another random, very loud and wild bowling match (who called themselves 'RU-PRO'), @RIDDLER_8 walked around the bowling alley and handed out pamphlets about his beliefs and religion to basically every person in the alley. He was trying to convince everyone that "Isida is the Ultimate Redeemer of Tanki", and will "save us all from the Evil Administration of ." He was engaging himself in deep conversation with people who simply had no interest in hearing what he had to say, but couldn't find a way to simply ignore him. In the end of the day, I think everyone went home with at least five different pamphlets and sign up sheets and a whole new outlook on life.

 

But RIDDLER wasn't the only one walking around brainwashing everyone. Practically the entire game, @Night-Sisters, the proclaimed feminist, was campaigning her movement to "equalize" men and women. Even as she was bowling she was talking about her movement. Everyone nodded their heads and gave an "uh-huh" in a tone of approval to stay politically correct, but she kept pushing her movement to the front of the conversation, and brought numerous of "catastrophic incidences of women being mistreated." In return of her campaigning, Adriel began his campaign (which was more of a troll than a campaign) on equalizing Mexicans. But that got into modern day politics quickly, so he got warned and eventually stopped his campaign after five minutes to start a new awfully crazy trend.

 

Out of the people who were actually playing (which was only about half of the people present), @Cyborg had to correct their mistakes. Every swing, every roll, every hit, every miss, every everything was analyzed in great detail by the five star critic Cyborg and then corrected in a very abrupt manner. He critiqued all SwiftSmoky's strikes and called him a "noob lagger," which is a pretty weird thing to call someone. It went both way though, we decided to critic his every move back. He wasn't bad though, he got a few strikes. But that didn't stop us from judging him.

 

The game was pretty fun so far. Unfortunately, the behind the scenes machines kept breaking down, and Hazel had to go down there and fix it every five minutes or so. Every time he got it back up he would brag about how he implemented some new feature that would help it stay running. He occasionally added some random stuff, that would seem to have no beneficial effect on gameplay. Like, at one point he added this weird animation. When one would get a strike, a short clip would play on the screen of Hazel's head rolling into a bunch of mini-Russian YouTubers and knock them down. Boy, Hazel really has something against Russian YouTubers.

 

He added some weird giant neon sign which read 'Hazel's Bowler Clubhouse.' It was weird, and slightly cringy, but it didn't really ruin anything. Nonetheless, I was able to easily identify a whole bunch of players complaining about it, for no legitimate reason. He just reassured everyone that his random implements were for the best and that we just don't understand the genius behind the situation.

 

I don't know, I personally didn't mind the hot tub he randomly put in the "waiting" area. He named it 'Overdrive' though, which is a pretty weird name, in my opinion. Plus, the room got misty pretty fast.

 

Then he walked in. He's the kind of guy to show up fashionably late and unexpectedly. No one thought he'd come, we all just thought he was, well, dead. But no, @semyonkirov came down the steps, his hair bouncing with every step he took, and wearing his custom bowling shoes. The game suddenly froze like a lonely penguin in a freezer wearing a suit of ice cubes. Everyone gathered around Semyon and basically spammed him with questions like "admin bowl pls?" He was the new life of the party. Yup, Semyon's the kind of guy that when he walks into the room, everyone loses their minds.

 

We ended up replacing @GoldRock with Semyon, being GoldRock said he really had to use the washroom, and then never came back. We took it as his way of running without looking like a loser. GoldRock was never really the sporty kind of guy. He was usually the brains of our team, which meant he never showed up.

 

We finished our game a couple of minutes later... Who won? Ah, whatever, it doesn't matter, right? It was all just for fun any— We lost, okey?

 

Anyways, we had more time left on the clock before the server update, so we challenged a bunch of Amateur Writing Club people. Being that's where I was before becoming an official reporter, I felt bad for these guys when we crushed them so badly. @Penguin40, an AWC Distinguished Member and the guy who always wanted to be in the newspaper (this is ironic), was trying his best to play at least a little decently, but the closest he came was five pins down. We eventually let them win, which they somehow didn't realize.

 

We took a break from playing for a bit and got pizza in the shape of a tank (a tank using Isida and Mammoth, in honour of RIDDLER) and a7x_Pedro48 won a bunch of Tanki Taffies, so those were flying all over the place as well. GaIaxy woke up, he probably smelled the food. He was the guy who simply didn't stop munching on those taffies. We had to stop him before he exploded from an overdose. Then, we got back to playing quickly.

 

We started up another game. We switched around the teams a bit, because people were complaining (naturally). Right as people finished setting up their names (I was DisneyFlow)...

 

 

Well, I guess that was the end of that game.

 

 

 

Previous articles in this series:

   [issue 5] If the English Community was a Company...

   [issue 10] If the English community was a Football [soccer] Team

   [issue 11] What if the English Community was a Restaurant

   [issue 15] If the English community was a City

   [issue 24] If the English Community was Stuck on a Desert Island

   [issue 59] If the English Community was a Hotel

 

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

Lol the irony. This gets posted the same day I decide to go bowling after like 2-3 years.

[Heles 9,220]

Nice :D 

[lukey0 27,543]

Lovely with a good sense of humor. :LOL:

[Stratosphere 2,234]

:wub: Was the server connection ever opened again? :D

Edited September 29, 2017 by Stratosphere

[Auhsoj1 68]

You should make one that is about the tanki English community being a concert band/orchestra.