The Mystery Of The Burnt Mansion (Not completed)

[golden5648 1,686]

Hey guys.  :) I have a dream... That I wanna become an author, and for that, I think that I should publish a book first. I will be a bit slow, since school is also something which I should positively follow. And I will start publishing chapters 1 by 1...  :)

 

Yet, I have published chapters 2 only.

 

***

 

Characters mentioned in the story (yet)

 

* Jack Strollins (Main)

*Jack Strollins detective friends (Will be proclaimed later)

* Mrs Hawthorn

*Jacks mum

*An old women

*A dead person

*Jim (Not revealed)

*A mysterious man (Not revealed)

*Coffee Shop waiter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1 - Introduction

 

 Ah... The enchanted blossoms, the pink flowers and the gentle green pines swaying in a faithful rhythm

brought great love in my eyes. But, oh my! Just after a short amount of worthy time some disturbing words started to echo in my ears, "Wake up Jack, Time for School!".

 

OK. This time I nearly lost it, school is the WORST thing for me, and I can even trade to clean my whole bookshelf for it! Anyways, when mom wants me to go somewhere, I need to listen to her, and since she is my mother, and I should have pure esteem for her and THAT's why I always wake up. 

 

Oh wait, maybe I didn't introduce you guys to me! Well, my name is Jack Strollins, and my greatest hobby is cracking and solving mysteries with my fellow friends which I have been doing for more than the past 3 years. Of course, in my gentlemen age I really want to become a detective, but there are some problems

 

It's pretty hard trying to solve mysteries at this age, since people think we are mad considering we are trying to solve mysteries at the age of 13. And actually, I never even get to find a mystery because people just go to the Police station to complain something.

 

Actually, of course I never get to find any mysteries, but today something peculiar happened. When I was walking unhappily to school, I found a swarm of people surrounding the black mists of a dreary mansion. I pushed myself between them with a puzzling emotion, I also asked many grown-ups what had happened and suddenly I heard some cries of an old women. The way I heard it, she was probably mourning, and after some 5 seconds I got to know the whole story.

 

It was a fire which happened on that mansion at night, at that moment there must've have been a person sleeping in the mansion who died because of the fire, and the old women was his relative. After this, I whisked away from the crowd and looked at my watch.

 

"OH no!", I cried after realizing that I was late for school! I trembled in front of many people, wishing to dart to school at that very moment. But there was no way I could even reach on time, and when I would step my feet in class, Mrs Hawthorn would gaze at me with her 'hawk-like' eyes and make me fear more.

 

So yes, there was nothing I could do, neither hurtle to home and tell my parents I am late. At that very moment an idea shot like a bullet train in my mind, "why should I waste my moment on feeling agitated? When I can try to solve that who burnt that mansion?". Hopefully, if I could do, it would bring me a lot of fame in my town, and my dream of becoming a detective could occur! 

 

Chapter 2 - A mysterious man

 

Some hours had passed since that frightful event when my eyes had a shot in my watch. In these lonesome hours, I was strolling on the garden of the mansion, since all the people who were having a peer in the burnt mansion had long departed. I felt like a truant, and I really wanted to investigate the mansion knowing that nobody lives there now, but my mind always recalled Mrs Hawthorns face.

 

Sometimes I really wished to call my other friends who always solved small mysteries with me such as Raphael and Ben, but I knew that they must have been studying in school. 

Suddenly, someone just darted in front of my nervous eyes. I took a step back, hoping to dash away if it was a sign of danger.

 

Two minutes passed, nothing happened. OK, this made it sure it was no danger but who was it then? My thoughts became deeper, I examined the garden thoroughly, and luckily I found a cigarette packet which was sort of pretty expensive, and I knew it belonged to that man since it wasn't there before. Moreover, the cigarettes of that packet were labelled with a name 'Jim' in a weird manner.  I sometimes felt like I am a hero, because this was the first time I did some examining without the help of my friends.

 

Finally, after some short yet useful examining I left the garden and went to a Coffee Shop.  I sat there for like 3 hours by just holding a menu upside down even though I didn't want to eat anything. A vexed waiter promptly came near me, he stared at me like I was a thug which made me even more nervous. Even he got more annoyed when he saw me holding a menu upside down. 

 

After a long pause, he asked me a question which made me sit transfixed. "Why are you here with a school bag you little boy, don't you have school, or are you playing hooky?" 

 

"I beg your pardon sir, actually I had a half day today, and just after school finished I came here to have some rest."

 

I knew that my excuse was really lame and stupid, so I hurried off from the restaurant before listening to more heart-beating questions. All of a sudden, just as I stepped outside, I saw something unbelievable. Remember when I saw that mysterious person who dashed in front of my eyes? Yes, I had seen him, and that when he had some of his friends chatting with him. He was a really muscular man. He was also really slim but that didn't stop him from covering his whole body with tattoos! His leg had a slight scar, his eyes and hair both brown, and you could see that he is left handed since he was holding the cigar with his left hand.

 

I knew that this man was the person who dashed in front of me in that garden because he had the same cigarette packet which I found in the garden.

 

However, I still didn't get to have a look at the name 'Jim', which still had stated that he might not be that mysterious guy. I sat in a bench nearest to him and his friends, and tried to hide my face from his goon friends and him with a newspaper which I had borrowed from the Coffee Shop. I tried to have a peek at the cigarette, but he was using many hand actions while chatting with his friends which made it harder for me. 

 

At last, when their chat was over (or probably over), he threw the cigarette in a trashcan and proceeded away with his friends. This was the perfect time to have a little glance at the cigar, and quickly I opened the Footpath trash can and had a look.

 

No. There was no name written, and it did make sure that this guy wasn't Jim. But still, this man was obscure, and looking at him made me really puzzled, so yes, I still didn't think I should keep my eyes from him.

Edited September 28, 2015 by golden5648

[T.O.R.N.A.D.O.XXX 184]

:rolleyes:

[Darren4Turbo 4,913]

Well written golden.

 

You could be the best author :)

[Ambitious 2,084]

Whoah, amazing! I never really read mysteries but this one caught my attention. I can't wait for Chapter 2 already!

[Mr.Cashier 1,622]

Wow I read it and it's really interesting! You guys (Who writes stories) should apply for Reporter Position! You guys have talent and skill of writing :)

[dilsharox 2,395]

nice

[drazeruzumaki 5,021]

nice

^my brother said it

[golden5648 1,686]

Too many multi quotes by me...

 

:rolleyes:

 

And I expected a down-vote, yay! xD

Well written golden.

 

You could be the best author :)

Oh thanks!  :blush:

 

Whoah, amazing! I never really read mysteries but this one caught my attention. I can't wait for Chapter 2 already!

:)

 

Wow I read it and it's really interesting! You guys (Who writes stories) should apply for Reporter Position! You guys have talent and skill of writing :)

Thanks :)

 

nice

nice  :ph34r:

 

^my brother said it

:blink:

[joe2vega 1,259]

[golden5648 1,686]

 

  

 

Edited September 27, 2015 by golden5648

[golden5648 1,686]

:rolleyes:

And lol our birthday is in the same day...

[joe123_Superman 430]

And lol our birthday is in the same day...

And..my birthday is not today

Edited September 27, 2015 by joe123_Superman

[GHOST68INVINCIBLE 152]

It is a little like Famous 5 other than that great story :)

[sahl_super 157]

Keep doing, best I guess this Rory I ever heard....

[golden5648 1,686]

It is a little like Famous 5 other than that great story :)

xD Nice guess! You guys don't know I am following the steps of the serious "The 5 find-outers"! xD

 

And the first book of that series was "The mystery of the burnt cottage", and know what? Before publishing this story I actually made it the burnt cottage. But I always thought it would be much more of a copyright so I changed cottage to mansion... :)

[golden5648 1,686]

Chapter 2 released! :D

[GHOST68INVINCIBLE 152]

This story becomes more and more interesting and funny at each chapter. :) i can't wait until chapter 3 comes.

Edited September 28, 2015 by GHOST68INVINCIBLE

[golden5648 1,686]

This story becomes more and more interesting and funny at each chapter. :) i can't wait until chapter 3 comes.

Funny? xD

 

Anyways, thanks bro :)

[Calm_CJ 209]

This story goes deep and deep  :blink:

I can't wait for the next chapter 3.  :mellow:

Btw... bro.... well written is all i can say.  ;)

Good Job. 

~ThumbsUp~

Carry on with your work may lead you the path never taken.  ^_^

*Believe-in-Yourself*

:)  ;)  ^_^

 

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Post No. 178

[golden5648 1,686]

Thx CJ  :rolleyes:

[rusevforash 1]

Nice one :)

[golden5648 1,686]

Nice one :)

Thxxx!

[Calm_CJ 209]

Thx CJ  :rolleyes:

Nvm.... bro ... anytym ;) 

 

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Post No. 181