Letters of Troe El

[KillerGnat 3,135]

Author's note: I came up with this idea several months ago, when I began to think of what a story from the perspective of the "bad" tankers would be like. At the time, I was reading "The Screwtape Letters," so this scenario came quickly to mind (Side note: I'm not taking credit for this at all. This idea came straight from C.S. Lewis). Unlike my previous articles, this isn't really meant for entertainment, it's more of an experiment to see if it would work. Consequently, don't be expecting a riveting story ;). You have been warned.

 

 

The Letters of Troe El

 

My dear Mr. Mer,

 

    I'm pleased to hear of your acceptance into Scammer Circle. I've heard many things about you, acclaiming you for your quick thinking and boldness. I was asked by our grand leader Ruelbray Kur to be your mentor in the coming trials, and so I pen this letter in an effort to guide  you through your apprenticeship. The path to being an expert scammer is a tedious mind-numbing experience that requires skill, the ability to think on-the-go, and not a little knowledge concerning the players of Tanki Online. In my youth, I was exceptionally skilled in the art of scamming, before I was transferred to troll duty. Enclosed in these letters are my choicest words on the subject. Read, and enjoy.

                                                                                                                 Your mentor, Mr. El

 

Dear Mr. Mer,

    Looking through your records, I've seen that you're remarkably perceptive; a trait that will be most helpful in the future. The exams testing your ability to work out relatively simple problems, however, have proven you to be rather lacking in a few areas. There is much to learn, but we must start with the basics.

Scamming is an art, in which immense skill is utilized to cheat others out of their Tanki accounts. To start off with, you'll need to realize what types of players frequent the Tanki chats of each server. I'd recommend beginning on EN9. Here the most gullible Tanki players congregate to chatter about pointless topics. They'll generally be overjoyed at the prospect of "free" crystals - thinking that, like most other games, there are cheats aplenty to choose from. Once you gain the trust of your target, typically after a few well-timed lies, you'll need to invite him into a battle. Here is where the genuine scamming begins. The fundamental rule is that your target should never get the impression that he's getting duped. Once alerted, even the most unintelligent tankers will begin to suspect something. Commence with the swindling immediately; the longer the scam takes, the more likely your unfortunate prey will catch on. To prevent suspicion, keep a running dialogue with him, effectively calming his mind to any questionable ploys used by you. After some time of talking, get down to the real business. A simple "all I need is your password and I'll give you 999999 crystals" should do the trick. If you encounter any pushback after this statement, you can use these simple tactics.

 

1. Act like a mod.

 

When I first learned this strategy in scam school, I laughed, believing tankers to be too smart for such an obvious lie. My beliefs have changed. Overall, it's been my most successful scam move. Threaten them with every punishment under the sun, or give them an excuse (almost any will do). I've noted in my experience that telling them transferring crystals is part of a mod's job will regain their trust. Perfect tactic for a wily scammer.

 

2. Blab your head off.

I apologize for my simple wording, but this is an extremely effective maneuver. Talking often calms the mind of the average tanker, and will lull him into a sense of false security, giving you the perfect opportunity for your work. Keep up the "nice guy" approach, telling them all the sugar-coated reasons you're helping them and frequently reminding them of what an extra bunch of crystals could do to their garage.

 

3. Threaten to leave.

When presented with the prospect of you leaving without giving him his free crystals, the victim will customarily become like a docile pony, complying with your every whim. At this point, you have him fully in your grasp. Finish your work quickly and leave the battle.

 

With these tips, you should be well suited for the start of your training. Think quick, act fast, and you'll become an excellent scammer.

 

 

                                                                                                                 Your affectionate mentor, Troe El

[Quarks 2,255]

Very well done KG, following in the style of a fantastic book. A well written story and I hope to see more of these in the future.

[mydoom.exe 5,154]

Lovely short, a great read through and through. Has that touch of KillerGnat comedy that no-one can replace. ;)

[DragonOfStorms 2,706]

All tankers should read these, so as to know these strategies (if that term is even applicable) that scammers use. Sadly, those who actually need this are the ones who will never read it.

[tweezers 1,034]

So you're saying that guy I gave my pass to wasn't really an admin?  :blink:

 

Nice article gnat loved it xD

 

[BLASTER872 1,892]

^ I wonder why people give passwords to him, don't anyone realize that new 50/50 MUed Smoky M0 came from him?