Other [Issue 10] If the English community was a football [soccer] team?

[skitee 555]

So, you've heard about what the English community would be like if it was a company. You have read inside information about how the English reporters work. You know from your own experience how the staff work. But what if the English community was a football [“soccer”] team? Who would be in what positions? How would they play the game?

The Owners.

Pretty obvious to be fair. The owners of this “English Community Football team” - let's call it “Tanki Online United” would be none other than the Tanki Online developers. They would be the ones in charge of the club. But what kind of owners would they be? Would they be rich, bankrolling the club all the way to victory? Or would they be the passionate fans, giving their all into the club which they have supported and loved all their life? Would they even just be owners simply trying to sleaze money out of the club? Or would they be the owners of nightmares, the ones who do nothing but lead the club into financial despair?

I expect that the most likely kind of owners which they will be is probably the second one – the fans of the club which they have loved all their life. After all, this is the game which they have created, and if it became a football club I'm sure they would love it and support it with all their heart. At least, you would hope so.

The Manager.

Again, this one is fairly obvious – in fact, his real job description in Tanki contains this word anyway. Our community manager, Bruce Lunga. He would be the one faced with the responsibility of the whole team ticking over, making sure that everything works together just like a well-oiled machine.

As a manager, I can see Bruce being very meticulous and very results-orientated – as long as the team is winning, it's okay. His tactics, I reckon, will be very straight-forward and easily understandable by the players, who will be able to relate to him. Whether he would be a master tactician, I'm not sure. However, what he may lack in tactical nous he will certainly make up for in passion and being able to convey a message. I think that he would be a very good manager, if not the greatest of tactical geniuses.

The Goalkeeper.

The goalkeeper, for those of you unfamiliar with football, is the final line of the defence – the man standing in front of their team's own goal trying to stop the ball from going inside it. They can use any part of their body to stop the ball, but have to be willing to put themselves on the line in doing so. Immense bravery is required.

So, who fits the bill the most in our English community? Well, I think that, whilst there are no particularly exceptional candidates, one person does stand out above all the others in terms of being willing to stop anything trying to get past the posts, and that person is SuperNick95. Putting his credibility and his all at risk, he works tirelessly to stop any inappropriate topics in the forum that pose a threat of “scoring a goal” against him from existing in public. He takes risks, is bold, brave, and does, like any good goalkeeper, make the occasional howler – but all in all he is the one in our forum who fits this role perfectly. Goalkeeper: SuperNick95

The Centre-Backs.

In front of the goalkeeper are his two fellow towers in defence, the central defenders. For those of you unfamiliar to football, they are the ones who try to stop anything from even getting close to the goal. They try to clear the ball any time it gets close to their team's own goal and are the pinnacles of the defence. No matter how good the goalkeeper is, if they have useless defenders in front of them, they have no chance of keeping the ball out of the goal for ever.

So who fits the bill the most out of all the people in the English community? Again, this one is quite hard to think of, but I say that there are two people who probably do the most in this respect. Who are they?

The first centre-back in my team is FederalBureauFBI. Like him or not, there's no doubt that he works hard to minimize any “threat to the peace” which comes up. He tries to make sure that everything is according to the rules and that there is no talk about dissension. He's a no-nonsense, “if it poses a threat get rid of it”, style person – the perfect central defender.

The other centre-back is a far more difficult pick, but eventually I decided that BarbaFenner98 would be the best pick for this role. Just like the Federal, he always tries his hardest to remove any threat before it rears its head. Together, they form a formidable team, and I expect that they will be equally formidable in my football side. FederalBureauFBI and BarbaFenner98 are my centre-back pairing.

The Wing-backs.

The wing backs are my next pick – the two defenders who play to the right and the left of the central defenders. They have to be intelligent and astute, making sure that they see any players coming at them who could pose a threat to the team. They also need to have good defensive nous and be aware of what will be threatening and what will not.

So who fit the bill the most out of our English community? Well, for me there is one role which suits the role of the wing-back the most – that of the reporters. We need to be of at least reasonable intelligence to write articles, as well as being astute enough to realise what subjects are interesting and what are not. And we also need to be aware about what is constructive criticism and what is just pure trolling...

So yes, I think that we reporters are the wing-backs. To be fair, any of us can be in the role, but I would not include myself as I am writing this and so my wing-backs will be Lhamster and Tommy60, the two most senior current reporters excluding myself (Also excluding conanthedestroyer, who is our editor.). For this purpose, let's put Tommy60 as Right Wing back and Lhamster as Left Wing back.

The Central Midfielders.

So who next? How about the Central Midfielders? In football, Central midfielders play in many different roles, with different teams using them differently. But in the Tanki Online team, let's use them in the typical way – two players who control the play, creating a link between attack and defence.

So what do we need? We need people who are good organisers, people who can lead and take a strong grip on things and control the flow of everything. Who fit the bill the best in our community? I think one is very obvious. He may also be the manager, but surely he has to take the role of player-manager in our team? Bruce Lunga is my first central midfielder. He would certainly do the job well of “enforcer” in the midfield, holding play together as he tries to inspire everyone onwards. But who should be the other one?

I think that the other person in our community who does a lot of organisation and that like is ShadowVisions, and so he is the second Central Midfielder. A pinnacle of the community, getting stuck in to the dirty work of keeping things running is something which he has to do and so he would be a perfect fit as Central Midfielder alongside Mr. Lunga.

The Wingers.

My wingers are the next two players to be featured. In football, they are the players who are very skilful and tricky, very difficult for defenders to catch. They need to be sharp and have the ability to get the ball into the goal area for attackers to fire shots at goal. So who fit the bill in our community?

To me, the answer was difficult to think about, but eventually I realised that the most suitable for such a role are the cybersport DJs and commentators. They need to have a lot of skill and be able to seize up a situation as it happens, as well as being tactically astute. They also need to keep sharp-witted and seek for the perfect opportunities to crack a punchline and/or a genius tactical hint. They would make the perfect wingers for my fantasy team of our English community.

Again, any one of the cybersport DJs would fit into this role. I'm going to put the two most recently active cybersport DJs into this position, PistolenPaultje and GeneralVeers. General can go on my right wing and Paul on my left as the tricky, dangerous and skilful players ready to cause a threat to any opposition defence.

The Strikers.

And what about forwards, or strikers? In football, these are the ones tasked with the most important job – that of scoring goals and giving the team the score that could win the match. They have to be sharp, quick and accurate. If they make too many mistakes, it can cost their team the game – and themselves the game.

So, who fits the bill in our English community? For me, there is only one clear option – the moderators. They have to be accurate when they hand out bans, but handing out bans is very important and keeps the community running well. They have to be very quick to react when an indiscretion is committed and have to know how to react to it. They have to be “sharp-shooters” - just like a striker in a football team.

So who is the fulcrum of the attack for this team? As Supernick95 is the goalkeeper, then the two moderators who I will choose to lead the line in our community's team will be MizARee and FlipSquad. They will be the ones who take the game to the opposition and try to score the goals which will bring victory.

So there's our team. SuperNick95 – Tommy60, FederalBureauFBI, BarbaFenner98, Lhamster – GeneralVeers, Bruce Lunga © ShadowVisions, PistolenPaultje – MizARee, FlipSquad.

Pretty formidable. But who are they going to play against? Maybe someone else can create a team to play against them? Do you think that they would win?

Edited September 26, 2017 by Hexed

[SuperNick95 5,312]

Goalkeeper? Omg this is... :o

[delnina 15]

Go go , I love this plan!

[micah.7586 1]

skit's awesome writing again.

[Frost.Angel 221]

Nice, lol Nick as goalkeeper :o

[MONKBLOB 33]

This team will get knocked out on the first round. :lol: Nice article skit!

[r_SwagBoy110 421]

Awesome! :o

[MisterGeneral 692]

So you just took the names of the Admins&Helpers&Mods&Consults and completely forgot the players.

[RiseOfCucumber 651]

Nice Idea , but where is the ball ?

[Lankbouv 6,347]

Nice, skit.

[Lhamster 4,081]

Left back FTW, I actually like that position!

[Raphael2 3,263]

Lets play again russian teams !

[r_AdvocatusDiaboli0 861]

How is that the English Community.... That's the English staff.

 

Nice work though! Good read.

Edited April 1, 2013 by r_AdvocatusDiaboli0

[Raphael2 3,263]

^yeah

[Beerme 106]

Good job skit

[FederalBureauFBI 2,881]

That's the English staff.

Still, we're a community :P

 

Nice job skit, I like my position B)

[Beerme 106]

Whose the owner?

[UAA619 97]

Whose the owner?

I Guess that has to be us (the players) as it is the only thing remaining. ^_^ Or they could play against us (we'd win for sure unless the strikers and the goalkeeper ban us. ;)

Btw, what is your favourite Football team and player, Skit? My being Manchester United and Mesut Ozil. :)

Great article.

lol, the mammoth is covering the whole goal post... no place for the ball to go in.

Edited April 2, 2013 by UAA619

[Arcohhs 67]

Hey why not tryouts.

Achievements Rock :D

[skitee 555]

So you just took the names of the Admins&Helpers&Mods&Consults and completely forgot the players.

How is that the English Community.... That's the English staff.

 

Nice work though! Good read.

I didn't forget them. I was planning on including a few - and then I realised that the deadline was getting close, so on the uncertain positions (wingers, etc) I just stuck in some staff members... :s

[boyice 18]

25 to life

[I.Devastation 2,053]

Make a team of everyone with the most forum posts and have a event where they play a match

[williew 1,999]

Great skitee!

I've enjoyd this!

 

~williew~

[Magenta 5,165]

who's this "BarbaFenner98" guys?

[Flexoo 6,980]

who's this "BarbaFenner98" guys?

I believe that was Issho.