Hunters All [Tankiverse Fanfic]

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

Hunters All

Fanfic in the Tankiverse by Hippin_in_Hawaii

 
“Dust on the horizon, Commander!”
 
“That famed Gak punctuality, eh, Deila?”
 
“Now is not the time for levity, Commander,” she replied dispassionately.
 
Auschun bit his lip to keep from laughing. It was rare that one of his crew managed to get a shot in on him, and Deila had definitely scored with that one. It took a moment for him to trust his voice. “Acknowledged, Gunnery Officer. Report.”
 
“First vehicle coming into sight now, Commander. One of their security vehicles. Distance approaching six thousand meters. Speed approximately sixty-five kph. Likelihood to hit low.”
 
Approximately ten seconds ticked past. “Second vehicle clearing the hill. Heavy tank with Gatling gun. We’ve seen her before, Commander.” She frowned. “Sir, the Gaks have increased the spacing between vehicles considerably. I estimate two hundred meters. WIth this formation, and assuming they are in radio contact, it is unlikely we can destroy the entire convoy before they scatter.”
 
“Assessment noted, Gunnery Officer. Fire first at the principal target when it reaches optimum trajectory, then use your discretion. I should think that the tank would be a high priority, though.”
 
“As you say, Commander. Two more vehicles have come into sight, both cargo trucks.” She frowned again. “Commander, last time, that tank had friends.”
 
“Perhaps they are on other convoys,” mused Auschun.
 
“And perhaps not?” suggested Dwight.
 
“Next vehicle in sight. Armored personnel carrier,” came Deila’s report. “This one, too, we have seen before.”
 
“Ah, see, they have distributed their forces throughout the convoy. No doubt the other tanks are still to be seen,” decided Auschun.
 
“As you say, Commander, still to be seen,” said Dwight, not sounding convinced. “Might we not want to be sure?”
 
“Tactical Officer, there will be no active use of scanning until we fire our first volley. We will not risk betraying our position prematurely.”
 
“Sir.”
 
“However, the moment Deila fires, you are authorized to use any and all methods at your disposal as you see fit.”
 
“Thank you, sir.”
 
*****
 
Tanya carefully raised her head above the fallen tree she had spent the last half-hour crawling towards. Just a few meters away she could clearly see the shape of a tank draped in camouflage netting. She gently lowered herself, then reached for her communicator. Breathing a silent prayer to the gods of her parents, she flicked it on and engaged the locator beacon. Sliding the device under the fallen trunk, she began crawling backwards as quickly as stealth would permit.
 
*****
 
Fred keyed his mic. “Signal! I’ve got direction at one four six degrees.”
 
“SIgnal! Oh seven four degrees,” came Chip’s reply.
 
“Signal! Two eight two degrees,” responded Nienna.
 
Fred quickly lined the three trajectories up on his map. His and Chip’s were more accurate, since they were at known, fixed locations. But adding Nienna’s would give him a better idea where she was as well.
 
“I make it map reference charlie kilo seven seven. Repeat charlie kilo seven seven. Engage Plan Alpha. Chip, you’re farther, start moving now.”
 
Fred sat and chewed his lip. One of two things was going to happen. Either that beast would see Chip’s tank approaching from behind and react, or it wouldn’t. He was gambling heavily that the enemy’s need for stealth extended to avoiding electronic sensing, in which case, both he and Chip should be able to get close enough for good shots before the enemy even saw them coming. If his bet was wrong, though, that thing would skewer Chip’s tank long before it became a threat, and be alerted to their presence as well.
 
A minute passed. Two. Three. Fred’s lip was becoming bloody. The comm crackled “Fred, we’re approaching equal distance. Roll out.”
 
“You heard the man, Al! Roll out!”
 
Now, at least, if the enemy did see the danger coming, he’d have to choose which of them to shoot first.
 
*****
 
“Tanker in sight, Commander. Range six thousand meters. Speed sixty five kph. Likelihood to hit low.”
 
“Let it come, Deila. Let it come.”
 
*****
 
Al was pushing the tank hard, but the terrain wasn’t terribly smooth, and there was a band of forest to contend with. Fred stared at the slowly-converging points on his display and prayed for the enemy to remain ignorant just for the few minutes they needed.
 
*****
 
“Target approaching optimum trajectory. Speed constant. Firing.”
 
The tank bucked with the recoil of AP shell speeding from the bore. A brief flash from the forward end of the tanker truck signaled a hit. “Success, Commander. Vehicle disabled. Loading AP.” Even now, in this moment of pure triumph, Deila’s voice never wavered from the profesional.
 
Auschun’s voice, however, was dripping with excitement. “Peter, engage engine!”  he yelled. “We go kill a tank next! Dwight, report when ready!”
 
Dwight was flipping the switches that controlled his various detection devices. Cameras, EM detection, radar, thermal… all amazingly sensitive, but all computer-driven and requiring seconds to boot.
 
Deila spoke. “Commander, enemy tank has changed bearing and is heading towards us. Her course is evasive and her profile is small. Likelihood to hit is reduced. She is firing, but I don’t think she actually sees us.”
 
“Take your time and fire when ready, Gunnery Officer,” responded Auschun.
 
The sound of several rounds impacting the hull echoed through the interior of the cabin. “She is lucky, that one,” cursed Auschun. “Deila? Return the favor.”
 
“Firing,” she responded, the tank bucking in time to her announcement.
 
*****
 
“Holy damn! We’re hit!” cried Nancy, struggling to keep control of the tank.
 
“Ya think?” drawled Nester from behind the gun. “Good news is, I saw the muzzle flash. They’re going to be feeling this now.”
 
“Nancy, we were hit on the front left. Try to keep that side away from him. Another one there and we don’t go home,” cautioned Nienna.
 
“You got it!”
 
“Nester, there is no tomorrow.”
 
“Don’t worry, Commander. We won’t stop shooting until we’re out of ammo or we’ve melted the barrels.”
 
*****
 
The pounding on the hull became constant and painfully loud. “Deila, report!”
 
“I hit her, Commander, but she still comes. I think they reinforced her with reactive armor. Loading AP. She can’t survive a second hit in the same area.”
 
*****
 
“Nienna has engaged! Al, if there is anything you can do to shave seconds…”
 
*****
 
“Nienna’s been hit! Faster, Alba! I don’t care how!”
 
*****
 
“Commander! Two tanks approaching from behind! Small and fast, contact in thirty seconds!”
 
“Peter! Get us moving! Escape and evade southwest. Deila, kill that tank! Dwight, mines and countermeasures as you see fit.” He spat. “I have lead us into a Gak trap!”
 
*****
 
“He’s running!” Nienna laughed. “Nancy, intercept! Nester, cut his head off!”
Nienna’s tank leaned heavily on its right tread as Nancy banked to meet the enemy’s course. The hail of rounds, a stream of AP mixed with the occasional tracer, gave the appearance of a laser beam  walking up the side of the beast and into the turret ring.
 
*****
 
“Commander, the turret is damaged. Aiming is impaired.” Even under these conditions, Deila’s voice was cool and level.
 
“Peter, take direction from Deila! Gunnery Officer, you are in charge!”
 
“Bank left, Peter. More. Still more. Excellent. Hold. Firing.”
 
*****
 
The driver’s compartment erupted in shrapnel and flame. Nienna ignored the pain slicing through her right leg and grabbed a fire extinguisher. Nester continued firing, his concentration riveted on the gunsights.
 
*****
 
“In extreme range!” shouted Larry.
 
“Fire at will!” replied Chip. “Get him off of her!”
 
*****
 
The tank shook violently, then slued to the left. “Commander, we are hit broadside. I’ve lost steering. I believe we lost a tread.”
 
“One of the replacement links, Commander,” cried Maria.
 
“Then we run in circles, and Deila will impress us with her amazing marksmanship!”
 
“Third tank closing, Commander,” shouted Dwight.
 
*****
 
“He’s swinging around towards us!” yelled Fred. “Fire, dammit!”
 
Liza obeyed, and scored a miracle hit, but without obvious effect. Fred saw another fireball blossom on the far side of the enemy tank, evidence of another hit by Chip. And, of course, the withering rain of hits from Nienna’s crippled tank continued showering the enemy. Still, it kept turning, the muzzle coming to bear…
 
*****
 
“Firing. Miss. Loading HE.”
 
*****
 
“Nancy, can you hear me? I’m coming!” shrieked Nienna as she fought to put down the flames filling the driver’s compartment. Behind her she heard Nester choking on the acrid fumes and cursing as he continued pounding the enemy tank:
 
“Die you scum, die!”
 
*****
 
“My friends,” said Auschun, his voice raised over the nearly-deafening din of the Gatling gun’s merciless assault chewing away their armor, punctuated by the impacts of shells from the other two tanks. “We go now to glory. We have done mighty things, and can stand proudly amongst our ancestors. We will be…”

 

Mahalo (thank you) for reading; I hope you enjoyed! This story is part of a series. Information on the series, and links to the other stories, can be found here.

[Blackdrakon30 2,943]

- A few sentence structure edits (First area I changed "came her dispassionate reply" to "she replied dispassionately." This was a trap that I fell in a lot when I started storywriting, but you have to make sure to keep things "in the moment" and action-based. I also made some edits in the last paragraph)

- Fixed a spelling error (Signalled -> Signaled)

- Some other assorted edits

- Changed asterisk row color to a lighter grey, and changed some "swear" asterisks to other stuff, because it's kind of hard to pay attention to stuff when asterisks show focus-changes as well as swearing.

- Changed font size to standard

 

Approved

 

So, I have a one main thing to say about this piece. First of all, as always, well done; it was an engaging story. I really loved the idea to do the "split-screen" viewpoint of the battle. However, I feel like a vast amount of the impact offered by the perspective was shot in the foot by how much you used it. Way too many asterisk jumps. It made the story harder to follow than it needed to be, and having so much split perspective didn't offer enough value to offset those downsides.

 

There were some other writing aspects you could still improve, like the dialogue, but I'm far from an expert in the area, and it's usually more helpful to develop your own style. But yeah, great job!

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

 

- Changed asterisk row color to a lighter grey, and changed some "swear" asterisks to other stuff, because it's kind of hard to pay attention to stuff when asterisks show focus-changes as well as swearing.

 

<snip>

 

I really loved the idea to do the "split-screen" viewpoint of the battle. However, I feel like a vast amount of the impact offered by the perspective was shot in the foot by how much you used it. Way too many asterisk jumps. It made the story harder to follow than it needed to be, and having so much split perspective didn't offer enough value to offset those downsides.

 

I toyed with the idea of color-coding this, breaking out of my old-school predilection for clean text. But, at least to these old eyes, it was more distracting. Maybe I'll copy the above and repost it as a comment, colorize it, and see what the reaction is.

 

Honestly, the asterisk thing never occurred to me! I knew there would be some ****ing that needed to be done, but didn't think how that would interact with my choice of perspective-shift-signal.

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

Hunters All - In COLOUR

Fanfic in the Tankiverse by Hippin_in_Hawaii

 

“Dust on the horizon, Commander!”

 

“That famed Gak punctuality, eh, Deila?”

 

“Now is not the time for levity, Commander,” she replied dispassionately.

 

Auschun bit his lip to keep from laughing. It was rare that one of his crew managed to get a shot in on him, and Deila had definitely scored with that one. It took a moment for him to trust his voice. “Acknowledged, Gunnery Officer. Report.”

 

“First vehicle coming into sight now, Commander. One of their security vehicles. Distance approaching six thousand meters. Speed approximately sixty-five kph. Likelihood to hit low.”

 

Approximately ten seconds ticked past. “Second vehicle clearing the hill. Heavy tank with Gatling gun. We’ve seen her before, Commander.” She frowned. “Sir, the Gaks have increased the spacing between vehicles considerably. I estimate two hundred meters. WIth this formation, and assuming they are in radio contact, it is unlikely we can destroy the entire convoy before they scatter.”

 

“Assessment noted, Gunnery Officer. Fire first at the principal target when it reaches optimum trajectory, then use your discretion. I should think that the tank would be a high priority, though.”

 

“As you say, Commander. Two more vehicles have come into sight, both cargo trucks.” She frowned again. “Commander, last time, that tank had friends.”

 

“Perhaps they are on other convoys,” mused Auschun.

 

“And perhaps not?” suggested Dwight.

 

“Next vehicle in sight. Armored personnel carrier,” came Deila’s report. “This one, too, we have seen before.”

 

“Ah, see, they have distributed their forces throughout the convoy. No doubt the other tanks are still to be seen,” decided Auschun.

 

“As you say, Commander, still to be seen,” said Dwight, not sounding convinced. “Might we not want to be sure?”

 

“Tactical Officer, there will be no active use of scanning until we fire our first volley. We will not risk betraying our position prematurely.”

 

“Sir.”

 

“However, the moment Deila fires, you are authorized to use any and all methods at your disposal as you see fit.”

 

“Thank you, sir.”

 

*****

 

Tanya carefully raised her head above the fallen tree she had spent the last half-hour crawling towards. Just a few meters away she could clearly see the shape of a tank draped in camouflage netting. She gently lowered herself, then reached for her communicator. Breathing a silent prayer to the gods of her parents, she flicked it on and engaged the locator beacon. Sliding the device under the fallen trunk, she began crawling backwards as quickly as stealth would permit.

 

*****

 

Fred keyed his mic. “Signal! I’ve got direction at one four six degrees.”

 

"Signal! Oh seven four degrees," came Chip’s reply.

 

"Signal! Two eight two degrees," responded Nienna.

 

Fred quickly lined the three trajectories up on his map. His and Chip’s were more accurate, since they were at known, fixed locations. But adding Nienna’s would give him a better idea where she was as well.

 

“I make it map reference charlie kilo seven seven. Repeat charlie kilo seven seven. Engage Plan Alpha. Chip, you’re farther, start moving now.”

 

Fred sat and chewed his lip. One of two things was going to happen. Either that beast would see Chip’s tank approaching from behind and react, or it wouldn’t. He was gambling heavily that the enemy’s need for stealth extended to avoiding electronic sensing, in which case, both he and Chip should be able to get close enough for good shots before the enemy even saw them coming. If his bet was wrong, though, that thing would skewer Chip’s tank long before it became a threat, and be alerted to their presence as well.

 

A minute passed. Two. Three. Fred’s lip was becoming bloody. The comm crackled "Fred, we’re approaching equal distance. Roll out."

 

“You heard the man, Al! Roll out!”

 

Now, at least, if the enemy did see the danger coming, he’d have to choose which of them to shoot first.

 

*****

 

“Tanker in sight, Commander. Range six thousand meters. Speed sixty five kph. Likelihood to hit low.”

 

“Let it come, Deila. Let it come.”

 

*****

 

Al was pushing the tank hard, but the terrain wasn’t terribly smooth, and there was a band of forest to contend with. Fred stared at the slowly-converging points on his display and prayed for the enemy to remain ignorant just for the few minutes they needed.

 

*****

 

“Target approaching optimum trajectory. Speed constant. Firing.”

 

The tank bucked with the recoil of AP shell speeding from the bore. A brief flash from the forward end of the tanker truck signaled a hit. “Success, Commander. Vehicle disabled. Loading AP.” Even now, in this moment of pure triumph, Deila’s voice never wavered from the profesional.

 

Auschun’s voice, however, was dripping with excitement. “Peter, engage engine!”  he yelled. “We go kill a tank next! Dwight, report when ready!”

 

Dwight was flipping the switches that controlled his various detection devices. Cameras, EM detection, radar, thermal… all amazingly sensitive, but all computer-driven and requiring seconds to boot.

 

Deila spoke. “Commander, enemy tank has changed bearing and is heading towards us. Her course is evasive and her profile is small. Likelihood to hit is reduced. She is firing, but I don’t think she actually sees us.”

 

“Take your time and fire when ready, Gunnery Officer,” responded Auschun.

 

The sound of several rounds impacting the hull echoed through the interior of the cabin. “She is lucky, that one,” cursed Auschun. “Deila? Return the favor.”

 

“Firing,” she responded, the tank bucking in time to her announcement.

 

*****

 

“Holy damn! We’re hit!” cried Nancy, struggling to keep control of the tank.

 

“Ya think?” drawled Nester from behind the gun. “Good news is, I saw the muzzle flash. They’re going to be feeling this now.”

 

“Nancy, we were hit on the front left. Try to keep that side away from him. Another one there and we don’t go home,” cautioned Nienna.

 

“You got it!”

 

“Nester, there is no tomorrow.”

 

“Don’t worry, Commander. We won’t stop shooting until we’re out of ammo or we’ve melted the barrels.”

 

*****

 

The pounding on the hull became constant and painfully loud. “Deila, report!”

 

“I hit her, Commander, but she still comes. I think they reinforced her with reactive armor. Loading AP. She can’t survive a second hit in the same area.”

 

*****

 

“Nienna has engaged! Al, if there is anything you can do to shave seconds…”

 

*****

 

“Nienna’s been hit! Faster, Alba! I don’t care how!”

 

*****

 

“Commander! Two tanks approaching from behind! Small and fast, contact in thirty seconds!”

 

“Peter! Get us moving! Escape and evade southwest. Deila, kill that tank! Dwight, mines and countermeasures as you see fit.” He spat. “I have lead us into a Gak trap!”

 

*****

 

“He’s running!” Nienna laughed. “Nancy, intercept! Nester, cut his head off!”

Nienna’s tank leaned heavily on its right tread as Nancy banked to meet the enemy’s course. The hail of rounds, a stream of AP mixed with the occasional tracer, gave the appearance of a laser beam  walking up the side of the beast and into the turret ring.

 

*****

 

“Commander, the turret is damaged. Aiming is impaired.” Even under these conditions, Deila’s voice was cool and level.

 

“Peter, take direction from Deila! Gunnery Officer, you are in charge!”

 

“Bank left, Peter. More. Still more. Excellent. Hold. Firing.”

 

*****

 

The driver’s compartment erupted in shrapnel and flame. Nienna ignored the pain slicing through her right leg and grabbed a fire extinguisher. Nester continued firing, his concentration riveted on the gunsights.

 

*****

 

“In extreme range!” shouted Larry.

 

“Fire at will!” replied Chip. “Get him off of her!”

 

*****

 

The tank shook violently, then slued to the left. “Commander, we are hit broadside. I’ve lost steering. I believe we lost a tread.”

 

“One of the replacement links, Commander,” cried Maria.

 

“Then we run in circles, and Deila will impress us with her amazing marksmanship!”

 

“Third tank closing, Commander,” shouted Dwight.

 

*****

 

“He’s swinging around towards us!” yelled Fred. “Fire, dammit!”

 

Liza obeyed, and scored a miracle hit, but without obvious effect. Fred saw another fireball blossom on the far side of the enemy tank, evidence of another hit by Chip. And, of course, the withering rain of hits from Nienna’s crippled tank continued showering the enemy. Still, it kept turning, the muzzle coming to bear…

 

*****

 

“Firing. Miss. Loading HE.”

 

*****

 

“Nancy, can you hear me? I’m coming!” shrieked Nienna as she fought to put down the flames filling the driver’s compartment. Behind her she heard Nester choking on the acrid fumes and cursing as he continued pounding the enemy tank:

 

“Die you scum, die!”

 

*****

 

“My friends,” said Auschun, his voice raised over the nearly-deafening din of the Gatling gun’s merciless assault chewing away their armor, punctuated by the impacts of shells from the other two tanks. “We go now to glory. We have done mighty things, and can stand proudly amongst our ancestors. We will be…”

[mydoom.exe 5,154]

I honestly have no clue if I ever complimented you on this series, but this stuff is really good mate. Keep it up, please. :)

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

I honestly have no clue if I ever complimented you on this series, but this stuff is really good mate. Keep it up, please. :)

Thanks! It's nice to feel appreciated!

 

This is the 18th installment. I have 3 more written; solid plans for an additional two; and a kind of nebulous idea for a couple of more arcs. Need to get some stories in the War series, and I haven't even started the Peace series yet!

[GrandExecutioner 1,403]

This is really good stuff. I agree towards the end it got a bit confusing who was saying what (probably since it was fast-paced) but you could just about follow. Usually I would agree and colour may make it easier, but on this occasion since there are so many parties involved and quite a few colours, I'm not really you'd benefit any more than just one colour for everything.

 

Great work though!

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

Great!