I currently have four pets (though I will change their names for the sake of their privacy): a dog named Bane, two guinea pigs named Rose and Tulip, and a rat named Reepicheep, and they are all crazy. Sometimes my friends and family think I have gone mad because I would be better off teaching a fruit fly how to sit, than my dog. Sometimes I agree with them. Let’s get into the animals, shall we? Bane Bane is 35-pound dog with 3.5 brain cells. He goes into our backyard every single day and spends a minimum of 5 hours a day talking to his only neighbors—three dogs. I have yet to figure out whether they’re his friends, enemies, or frenemies. He barks, and howls, and claws and chews at the fence which separates him from them. “Lemme at ‘im!” he seems to say, every day. “Lemme at ‘im!” And yet, when Bane has had chances to prove his bravery—in the instances when one of the dogs manages to jump over the fence—Bane seems to have forgotten his previous barks. The only thing he seems to remember the use of are his legs. And then there’s the unexplainable fear of ordinary household objects. Is Bane scared of knives? No. Is he scared of serial killers or fire? No. Bane is scared of Slinkys, clothes hampers, and toes. Rose Rose is a guinea pig, composed mainly of black, white, and butterscotch-colored fur. If you or I were to drink a glass of water, and we were to drink all the water in it, we would probably notice, and either refill the cup or stop trying to drink from it. Not Rose. Her brain tells her very few things, but one of the things it tells her is: “Chew on water bottle. Get water.” These directions are correct most of the time, but not when the water bottle is empty. When the water bottle is empty, no matter how hard or for how long you suck on it, it will still be empty. But after her four years of living in this world, does Rose grasp that concept? No. All her brain grasps is, “I have been chewing for twenty minutes and no water has come. Hmm. Time to chew some more until I wake up my owner at two in the morning and force her to get me more water.” It happens almost every single night. Tulip Tulip is Rose’s sister, and like Rose (and all other guinea pigs), she’s shaped like a potato, she doesn’t have a neck, and her tiny feet can barely support her barrel of a body. I honestly don’t know why people who write pet care books would say that guinea pigs are easy to care for. This seems wrong, and the only thing I can think of to excuse it is that they either don’t own a guinea pig (in which case why in the world would they be writing a book about guinea pigs), or they have servants obeying their every beck and call taking care of their pets for them. Guinea pigs are certainly not easy to care for. Is it "easy" that it eats so much of its food that you have to buy two bags every month? Is it "easy" that it could wipe your whole fridge clean of all its fruits and vegetables in twenty seconds flat? Is it "easy" that it sometimes squeaks and squeaks for hours nonstop? If you’re considering buying a guinea pig because you think it will be easy to care for, please go and buy a goldfish instead. Reepicheep If you’ve ever been to New York City, you’ll have a pretty good idea of what Reepicheep looks like. To put it simply, she is a fat, ugly rat. Even worse than Rose, she’ll chew up her water bottle so that it can no longer hold any water. She’s ruined eight water bottles so far. Once I got so fed up with this that, even though everyone told me not to, I just put a bowl of water in her cage and made her deal with that. But, like every single other one of my pets, she has a brain the size of a lentil and literally did not figure out how to drink from the bowl. So I had to go back to water bottles again. She will also eat anything. She’ll eat a sausage I dropped on the floor. She’ll eat chocolate pretzels with maggots in them. And she’ll eat shampoo, which she did once. I’ve expected her to die ever since, but somehow, eating shampoo did not kill her. Beats me. This piece may have given off the impression that I don’t like my pets. On the contrary, I love them. They’re someone to talk to on a bad day. Someone to cuddle with when it’s cold outside. Someone to try and teach tricks to, even if the only thing they know how to do is eat. Someone to yell at and someone to apologize to. So, if you’re considering getting a dog, a guinea pig, or a rat, and you fear that they may be stupid, fear no longer, for I took one for the team. I officially bought the most stupid animals in the world.

I have no idea. I'm betting thief and Hippin won, though.

Especially mine.

Well, thief, as you may have noticed by now, I'm an excellent writer and a fool. I have no idea how to record, or upload, or download... We would have to figure out a time and map... How could we do this if someone unexpected might just join the battle at any time... What movie would we do... (Oh and BTW, I have a WO1 rank. Its name is "iloveatilla".)

Here is my entry.

I love how it says as the first example Frodo throwing the ring into Mount Doom (spoiler alert) and then it says no invisible characters. If I did this, I would win a prize, since only one other person has submitted, but I have no clue how. None of my friends/family would be interested in doing it with me/would know what to do, I don't have a YouTube channel and am terrible with technology, and I wouldn't be able to do a scene without someone unwanted joining the battle. Sucks for me.

I don't know how to do a spoiler. :/

Okay, thanks. The only reason it's so long is that there's a lot going on, and I try not too make things too confusing (unlike someone I know, *cough cough*).

Haha thanks so much! :D

Within the last couple (okay, so maybe more like five) hours I've been working on a piece exclusively for Tanki. However, I'm only halfway done and it's seven pages already. With the AWS want something this long?

Thanks :)! Hey, can I get a link to the AWS?

I guess the Tanki Newspaper isn't designed for kids, huh? Thank God I didn't read it when my 6-year-old self started playing. Honestly, sex? It's called the Tanki Newspaper for Pete's sake, not the cover-the-kids'-eyes newspaper.

I have a feeling my friend Sam wrote this. IT'S ITS NOT IT'S!

Nice! But, as usual, I must point something out, for that is the person I am:The last time she had looked at it was WHEN she had started in the morning.

I have a question. Someone told me I should try my hand at AWS. That's the Amateur Writing Section, right (or rather, write)? Well, what is it, exactly? Do you just write something, Tanki-related or no, and upload it to the AWS? If it gets the OK, will it go on display for anyone who wants to see? How do you post something to it? Thanks in advance!