Review [Issue 12] A Reply to 'Ugliness in Tanki'

[Lhamster 4,081]

I was approached by about writing a reply to 'Ugliness in Tanki', to which I happily agreed to, I take no credit for any of this, apart from making it look nice and the cover pic! :lol:

This article in the last issue of press made me pause and shake my head. I've been playing Tanki for more than 2 years - I used different weapons, paints and hulls, played in a fair amount of maps and had my share of frags; there was beauty and there was ugliness in everything, especially in the way tanks looked before the implementation of new graphic settings. But even the makeup can't always hide all the flaws...

The Ugliest Weapons

3. Firebird

Not ugly per se, but more – unrefined. Unattractive. And unoriginal. For a flame thrower, you'd expect something more than a refurbished gas igniter. I'd at least expect a spitfire! And it stops working when you need it the most...

2. Twins

Nothing attractive about a weapon that is going all "pew pew" on you. Double cannons sounds like fun and look cool in Star Wars, but in this case they are so poorly executed, that you are left with a weapon that is not only unattractive, but is a simpleton to boot – just press "space" and go to sleep, it'll do all the battling for you.

1. Isida

The ugliest weapon (if it can be considered as weapon at all). Neither stinks nor smells – it heals, it kills, a bit of the both, but none of it to the full amount. But however you put it, it looks like a shrunken head from an Amazon on an oversized body. Place it onto Mammoth hull, and you won't stop laughing at the combo...

The Ugliest Hulls

3. Titan

A no brainer – it looked ugly before the graphic adjustment, and it still looks ugly after. An armor plates on the sides of those thin tracks didn't saved him, this hull needs a complete makeover. Could somebody contact those guys from "Pimp My Ride", please?

2. Dictator

He'd play a Beast alongside any Beauty. Tall, bulky and pointy... Not helping that he isn't the most reliable of the hulls, since he's relatively light when compared to his size. On top of it all, overall design forces you to often drive him backward in order to get a good look from behind the cover. Thanks, but no thanks.

1. Wasp

Again, a no brainer: a tank that was brought from World War I through time travel. It's so ugly that you can't even take it seriously! And it's a particular shame that the fastest hull in TO looks like some wooden toy you don't want anything to do with.

The Ugliest Paints

3. Roger

Skull and bones? Seriously?? What is this, "Pirates of the Caribbean" theme park? As much as we all like the piracy and perhaps even support what Pirate Parties represents and stands for in the modern society, its symbol has no place in the battle of the tanks.

2. Jaguar/Spark

I was undecided on this one – both paints are hideous and stand out on the battlefield like a sore thumb. Spark was hugely popular before rebalance because of its protection against ricochet (back in the days when ricochet was actually a powerful weapon), but that bluish-purple tint is so... unadjusted. And Jaguar, in a forest of concrete blocks, rusty tubes and asphalt? Nah.

1. In love

Probably made to appeal to a female part of the Tanki Online community, it failed miserably. The pink colour with little hearts looks so repulsive that even girls aren't using this paint. I do know one guy who's using it regularly though, and... it's not a pretty sight.

The Ugliest Maps

This review wouldn't be complete without adding some maps to the mix.

3. Wolfenstein

A Frankenstein map, built from bits and pieces of other maps, mostly Fort Knox. With lots of dead ends and objects placed around seemingly without any plan or purpose, it's hard to even find another base, let alone capture the flag. The maps size also makes it extremely laggy and almost impossible for many of us to play on.

2. Monte Carlo

A map that has no point. Perhaps made for parkouring, but even the players who like to parkour never use it for that. You can't jump from one point to another even with nitro, and the whole map is completely useless unless you use rail or thunder. And even then it hasn't much appeal.

1. Dusseldorf

Rows and rows of buildings and streets, almost like some ugly suburb. You don't know where you are or you're going, where is your team, what is going on! And you are startled every now and then, when some other oblivious tank bumps into you. And oops, you're dead. Back to the beginning, you don't know where you are and where you're going... They could've at least put a pub somewhere in it!

Conclusion

Although jokjinari, the author of the previous article and I have somewhat similar opinions, I'd never go that far to say that Thunder and Viking are hideous. Or that Prodigi is "the ugliest paint that can be bought"? It's a blasphemy! I mean, Viking was once the sexiest hull in this game: broad, poised, he moved like Buick through the battlefield... that is, before he was slowed down and consequently ruined for most of the admirers. Also Prodigi, one of the most popular paints before the rebalance still remained among the most used ones - and with the good reason! Not only it provides the excellent protection, its camouflage pattern fits almost perfectly against the grey foundation of many maps. It looks neutral and easy on the eyes. And as for Thunder... well, I don't have to preach to the already converted.

Bottom line – I hate the fact that I'm forced to use hulls and paints I don't like, just because they have the performances I'm looking for. Thus I'm anxiously awaiting for more hulls, weapons and paints to appear in this game, and more diversity to choose from...

~Ostrica~

[unholycloak5 1,814]

I agree wit the paints and the maps but not the weapons. :P

[jtipt 30]

:lol: :lol: lol what a pic :P

[SilverCenturion 0]

 

1. In love

Probably made to appeal to a female part of the Tanki Online community, it failed miserably. The pink colour with little hearts looks so repulsive that even girls aren't using this paint. I do know one guy who's using it regularly though, and... it's not a pretty sight.

 

 

Your gonna make a GIRL mad who is still using it.Hehehehe.....

[lizerdgirl 0]

 

3. Firebird

Not ugly per se, but more – unrefined. Unattractive. And unoriginal. For a flame thrower, you'd expect something more than a refurbished gas igniter. I'd at least expect a spitfire! And it stops working when you need it the most...

 

 

You have insulted my firebird :'(

No... just... no.

 

But you are right about in love. I wouldn't use it.. :/

[skitee 555]

The three so-called ugliest paints here would all be in my top 7, no doubt whatsoever. Jaguar and In Love especially are no-brainers for beauty.

[Moraine 5,877]

Jaguar and In Love especially are no-brainers for beauty.

 

You collected Barbie dolls as a kid, I presume? Otherwise I don't understand how can a grown-up person like that paint, much less calling it beautiful...

[FaaiqBilal1 795]

jaguar and spark are beast

fire is kewl

isida is kewl

wasp is good on smoky >.<

[skitee 555]

You collected Barbie dolls as a kid, I presume? Otherwise I don't understand how can a grown-up person like that paint, much less calling it beautiful...

The pink is a fantastic shade. The hearts are not great, I have to admit, but the colour itself is very good.

[Scientist 4,224]

I'm agree only about Titan, Roger, Jaguar and Dusseldorf.

[jokjinari 160]

I have many things to tell you, but this is all I'll say for now:

 

[hogree 4,179]

Lol. Spark... Eat it Hamster. Eat it, and chew on it like its chewing gum. Go on. Chew. Harder.

[HichigoShiro1 97]

I thought Spark was Lhamster's favorite paint xD

[HichigoShiro1 97]

The pink is a fantastic shade. The hearts are not great, I have to admit, but the colour itself is very good.

I've seen you use In-love.

and Firebird. :o

[jonathanjoseph 71]

Lol. Spark... Eat it Hamster. Eat it, and chew on it like its chewing gum. Go on. Chew. Harder.

LOL! Really Skittee? I thought you were cool. And Lhamster, I agree on the maps, but Wasp is not ugly nor is Jaguar, however I'll admit it's opinion. Nice description and thanks for your time, but I (me) feel like only a few of those items are ugly.

[Moraine 5,877]

I thought Spark was Lhamster's favorite paint xD

 

But since Lhamster didn't wrote this article...

[skitee 555]

I've seen you use In-love.

and Firebird. :o

You jelly?

LOL! Really Skittee? I thought you were cool.

I am cool. In Love is just an epitome of that coolness

[Meliora 1,652]

Your gonna make a GIRL mad who is still using it.Hehehehe.....

Yes. I am using that paint. It is brilliant.

[SilverCenturion 0]

Yes. I am using that paint. It is brilliant.

I know it was you all along :D

[Ash 60]

That guy. That one guy using the ''In Love'' paint. Ew.

 

2. Monte Carlo

A map that has no point. Perhaps made for parkouring, but even the players who like to parkour never use it for that. You can't jump from one point to another even with nitro, and the whole map is completely useless unless you use rail or thunder. And even then it hasn't much appeal.

 

 

~Ostrica~

I despise this map, it's so annoying

[SilverCenturion 0]

That guy. That one guy using the ''In Love'' paint. Ew.

 

It's a SHE.Look at the name and you know that it's a SHE.

[Moraine 5,877]

She was quoting my article. You should read it again.

[GoldRock 6,165]

Your maps choices are good. And your paints (except for your joint 2nd choice). If I had to choose between wearing In Love and joining the 'Freeze Sucks' club, the latter option would suddenly seem very attractive.

 

P.S. In Love looks especially ugly with Hornet/Thunder or Hornet/Freeze.

[SilverCenturion 0]

 

P.S. In Love looks especially ugly with Hornet/Thunder or Hornet/Freeze.

It's looks kind of beautiful to me :) at a battle,the enemies will think that your harmless and then BAM! Your dead XD

[GoldRock 6,165]

It's looks kind of beautiful to me :) at a battle,the enemies will think that your harmless and then BAM! Your dead XD

 

Well, I was referring to a particular person. And your theory doesn't apply there - he/she looks harmless, and he/she is harmless ;)