Other [Issue 11] What if the English Community was a Restaurant..?

[hogree 4,179]

6 issues ago, skitee wrote an article named "If the English Community was a company...". Hopefully you'll enjoy this one as much.

The sun had barely risen. A man stood on the street, unlocking the door to the famous restaurant, Tankiolo Express, his outward expression emotionless. However, even he knew that the day could define his future as manager. It was make or break. His name? Bruce Lunga.

As Bruce took a seat in his office, preparing for the stress of a longer-than-usual day, he felt a buzz and glanced at his phone. “Message from Nick” it read. Nick led the group of Bruce's assistants in the business who were Bruce's faces on the front line. “Ah,” thought Bruce, “let's see what my consultant has to say.” He read it, short and concise text that it was:
“Just sayin', but you've got the press waiting outside.”

Bruce glanced for a second longer at the phone, his head thinking back to the reason of all this fuss. Today was the day of the release of Tankiolo Express's new varieties of foods. With their popularity came the yearning of the regular visitors of the restaurant for new foods. But what was so special about today? Looking again at a sheet of paper on his desk, he wondered whether it was the right decision. But they had gone for it – Fenner, Vegits and FB had convinced him - and he knew better than to argue with his consultants. He read it, whispering it under his own public statement under his breath, as he prepared to face the threatening presence of the press.

“Hello all. We are proud to announce the release which is the start of a new series of foods in our famous restaurant. Today, we welcome three new dishes into our menus. “Three Firebird's Wings with a Titanic blast of Inferno-la-saucella”, “Smoked Mammoth's Tusks on a bed of Hohloma Flowers.” and “Frozen Wasps with a side dish of Jaguar.” Indeed, you cannot judge it unless you have tasted it, so for the first week, these dishes will be sold at a discount price. Enjoy.”

He grinned. Showtime, Bruce Lunga!

**

It worked, the talk went exactly as Bruce intended. The press had an absolute field day. The town's evening newspapers had headlines all over regarding the new foods introduced. Titles such as “Le Hamster talks about Le Food” and “Jaguars, Mammoths and a Fire Bird?! – Danger Ranger's Perspective.” were among the most popular titles from Tankiolo Express's particularly focussed reporters. However, talk among customers was what Bruce worried about more. He had a ton of valued customers, and this move wanted to not only give him a bigger income, but keep the customers coming.

Tankiolo Express's regular stream of customers were almost all there on the first day - none of them were going to miss this new release from the restaurant. An immediate mixture of responses was clear after just a couple of hours of the opening of the restaurant. Barely 10 minutes after the restaurant opened, a Facebook group was created named “Tankiolo NEW CHAIN Hate Club” posted by the unsuspicious name of “imjealousofbrucelunga”. Due to its creation so close to the time of release, it was widely believed that the creator never even tasted the food. However, not all the replies were negative. Circus Company “Split-A-Point” made an official statement, which stated that “Although we love the Mammoth tusks, I must say, a jaguar was a bit overpowering a side dish for the wasps. Prrggggt heh.” An anonymous sender was slightly more miffed however, in a letter he wrote, attached to the side of a cheap plastic flower which he mailed through to the offices. “Lovely food, but where's the VEGETARIAN option?! I mean what animal CRUELTY is this?! Jaguars are NICE animals, and we should let them stay ALIVE.”

More famous regular customers also expressed their feelings towards the latest release of food. World-famous duo, “2 Pieces of Cake” formed of Blasty Teatwelve and Cooper Oh, expressed their love for the latest update when Blasty tweeted: “Loving #Tankiolo New Food, it be dope fressshhh saaaaaaan. Appreciat. Also @MiniCooperOh loves the HOHOLAMA FLOWERS!!”

The millionaire, Advocatus Diabolus, was not so impressed however, when he apparently told the press that he was hoping there would be a dish of Smoked Dictators. (There is no solid proof for this, since the reporter * cough * Loktin Ho * cough * may have been slightly confused when he wrote this down.) However, the oldest regular customer who ordered must have been the lady who had to have the food brought to her house, she was so frail. She then sent a token of thanks in a young female lizard attached with a message: “I may be 108 years old, but your Inferno-la-saucella brought some energy back into my life.”

However, there were some customers not so in love with the food. In an interview, Monk Burn said “Nice idea, but shameful food. I have decided that Mammoth Tusks definitely need to be Fried.” Another bad report came from the gang known as “Dare Devils” that often hanged out in the Tankiolo. “Not cool”, said Maverick, the gang's spokesman on this occasion. “Don't try to change something which doesn't need changing.” However, the hate club mentioned at the beginning grew only to 3 members (Rumoured to be the same person on three computers) since FB blocked it immediately with a post: “Don't try to argue. Tankiolo won't change the update whatever happens.”

***

The sun set and the door on Tankiolo Express had a tilted sign stuck tiredly upon it. “Closed.” Another end of the day for Bruce Lunga, as he exited the building. He wasn't feeling too great – the Hohloma flowers had disagreed with him. Suffice to say, however, that it was a generally successful day in the Tankiolo Offices.

Thanks for reading!

Edited July 31, 2017 by Hexed

[I3loodShot 3,119]

Lol :lol: nice one ;)

[Raphael2 3,263]

I love the picture :lol:

[Hop1337 1]

:wub: love it!

[r_SwagBoy110 421]

I love the picture :lol:

Thanks. :blush:

[r_BLASTOISE-T120 241]

:D DOPE FRESH NATION SAAAAAN! :D "World-famous duo" i think i'll try cooking it myself :P *trys* ............ ahhhh, a little help please :mellow:

[lizerdgirl108 397]

Well that was.... weird.... good job? O.o

[Beerme 106]

Gj hog

[Joshy55 2]

nice

[UAA619 97]

:lol: Nice one, Hog. I laughed really hard when I saw the topic name...

[Mr.I3oSS 557]

:lol: :lol: Its Hillarious

 

GJ hogree