[Issue 2][Story]Death Day in Barda Pt. 2[UN]

[tony990_Superstar 68]

DEATH DAY IN BARDA (PART 2/2)

--Written by tony990_Superstar--

 

“FIRE!”

 

The audience of the execution looked around in confusion. The date was still August 4, and Gordon was on the edge of the bridge awaiting his death. A cry rang up from the crowd, but it was too late. The railguns beams were already lighting up.

 

Gordon’s fear overcame his thinking. Quickly he jumped into the chamber, the door shutting behind him. It wasn’t a long fall, but when he landed he blacked out. He was to be seen again by another Bardian, but not for a long, long time.

 

***

Gordon awoke in what seemed to be a few hours later. He was in a very strange place. He had no idea where he was, or how he was still living. He was sure that this was his gateway to the afterworld or wherever he would wind up after being so immature and so childish in his life. But no, there was no spirit ahead of him. He was still alive, but he was in a tunnel-like place with nothing around him but sand.

 

“Is anybody here?” said Gordon. It echoed through the tunnel, then a much larger tank than his, about the size of the guards’ tanks, turned a corner and stared at Gordon.

 

“A newcomer?” said the tank. “You don’t see these every day.”

 

“Excuse me sir,” said Gordon.

 

“Ah! A Bardian! I should have known. I can tell by your accent. Come in, sir, come in!”

 

Gordon drove a little closer to the tank. “Where am I exactly?”

 

“You are currently in a secret base of Barda, from a country I don’t think you will have heard of called Aleksandrov. We are the ones who have been fighting a war with Barda for the past few years.”

 

Gordon stared. “You- you’ve been the ones who have fought the war?”

 

“That’s right!” the tank said. “Serves your country right after how many they killed. We’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to attack. Are the chambers still open?”

 

A flood of questions rushed to Gordon’s head. “Wait a second, how many we killed?” was the one he asked.

 

“Yes. You ignorant Bardians killed thousands of our tanks, now we prepare to kill your country. By the way, was the Vulcan that came down before your friend? I hope not, he sunk straight to the bottom so we were forced to bury him there.”

 

Gordon was fascinated and confused at the same time. He knew he was still in Barda, but at a place where nobody would ever find him. He also knew that he certainly wasn’t dead. The only two explanations he could think of were that he was in a coma or this guy was real.

 

“Now answer my question, red paint!” said the tank. “Are the chambers still open?”
 

“I- I don’t know,” said Gordon. “I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep.”

 

“Well what day did you fall?”

 

“August 4th.”

 

“Of which year, Doc? We don’t get to see small tanks like yourself falling from the sky every day.”

 

“236.”

 

The tank fell silent. After about a minute he spoke. “Well you must be starvin’ Doc! You’ve been lying there for eight years. Want some breakfast?”

 

“Eight years?!” Gordon exclaimed. “How have I been living so long?”

 

“That’s what I’m wonderin’ too Doc! Well you might as well eat somethin’ and think about what happened!”

Gordon was led by the bigger tank down to a little tunnel. It took them a while, since the other tank has a mammoth, but they arrived there in five minutes flat.

 

It occurred to Gordon at that moment that he WAS hungry. As they rounded the bend to the dining hall, Gordon couldn’t believe his eyes. There was no dining hall, but there was a machine that had a bunch of buttons, sort of like a Coca-Cola machine at Five Guys.

 

“Well, whatcha waitin’ for Doc! Pick somethin’ and eat it!”

 

Gordon went up to the machine. There were buttons on it that read, almost every food known to man. The buttons were extraordinarily small. “How do I press a button?” Gordon asked the tank.

 

“Shoot at it. Smoky is the best with accuracy so you should get it on your first shot.”

 

Gordon shot at a few buttons and got what he wanted out of it: A hot dog and a Pepsi.

 

“Where do I eat?” asked Gordon.

 

“Man, you ask a helluva lot of questions!” said the tank. “First call me by my name, ‘Mac,’ and second go eat it in your dorm. Just make a right, go down to the end of the hall, and turn right. There’ll be a troll as a symbol, but it will go away once you touch it.”

 

“Thank you, Mac,” said Gordon.

 

“Don’t mention it, and what should I call you?”

 

Gordon said his name. Mac smiled. “Gordon,” he repeated. And with that, he was off.

 

Gordon didn’t know at that time whether he was dreaming or if everything he was experiencing was real. And you won’t know for a while either. This marks the end of, “Death Day in Barda,” but it is not the end of Gordon’s story.

TO BE CONTINUED…

[dilsharox 2,395]

it dosen't make any difference

[r_TIGER_BOY_20140 78]

ypu no differnce

[r_TIGER_BOY_20140 78]

you can end up the story today even

[ThouShallNot 963]

Sorry but i accadentaly fell asleep while reading :(

[tony990_Superstar 68]

Well I'm sorry for showing you what real literature is...should've known people who can't even type right don't even know how to read

[SportsKing700 153]

I see some flaws in words and sentence structures, run-ons, fragments etc. But otherwise good work

[r_priyangshu0 270]

Well I'm sorry for showing you what real literature is...should've known people who can't even type right don't even know how to read

This isn't real literature, by any means. 

 

Don't flame now..

[Kevred 1,586]

Aleksandrov was fighting the war? What war? There wasn't a single mention of some kind of war in the first chapter...

 

And something confusing: so he jumped down the chamber in which he was supposed to fall after he gets executed, and ends up in a secret base. But-but-but in the first chapter, it was mentioned that Gordon could smell rotting corpses from the chamber...

 

And I find it strange how, after 8 years and after Mac says "we don't get newcomers every day", the base just so happens to already have a dorm set up for Gordon...

 

And then, since Aleksandrov has been fighting the war against the Bardians, and Gordon is a Bardian, how come they just seem to assume Gordon is on their side and let him move through the base freely?

 

AND THEN, why does Mac randomly start calling Gordon "Doc"?

 

This story has multiple issues...

Edited June 16, 2015 by Kevred

[tony990_Superstar 68]

This isn't real literature, by any means. 

 

Don't flame now..

LOL, flame? It's not flame...

 

 

Aleksandrov was fighting the war? What war? There wasn't a single mention of some kind of war in the first chapter...

 

And something confusing: so he jumped down the chamber in which he was supposed to fall after he gets executed, and ends up in a secret base. But-but-but in the first chapter, it was mentioned that Gordon could smell rotting corpses from the chamber...

 

And I find it strange how, after 8 years and after Mac says "we don't get newcomers every day", the base just so happens to already have a dorm set up for Gordon...

 

And then, since Aleksandrov has been fighting the war against the Bardians, and Gordon is a Bardian, how come they just seem to assume Gordon is on their side and let him move through the base freely?

 

AND THEN, why does Mac randomly start calling Gordon "Doc"?

 

This story has multiple issues...

1. It wasn't relevant to the plot then...

2. It's like a hotel room

3. The Bardians had no idea that the war base existed.

4. It's sort of a nickname Mac made for Gordon.

[Kevred 1,586]

LOL, flame? It's not flame...

 

 

1. It wasn't relevant to the plot then...

2. It's like a hotel room

3. The Bardians had no idea that the war base existed.

4. It's sort of a nickname Mac made for Gordon.

1. Even if it wasn't relevant to the plot, you still have to give readers an idea, or else the entire second chapter, which revolves around the war, doesn't make much sense.

 

2. That's not what I'm saying; I'm saying that in the 1st chapter Gordon says he smells rotting corpses, but in this chapter, when he falls into it, there's no trace of corpses whatsoever.

 

3. I know, but since Alek. is at war with the Bardians, why would they let a Bardian in?

 

4. Why? Why 'Doc"? Why not "Big" or "Tweeny" or something else?

[tony990_Superstar 68]

1. Even if it wasn't relevant to the plot, you still have to give readers an idea, or else the entire second chapter, which revolves around the war, doesn't make much sense.

 

2. That's not what I'm saying; I'm saying that in the 1st chapter Gordon says he smells rotting corpses, but in this chapter, when he falls into it, there's no trace of corpses whatsoever.

 

3. I know, but since Alek. is at war with the Bardians, why would they let a Bardian in?

 

4. Why? Why 'Doc"? Why not "Big" or "Tweeny" or something else?

1. I'll accept this

2. That's part of the mystery

3. They had known about the executions

4. Because that's how I wrote the story 

[Kevred 1,586]

1. I'll accept this

2. That's part of the mystery

3. They had known about the executions

4. Because that's how I wrote the story 

2. Ah, I see.

3. Still, receiving a newcomer and immediately assigning him a dorm whilst putting no security detail on him seems a bit rash...

4. My point is, what quality in Gordon makes Mac call him "Doc" He's not a doctor, is he?

[tony990_Superstar 68]

2. Ah, I see.

3. Still, receiving a newcomer and immediately assigning him a dorm whilst putting no security detail on him seems a bit rash...

4. My point is, what quality in Gordon makes Mac call him "Doc" He's not a doctor, is he?

3. True...

4. Nope, but it's sort of like when people call each other 'man' or 'bro' even though they could be young and aren't their brother.

[Kevred 1,586]

 

4. Nope, but it's sort of like when people call each other 'man' or 'bro' even though they could be young and aren't their brother.

Still not entirely convinced, but fair enough.

[sha77777_super 877]

it dosen't make any difference

no probs :)

Good to see a person interested in improving his skill.

Well done tony! Keep it up!

[tony990_Superstar 68]

no probs :)

Good to see a person interested in improving his skill.

Well done tony! Keep it up!

Gratzi  :)

[Yisroel.Rabin 16,224]

I'm sorry. It just needs work. I wasn't to great at writing at one point either. But I learned by reading the official TO Newspaper, and now I have a topic (very inactive at the moment, will do more during the summer ;))

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