[Issue 44] The Unemployed Column #5

[Vikingsrallentando 3,058]

 

The fifth installment of the column has arrived and it brings some changes. Its time for TriNitroToluene and I to share the writing responsibilities with the faithful readers of the paper. We now showcase the winners of the "Help Needed - Occupations for the Unemployed" along with ours. Check them out!

 

Social Activist

The Forum

 

Are you a charismatic leader looking for a purpose? Your job is to join a cause, and support it with all your might, mind and strength. We are seeking inspiring leaders ready to take up movements such as Tanks Rights and Isida Equality. If not willing to sacrifice your day's salary of Chicken, this is not the task for you. Above all, we are looking for employees who strive to bring good to society, for example instructing the masses that ADMINS DON'T DROP THE GOLDBOX. Be prepared to work long hours, and to Try, try, try, try, and try again.

 

Zookeeper

Valley

 

We need you to contain bad combinations in Valley. You must keep the mammy fires, wasp twins, and Wasp shafts in the center valley. To let them out will result in the corruption of Tanki. We CAN´T have anything other than Hornet Rails playing Tanki.  We need a big hull that can block the ramps, and use thunder for crowd control(Bulldozer kit) . Keep in mind that these specimens are extremely rare, so DON´T kill them. Remember, even though nobody joins any Valley battles, you MUST keep it ready for random visitors. The best Keepers get 1% protection paint against shaft.

 

Tour Operator
Any Map

Do you like noobs; those clueless, dimwitted tankers who don’t seem to know what turret turning is? You’re in luck. A position as a tour operator, nothing is better. You must be able to withstand an inflated amount of pressure, have a marvelous sense of coordinates and direction, be obliged to perform various stunts to impress beginners, no smokies or thunders. Too explosive for the youngbloods. Over all, you must sustain working both evenings and mornings, at least 18 hours a day. Be patient, fellow hope-to-be employee, and good luck with those n̶o̶o̶b̶s̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶M̶a̶m̶m̶o̶t̶h̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶f̶a̶s̶t̶ potential customers.

---

 

Referee
The Servers

Have you ever wanted to make the game better by watching boring matches for hours on end? Then this is your best opportunity for that! A tolerance of whiny fans trying to talk to the spectator is a must. Appropriate course of action must be taken when players are throwing hissy fits and/or refusing to play. Such action should be removal of the game and cited community service. Your warning cards are yellow and your ban cards are red. Don't hesitate to blow the whistle for common infractions like narcotics and off-sides.

---

Previous editions: #1, #2, #3, #4

Which position are you going for?

With first edition contest winners.

Edited December 4, 2015 by Vikingsrallentando

[Quarks 2,255]

I FINALLY WON A CONTEST, sweet, this is huge.

[Darren4Turbo 4,913]

I would go for Zookeeper.

[Quarks 2,255]

I would go for Zookeeper.

lol, that was mine.

Edited December 4, 2015 by Quarks

[slycleaversmart 1,154]

NICE!!!! Congrats big time :) Zookeeper :P

Edited December 4, 2015 by slycleaversmart

[Hex 11,520]

Zookeepahh 4EVER

[Quarks 2,255]

Zookeepahh 4EVER

lol

[Aumritash 396]

Social Activist

The Forum

 

Referee

The Servers

i am not sure social or referee

Edited December 10, 2015 by Vikingsrallentando
Please do not quote entire articles

[r_snowleopard0512030 66]

Am I one of the only social activists??

[Quarks 2,255]

Am I one of the only social activists??

Yes, because everyone else wants to be a zoo keeper

[MacNaughton 4]

Lol, id go for Tour Operator. ^.^ Except the long hours suck! I don't need money THAT bad. Lol

Edited December 20, 2015 by MacNaughton