The mystery of the missing spaceship: The crash

[r_trooll15 827]

I woke up with a pounding headache and an aching body. The crash was disastrous and it was a miracle that I was still alive.
“Where are we?” I wondered.

 

Welcome to Universe 75383.

 

“Ummmm…” I looked around me and was horrified by what I saw. Wreckage everywhere. Ben was pinned by the remains of the dashboard panel. The oxygen machines were in a heap of rubble, the hull was breached and there was a call in the distance, one that made me shudder in fear, one that belonged to the Spoleniives. I stood up to help Ben by lifting the rubble off of him. That's when I saw the remains of the hall to the living quarters. It looked as if a giant had decided to play around with a sledgehammer and smashed it to pieces. There was no sight of the back of the ship, where the living quarters, and Zack, were. I went over to Ben and tried to lift the dashboard off of him, but I was too weak to fully lift it and had to resort to pushing it off of Ben. Then, I saw Ben’s leg. It was twisted at an impossible angle and was curled up on itself. The impact must've smashed his bones to pieces. I had no idea what I should have done.

 

Attention: all flight systems down. Hull breached. Computers functional. Explosion logged in flight systems.

 

“I can under all that from my surroundings.”

I picked my way through the rubble to the back of the remains of the ship and jumped down. I immediately felt the sensation of heat on my back. And it was very hot. I turned to look for the source of the heat and saw it. The Spoleniive. Guts everywhere. Smashed by the crippled ship. And above it, the systems deck. Ablaze. The Alcubierre warp drive in pieces. Fragments of it everywhere. Everything on fire, with thick black smoke and an acrid smell that burned my eyes and lungs. And a strange object, pulsing and shifting, absorbing that smoke. It was an egg. Through the transparent shell, just barely visible through all the smoke, was a Dbonoe. They had somehow infiltrated the ship and indirectly caused this catastrophe. The egg had hit the warp drive and shattered it. It must've also disrupted the cooling system, causing the overheating and the huge blaze.
“How the hell are we going to fix this!!!”
C'mon!
A Spoleniive swooped down and into the blaze, reaching out and grabbing the Dbonoe egg.
I wandered away from the front of the spaceship, thinking about the miracle that me and Ben survived. Suddenly, I stumbled into a field of wreckage. It was the back of the spaceship. I was shocked. The largest debris was a bed, all bloody and dirty, with an equally bloody and dusty Zack on top. The rest of the debris was anywhere from a watermelon to a grain of sand in terms of size.
Zack was conscious when I finally cleared a path to him. He was confused about how the crash could have happened and was ready to give up, considering the state of the starship.
“Follow,” I said and he complied.
We walked back across the barren landscape to try and plan how to tackle the obvious question:
How are we going to survive, let alone get to the Dbonoes?

[Destrod 2,634]

Approved.

 

-Size adjustments

- Addition of words to make the sentence easier to comprehend

- Correction of two past tense mistakes.

 

Although this piece doesn't strike as amazing, it has decent potential as a 3-4 sequel series. Perhaps something more generic in the next sequel? A sudden twist? Anyhow, a good attempt and I'm sure things will pan out once the next sequel is written!

[GrandExecutioner 1,403]

This story has a good plot but it was slightly confusing at times. I guess that happens though since there's little context in short stories.

[Commander_Rose 327]

Although this piece doesn't strike as amazing, it has decent potential as a 3-4 sequel series. Perhaps something more generic in the next sequel? A sudden twist? Anyhow, a good attempt and I'm sure things will pan out once the next sequel is written!

Agreed.