My impression on some of TO's community

[Loackie 269]

Introduction:

 

This post is essentially what I thought how SOME people would comment for each update listed.

 

***DISCLAIMER***

This post is purely for satirical purposes. This post was not intended to berate any person, group or organization, but rather to express in an unorthodox manner of my low expectations for some members of the TO community.

 

---

 

 

5k to 9k golds:

 

Wow, i'll never get one. Flyhackers and only flyhackers will get one. Flyhacker mults, Get a life, because you don't play for 10 hours each day, every day.

 

Double Battle Funds for four days:

 

So many good people in this game who can win games and make comebacks. I hate those people because they are good at the game, and I am not. The game should be easy and require no skill, this was a nerf to the battle fund.

 

The game is too easy. What if we get too many crystals now?

 

25% off mobile and PayPal Purchases:

 

Oh wow, Tanki supporting buyers. They keep the game alive, but I should scorn them and scold them about their decision to no end because then they can gain an advantage.

 

SMS payments are a ripoff, i'm not using this sale.

 

25% off Turrets, Hulls and Paints:

 

This is stupid. I wanted a 50% sale, but only a 25% sale was released. Even though they could have chosen to not create a sale, I'm going to tell my friends to stop playing the game and withhold all offers.

 

This sale rewards bad noobs because they don't have to nolife as much as me to get the stuff they needed.

 

Reworked Forest and Sandbox:

 

Why did you change my drop zones?! Multiple health boxes are supposed to drop within 10m of each other to spawncamp- I mean honorably fight opponents for the drop boxes! Also, what if we get lost in Forest?

 

I liked the previous map, why did you change it? I hate this game and its updates because it makes my stuff better!

 

Changes in forum permission sets:

 

I won't complain about this, but I'm not going to compliment about it either because i'm such a stuck-up person that thinks they are so cool.

 

Supply Bonuses:

 

More drugs to more noobs. That buff is as bad as a nerf because now they will be addicted to drugging 24/7 and never learn to play the game.

 

Oh, this update made me a buyer and forced me to waste all my crystals on buying drugs even though I could have used self-contro - *cough* I mean that the game was deigned to addict people to spend their life savings on this mess of code! This game is terrible, 0/10!

 

Mouse Controls:

 

These mouse controls are stupid and serve no purpose in the game! I have the choice to not use them, but they are so bad I have to complain about any Mouse Controls user because i'm completely sure they are multing!

 

UGHH I USE SEFURI AND I CANT USE MOUZ CONTROLS THATZ NOT FAER

 

New Auto-Aim Mechanism:

 

Ugh, you made my favorite turret unusable. You make updates without letting us know, and are ruining the game in the process. Even though you are trying your best to attempt to make the game better, i think you're trying to ruin the product to cater to buyers who can use a different tank. You're also a liar if you can do that and not buy.

 

Improved System for Changing Equipment in Battle:

 

ONLY ONE MINUTE?! I don't use this at all, but this doesn't apply to me. It makes every buyer better and so it makes the game unfair for normal people like me, who mult for gol- *cough* enjoy the game by playing battles with friends.

 

Changes in the parameters for Turrets and Hulls:

 

What the (pika!) TO? You ruined my combination, and the only people who will like this update are buyers, because they can afford to buy that stupid OP Vulcan turret, even though it has been nerfed heavily. Hammer is still OP because I'm bad at the game, and can't figure out how to fight it. This makes the game impossible for anyone but buyers and those are the only people that matter to you!

 

My Final Words:

 

Never go near this website or think about it otherwise your money will go into an unspeakable sinkhole with your credit cards in it. If you know what's good for you, you shouldn't even be reading this post!

 

---

 

My expectations were heavily exceeded, I guess. Yay?

 

Oh, here's the Disclaimer again, because someone's going to be offended at something I clearly put a warning on.

 

***DISCLAIMER***

This post is purely for satirical purposes. This post was not intended to berate any person, group or organization, but rather to express in an unorthodox manner of my low expectations for some members of the TO community.

 

Even after I put it, i'm pretty sure i'm going to have to thoroughly explain half the topic because the joke went flying over their head.

 

Credits:

 

Some of my friends for being levelheaded people and good members of the TO community. If they weren't there, I probably would have left the game and its community at WO3 or something.

 

Tanki Online for making a well-coded game and a nice forum to go along with it. I do appreciate their hard work most of the time, luckily.

 

Afterthoughts:

 

"But we didn't say that" I never said you or anyone else typed that, I said that's what I expected from someone.

 

I'm going to get screamed at for being a total jerk and that I should be banned for libel, or something like that. Please note I won't even waste time to downvote your post if you do that.

 

---------

 

5k to 9k golds, I guess. Waiting for the community to post and see if I'm right.

Have fun being salty, regardless.

 

EDIT: Any suggestions for some famous updates? I'm planning on removal of Crystal Boxes and The Rebalance.

Also, would you like to see this as a recurring monthly or bi-monthy series? If it will be done in a series, I will state actual expectations and not just hypothetical ones, but they will be very similar.

Edited May 6, 2015 by Loackie

[DonutsForLife 292]

:lol:

[dilsharox 2,395]

lol calm down

[Papaya14 481]

Spot. On.  B)

 

For 5-9k golds you can also mention people (like me :blush: ) who complained about the reduced falling chance, even though Semyon Kirov himself said that the chance wasn't changed at all.

 

And for Mouse Controls, there's always the people who used Shaft, they deserve a mention as well. "Y u no fix shaft bugz yet tanki?!?!"

 

Other than that, great satire, made my day :lol: Keep it up! (obligatory comic saaaaaaans!)

 

Edit: I'm also glad you didn't mention specific members who always complain of updates *coughcoughcanadacoughcough* but rather just satired the community response in general. Much respect.

Edited May 6, 2015 by Papaya14

[jazz20 1,181]

Have fun being salty, regardless.

Come on bro, we ain't that bad .-.

Edited May 6, 2015 by jazz20

[Kevred 1,586]

You should've put the update titles in a different colour, to make the reading overall more enjoyable.

 

You should note that this community isn't age-specific (I'm not sure if that makes sense), so there are 7 year-olds and fifty-year olds. You can't blame a child for being angry at a rebalance. You simply can't.

 

In addition, taking the example on the "wow Tanki supporting buyers" thing, imagine someone who played an one-hour game, and at about 3/4 a bunch of druggers join and ruin the gameplay. He gets less than half of what he was expecting of the fund. Then he sees that Tanki is offering a 50% sale for buyers. Many people would post a comment similar to what you expected, if not worse.

Edited May 6, 2015 by Kevred

[Loackie 269]

Edit: I'm also glad you didn't mention specific members who always complain of updates *coughcoughcanadacoughcough*

Would be provocation if I mentioned specific names.

 

Come on bro, we ain't that bad .-.

inb4 you eat those words (and fixed)

 

 

 You can't blame a child for being angry at a rebalance. You simply can't.

EDIT: You can't blame them, but the logic that is used to justify the rebalance being bad is silly, as shown in my post.

 

I also put "some" in the title incase an actual adult were to come along, show us his mansion and rek my whole post.

Edited May 6, 2015 by Loackie

[Papaya14 481]

You should note that this community isn't age-specific (I'm not sure if that makes sense), so there are 7 year-olds and fifty-year olds. You can't blame a child for being angry at a rebalance. You simply can't.

 

In addition, taking the example on the "wow Tanki supporting buyers" thing, imagine someone who played an one-hour game, and at about 3/4 a bunch of druggers join and ruin the gameplay. He gets less than half of what he was expecting of the fund. Then he sees that Tanki is offering a 50% sale for buyers. Many people would post a comment similar to what you expected, if not worse.

You did read the disclaimer in bright red letters, right?

[genak138 950]

So true.

Although I did not like the rebalance mainly because of Thunder's OP-ness.

5k-9k Golds: I rarely fly hackers, but the chances of a gold really do seem to drop when the values are raised. I know Semyon said they didn't change, which makes me think they didn't do it intentionally, but there's just something wrong with the code -_-

But at least I don't have as bad of arguments as the examples you mentioned :lol:

[Kevred 1,586]

You did read the disclaimer in bright red letters, right?

*sigh* Yes I did. Why are you asking...

[Kevred 1,586]

 

EDIT: You can't blame them, but the logic that is used to justify the rebalance being bad is silly, as shown in my post.

 

That's the logic of a child. Perfectly normal.

[Maf 32,309]

That's the logic of a child. Perfectly normal.

Actually, from what I've noticed it's usually the younger generation, who want things to change and get bored quickly if something stays the same for a long time, while the older people just wish for everything to stay as it is. And I'm talking about real life changes here.

[beaku 2,656]

Actually, from what I've noticed it's usually the younger generation, who want things to change and get bored quickly if something stays the same for a long time, while the older people just wish for everything to stay as it is. And I'm talking about real life changes here.

Oh dang it! I am old already.. *Cough *Cough..... Sory for t..... *Cough *Cough..... Need to see doct..... *cough

[CockneyLad 31]

Lol, thats why i love updates, so i can read comments like those. Good work

[Shedinja 1,488]

I think you might have nailed it on the head with this one, Loack. However, I might have to disagree with the auto-aim update, as many players have found it to be far more beneficial than harmful. Besides, it adds an element of surprise to the game, no matter what end of the shot you're on.

[Reeco9 1,567]

Hit the nail on the head.

 

Good work  :D

[Promissory 569]

Predictablel drops and experiment pls :lol:

[r_stdin0 11]

Disclaimer : The OP post is provided "as-is" without any warranties of any kinds.

[Loackie 269]

I added something at the bottom of the OP, and I plan to add some more to the balancing of turrets and hulls, I don't think one paragraph did it justice.

[Truthteller 4,204]

tl;dr

[Opex-Rah 5,385]

Yeeeaaaaaah, reading something like that several years already. Thx for posting it :D

 

[deadmanrising 715]

Yeeeaaaaaah, reading something like that several years already. Thx for posting it :D

 

You only realized this topic now?

 

:mellow:

[kayitsiz 621]

Yeeeaaaaaah, reading something like that several years already. Thx for posting it :D

 

Yeah, someone wonders the reason...

[genak138 950]

When the Auto-Aim mechanism was changed, what was different about it? I didn't notice anything different.

[bigmike77 60]

Haha sorry, meant to upvote this but my finger slipped. I love this :3