chuck norris jokes thread (roflmao)

[hammodi_x 1]

 

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

 

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

 

Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language

 

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

 

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

 

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

 

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't blink.....reality pauses.

 

Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards

 

Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

 

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

 

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

 

Chuck Norris can whistle in German.

 

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

 

Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died

 

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't lick postage stamps, he stares at them until they wet themselves.

 

If Chuck Norris has 5 dollars and you have 5 dollars, it means, that Chuck has more money than you.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't age. He levels up

 

If Chuck Norris had performed in 300, the film would be called 1.

 

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana

 

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

 

Chuck Norris can write a Dictionary by slamming his face into the keyboard.

 

Santa Claus believes in Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris ate out of the Superbowl.

 

Chuck Norris actually went to Mars, that's why there is no life there.

 

 

 

i made this image

[Tommy60 406]

Someone's obsessed....

[r_testvr0 0]

CN is nothing against Czech Michal Kolesa. This guy stinks so bad that even Chuck would die after coming in Michal's room...

Hope Chuck will not read this thread.

[First_Blue_Thunder 3]

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

 

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

 

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

 

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

 

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

 

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

 

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

 

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

 

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

 

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

 

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

 

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

 

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

 

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

 

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

 

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.

 

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

 

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

 

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

 

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

 

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

 

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

 

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

 

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

 

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

 

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life unless it gets in his way.

 

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

 

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!â€

 

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

 

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

 

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

 

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

 

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

[hammodi_x 1]

Someone's obsessed....

shut up tommy

i made this for fun

[Tommy60 406]

Someone's obsessed....

shut up tommy

i made this for fun

 

 

I never said anything was wrong with what you're doing, hammodi.

 

Calm down....

[First_Blue_Thunder 3]

Someone's obsessed....

shut up tommy

i made this for fun

IKR?

let haters hate let hate, let us have fun :-)

[Tommy60 406]

:hunf:

 

Apparently, you guys have no senses of humor. :roll:

[First_Blue_Thunder 3]

No tommy YOU have nosense of humor

[Tommy60 406]

...Let's continue this via PM.

 

 

Nice thread. 8)

[CHUCK_NORRlS 0]

Chuck Norris does not use a condom... because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris

[r_almighty010 872]

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

 

:-D Thats really funny man!

[r_Xenonzx0 10]

didnt i already make one like this?

[First_Blue_Thunder 3]

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

 

:-D Thats really funny man!

ikr?

[r_PlasmaTank1 19]

Chuck Norris does not believe in God, God believes in Chuck Norris 8)

[r_xpgamer0 8]

Just adding the one I know that a friend of mine told me.

 

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.

[chadster 23]

Someone's obsessed....

 

 

didnt notice..

[Tommy60 406]

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret... :XD:

[cablaz 32]

Chuck Norris threw the water bottle at justin bieber.

[r_BLASTOISE-T120 241]

chuck norris plays a game of chess with just the king piece, and he wins in one move

[First_Blue_Thunder 3]

chuck norris plays a game of chess with just the king piece' date=' and he wins in one move[/quote']

Thats REALLY funny actually

[r_Clue1 4]

chuck norris plays a game of chess with just the king piece' date=' and he wins in one move[/quote']

Thats REALLY funny actually

 

That's ACTUALLY... not funny. :roll:

 

Anyway, I don't see what's so cool about this guy. Bruce Lee is better anyway.

[r_BLASTOISE-T120 241]

Chuck Norris threw the water bottle at justin bieber.

dude, if chuck norris threw the water bottle at jb, wouldn't jb be died? :P :lol:

[Tommy60 406]

Chuck Norris threw the water bottle at justin bieber.

dude' date=' if chuck norris threw the water bottle at jb, wouldn't jb be died? :P :lol: [/quote']

 

*Note that Justin has been intellectually dead since birth.*

 

 

 

 

 

 

:XD:

[r_BLASTOISE-T120 241]

Chuck Norris threw the water bottle at justin bieber.

dude' date=' if chuck norris threw the water bottle at jb, wouldn't jb be died? :P :lol: [/quote']

 

*Note that Justin has been intellectually dead since birth.*

 

 

 

:XD:

:XD: :XD: :XD: