[Issue 44] Results/Contest: Help Needed - Occupations for the Unemployed

[Tap_Dancer 1,360]

Bank Teller

Dusseldorf Bank

 

Crystals, crystals crystals....... Oh that SWEET word! The Dusseldorf bank is full of them. Very strong M4 Mammoth and Twins security guards will never let any thug pass and will penalize that nug if they dare to hack steal that sweet smelling treasure. YOU can now become a bank teller and bathe, eat, sleep etc. in crystals. Ehhh not really, but wouldn't you like to take your chance now? There isn't much space left tanker! We need YOU to manage what we all dream of - chocolate crystals. Warning: Any crystal thieves who apply will be blocked. Apply right now tanker!

 

100 Words

Edited December 7, 2015 by BirdKnights

[CJGuitar 23]

Librarian

Serpuhov

Your job is to uphold the Silence in the library. You must be able to move around very quickly to keep the Thunder down or you’ll get fired. If someone gets too loud, most likely the kids, give them a warning, if they keep making too much Noise, kick them out.  You also must be able to bring peace unless someone tries to take the books, then roast the living daylights out of him. Everyone must be healthy, if not use any First Aid Kit to get them to date.  The library is on upper section of Serpuhov.  Apply Today

 

Word count -100

[awesomenessrichard2 7]

MUSIC DIRECTOR

 

 

Are you one of the battle-hardened Generalissimos that have earned glory through thousands of battles looking for a new life in Tanki? Are you a music fanatic (like me) and want to change the (dreadful) music that Tanki has, especially the "pew-pew-pew" that Twins make and the Firebird sound? (Seriously, it's pathetic when a Fire tries to sneak-attack me.) Then apply for the Music Director position! Aside from changing the ugly Gold Box notification, your job is to discover and change every music flaw in Tankiland. Are you up for the job?

 

WARNING: Only Tanki and music addicts can take this job.

[HaloScorpionV2 438]

Bank Teller

Esplanade Central Bank

 

Now Hiring!

 

2 Words

 

 

Simple, and to the point. :)

 

[PretzelPerfect 11]

Job: Bank Teller

Location: Tanki Bank, Polygon

 

Do you exhibit teamwork and pay attention to details like mines trap? Do you have a diploma in Tanki education? Are you ready for 8 hours of Tanking?  We need your wasp-fast and mammoth-strong assistance in protecting our customers’ privacy, by not leaking out accounts’ information and trading accounts! Your job also includes telling our Vulcan-ish noisy customers that there are no Gold Admins giving gold bills to them! It is subjective to their funds, and only for the lucky one who Parkour for it! Now, stop being a camper or a drugger. Join us, and make your mark.  

 

Word Count: 99 words

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PretzelPerfect

[snipe3000 678]

Video engineer
In A little Factory in Barda
 
      Are you interested in becoming a video engineer, then this job is for you. At our little factory in Barda, we make videos made of chicken! If you would like to apply for the job, you must have:
1. A High School diploma. (Even though I do not have one… Yet!
2. A love for chicken.                

 

         Upon acceptance, you will be able to choose from various positions such as, Taste Tester, Chicken Engineer, Filmer,  Actor (do we even need that?) or Director of the project. Please have your choice in mind upon applying. Apply via PM in the Tanki Online Forum

 

 

 

(Word count 100)

Edited December 14, 2015 by snipe3000

[Hex 11,520]

MUSIC DIRECTOR

Mammy Stadium, Russia.

 

Hey you, people! You are the most luckiest ones on the planet. You, that's right, you tankimen and tankiwomen have an exclusive offer of directing the music in the Russia vs China match in the majestic, tank shaped Mammy Stadium, Russia! Get ready mister, or mistresses, pack your stuff, get those drums tuned, those speakers trimmed and don't forget, absolutely bring them special-flutes-that-produce-sound-when-blown-by-tanks. Oh! And please don't sound the gold box siren, ever. Provided that Russia wins. If China gets the lead, go for it. And please, please don't go look for other available nub jobs, apply now! Emolument? Chicken.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

~100 words, on the spot!

Edited December 9, 2015 by Hexed

[MessagerAngel 33]

MUSIC DIRECTOR

 

 

Are you one of the battle-hardened Generalissimos that have earned glory through thousands of battles looking for a new life in Tanki? Are you a music fanatic (like me) and want to change the (dreadful) music that Tanki has, especially the "pew-pew-pew" that Twins make and the Firebird sound? (Seriously, it's pathetic when a Fire tries to sneak-attack me.) Then apply for the Music Director position! Aside from changing the ugly Gold Box notification, your job is to discover and change every music flaw in Tankiland. Are you up for the job?

 

WARNING: Only Tanki and music addicts can take this job.

its really good but you fotgot to add your word count.

[Rayyan 3,415]

JOB NAME  Librarian

Location  Tanki Wikipedia.

 

 Are you well-disciplined and stringent. If yes, you came to the right place. The job is to make sure that all Vikings, dictators and hunters are in history column and Wasps, Hornets and Mammoths in biology section. If the work is not done in a fascinating manner you will have to sacrifice your emolument of  5000 crystals 5 chicken pieces  per day, don't you think it's enough? We will increase the fee by 1 chicken piece per month. You have to keep the books in their respective columns and add some spam books. Instruct everyone to not to misplace.

 

 

 

100 words

Edited December 10, 2015 by Quasar

[Daniel898 327]

BANK TELLER

Big House Behind Red Flag in Kungur

Can you handle stress like no other? Do you love talking to people that only say “admin gold pls!?” Look no further, this job is for you.

 

Must be able to fend off head-less chickens who scuttle past boundaries in hope to steal free crystals, answer all customer's requests. Looking for someone who is caring and secure about bank policies, able to think on their feet, and, the greatest of all, no Mammoths or Titans. Sorry about that, you’re too slow for our taste. w̶o̶w̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶r̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶r̶0̶0̶d̶. Every second that passes, a tanker thinks about applying, resolve quickly.

_

 

100 words.

Edited December 10, 2015 by Daniel898

[beclhami 0]

VIDEO ENGINEER

 

I am looking for a video game engineer to help us be able to ACE tanki, with the help of video games on polygon.

 

Our engineer should be able to recommend the best games to help the following categories: being able to get splenderific control while using a speed boost,jumping other tanks in order to get gold box and finally giving the freeze turret an advantage by teaching us how to rotate around a tank(most annoying thing ever).The engineer will sit in the polygon shed keeping us updated at all times on current positions of the other team.

 Thank you I hope mine is chosen.

[Bugs.meeny 1,013]

Why does everyone include chicken?

[PretzelPerfect 11]

Why does everyone include chicken?

"If you are not willing to sacrifice your day of chicken..."

Contradiction's Social Activist Submission-First Place

Edited December 10, 2015 by PretzelPerfect

[Quarks 2,255]

"If you are not willing to sacrifice your day of chicken..."

Contradiction's Social Activist Submission-First Place

That was what made me lose, the chicken. GAH.

[PretzelPerfect 11]

That was what made me lose, the chicken. GAH.

You did well hahah

[Bugs.meeny 1,013]

Job: Music Director

Location: Tanki-Online youtube channel

 

Have you ever felt the need to enhance those boring goldbox and rank-up videos? Have you ever watched them and said to yourself, "I could make it better"? Then here's the job for you! Must have at least 1 days youtube experience. Also to make our videos the exact same as all the rest original, you need to have all the versions of "Dark Horse". After reaching 10,000 subscribers, we will even let you choose your own music. Apply now!

92 words

Edited December 10, 2015 by Bugs.meeny

[manish17 1,085]

JOB NAME:  VIDEO ENGINEER
Location: Your house

 

Interested to do a job that would ultimately get you blocked from Tanki? Then this is your chance- Show off your video-editing skills and your super-power to humiliate someone! Make funny youtube videos that would make you popular among Tanki audience  - videos related to hacks are encouraged- make sure your username is hidden in the video. We are giving you a perfect job for a perfect noob. Account suspension is guaranteed.

---

Word Count: 70

Edited December 10, 2015 by manish17xxx

[PretzelPerfect 11]

JOB NAME: VIDEO ENGINEER

Location: Your house

 

Interested to do a job that would ultimately get you blocked from Tanki? Then this is your chance- Show off your video-editing skills and your super-power to humiliate someone! Make funny youtube videos that would make you popular among Tanki audience - videos related to hacks are encouraged- make sure your username is hidden in the video. We are giving you a perfect job for a perfect noob. Account suspension is guaranteed.

---

 

Word Count: 70

LOL nice one!

[dragonssk1 334]

Bank Teller 

Tanki Online Bank

 

Hello! Are You Tired of Mults, and Gold Hunters? Than this is the perfect job for you! Looking for qualified bank tellers here at the Bank of Tanki Online. Being one of the largest Banks in 2042,you need  experience in financing gold boxes. Also we are looking for calm and tranquil individuals who can respond to constant nagging  ranging from sale bargaining and admin begging! 

[beclhami 0]

MUSIC DIRECTOR

MAP:RIO

 

We are looking for a music director to help us be able to listen to Bach's music while eating sandwiches.

We believe that eating the sandwiches help us get better at tanki online.We also think that the music helps the digestive process allowing our cerebellum (brain)to focus on tanki and not on the sandwiches, we eat before we play.If we don't have good digestion we look like a walrus in tanki online.And that is terrible.

Thank you I hope mine gets chosen.

(96 "including all of this")

[VxV 40]

JOB NAME : LIBRARIAN

LOCATION : Tanki Universal Library

 

A librarian should strive hard to respect books and tend others to do so.His duty is to maintain discipline and regulation among people and abstain from making disturbing noises and sounds and make sure that people are able to concentrate on their reading well and good.Furthermore,keeping the books in right place should be his duty,like(science,fictions,arts,humanity etc.),should be placed category wise.A librarian makes sure that people who issue books,return them on time.Assigning books,collection,recording, etc,all these duties are assist by librarians so serious candidates should apply only. 

 

WORD COUNT :100

 

 

 

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BY

 

 C-O-O-L-E-R-1

Edited December 13, 2015 by VxV

[Quarks 2,255]

JOB NAME : LIBRARIAN

LOCATION : Tanki Universal Library

 

A librarian should strive hard to respect books and tend others to do so.His duty is to maintain discipline and regulation among people and abstain from making disturbing noises and sounds and make sure that people are able to concentrate on their reading well and good.Furthermore,keeping the books at their right places in correct category,like(science,fictions,arts,humanity,literature etc.),placing these books correctly should be his duty.A book is a friend of a librarian and he don't want to loose it, so he makes sure that people who issue books,return them on time.

 

WORD COUNT :100

A good idea, but try and satire this, as that is the point of these.

[VxV 40]

Thanks for the advice bro.I made some changes but can't make it satire.I hope this may work.

Edited December 12, 2015 by VxV

[Quarks 2,255]

Thanks for the advice bro.I made some changes but can't make it satire.I hope this may work.

Any time, satire is the key to success in these, take it from experience 

[Sacrifice 2,278]

librarian

 

TankiOnline NewsPaper , Doha - Qatar

 

Hello ! you have just got a chance to be a librarian. First of all you must know that talking is not allowed when Young Tankers are reading  TankiOnline Wiki. Secondly Its your responsibility to suggest Rail gun Guides to the misguided Recurits. Then you need to Hand them with some Rules guide which will play a major role in shaping them for the future Bans. Then you need to hand them supplies guide which will tell them how supplies are drugs and how Unhealthy they are for lunch in battles. Then take their phone number and bug them with new guides every minute !! : )  

 

 

 

 

exactly 100 words excluding The location and the article job name. : )