[Issue 42] [Contest] Help Needed: Occupations for the Unemployed

[canadarules 1,938]

Job Name: The one and only Zookeeper

Location: English Tanki Online Forum

 

Do you find the forum to be wild? If you have answered yes to this question than we may have the right job for you. Today, Tanki Only has announced the released the name of a new job. It is called "The one and only Zookeeper."  Be the one and only person to help control the zoo known as the Tanki Online forum, with the wild five and ten year olds all over the place complaining about stuff. Apply today and be the one and only Zookeeper of Tanki Online.

 

90 words

by canadarules

[LightTankKitM3 32]

Job name-Zookeeper

Location-Gubakha

 

Think about how much you like wild little tankers, we're now recruiting for the National Gubakha Zoo, instead of all the tankers running wild and killing each other, we made plenty of different sections to pin them up in.  Keep in mind this is for their safety, so you shouldn't feel bad about throwing a wasp into a hole.  Apply today!

 

66 Words

Edited October 17, 2015 by LightTankKitM3

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

TNT, for the Places, is it First Place for Zookeper, First Place for Social Activist or is it only the best out of all of them? Or is it the best of each one?

[celroti 133]

they won't be so fat it they were vegeterians

So what about my bulky elephants?Have you seen them eat meats?

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

Social Activist

 

Job description: Your job and lie to people, be sure to wear formal paints. Your main thing to do, however, is to tell lies to people about fake updates that will never be released and get their hopes high, when they get disappointing, start running around the arena and after they swear at you for about 30 minutes, leave the battle and go irritate a new bunch of strangers. Also always make sure you invade social gatherings, be loud and obnoxxious or else you're fired (litrally)

 

Word count: 86 words, 459 characters

Edited October 18, 2015 by LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH

[TriNitroToIuene 4,765]

TNT, for the Places, is it First Place for Zookeper, First Place for Social Activist or is it only the best out of all of them? Or is it the best of each one?

Best out of all of them

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

Best out of all of them

I like taht column, it's hilharious, with all those puns,"It's for a noble cause" I couldn't stop luaghing on that one!

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

Job Name: Zookeeper

Job Location: Courage (You'll need a lot of it! :))

 

 

Sign up here to be a Zookeeper who takes care of all the Tanki creatures. This job is dangerous, try not to get stung by the Wasps and Hornets. Don't try to trash talk those Firebirds or they'll 'burn' you. Try to keep the Zoo modern, don't let those Vikings and Mammoths come in. Make sure you take care of those Animals because the Hunters will be after them! Sign up now to have the best Job in all of Tanki Online - the Tanki Online Zookeeper!

 

Word Count: 97

Edited October 18, 2015 by marc.jp_44

[celroti 133]

Social Activist

Bridgehead

 

A social activist is not everyone's cup of tea.You're charged with a responsibility of obligation without consideration.There're people whose sweat go in vain and there're are people who utilizes every drop of blood as a landmark to the others.What's a leader?A leader is one who freezes the scorching atmosphere(absorbing all the heat),warms up the breezy winter(taking up all the cold) and elevate the hillock with the twins.Your very first step means you're ready to combat every conundrums,engulf the pain of foremost bullet and embrace the death before it reaches your companions.With a smile at your last breathe,you say,"Have a safe journey tankers."

 

1 :mellow: :mellow:  words

[thunderousrailgunner 1,934]

Tour Operator

Dusseldorf

 

Must know all shortcuts and routes in dusseldorf . Acceleration and speed must be micro-upgraded to enjoy a faster ride . Must also show the houses and possibly make the tourists to buy them . Pays are generally an Anti - Anti Wasp Spray , a new set of wheels every month and many lumps of chicken with potato fries . Doing the job wrong may result in changing the gift from anti-anti wasp spray to anti wasp spray . Work Hours Depend upon the Time per travel .

 

Word Count : 80 Words

Edited October 18, 2015 by thunderousrailgunner

[BlueDragon_tamki 3,204]

I don't get what am I suppose to do :wacko:

[Eragon 13,876]

Could have tried if the prize was bigger, nah, who I'm kidding... I am a terrible writer :D Best of luck to those who participant ;) 

[Tap_Dancer 1,360]

Job: Zookeeper

Location: Alternativa Platform

Word Count: 100

Dear Tankers,

A terrorist smuggled some 'TNT' into the zoo last Friday. He let the bomb detonate, slaying several animals, including Thekillerpenguin, whose wing was cut of and hogree, whose snout was ruptured, while a numerous amount were wounded. Many of the staff were murdered. We need you to save these innocent creatures promptly! The impact of this tragedy is so severe that these critters are using special animal paints that helpers donated to them, including tiger, jaguar and raccoon. Apply to be a tanki zookeeper now! The environment is in your hands tankers, while the animals are in hell.

[awesomenessrichard2 7]

Zookeeper

 

 

Tired of being killed by the Railguns and always earning no crystals? Ready to start a new life in Tanki? Then apply for the Zookeeper position!

 

 

Only a few simple requirements are needed for the job. Make sure the Mammoth-Twins resting in the zoo doesn't wake up and kill everyone and take all the crystals. The Titan-Firebird should STAY ASLEEP AT ALL TIMES. Hornets and Wasps should rest peacefully in their cages and not buzz around. Hunters and Vikings are okay, just make sure they don't pick up their guns and commit murder. 

 

Reward: Working with hogree

[manish17 1,085]

JOB NAME :           Zookeeper
Job LOCATION :  Near 's House

 

Are you looking for bits of thrill and suspense in your life?  You have got a chance to help the slowest tortoise ever who is facing trouble to take care of the Naughty Monkeys! Feed the lions before they attack you, play 'Long Distance Water Throwing Competition' with the elephants and peep into your friend's house by climbing upon the giraffe's neck! So what are you waiting for? 

 

---

Word count: 68

[BlueDragon_tamki 3,204]

All you have to do is to pick a 'job' from the below list of options, and prepare a short, catchy and funny description about it, that fits in with the theme of each issue of the Unemployed Column, that is, satire, humour and wit. Enter your entry in the form of a post on this thread, and may the best writer win!

 

Pick any job you want from the following:

A. TOUR OPERATOR

B. ZOOKEEPER

C. SOCIAL ACTIVIST

D. TRADER

I mean explain, sum it up a bit with your own words Edited October 19, 2015 by BlueDragon_tamki

[TriNitroToIuene 4,765]

I mean explain, sum it up a bit with your own words

Basically, I've given you four jobs. You have to pick ONE job out of the four and write a job description here. Just ONE. Say if you've chosen Tour Operator, you can only write ONE entry on Tour Operator and nothing else.

 

Got it? ;)

[dunes555 368]

 Trader

Monte Carlo

 

Must be a thief-like fellow who can fire constant deals at victims customers before finishing off with a devastating critical offer. Kill-stealing  smokies are certainly encouraged. NO railguns; they are too slow-witted and you can see their massive, overpriced proposal before they announce it. Thunders may be considered for targeting crowds of buyers. Worker must outwit the cunning gamblers of Monte Carlo casinos, who are used to being cheated. Wage is 40% of your profit (NEVER demand 50%, or sonofchyrsalis3 will explain why in heart-wrenching story format). Items to sell include the product kit combining Hogree's upcoming biography with chicken.    

 

100 words exactly, without the title or location.

Thanks immensely to TriNitroToluene for patiently yet swiftly answering my questions!

[Leekh_A.forever 83]

Job Name: Tour Operator 

Job Location: World tank Gallery 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------Your Life-time Licence -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dreaming of riding a bulldozer? Come ride a tank instead. Show the world what it means to get to ride a tank. Make people jealous about having your lovely 'wife' along with you all the time.They may even quit driving bulldozer and drive tankdozer instead. Bring people along the whole loads of new tanks, let their jaws drop, In fact, more tankers will be born to join you in getting thier tankdozer driving license. Worth more than working at any place.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Your lifetime joy-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Word count 83

Edited October 19, 2015 by Leekh_A.forever

[Quarks 2,255]

Zoo Keeper

Valley

 

We need you to contain bad combinations in Valley. You must keep the mammy fires, wasp twins, and Wasp shafts in the center valley. To let them out will result in the corruption of Tanki. We CAN´T have anything other than Hornet Rails playing Tanki.  We need a big hull that can block the ramps, and use thunder for crowd control(Bulldozer kit) . Keep in mind that these specimens are extremely rare, so DON´T kill them. Remember, even though nobody joins any Valley battles, you MUST keep it ready for random visitors. The best Keepers get 1% protection paint against shaft.

 

 

Exactly 100 words

 

[BlueDragon_tamki 3,204]

Basically, I've given you four jobs. You have to pick ONE job out of the four and write a job description here. Just ONE. Say if you've chosen Tour Operator, you can only write ONE entry on Tour Operator and nothing else.

 

Got it? ;)

got it :)

[BlueDragon_tamki 3,204]

This one really killed me xD

Trader

Toilet Paper Trading, Bathroom.

---

Listen up everyone, now is the time you stop using wipes (duh) or newspapers (ew). It's the moment we gather and spread awareness regarding the necessity of toilet papers. For this, we need you.

 

Waaaaaaaaait!

 

Why am I even offering you this job?

 

Ssssshhh, don't remind me of the guacamole I had last night, some noob stole our toilet paper, and it forced me to use the old newspaper paint (Explosive Diarrhea).

Yes, it's me who stole the old reporter paint.

 

Are you willing to help us sell toilet papers? Join us.....now!

Salary? 10 kg of poop/week. Guaranteed.

Word Count = 100

 

[Wishtaker97 62]

Job: Zoo Keeper

Location: Tan-zoo

 

Are you looking for mouths to feed, pets to handle, and money to reap? Then you have come at the right place. There is nothing much that you have to do, just keep the mammoths in, the wasps tied, the hornets busy, and don't forget to keep the hunters out! Of Course the vikings surrounding the area wont be much of a problem. And just one more thing. Never ever make the Dictator ruling this area angry! Be Prepared to work, work and work.

 

-84 words

 

By @Wishtaker97

Edited October 19, 2015 by Wishtaker97

[IVIr.Blue 865]

they won't be so fat it they were vegeterians

Man... seriously??

 

 

Elephants are far too..... are they non-vegetarians? ?? Nope

[IVIr.Blue 865]

Zoo keeper

Seymon's house

 

 

Want to earn money with your ability to pet the domestic hulls??? You're on the right path. All you need to do is burn mammoth fat,feed the tiny titans, Chase the bullet wasps,read a bed time story to hunters,train the Vikings,reach the tall tanki giraffes and teach hornets how to drive. Beware, hulls are not completely domestic after all. Apply at your own risk.

We will be waiting for you 'Son Of a Gun'.

 

 

 

Word count:82

Edited October 24, 2015 by IVIr.Blue