Other [Issue 45] The Unemployed Column #6

[Vikingsrallentando 3,058]

 

Six articles and two contests in the latter half of 2015. Not bad. We hope you've enjoyed and will continue to next year. We are, however, seeking more detailed feedback. We like hearing about which occupation you'd choose, but we want to know what the column means to you. Is it funny? What keeps you coming back? What do you think can be changed? Keep these in mind as you read the final Column of the year. Take care.

 

Video Engineer

Your House

 

Interested to do a job that would ultimately get you blocked from Tanki? Then this is your chance- Show off your video-editing skills and your super-power to humiliate someone! Make funny YouTube videos that would make you popular among Tanki audience  - videos related to hacks are encouraged- make sure your username is hidden in the video. We are giving you a perfect job for a perfect noob. Account suspension is guaranteed.

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Music Director

Stadium Map

 

We are looking for a new Music Director to help with our band. We will be performing a rendition of 1812 Overture at the Stadium Map.

 

Requirements:

At least 5 years experience as a music director

Must be good with kids

Must have a good medical plan (just in case, nothing to worry about - honest!)

 

We have corrected the problem with our Thunder turrets - we now have them pointed AWAY from the podium. This part of the band has finally learned to rotate their turrets. You will be safe. I promise. Our sincerest apologies to our previous directors.

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Drill Sergeant

The Battlefield

 

Wish someone would just whip your team into shape? Want them to stop chatting incessantly and go for the point? You must be ready to whip your team into shape, from destroying tanks, to capturing points. You must heap upon abuse in failures. Must know way around chat censorships to be effective. Minimal knowledge of English language necessary, only must know “SHUT UP” “GET TO POINT” “CAPTURE FLAG” and “NOOB TEAM”, knowing more insults the better. If they don’t listen and lose, it is not your fault. And always remember, if you don’t use caps lock, you are a wuss.

 

Video Engineer

The Tank Side of YouTube AND Videomakers of The Forum

 

Would you like to further separate glorious Tanki from other, uninviting tank games? Simply purchase an editing program, then add ridiculous effects to artificially make videos "better"! Follow @a_bo0dii's example of flashes that beautifully highlight skill or close calls (whilst burning retinas at the same time). You must have a variety of videos, such as epic gold catches, gold fails, golds friends let you take... 

Subscribers will never get bored!

The Unemployed Column is not responsible for any tears and smashed keyboards over being called a noob, tankers laughing at you for not taking every single gold, or blocked accounts.

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Previous editions: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5

Which position will you chose?

With second edition contest winners and Bigtimerush_bry

Edited July 29, 2017 by Vikingsrallentando

[dunes555 368]

:)

[Darren4Turbo 4,913]

Video Engineer.

[Quarks 2,255]

Video Engineer.

which one?

[Darren4Turbo 4,913]

which one?

The last one.

[dunes555 368]

The last one.

That's my entry! Yeeeeeees

[manish17 1,085]

Nice!