How to be pro - A guide

[The-Operator219 1,929]

Welcome nubas and hy6s!

Here we'll learn from the best how to be pros in three easy steps:

 

 

1. Nicknames:

So, you've decided to be pro... Excellent! But what's this? Your nickname... It's hideous! D: 

Nobody in their right mind would be called "SportsKid89"! No, here's how it should be:

O.U.F.A-the-best.1977-PRO

 

See? Easy! What do you mean you don't get it? *Sigh* Here's three steps for having a pro nickname mommy will be proud of:

1. Include keywords such as "Oufa", "PRO", "Skills", and "Mr./Ms.".

These will get you mad tweenage cred and let you fool anyone into believing you're the real thing. And if they accuse you of being a fanboy, they're the problem because their D/L is under two and they have zero skill and are jealous of your skills.

 

 

2. NEVER make it easy to pronounce or phonetically relaxing.

This is a common, but forgivable mistake... If your name can be pronounce easily, revise it. It's not pro to speak english, so make it sound like an alien language. This is my finest example: "Werjamikl_The_PRO-OUFAXD"

See? Hard to pronounce AND has the right keywords! This is a good nickname, but it's missing one thing...

 

3. Include periods between EVERY letter of one part of your nickname.

Periods make people take a pause between sentences, so here they help people comprehend your skill and talent. If you're not sure if you have enough periods, check every letter and stare closely at them. Do your eyes hurt severely? GREAT! You have enough.

 

2. Spelling:

Now that you've gotten a nickname down, we need to educate you on grammar. It's easy, you just take the English dictionary, rip the pages out, burn them over a candle, and slit your finger to feed the almighty Railgun gods.

If you wanted to say "Enemy on the bottom ramp!" you would say "nuba teem enemys r botum!1!".

Easy, right? Well there's more: Add "Xaxaxaxa", "Hy6", "hhhhhh", and "nuba" to every sentence possible for assured communication. If they tell you to speak English, reply with "nuba lern graemar" and leave the battle.

 

 

3. How to behave like a pro

Now that you know how a pro looks and talks, you need to know how to act like one. Here's three easy guidelines to get you started:

 

1. Spin, dance, and never move in a simple way:

Spinning is a sign of professsionalism among Railguns, so you should never stop spinning. If you move forward without turning around first, you're doing it wrong. Never simply jump down and attack, try spinning like a helicopter and shooting the enemy in a complicated and less practical way. Never just aim and shoot, that's for sheep. Instead, try firing while spinning and moving around to confuse yourself and the enemy you're fighting. 

 

2. Challenge people to 1v1s ONLY if you know you can beat them easily:

Why should you risk losing when you can pad your stats by only fighting people with weaker equipment? If they do somehow manage to hit you, call them "lagger nuba" and leave, then proceed to taunt them in the lobby chat until they agree to your unfair terms. After you beat them, brag about it and belittle them in the main chat by telling everyone how bad they are at fighting vastly overpowered equipment. Mommy will be proud.

 

3. The high ranks are for sheep

Instead, use multiple low-ranking accounts to fight noobs who probably don't know what a 'O.U.F.A' is. They need to know, because O.U.F.A is our lord and savior role model, and he should be their's too.

If someone of equal skill joins the battle, leave and call them a noob. That'll get em'! When they imply YOU of all people, are the noob, compare your ratings page to his and laugh at his inability to prove his point without it.

 

 

Conclusion: CONGRATULATIONS! You've done it, you're a pro! C:

Now put it on your resume and enjoy life as a professional.

 

 

To the special snowflakes who don't understand comedy, YES. This is hyperbole.
If I actually thought this way I would be a terrible human being. K?

 

[Tofu 6,773]

But.... I do everything it says, except for the nickname. Am I pro then?

[The-Operator219 1,929]

But.... I do everything it says, except for the nickname. Am I pro then?

of cors not nuba >:1

[5150sombody 2]

im the best losers invite code 59

[NatchGa 665]

you forgot some important things...

 

If you own a youtube channel, all your videos must somehow relate to gold boxes.

 

you gotta say "jajaja u noob i pro" at least 4 times in every battle

[DESTROYER_13 1,019]

Xaxaxaxa Hy6 hhhhhh nuba such bad guide much rubbish nuba hhhhhhhhhh jajaja xaxaxaxa efen you carnt spel nuba xaxaxaxaxa

[Cortana 4,601]

Ask for tips

[DESTROYER_13 1,019]

Ask for tips

thees ees haw to be pru not faymos nuba xaxaxaxa wata nuba hy6 jajajaj

[Phoenix.Raised 5,992]

Все нубы. Ну, очень интересно :p

Edited October 5, 2016 by Phoenix.Raised

[DageLV 940]

ai dont hav de nikname rigt.

Am ai stil a pro?

XAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXA.

You noba xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa get your weekest m0 ger and lets 1v1 nuba!

 

:D

Edited October 5, 2016 by DageLV

[The-Operator219 1,929]

Все нубы. Ну, очень интересно :P

Я не говорю по-русски. Это было переведено!

[Tofu 6,773]

of cors not nuba >:1

darn it