The Coffee Shop

[kaisdf 3,320]

Outside, the sky stands still; rain fizzes down, creating undulating patterns on the window. People scud past, like a faceless mass swirling onwards. Somewhere out there is my friend, who is supposed to arrive in about 5 minutes time. I see a few brightly coloured umbrellas, pinpricks of light and hope interspersed among the otherwise black sea of rain-coated commuters.
 

The weather outside is grotty, but inside is a swirling maelstrom of odours. The aromatic mix of different coffees and teas is bitter yet pleasant. A waiter scampers from table to table, clearing the cups discarded by previous customers. Another appears at my table, brandishing the coffee I ordered - plain black, I like to keep it simple. I take a small sip, and the caffeine buzzes through my nerves like bees in a hive.
 

The shop is not too busy, other customers spread amongst the tables like polka dots. In the corner, there is a couple with a child. She looks about twenty-five. Glowing blond hair flows down to her shoulders, and she has hazel eyes which remind me of a forest floor scattered with autumn leaves. Her partner has brown hair, which is short, but unkempt. His chiselled features and friendly eyes give him the perfect opportunity to be popular wherever he goes. Their child can't be more than five, and is deeply lost in a land of make believe, playing with toy cars like a miniature god controlling a miniature earth. From the fire truck and the police car, I'm guessing there was a serious accident he is now dealing with.

 

Near the back of the shop, there is a hipster with a beanie and tattoos, hammering away at his apple mac. His persistent typing acts as a soothing metronome for the shop. Next to him is a chai latte, which I recognise not from an inherent knowledge of the appearance of teas, but for the fact it is scrawled on the side of the cup.

 

The rain intensifies, solidifying into a downpour. It lashes against the windows like the relentless beating of a drum. The people outside scurry past, hurrying into cover like rats running from a predator. The door of the coffee shop slides open, and a small bell attached to it announces the arrival of my friend, who has unsurprisingly been left dishevelled by the torrent outside, but is nonetheless happy to see me.

Edited May 12, 2018 by kaisdf

[KillerGnat 3,135]

- Edits:

• A couple grammar edits. Commas and the like
• BD changed "hammering away at his apple mac" to "tapping away" because "hammering sounds too violent to be described as a soothing metronome". no idea how he did that considering he's officially retired :^)
• Capitalised Apple Mac

I stuck with your, um, unconventional font cause it seemed as if you made an intentional choice to use it. Interested to know why though... .__. lol

 

Approved

 

I'm assuming this is the first part of what'll turn out to be a story or something? If so, it'll be interesting to see how you develop the plot while sticking with your very descriptive style. Keep it up!  ^_^

[Ninja 10,468]

I'm assuming this is the first part of what'll turn out to be a story or something? If so, it'll be interesting to see how you develop the plot while sticking with your very descriptive style. Keep it up!  ^_^

What if this is the plot twist? There is no second part!!!  :ph34r:

[kaisdf 3,320]

- Edits:

• A couple grammar edits. Commas and the like
• BD changed "hammering away at his apple mac" to "tapping away" because "hammering sounds too violent to be described as a soothing metronome". no idea how he did that considering he's officially retired :^)
• Capitalised Apple Mac

I stuck with your, um, unconventional font cause it seemed as if you made an intentional choice to use it. Interested to know why though... .__. lol

 

Approved

 

I'm assuming this is the first part of what'll turn out to be a story or something? If so, it'll be interesting to see how you develop the plot while sticking with your very descriptive style. Keep it up! ^_^

Fine

 

Tapped doesn't sound purposeful to me. Changed it back :p

 

Decapitalised, what's wrong with some chaos.

 

Tw Cen MT isn't just a font, it's a way of life.

 

And this is just a descriptive piece, I didn't have any narrative in mind when writing it ^_^

[Magenta 5,165]

Nice little read!

 

PS: I find this to be rather too exaggerated:

 

 

I take a small sip, and the caffeine buzzes through my nerves like bees in a hive.

I see this everywhere... it's barely even poetic, why do people like writing this so much lol?

[maryam98 1,171]

Might I suggest pounding away at his keyboard? 

 

Anyway, lovely piece.

[Magenta 5,165]

"...hammering away at his apple mac. His persistent typing ironically acts as a soothing metronome for the shop."

[Blackdrakon30 2,943]

• BD changed "hammering away at his apple mac" to "tapping away" because "hammering sounds too violent to be described as a soothing metronome". no idea how he did that considering he's officially retired :^)

I did it on my last day with my powers. Even though I was officially retired, I did still had my moderatorship for a bit.  :ph34r: 

Edited May 10, 2018 by KillerGnat
grammar much waw

[maryam98 1,171]

I did it on my last day with my powers. Even though I was officially retired, I did still had my moderatorship for a bit.  :ph34r: 

And to think you were a reporter! Did still had?! How unacceptable.

[KillerGnat 3,135]

Fine

 

Tapped doesn't sound purposeful to me. Changed it back :P

 

Decapitalised, what's wrong with some chaos.

 

Tw Cen MT isn't just a font, it's a way of life.

 

And this is just a descriptive piece, I didn't have any narrative in mind when writing it ^_^

Mult.

 

Mult.

 

Living a dissolute life and waking up in a sewer every day is also a way of life. But it's not necessarily a good one :x :P

 

Ah alrighty, fair enough. xD

[tweezers 1,034]

Loved the descriptions and similes! 

[Rains_of_Castamere 384]

I don't think a sequel is needed, I like this open-ending.

[thethiefofvictory 339]

Hmm. Nice descriptive! I should learn...

 

And no, you don't need a narrative. But how about a descriptive narrative? 

[Hippin_in_Hawaii 639]

This would be a lovely beginning to a shared-universe anthology.

[shafter9 156]

This is the sort of thing that writing teachers love. But this is also the thing I skim over in books.  :lol: 

[iloveatilla 3]

This was okay, a little bit boring, but okay. Fancy words DON'T make a piece better, though. Which is easier to understand: "I utilized a many-tined tool to process a starch resource" or "I ate a potato with a fork"?

[kaisdf 3,320]

This was okay, a little bit boring, but okay. Fancy words DON'T make a piece better, though. Which is easier to understand: "I utilized a many-tined tool to process a starch resource" or "I ate a potato with a fork"?

"There was rain. There were people. It was nice." 

 

Doesn't exactly sound great to me. I wouldn't entirely agree with your idea, and your example is taken rather to the extreme, but I will admit there are limits to description. I do not particularly think I overstepped those limits, but I am open to suggestions/examples on where I could improve.

[Magenta 5,165]

This was okay, a little bit boring, but okay. Fancy words DON'T make a piece better, though. Which is easier to understand: "I utilized a many-tined tool to process a starch resource" or "I ate a potato with a fork"?

Lol :lol: you're so cute!

[cryptor 589]

How much money 1 cafe?

[kaisdf 3,320]

How much money 1 cafe?

Sorry, don't think I quite understand your meaning, could you please elaborate?

[thethiefofvictory 339]

Sorry, don't think I quite understand your meaning, could you please elaborate?

I suspect he's trolling by asking the amount of money he needs to pay to enter the coffee shop or eat something :p

[cryptor 589]

Might I suggest pounding away at his keyboard? 

 

Anyway, lovely piece.

[kaisdf 3,320]

Might I suggest pounding away at his keyboard?

Anyway, lovely piece.

Thanks!

and I prefer "hammering" :P

[GuidoFawkes 2,361]

BOOOO

[kaisdf 3,320]

BOOOO

Love you too <3

 

Please try and provide actual feedback, preferably with evidence to back up your opinions. Thanks!