[Guide] Ultimate Guide to eating Chicken!

[S.C.Y.T.H.E 1,072]

 

Chicken is a domesticated fowl, or bird, that some people eat and enjoy. But most people have never really eaten chicken. Even if they tried, the most likely gave up because of the sheer difficulty. In this very forum there have been guides published on how to eat chicken. But they were not descriptive nor useful. I tried to follow them, but ended up eating roast hippopotamus, (I am not sure how). The world of eating chicken is confusing, full of dead ends and giant vultures. I decided to enter this devious world, and find out how to truly experience chicken. After years of research and experimentation, I made a breakthrough. I have decided to publish this guide, on how to really eat chicken. Some people may cower at this daunting task, to eat chicken. Others have attempted and failed. A very elite few have succeeded but have hidden their secrets. All will be revealed in this guide.

 

Step One: Get Chicken.

 

This is an important step, as one can not eat chicken without chicken. When getting chicken, it is important to know a few things: The fresher a chicken, the better. For best results, go to a local farm and pick out a live chicken. Frozen chicken is alright, but always check to make sure that it is fairly fresh. You don't want to eat a year old frozen Chicken. Chicken can be canned, but I would recommend staying back from this option. Who even knows if this canned chicken is real, or how old it is. Always avoid chicken sold by fast food restaurants. "Chicken" Sandwiches and other "Chicken" products are about 80% plastic. Another option of chicken is precooked; Precooked can be perfect, but you can't ever trust someone else to the highly difficult task of making chicken. I would recommend buying precooked chicken with a year long warranty, if that makes any sense (which is doesn't). Some other things to know about getting chicken:

There are several different cuts of chicken. A great dish of chicken is known as a drumstick. This is part of a chicken's leg. It contains lots of meat and little fat. A drumstick is a great choice for a first time chicken-er. They can be bought seperately.

Chicken Breast: This comes from the front of a chicken's chest. It is comprised of their flight muscles, making it the most meaty part of a chicken. Chicken Breast has a slightly different taste and texture than the rest of a chicken however. But don't worry, its still delicious. They can be bought seperately.

Chicken Wings: These are a popular cut of chicken. They are very self explanatory; they are part of a chicken's wings. These are popularly known as 'Buffalo Wings'. Buffalo wings are actually made out of chicken. I am sad to say that buffalo do not have wings, and I realize that most of you are crying because of this. So lets keep talking about chicken to cheer you up. They can be bought seperately.

Chicken fingers, also known as chicken tenders or strips: These are almost always breaded and deep fried. They taste good, but no one really knows what part of a chicken they come from, so they are difficult to make.

Whole Chicken: This is also self explanatory; It is an entire chicken, minus the head and guts. It is rather difficult to prepare, but makes the most chicken. 

Chicken Soup: Soup with bits of chicken in it. I wouldn't recommend eating chicken soup, as it usually contains vegetables.

If you are a first time chicken-er, your best bets are Chicken Breast and Drumsticks. Once you have your chicken, now you need to prepare it. Unfortunately, this is an incredibly varied and confusing part of eating chicken. There are countless recipes. I will tell you two extremely simple ways to prepare chicken:

Cooking a whole chicken:

Get a whole frozen chicken, and let it thaw. Put it in a foil pan. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees, Fahrenheit. While chicken is in the pan, you can season it. You can buy chicken seasoning at stores, or just use these spices: Content moderated; This information can offend some people who like a different seasoning. Now put your chicken in the oven for fifteen minutes. Turn heat down to 250 degrees, and let cook for another ten minutes.

Cooking chicken breast or wings:

Get your chicken meat and put it on a pan or cutting board. Cut it into small bite sized pieces using a sharp, serrated knife. Once done, put chicken in a frying pan, and turn on the stove. Add to the pan some oil, unhealthy stuff, and Censored for earlier reason. Fry until the chicken is done, and take off stove. Make sure to turn your stove off. 

Now your chicken is cooked and prepared. You have chicken.

 

Step Two: Eat Chicken

 

This is the most crucial step, as the earlier steps have all led to this. What is the point in eating chicken without eating chicken, as this is the goal of the guide? Put chicken on a plate. Get a fork, and sit down to a table with the chicken in front of you. Think about this:

Once this was a bird. Now it is a pile of sliced up meat. You conquered the chicken. You succeeded where almost no one else has succeeded. You got and cooked a chicken, and you are about to eat chicken. You navigated the maze, full of twists and turn, and deceptions. You are about to eat chicken. This feeling of success should make the chicken even more enjoyable.

Take your first bite, a small bite. Relish the taste of chicken. Continue until you have eaten all the chicken. 

 

Step Three: Repeat

 

This is an important step. If you stop here, and never eat chicken again, you will still have failed. It would be like training for and running a marathon, then never running again. I know it will be hard, but you must eat chicken again. Always remember the feeling of eating chicken, and keep that as your motivation.

 

If this guide receives more than a hundred upvotes, I will write another guide on an even more difficult subject: Eating Turkey.

 

[Shaloo7 1,216]

Hmmm

[hogree 4,179]

legend

[PAKlSTANI 114]

'-'

[ArcticCow 454]

You stole hogree's idea.

[XLG1 67]

:) Ahh....... Nandos chicken... 

Edited February 6, 2015 by XLG1

[DonutsForLife 292]

:) Ahh....... Nandos chicken... 

[No.Game_No.Life 73]

xD 

[snipe3000 678]

_-_

[ShOwStOpPeR_online 324]

Guide Exists Here.

[MA3CTPO_HA_XAHTEP 832]

hhhh nice explanation  :lol:  :lol:

[S.C.Y.T.H.E 1,072]

Guide Exists Here.

B)  Mine is better.

Edited February 6, 2015 by S.C.Y.T.H.E

[canadarules 1,938]

lol

[Eragon 13,876]

How is chicken related to tanki?  :lol:  :ph34r:

[RamzanTheGreat 471]

How is chicken related to tanki?  :lol:  :ph34r:

it's off topic discussion !

[hogree 4,179]

B)  Mine is better.

u wot m8

[jazz20 1,181]

.=.

[TriNitroToIuene 4,765]

Vegetarian.... sorry mate, no upvote from me! :P

[shadewarttt 3,350]

[robbie56 2,403]

Wow the forum is going downhill.

 

---

 

Just put it in your mouth and chew. 

[7919zola 252]

Just put it in your mouth and chew. 

Na, what you said is an Ultimate Guide to eating turkey. Plus... you know we have to over complicate things in TO. It's just what we do. 

[tanker538N 394]

legend

Wait a second there is something fishy here. Or should i say hoggy :O since when do pigs eat chicken ? Edited February 7, 2015 by tanker538N

[corpsecrusher2 53]

Snakey how much time do you have in your hands?

[S.C.Y.T.H.E 1,072]

Snakey how much time do you have in your hands?

25 hours a day, why are you asking? 

[jokersus.cava 1,503]

Are you a chickenologist?