Other [Issue 76] How to Be Funny and Cool on the Forum

[KillerGnat 3,135]

Greetings mults. As a newly accepted reporter, and consequently a vastly superior human being to you common folk, I think it's time I write a satirical post with an inordinate amount of big words and strikethroughs impart my wellspring of wisdom to your deprived and thoroughly incompetent selves. 

 

As any experienced forum-goer can tell you, the pinnacle of forum popularity is reached only by those of the utmost ability -- the most humorous, the most sophisticated, the most skilled basically, not mydoom.exe. Being a part of the elite few requires dedication and a teacher able to explain the nuances of life itself otherwise known as the Tanki forum. Let's begin.

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1. Say "ok" a lot

"ok" is an instant joke. It's a guaranteed success for people lacking the needed confidence to make regular jokes. Additionally, it can be used as a snappy response to any nay-sayers that call you out. Observe how I use it to deflect any potential embarrassment that could have arisen from this awkward situation.

 

haters gonna say it's photoshopped

 

 

2. formatting and grammer is optional

Finding the right balance between not using grammar and formatting while still coming across as intelligent is a difficult task that varies from person to person. You don't want to appear dependant on grammar -- you're too cool for that obviously.  But let it be known that you know the rules of grammar and are consciously breaking them. Capitalisation optional. End punctuation should be used, as your spectacular thoughts would be illegible without it. 

 

Avoid Trebuchet MS and size 14 like the plague. That's reserved for reporters and reporter wannabes. They're mults.

 

 

3. Say "amk" a lot

No one actually knows what this means, but all the cool people use it. As such, you should incorporate it into your vocabulary as much as possible. Its uses are varied, but it's most often applied in potentially awkward situations (much like "ok"). Tankers wishing to particularly advance their forum credentials can also append a series of h's to the end of their post. don't ask me why. I didn't make these stupid rules.

 

 

 

 

4. Correct people periodically to display your intelligence

For the most part, you should assume an air of indifference on the forum. Acting cool is cool. But doing so won't further your reputation as an intelligent cool person, which, after all, is your ultimate goal.

 

Hence the corrections. When choosing your victims, you should be certain that they're above average in intelligence and well-versed in English which rules the reporters out, sorry. Correcting simpletons like Mydoom.exe isn't considered something worthy of striving for in our community. Pity.

 

The ideal targets would be official helpers, well-known forum members, and especially reporters. And always, always make the corrections in public. Contacting the victim in private will snatch away your hard-earned publicity. It's not as if you actually care that there's a mistake, you just want to look as if you're smart. pffft

 

prime example of how this is done

 

Disclaimer: when finding things to critique, you may stumble across pieces of satire scattered throughout the forum. Alas, sometimes it's hard to distinguish the satire from a potential correcting opportunity. Tread carefully. Being deceived by satire and writing up a scathing correction post is potentially ruinous for aspiring cool forumers like yourself. But if you do judge too early and get called out by someone, never fear. Just consult the strategies we've already discussed in this guide. 

 

an exemplary response. Note how well the situation was handled.

 

 

5. Only associate with fellow cool people

Let's say you currently get along swimmingly with some *ehm* less-than-cool individuals. It's time to give them up. Sacrifices must be made on the road to popularity, and if a couple of old friends have to be set aside to reach your goal, don't hesitate. The fault is really theirs for not striving to reach the same objective as you.

 

The subtle art of name dropping should become second nature to you. Whether or not you actually are close to the popular people, you can become so by acting as if you're one of the group. Like my good friend Nives once said to me in our PMs on Skype, "Name dropping is like Adele's voice, you just can't get enough". :ph34r:

 

But the trouble with popular people is that they often aren't overly eager to endure conversations with random cool-people-wannabes. If this is the case, just ask them loads of questions and cleverly slip their answers into forum posts. Remember to mention their name!

 

Of course, we both know that Viking is not, in fact, your bestie, but no one else has to know that. shhhh

 

the actual conversation

 

 

6. Pretend to be active in eSports

What this entails is joining a clan and then harassing every other clan in the community. Confront them with grossly exaggerated or downright untrue claims, and provoke them to flame wars without actually settling anything on the battlefield. I've created a sample text to aid you in this.

 

"hhh dead clan... all m0s)) *insert name of a member* always digging for golds. close this topic please you never actually do anything loool 

 

amk"

 

Copy that and post it in every clan and club in the eSports section.

 

 

7. Don't be, in any way like mydoom.exe

Out mult.

 

 

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Congratulations, you're now well on your way to being popular and funny on the forum. Stay tuned for more how to guides in the future. There may be some tips on being cool in-game next issue. plz like and subscribe

 

[Mustard 531]

ok.

 

 

Really great article, made me laugh and very enjoyable :)

 

[GuidoFawkes 2,361]

or just google for some photos of a sexy girl and post them in real photo section

[Pyre 3,485]

amk. Keks.

[Commander_Rose 327]

Gnat por

 

Edit: Pru  :ph34r:

Edited June 1, 2018 by Commander_Rose

[Magenta 5,165]

You yourself are a lot like mydoom, gnat. Jk, mk... I am not saying the word with a "k" after an "o" :ph34r:.

 

Good advice, btw.

Edited June 2, 2018 by Magenta

[Hex 11,520]

k...

[Aigaion 636]

ok

[KillerGnat 3,135]

happy to see everyone taking my advice C: 

[Total_SkiIl 1,983]

wow

[gokuMI6 1,290]

Why ? Why ?Why ?

 

Or you can just help people on What to but

And be a nug on Turrets & hulls

 

 

amk

 

 

[Commander_Rose 327]

smh

[LUCIFER1_the_dark 1,230]

hhh molt hhh

M cooler then the coolest cooler in the cooler version of a cool world.

 

Gnat-amk

 

[sharjeel_777 987]

OK...........!

[Mr.Ocean 22]

Kthxsenpai

Amk :3

Edited June 3, 2018 by Mr.Ocean

[need.higher.rank 3,491]

Ok :(

[Destrod 2,634]

tl:dr

[Rhythmic 80]

y'all are losers.  -_- 

[DieselPlatinum 5,121]

I think the best way to be cool and funny in the forum is to be yourself.

[Showbot 819]

Allright.. o.O

[Pyre 3,485]

Allright.. o.O

 No, no, no! Bad! Did you read the article! Nevah say alright! The word you should use is  "ok"

Look, heres an example:

 

ok.. o.O

See how much better that is!

And if yu need any further convincing...

amk, ok?

 

[giant05 207]

ok gnatamk hhhhhhhhh

[Tabish 100]

Alright to all the rights to all write for all right to write all the all rights

 

Nothing left for all left

[JAGMAN2468 104]

ok.

[Pyre 3,485]

BTW, what did mydoom do to deserve this? There are much better options...

 

EDIT: O waw, how did that link get there? :rolleyes:

 

amk

Edited June 10, 2018 by Pyre