[Issue 42] [Contest] Help Needed: Occupations for the Unemployed

[rtey31 51]

Zookeeper

????

 

Are you a person that just loves animals? Then zoo keeping is the job for you. We love enthusiastic animal lovers,and people that can entertain crowds. We also give good pay, but if you want it, please don't get too lovey dovey with the big cats or alligators, they tend to bite. You will get awesome jobs such as cleaning the great smelling poop from the giraffe's cages, and feeding the lions. They do get snappy, so please don't accidentally feed them yourself. Also, please don't make annoying guests the main course for carnivores. Respond soon, limited time only.

 

 

Word Count= 100 words, not including underlined words or any punctuation. 

The corrected version of your post.

[Theterminator456 5]

TANKIZOOLINE

Stadium map

 

This Job is simple, but keep your pants up tight (with a belt if possible) because you will have a lot of running to do. Your task is simple but hard, keep the wasp from burning each other out. You will have to chase them and send them back to their titan and mammoth cage, but be careful not to get hammer or isida by them. Simple task to do so apply now! We are waiting for you.

 

Word Count: 78

Edited October 21, 2015 by Theterminator456

[yoyo360_GTO 265]

Job: Trader

Location: market grounds

Recently, there have been many complaints by civilians because the price for chicken has gone over the roof at stop-and-flop and we are looking for someone with an unstable criminal record who wouldn't be reluctant to take part in a shady case or two... Or forty seven. All you have to do is exchange your stuff for somebody else's stuff! Sounds exciting right? You should always get the better deal or else you'll probably starve to death. The only quality required are good bargaining skills. You will be paid in chicken... need I say more?

 

 

100 words

[yoyo360_GTO 265]

Does it have to be tanki related?

[Darkrider_phantom 0]

Job Name: Trader

 

Job Location: Tanki general chat or any battle chat where there are dim wit tankers

 

                               Have you ever sold a recruit account to a generalissimo? If yes, then this is the perfect job for you..!! Trade the worst accounts to the noobiest stupids and rank through the trading game. Earn promotions and get accounts that nobody else could ever trade and succeed to prove your mettle. Be wary of those profit-destroying moderators though... They might ban you..But what's fun without risk?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 85 words
P.S. no offense moderators


 

[MinuteMan.TO 14]

Job name: Zookeeper

Location: Mars

Word count: 97

 

HELP WANTED: zookeeper on planet Mars. Be the first tank on Mars! New zoo built on a prime piece of red rock (awesome view). The zoo is yours to keep! (animals not included) Space travel is free for as long as your oxygen lasts. May get a bit chilly with temperatures as low as -200° F  Also, there is no water so you might have to bring your animals to the dried up lake bed to remind you of how you could've had water a few million billion years ago. Hurry! Shuttle leaves Earth in 10 years!

Edited October 21, 2015 by MinuteMan.TO

[Cor7y 13,862]

kid

GRANDPA

[105tangr 4]

NOW HIRING

 

ZooKeeper!

 

200$ tankmoney per month

 

Feed the Wild Mammoths

Pet the Fluffy Vikings

Train the Vicious Wasps

AND SPECIALS: 

Get Our TriNitroToluene 

directions go forward 2 kilometers then zoom using your pet wasps fly up and there you are

may get a little noisy because of those seagulls 

enjoy

NOW HIRING AT TANKIVERSE LOCAL ZOO

[yoyo360_GTO 265]

Does it have a k be tanki related?

[KillerGnat 3,135]

I didn't have time to read all the other posts before I did this, so I might accidentally be copying somebody.

 

 

Tour Guide:

 

Our first stop is the chat room. Here all people from the noobiest noobs, to the greatest Generalissimos gather to converse about all sorts of things. You might find a lowly sergeant staring in awe at a warrant officer, or a lovesick teenager pleading for a girl to come talk to him. Often you'll find two players insulting each other while others fruitlessly warn them about the dangers of getting banned. Despite the downsides, though, The chat is a fine place to Jaw about past battles and have a great time. I'd like to say more, but sadly we're out of time and words.

 

Words: 104, sorry

 

P.S.  Mr.sarcastic please come and express your witty satirical judgements, I'd like to hear your take on some of the posts here  :)

[KillerGnat 3,135]

Ooh, nice! This has to get something

i agree

[JustALittleBoy 2]

Job: Trader

Job location : EN 5 Chat

 

Are you good at promotion?

Can you turn a Gefreiter to Marshal?

Do you like the feeling after trolling someone?

Are you ready to live as rebel?

If yes,We need YOU, right NOW

Salary : 1 500 Crystals per victim

Interested? Contact Us :

Phone : 483 – 7678

BBM : 2b1e94da

 

55 words

( The phone number, and BBM pin isn't mine, i just make a random letters)

[Raredust 454]

Job name: Social Activist

 

Job Location: The world of Tanki Online

 

Tanki Online... a very fun game... a game many cherish. Yet Tanki, such a wonderful game, requires change. Are you up for the job?

 

What would you do if some crafty fraud told an innocent newbie that he would give him crystals with the requirement of his password? Would you ignore the conversation and join a battle? We need brave, determined witnesses to do just the opposite.

 

It's time to plant nutritious integrity into Farm. It's time to place tranquility in Madness. It's time to pave the Highways. It's time to clean up the Massacre. It's time, citizens. It's time.

 

Word count - 100

Edited October 23, 2015 by Raredust

[Andrei_D12 11]

IN-GAME KEYBOARD TRADER 

 

I will begin with a question: do you find trading BORING???
Well, if you think so, then this job is FOR YOU!

Novadays the Tanki players number is rocketing and the number of destroyed keyboards during playing is even HIGHER, so we are looking for someone fearless who can approach the extremely angry player and sell him/her some fresh keyboards to smash. This job is full of ACTION and you will become millionaire in just TWO years and be more famous than Chuck Norris. A world-wide success GUARANTEED!!!

Are you brave enough for this job???

If yes, JOIN US!!

 

100 WORDS

 

 

[IronCrab 3]

Zookeeper, alterniva zoo

 

are you dare enough to feed alligator?

Can you clean a vampire without crying?

 

We are looking for a brave zookeeper.

Your task is simple ; feed and clean the freaks, then run.

We will give you 4 325 crystals each month.

Dare enough?.

Please come to our headquarter in solikamsk with a photo contains you feed an alligator.

 

Warning ! : we are not responsible to injuries caused by " Jackhammer ".

 

( sry for bad english )

[MasterSaad1999 7]

Job: Zookeeper

 

Location: The TankKing International Zoo, TankiLand, Perm, Russia.

 

Description: YOUR JOB IS TO FEED THE WASP AND HIS BIG BROTHER, THE HORNET. DON'T FORGET TO SWEEP THE MAMMOTH'S CAGE. YOU NEED TO GIVE TONS OF LAVA AND MAGMA TO VULCAN, IT'S HIS FAVORITE. VIKINGS TRAIN DRAGONS, YOU ONLY NEED TO KEEP AN EYE ON THEM THAT THEY DON'T ESCAPE. THERE ARE ALIENS AT ALIEN INVADERS JUNCTION. DONT BE SCARED OF THEM. THEY ARE SOON GOING TO MARS. THE JAGUARS, IRBISES AND TIGERS ARE MEANT TO BE TREATED WITH CARE, OTHERWISE THEY WILL KILL YOU. ALSO, REMEMBER THE RACCOONS. THEY ARE INNOCENT EXCEPT THAT THEY WASH THEIR FOOD IN MARINE.

 

Word Count: 100 Words (Bold Words)

[TriNitroToIuene 4,765]

Tankers, we are so sorry, but due to circumstances beyond our control, the deadline is now the 28th of October. We are so sorry for the inconvenience; but till then, get your engines roaring!

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

Tankers, we are so sorry, but due to circumstances beyond our control, the deadline is now the 28th of October. We are so sorry for the inconvenience; but till then, get your engines roaring!

Man!, must feel good to say stuff like that.

[marc.jp_44 20,837]

Tankers, we are so sorry, but due to circumstances beyond our control, the deadline is now the 28th of October. We are so sorry for the inconvenience; but till then, get your engines roaring!

Wait, does that mean that the TO Newspaper will be released earlier? I can't wait to read it!

[Devin_The_Armageddon 30]

Social Activist:

 

Your job is to rally the masses into a massive outrage that the developers only gave us a 40% off sale instead of nothing, promote the fact that admins drop the gold box, and get everyone on your team to use railgun and mammoth. You will not be paid but get to eat crumbs off the floor. Must be willing to cram themselves into the chat for 100 hours a week, and fight using railgun and mammoth for 20 more hours a week. Oh, you must also be on top of the battles you play. Good luck!

 

97 words

[Michalus 182]

Job Name - Tour operator

Job Location - Northern Russia, base C-12

______

 

Are you interested in operating and you can make a guide for tour participants? If yes, you are on right place! Visit so much beautiful cities like Rio and.. and a lot more! You must be willing to work for minimum wage* and have war experiences. Don´t be scary, you won´t visit war zones or battlefields, only sites of massacre! Return is no guaranteed, so we prefer people without family or pets, especially cute dogs. If you are interested, report on base C-12 located in Northern Russia to corporal Yevheni Tankitshko. 

 

minimum wage = for free

______

 

Word count - 97

[Bydo 20,121]

Wanted  

Tour guide

Work  -  life time job ( as long as company is still going )

Duty`s - To sell tanks to unforeseen Aliens from Jupiter encouraging them to spend there zillions  promoting a game called TO that you go around killing tanks and buildings just for fake crystals and gold box`s .

Length of work  -  unknown due to getting lost in outer space or ship malfunctions

Location - Travel to all parts of the outer space  to recruit other future planets to spend hard earn zillions

Pay - Work for minimal crystals or none at all.

Job requirements : single  , due to might never return .

 

97 words

[celroti 133]

I guess I should again re-create an unchoate piece .Shall I?

[Zam-B 8]

 Hello Tankers,

So you think you have what it takes to be a tour guide of Tanki?

If you enjoy touring new players around maps, showing them Goldbox drop-zones, and explaining how to get to great camping spots. Then the job as a tour-guide is for you!

 

 Do you want to be a tour guide? 

Requirements:

*1-3 hours of free time a day

*Patience

*Ghood grama

 

If you meet these requirements sign up for the job now!

 

Whether you're an experienced tanker, or just starting out, you are accepted! As people from ever rank may need help!

 

 

 

 

   Word count: 97    <---(not including that)

   Character count: 516

[Zam-B 8]

Wow nice job Zam-B!! I might try out as a tour guide!