Other [Issue 5] If the English Community was a company....

[skitee 555]

“So it's ready? No? How soon? Two weeks? You sure? Okay.”

Bruce Lunga put down a phone, and swivelled his chair around in a full 360 degree turn. He felt that he deserved it. It had been a busy day, but one which he was now satisfied with as it drew to a close. He had just got a phone call from the Russian managers of the company, Online Phonei, telling him that their latest model of phone, the Phonei 2.0, was almost ready for release and would be available for sale within the next two weeks.

As the manager of the English side of Online Phonei, it was his job to announce news of the release to the general English-speaking public, and as a result kick off the hype which would inevitably follow. He sipped a glass of champagne for a few minutes, basking in the success of his company at being able to release such a state-of-the-art phone so soon. Eventually, however, he realized that work had to be done, so he got on the phone with his personal assistant, the head of the Public Relations team, Nick Super.

Nick did not answer the phone immediately, but once he did, Bruce tried to get straight to the point. It took him a few minutes to explain the whole situation, but once he was sure that Nick had understood, Bruce hung up and Nick started to make plans. He decided that he would have a press conference the next day, along with the other members of the PR team, Kool Walky and H. Usto, accompanied by Bruce Lunga. He quickly made plans for the location, booking a prominent hotel in the middle of New York for the conference. He also thought that a Q&A session online would also be a good idea, so he got on to coding up an online chatroom for the Q&A session to occur.

Meanwhile, Bruce had been on the phone with the head of his press relations team, Les Alterman, and his assistant, Tommy Sixty. He had explained the situation to them, and they, along with the other members of the press team, Chris Wu, Seven Ranger and Skit Ee, were working hard to get the news of the new release out to the world. They contacted leading newspapers trying to get the news of the release as early as they could. Les also got to work on to trying to create a whole website counting down to the release date for the newspapers to take information about the new phone from, with an accompanying presskit.

Once Bruce had finished those phone calls, he afforded himself time to relax. It was a busy job being the face of such a big company for so many English-speaking people, but at times it was worth it. Like now. If he managed to get the Phonei 2.0 to record sales in Europe and America, he would feel satisfied – as well as being able to get a big pay rise.

But before he went home for the day, he had one last phone call to make. He dialed through to the head of the company's English advertising group, Kody Barr. After explaining the situation, he managed to get Kody, with his trio of helpers, Lham Ster, Arya Seven, and Shadow Visions, to secure as much advertising as they could for the new product. He hoped that it would be the biggest release of a smart phone that the world would ever have seen. Anything less was a disappointment. And with that thought in mind, he quickly packed up his briefcase and left his office for home.

*******

Overnight, the individual Online Phonei teams worked as hard as they could to get the news out as soon as they could. In fact, the newspapers the next day were all talking about it. It was the front page of all of the major newspapers. The Tiems of Britain quoted Tommy Sixty, who had said in one of his reports how it would “change the face of the earth for ever”. The New York Weeekly announced in a special Wednesday issue that “if the Phonei 2.0 lives up to expectations, the world, not just the world of phones but the entire world, will be changed forever”, citing numerous facts from v2.phonei.com, the website “created from scratch overnight by Mr. Alertman, a leading company official for the phonei brand”.

And so, all over the globe in the morning, the public woke up to the news that the Phonei 2.0 was to be released for the public's consumption in the upcoming two weeks. The advertising crew had excelled themselves, and plastered all over advertising boardings in every major city were huge posters featuring the numerous abilities of the new Phonei, not to mention the amount of internet advertising that the team was also co-ordinating.

Accompanying the news about the release was news that pre-orders were available – but only for fanatics who were willing to travel to Perm to sign up for the new phone. As a result, travel agencies and airlines were forced to make emergency detours to central Russia on fully-booked flights.

*******

The day went quickly for the Phonei corporation. The developers were working round-the-clock in order to get the Phonei onto the production decks as soon as they could, incorporating all the new features they had promised, such as weapon rebalancing, hardware acceleration, new graphics, shadows, and profiles for all users.

Would they be able to do it? was the question on most of the breakfast TV shows in Europe and America, as the news came through. Opinions were divided. Maddog Twentyone, a leading American TV host and also a huge fanatic of the Phonei range, suggested that he thought that the Phonei's release would have to be delayed by a week or two because of the enormous demand in the English-speaking world. On the other hand, Me Lieutenant, a leading Austrian radio co-host, was confident that the phone would be available in time. “They would not announce such a recent deadline if they could not fulfil it.” was his thought on the matter.

In Perm, among the queue of people signing up for the pre-orders of the Phonei 2.0, opinions were equally divided. “They'll never do it – the whole purpose of this is just to lift up their fame and make some money – I bet they aren't even working on developing the phone” was Goo Wiki's opinion on the matter. Reiki Onetwothreefourfive was equally sceptical, saying “They will try but they will fail to get it out in time. Not cool.”

On the other hand, some people were more convinced with the announcement. Federal Beareau FBI, who was nonplussed at the reactions that some people were given, shouted “Use the search button next time!” in anger at all the people who were making unreasoned statements with no logic behind them.

And still others were in complete support of the company's upcoming release date. “Of course they'll make it on time!” Selena Onetwo said. “Why shouldn't they? They wouldn't have given this date if they weren't confident of making it!”. Dat Ie echoed a similar sentiment, saying “Really looking forward to this new model. So glad the release is soon.”

However, things started to get a bit heated when a few people with differing opinions starting to get angry at each other. Fortunately, the security team, headed up by Kool Walky, was on hand to break up any fighting, even going as far as putting on thick duct tape to silence some of the people who had started to go over the top in the war of words that was starting to occur.

And right at the back, a small voice could be heard shouting out as loud as he could. “I agree!” Fjestald One said, “I agree with you all! +1!”

Eventually, the crowd started to calm down as they signed up for the pre-order and started to leave the building and go off to enjoy the sights (forgive me, sight) of Perm. The security team closed out the gates, and normality was resolved at the large development HQ building and the next-door factory. Would the company get the phone out on time? Only time would tell.

*******

Bruce Lunga looked out at the empty courtyard in front of him. He was happy. Development was well on it's way in the Phonei 2.0. He knew that the whole of the English-speaking world would all know his name soon, and beyond. He would be famous, but more than that, the Phonei would change history forever. And the privilege of being part of that was just amazing. He was happy, and soon the entire world would be happy as well. He knew the potential in the Phonei – he had seen it for himself in the tests that day. It was boundless.

Edited July 31, 2017 by Hexed

[r_nuclearbom0 62]

Lol, phonei 2.0 is actually 1.100.0 update :lol:

[unholysin1 3]

Lol' date=' phonei 2.0 is actually 1.100.0 update :lol:[/quote']

+1

Great article :P

[Raphael2 3,263]

GOOOOD job :thumbup:

[hogree 4,179]

Great originality here, good to see some spoof added into the newspaper's many features. :-)

[Deathsfire 10]

oh no this isnt gonna end good haha

 

Great job guys i love reading these stories and they never fail to impress me :thumbup:

[skitee 555]

Lol' date=' phonei 2.0 is actually 1.100.0 update :lol:[/quote']

 

I actually meant it as Tanki 2.0 (Early release date, v2.phonei.com, etc) but I guess you could take it to mean the 1.100.0 update as well.

[Corruption13 15]

Federal Beareau FBI' date=' who was nonplussed at the reactions that some people were given, shouted “Use the search button next time!” in anger at all the people who were making unreasoned statements with no logic behind them.

 

Lol, good one, i cant stop laughing!

 

 

Nice work guys!

 

Wonder how i can become a part of the team :P

[r_almighty010 872]

Nice one :thumbup:

[FederalBureauFBI 2,881]

Awesome job, skit!

But...

Federal Beareau FBI

:hunf: :mrgreen:

[skitee 555]

^Sorry 'bout that. I prefer to write my articles without checking the forum, you see (b/c the forum distracts me) and Beareau wasn't in my dictionary.

[Meliora 1,652]

Umm actually I wouldn't have said that, I would have said, 'I doubt they'll make it in time, not after what happened to 2.0.'.

[Fjelstad1678 186]

Umm actually I wouldn't have said that' date=' I would have said, 'I doubt they'll make it in time, not after what happened to 2.0.'.[/quote']

In the story, Tanki 2.0 IS the smartphone. Tanki 2.0 would never have happened.

 

Im I really that much of a follower? XD Well, at least Im known enough to be mentioned. 8)

[FederalBureauFBI 2,881]

And right at the back, a small voice could be heard shouting out as loud as he could. “I agree!” Fjestald One said, “I agree with you all! +1!”

:XD:

[Lhamster 4,081]

Brilliant! :thumbup:

[Shelbyh 1]

+∞

AWESOME!!!!

[SakuraVisions 120]

Best article for the paper ever written.

[datie9 72]

Dat Ie echoed a similar sentiment' date=' saying “Really looking forward to this new model. So glad the release is soon.”[/color']

 

that's me 8)

[Meliora 1,652]

All the people not mentioned here won't comment due to shame.

Great topic anyway.

[Reiki12345 57]

Reiki Onetwothreefourfive was equally sceptical' date=' saying “They will try but they will fail to get it out in time. Not cool.”[/quote']

 

I didnt say nothin here -_-

 

:D

[Meliora 1,652]

What Reiki said should have been what I said!

[Fjelstad1678 186]

And right at the back' date=' a small voice could be heard shouting out as loud as he could. “I agree!” Fjestald One said, “I agree with you all! +1!”[/quote']

:XD:

I really dont think thats me but, hey, i got in.

[r_AdvocatusDiaboli0 861]

headed up by Kool Walky, was on hand to break up any fighting, even going as far as putting on thick duct tape to silence some of the people who had started to go over the top in the war of words that was starting to occur.

 

I lost it.

[SuperNick95 5,312]

he realized that work had to be done' date=' so he got on the phone with his personal assistant, the head of the Public Relations team, Nick Super.[/quote']

Kinda based on a true story? :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

[husto 474]

Kool Walky and H. Usto

may I know why? D:

Anyways, nice job :thumbup: