In Defense of Supplies

[sonofchrysalis3 3,719]

My friend Lollytwist has been on Tanki for exactly one week longer than I.  She has always played twice as much as me, even back when Tanki was all I ever did.  The poor girl rarely leaves her house.

 

And she is a Warrant Officer 2.

 

“How could such a thing be possible?” you ask.  I’ve played this game far less than she has, yet I am miles above her in rank.  It isn’t because I use a score booster pass.  I don’t need one.

 

I’ll tell you why she is so far behind:

 

She is as stubborn as an upside-down bottle cork.

 

I love Lollytwist like a sister.  When I first fled to Canterlot, everypony shunned me because I come from such a wicked breed of monsters.  Not Lollytwist!  She accepted me for who I am on the inside, and her trust in me was soon noticed by the princesses.  The rest is history.

 

But she is still a very stubborn individual.

 

She refuses to use the supply power-ups that fall in the battles.  She will drive her tank right around them, and she actually downgraded her keyboard to not include the number pad so that she could “resist the temptation to press the number keys during a battle”.  She believes that there is some sort of moral problem with using them.

 

Tankers all over the world are shaking their heads and laughing.

 

Please, don’t look down on my friend for her decision to not use supplies.  It is her playing style, and she is entitled to play as she wishes.  But this decision has some very noticeable effects on her Tanki experience:

 

1.)    She never does well in battles.

 

When Lolly first started out, she was the tanker in charge.  Notanki was safe from her devastating barrage of Twins fire.  Deathmatches saw her win with a D/L percentage of 10.00 or more, and her crystal wallet grew enough to buy the Firefly kit before she even unlocked it.

 

Then, when her opponents started using those supplies, her successful streak ended.  Nowadays, she can play for thirty minutes on a packed-full Noise DM and be lucky to make five kills.  All while using an M1 Firebird against M0 enemies!

 

2.)    She has never caught a Gold Box.  Ever.

 

She is one of those tankers that screams “NO KILL!!!” in the chat box as soon as the Gold siren sounds.  She begs everytanki to not shoot, because if they do (and they always do) she’ll have no chance at grabbing the Big Box.  If she used a repair kit, she would’ve caught one by now.  She probably would’ve caught quite a few.

 

3.)    Everytanki laughs at her.

 

To many players, nothing in Tanki is funnier than hunting an anti-kit tanker.  Poor Lolly gets spawn-camped in practically every battle she plays, because she is the easiest kill on the battlefield.  In fact, she was hunted by an M0 Wasp Firebird at Cross DM about two months ago; the player killed her 27 times in fifteen minutes.  Lolly never made a single kill.  When the battle was over, the Railgun said “Best DM I’ve ever played LOL”.

 

That Railgun was Rainbow Dash, a Sergeant Major at the time.  Lolly was a Warrant Officer 2, using her Firefly kit.

 

4.)    She gets extremely frustrated.

 

It’s tough to be the only tanker in the universe who doesn’t use supplies.  Sure, there are others out there who shun kits, but she never sees any of them because they are so incredibly rare.  All she ever sees is the Double-Damage shell from a Thunder as it shrieks into her hull and pops her like a balloon in a frying pan.  That gets pretty upsetting.  In fact, she had to buy a new keyboard last week because she put her old one through a window.

 

Of course, her new keyboard has no number pad.

 

5.)    She never ranks up.

 

She has been a Warrant Officer 2 for over two months, despite the three hours she spends on this site each day.  A tanker can’t rank up without actually making a kill or capturing something.

 

I ran a few numbers as I was typing this.  If she continues performing as she is now, she will reach my current rank of Third Lieutenant in 124 years, assuming she continues to play three hours daily.

 

My offspring will have formed their own nation by then.  I’m not even married yet!

 

I asked Lolly exactly why in Celestia’s name she refuses to use supplies when it’s obvious that she needs them so badly.  Her arguments against them, and my rebuttals, are as follows:

 

1.)    “They give an unfair advantage.”

 

You are using an M0 Wasp Smoky with no special paint, and your opponent is using the same.  You are sitting in front of each other, blasting away.

 

EGADS!  He just used one of those dastardly Repair kits!  The fiend!  Call the marines!  Call your lawyer!  Call Sylvester Stallone!

 

Or just use your own Repair kit.  DUUUH!

 

2.)    “Tankers rely on them to help them win.”

 

Hmm.  Now, I am pretty new at this game, so I MAY BE WRONG, but I’m pretty sure you, anti-kit tanker, rely on a hull and turret to help you win.

 

A POX UPON THE TURRETS!  OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

 

3.)    “Tanki’s money-grubbing executives want you to blow all your crystals on temporal supplies and not long-lasting equipment, that way you’ll HAVE to buy crystals when you need better guns and hulls.”

 

Oh, good grief.

 

If those “greedy old executives” who made the game you obsess over really intended the evil you accuse them of, then why do supplies drop in the battles?  They don’t cost you a thing.  Neither do the kits you get as Daily Bonuses.

 

Why does Tanki put equipment on sale if they’re trying to dupe you into spending your money on them?

 

Have you considered the possibility that the people who run Tanki might NOT be out to get you?

 

4.)    "They detract from the spirit of the game."

 

And what, pray tell, do you believe the spirit of the game is?  I’ll wait while you come up with an answer.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

I’ve had a bath, eaten dinner, cloudwatched for an hour with Fluttershy, and knitted three blankets.  Do you know yet what the spirit of the game of Tanki is? 

 

No?  Let me help.

 

“Enjoy the company of like-minded friends around the world and around the universe, even as you are blowing them to bits.”

 

How is a Speed Boost kit going to hinder that?  It isn’t going to, unless you got up this morning looking for a reason to be a grouch.

 

5.)    "Only cheaters use supplies."

 

CHEAT ~ verb (pronounced “cheet”)  To deceive by any artifice, trick, or device, with a view to gain an advantage contrary to common honesty; as to cheat a person at cards.

 

Definition taken from the 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language.  You humans ought to be proud of that book and the guy who put it together.  Now, here’s the definition of a supply kit: “A power-up that Tanki created and provides its players with.”

 

* Cheating is to break the rules.

 

* Tankionline lays down the rules.

 

* Tanki created supplies.

 

* Using supplies is not cheating.

 

WHOOPS!  Did I just use... oh, I can’t even say the dirty word... LOGIC?!

 

I am so sorry.  I’ll be more careful from now on.

 

 

* * * * * * * *

 

 

I am inexpressibly thankful for my friend Lollytwist.  Without her, I would’ve been cast out like the vicious wretch I was.  I don’t come close to deserving the kindness she has shown me, and I will always be in her debt.

 

And she has her own style of playing Tanki, which may make zero sense to me, but she seems to be fine with it.  That’s all that matters.

 

Supplies are to Tanki what Super Mushrooms are to Super Mario and what Medkits are to Dying Light.  They are simply one of the game’s fundamental components.  Yet there are some players who, like Lolly, refuse to accept the supplies as legitimate.  Many hold to the arguments I have listed (and defeated), and some have other reasons.

 

I speak for all supply-using tankers when I say this to the ones who don’t use them: we respect your decision to not use them.  Tanki is one of the most successful free online games of all time because the players can choose any fighting style they want.  Your unique style is what you are happy with, and we are happy that you are happy.  But don’t repay us evil for good.  We are tolerant of your anti-kit stance, so don’t be intolerant of our usage of kits by hating on us, or by trying to make Tanki take them away.  That sort of hypocrisy violates the atmosphere of camaraderie and fellowship that defines the spirit of our beloved pastime. 

Edited January 29, 2016 by sonofchrysalis3

[dilsharox 2,395]

nice

[Penguin40 1,714]

Amazing job, Mr. Stratus. By the way, wanna know why I hardly ever use supplies? Etiquette. You probably already know that I play XP/BPs. And you can't use supplies. I play the non-format one where you can use supplies, but I don't because of XP/BP etiquette.

[sonofchrysalis3 3,719]

@Penguin40 -->

 

Again, that's your choice of playing style.  Do as you please.

[Ambitious 2,084]

Haha, hilarious! Poor Lollytwist! I loved reading every bit of it.

[TriNitroToIuene 4,765]

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!

[MA_G_I_C 45]

Nice read

 

PS: How long do you think it will take Semyon Kirov to rank up to Gismo? :D

[sonofchrysalis3 3,719]

No idea, it depends on how often he plays

[Mr.71 123]

I  wish I did not use any drugs for the first 20 ranks or so, you can play and be competetive in the first load of ranks but drugs are a must (unless you play pro) when you get to the higher ranks.

[CTaen 214]

Really nice :D

[sonofchrysalis3 3,719]

I am, aren't I?  Oh, you meant the article.  Yeah, I like it too.

[drazeruzumaki 5,021]

love this article and tell ur friend to stop being stubborn and start using boxes and enter our drugging world :D

[NatchGa 665]

Ahhh, and so it starts.

 

All of the arguments you quoted i've never really heard, and they're easy arguments to counteract. What about the main argument of people who don't approve of drugs... "They remove skill from the game?" 

 

Its nice to see that your at least are not looking down on people who refuse to use drugs. But now the article I feel has lost a point. Is it to encourage supply users to keep using them? or to convince people who don't use supplies to use them?

 

The whole thing with lollytwist was very vague and misguiding. What combination does she use? Whats her playing style? Does she turn her turret? All of those things play a major part in how successful a tanker is. Not just simply if they use drugs or not. 

[sonofchrysalis3 3,719]

@NatchGa -->

 

Mop-up time!

 

So you've never heard the arguments, eh?  That must mean that no one has ever used them!  Yes, that was sarcasm.

 

"They remove skill from the game" is part of point #2, but I'll go ahead and rehash my rebuttal.

 

To do that, I'll crack the old Webster again, this time the 1994 Third College Edition, and define Skill for you:

 

Skill ~ "Great ability or proficiency"

 

So, what do you consider "great ability and proficiency" to be?  The normal tanker would say " Being able to win in battles".  However, since you seem to be the type of person/pony/whatever you are who gets his kicks by constantly disagreeing (not hatin', just sayin'), your opinion of skill is probably " great ability or proficiency, as long as the player doesn't use supplies".

 

Well, let me give you my definition of skill:  "great ability or proficiency, as long as the player doesn't use a monitor".

 

Now every player who uses a monitor is officially an unskilled cheater.  We should all petition Tankionline to ban the usage of computer monitors by its players.  This also makes me and my unicorn friends the only skilled players in Tanki, as our magic renders monitors unnecessary.

 

There I go again, using logic.  My apologies to everytanki.  Maybe I should visit Zecora for a psychonio-session.

 

Lollytwist has played a thousand or more battles in the past two or three months, fighting tens of thousands of different tankers and using many different combinations and strategies to try (and fail) to win.  She has had every chance in the world to do well, but she hasn't.  I already gave my theory.

 

And yes, she turns her turret.

Edited July 7, 2015 by sonofchrysalis3

[EuzLo 491]

Great article. :D

[CockneyLad 31]

I always enjoy reading your posts, keep up the good work.

[E.Leclerc 1,887]

I don't think that it is possible to play more than 1000 battles, everyday 3 hours,turning turret and not rank up..(at that rank!)

It is all made up. I would rank up (at her rank) in few hours.

Edited July 7, 2015 by E.Leclerc

[genak138 950]

Agreed with every single sentence. Just too lazy to write it all up all nice and structured like that :P

[sonofchrysalis3 3,719]

@E.Leclerc -->

 

Think it's impossible?  You haven't seen Lolly play. 

[shadewarttt 3,350]

@E.Leclerc -->

 

Think it's impossible?  You haven't seen Lolly play. 

Quoting is better since it sends a notification. 

[sonofchrysalis3 3,719]

@shadewartt -->

 

You are correct.  Sure wish Internet Explorer would let me.

[NatchGa 665]

So, what do you consider "great ability and proficiency" to be?  The normal tanker would say " Being able to win in battles".  However, since you seem to be the type of person/pony/whatever you are who gets his kicks by constantly disagreeing (not hatin', just sayin'), your opinion of skill is probably " great ability or proficiency, as long as the player doesn't use supplies".

 

Well, let me give you my definition of skill:  "great ability or proficiency, as long as the player doesn't use a monitor".

 

Now every player who uses a monitor is officially an unskilled cheater.  We should all petition Tankionline to ban the usage of computer monitors by its players.  This also makes me and my unicorn friends the only skilled players in Tanki, as our magic renders monitors unnecessary.

 

There I go again, using logic.  My apologies to everytanki.  Maybe I should visit Zecora for a psychonio-session.

 

ummm... ok then...?

 

I don't think that it is possible to play more than 1000 battles, everyday 3 hours,turning turret and not rank up..(at that rank!)

It is all made up. I would rank up (at her rank) in few hours.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

THIS. OMG THIS... IS PERFECT I applaud you e.leclerc

Edited July 8, 2015 by NatchGa

[drazeruzumaki 5,021]

@shadewartt -->

 

You are correct.  Sure wish Internet Explorer would let me.

someone who gets internet explorer is now useless......

use chrome.

[Mr.I3oSS 557]

*bow* You are one heck of a awesome writer, Continue the same in Real life,Write novels,Articles and alot more stuff which you may have more knowledge about than me ;) . Do this and your life shall be cherished as a Excellent and outstanding writer.

Goodluck

---

EDIT: This section of Forum is for you sir.

Edited July 8, 2015 by Mr.I3oSS

[L.I.B.E.R.A.T.O.R 218]

This topic reminds me of a counter to this topic:

Drugs are the only way to win battles

 

And so the moral of the story is to........ buy a drug kit & spam like mad. :ph34r:

Edited July 8, 2015 by L.I.B.E.R.A.T.O.R