(Story) Love's Cruel Sting

[Destrod 2,634]

hey guys! here is my story which i sent to conanthedestroyer for the reporters staff. sadly, i only got through to the 18 interviewers and i didnt make it to the reporters staff so i am going to be releasing articles and stories every month! thanks guys

 

 

 

 

 Story Love's Cruel Sting 

 

Things to know:

               In this story, real people drive tanks and they live in real houses like us. However, the cities are named as tanki maps. 

 

 The Story:

            Love, a bond formed not by family relations, not by money or fame, but by sheer care, heart and feelings. This is a story about the Romeo and Juliet, the butter and milk, the flower and water. Jessica and Antonio are two lovebirds who don't know how much they love each other. They live in the most famous city in tankiworld called  Silence. All was well with Jessica and Antonio. They loved each other, cared for each other and they trusted each other. Jessica used to have the hornet m1 with isida m1 and the beautiful In Love Paint Job (although I really hate it!). While Antonio had a Viking m1 with thunder m1 and the stylish Corrosion paint. But one day, their harmonious life came to a halt. "Honey, im going out to get my paint re-sprayed. See you soon!" Jessica called as she got out of her house to go into her tank. "Ah women! always about their looks!" Antonio wailed, with a smile on his face. As Jessica was going to her tank, she caught a glimpse of a strange black tank in the bushes. Jessica neglected it and moved on. The black tank slowly crawled towards Antonio, who was still in the house. He broke the door and went inside. "What nonsense is this! who are you? what do you want?" Antonio yelled."I am... not who you think I am. I'm your master and your student" The black tank wailed.Antonio was confused, he didn't make any sense! The black tank was equipped with a strange weopon, with a cloth covered on it. He lunged forward and tripped Antonio to the ground."Aah! Antonio screamed. The black tank shot the wall near him, and the smoke left him in a state of misery and unconsiousness. "Honey  I'm home! you will be surprised to see my new paint! Antonio are you there?"  as Jessica took notice of the condition of the house, she understood that something was terribly wrong. She searched the house and failed to find any evidence. She knew that Antonio havd been kidnapped. But Jessica noticed a black shot mark on the wall. "This is not a common thunder or smoky shot. It's something else" She said to herself."Aah," Antonio sighed."what is this place? where am I?" Antonio was getting that eery feeling that people have when they are in a strange abandoned little house. His head hurt, his throat felt soar and he had no idea where he was. He was sitting on a chair tied up with a rope. "You have awoken at last my friend. In a short time too, compared to when i woke up" The black tank said, nowhere in sight."Who are you? what have I done to you? why are you doing this?" Antonio screamed." What have I done to you eh? you will know soon enough partner!" The black tank called. He was still invisible. He came forward and got out of his tank. And when the smoke cleared, Antonio saw a man whom he had never hoped to see. "Lysander? you? your behind this?". Now we come to a rewind in this story. Before Antonio fell in love, he was a teacher of the subject Ricocheism. And Lysander was his best student. One day, Lysander even managed to defeat Antonio himself in a ricochet duel! Antonio and Lysander were very close friends. But when Jessica came into Antonio's life, Lysander became jealous of Jessica as she was beautiful and intellegent. Now, Lysander has kidnapped Antonio and he is going to kill him if he doesn't give up Jessica."Never! I will never listen to you! Jessica is dearer to me than all the crystals in the world! I will never give her up" Antonio screamed with full enthusiasm. "I figured you might say that." Lysander picket up a bat, and hit him right on the face, leaving him unconcious once again. Back home, Jessica had been running wild searching for Antonio. She received information and found out that Antonio was kidnapped by a mysterious black tank. None knew his location. But her mind told her that he was in an abandoned place. She reached an abandoned house far, far away from the neighbourhood. And that was the very house where Antonio was kept hostage. She quickly entered the room. Luckily, Lysander went for a drink. "Oh Antonio! are you alright?  who has done this to you?" Jessica said with tears in her eyes. "Lysander. I'll  explain later. Right now we gotta go!" "Whats your hurry dear friend? the fun is just beggining!" Lysander replied, with that evil smile on his face. Jessica pushed him aside and ran as fast as her legs could carry her. She got into the tank and drove away with her Romeo in her arms. Fear,terror and distess arose on Jessica's face. They were completely surrounded by Lysanders men. They had mammoths and railguns all m0. There was no escape, but Antonio came up with an idea."Jessica, get out  of the tank". Antonio ordered. Jessica knew that he was up to something, so she did as she was directed to. The smile of victory faded from Lysander's face, as he knew that his master had a trick up his sleeve. As the enemy were equipped with firebirds, the small duo would be able to crawl under the tanks.They could get trampled,but it was worth a try.They swiftly moved through the horde of tanks and they were almost there, when Antonio's foot got crushed, and he fell down."Honey, leave me be. If you carry me, they will surely catch us both and it will be the end of our love." But Jessica did not leave him." Love never dies Antonio, it never dies".Suddenly, they came to a halt. They were staring at a bridge, and you know what seperates it from the other side? A big, giant, humungus wall. No man or tank could go across it. They hid behind the pillar and waited for their doom."It has been a great adventure with you Jessica, and now we are at its end." Antonio didn't want to get killed, so he commited suicide and the lovebirds died there hand in hand. Certainly Jessica and Antonio lost there lives. But their love still lives.Now, you must be wondering why I haven't revealed somethings which I have mentioned earlier. First of all, the shot that Jessica saw in the house after Antonio was abducted was a Ricochet shot. Lysander covered his Ricochet because if he had shown his turret, Antonio would have recognized him and would have easily known his weak spots. And do you know why Antonio commited suicide instead of being killed? because he still cared for his student. If Lysander had killed Antonio, then Lysander would have certainly gone to jail. Well thats it for my story! and a quote to end this story. Its also the moral. Thank you for reading my story.

 

                                                       "Love never dies, it always lives on"

 

[ARENO-1998 549]

Again?

[SprayGround 2,851]

tl;dr

[Regreted 52]

not unnecessary plus  this will low your chance to 0.

[ARENO-1998 549]

Or -1?

[Regreted 52]

-9999 lol

[ARENO-1998 549]

-1998 :lol:

[Regreted 52]

-99999999999

[Eragon 13,876]

not so bad, but not perfect

[VectorSierra 199]

^Agree.Could use a little more work.

[Regreted 52]

not unnecessary plus  this will low your chance to 0.

[Remaine 4,687]

Hmm, a bit shabby.

[GoldRock 6,165]

Hmm, a bit shabby.

Yes, could do with a thorough proofread.

 

Not bad, but one of the main problems with this is that it fails to use the language techniques 'show, not tell' and 'sensory imagery'. For example:

 

" While Antonio had a Viking m1 with thunder m1 and the stylish Corrosion paint."

 

...would be a lot better as...

 

"Antonio's sturdy Viking was an impressive sight, flecked with metallic splashes of red and silver, with a sleek, spatula-shaped turret. Cruel and unforgiving in appearance, the mere sight of his tank was enough to instill awe upon his friends, and a deap-seated fear into many of his enemies."

[Meliora 1,652]

Paragraphs?????

[Therider 2,034]

Paragraphs?????

 ^^proof read.. not bad but not perfect either ,keep trying you will soon be there :)

[TheLonelyEpic 212]

tl;dr

[Vikingsrallentando 3,058]

Love stories aren't my favorite so I can't give a good opinion. And stories can go here instead of having a topic be made. 

[FederalBureauFBI 2,881]

Please post here http://en.tankiforum.com/index.php?showtopic=180469&view=getlastpost