Every Tanker's Nemesis: Lag

[PracticeParkourStunt 2,542]

Every Tanker's Nemesis: Lag

 

 

Imagine - You are driving over the edges of Sandbox, and you shoot at an enemy Wasp who is perfectly still. You shoot him and nothing happens, and all of a sudden he teleports beside you and kills you. What just happened? L-A-G, Lag - Every  Tanker's Nemesis. Lag is the probably the most vicious thing in Tanki Online, even more obnoxious than a full time drugging buyer. I bet you are already interested in my article just by reading the first word, because you cannot play Tanki since you lag like heaven. As a result, I have made an article describing lag, defining its cure, and exaggerating it...  a bit. Intrigued? Then keep reading!

 

 

Note: If the gif does not load, you are probably lagging

 

The above gif (I will kill you if you pronounce it jif) is a demonstration of lag. Obviously you know what it is, so there isn't much to explain, but one material remains: lag's types. I believe that lag comes in three forms: Mono, Duo, and Hell. It is fact that I made these names up, but they do have a quite a lot of sense to it. So let us get started to the types.

 

Mono: This type of lag is the most harmless, and least frequent form of lag. This lag only occurs when you have an extremely low FPS, like under 10 frames per second. Why is it almost harmless? Since this type of lag is only caused by low FPS, it means that ONLY you will be affected by it, and other players will not see you teleport around. This lag is usually caused when chrome is draining away your ram you have a lot of applications on, and there isn't much Memory/CPU left to let Tanki perform in its 'natural' habitat. This can easily avoided by closing all unnecessary applications like tanki. You can also decrease your graphics to make the game load faster.

Duo: This form of lag is the most popular type of lag. It is caused by high ping, or to be exact, ping above 220 ms. I call this lag duo because it affects 2 groups of people - you and the others. Ping affects both you and others because it is the time taken for information to be transferred from (I guess) Tanki's servers to your computer (or router). Since there is a huge delay for information to pass, it causes lag. When you drive, you will see other tanks still or doing weird motions because you have not received the information of what the other tanks are doing, and the others are not receiving the information of what your tank is doing. As soon as the information is transferred, the tanks teleport because you and others receive information of where you and others were supposed to be at and at which position. Sorry if I have made this part complicated, but don't worry, at least I am not as annoying as your lag :P

Hell: I don't think I have to explain this form of lag. This type of lag is basically FPS: 1, Ping: 999.

 

Others: @PracticeParkourStunt bruh... whats da point off sayin dis? We not need dis uzelezz info, juzt say us how to fisx it.

 

How to fix it? The cure to solving lag can be found here: >>Click Me<<, however, I am certain that you have tried this, and it is probably useless. This is because no matter what you try, information does not travel in the speed of light (I think). As I said earlier, ping is the time taken for information to be transferred. What this methods in the link does, is simply clear away useless 'pebbles' from the route of your information. To actually solve the ping issue, what you require is Money - and a passport. Go to Perm, Russia and your ping issue will be solved forever! I am just joking here, who would even want to go to a place like that? Anyway, most of the International Players are from the Indian subcontinent (including me). I suggest that you guys get Optical Fiber for your broadband instead. It helped me a lot! My lag went from Hell to Mono. I would like to add that: if you use the Tanki Client, it will reduce your lag drastically.

 

If non of the cures work out for you, I suggest that you use a fast hull, preferably Wasp. The turret being either Smoky, or Firebird/Freeze is a good choice. You may be wondering what is the point of this. Well, since a lagger at Duo can teleport, he can be unseen by his enemies. Capture Flag battles are best for a lagger with those equipment. Why? Because it can quickly go towards the enemy base unhurt, take flag, and hoping that the flag does not drop due to lag, he can capture it. This technique, however, is challenging. It has both good sides (like the fact that you can teleport), and bad sides (like the flag may drop, or you may be killed). This is where the turret comes in handy. Since those turrets gives a heavy punch and has a low reload time, even if you lag like hell, you can kill your enemies. 

 

Now that you have received both the cure and the cause to lag, what else is there to read? English. All readers know that I cannot simply end an article, on such a good topic, so quickly. Thus, I have resolved to add a short, yet (a little bit) hilarious News to exaggerate the maliciousness of lag:

 

 

 

In Today's Laggy News: Horrifying incident in contest, Gold Box miss due to lag, failing to capture flag - also due to lag, Parkour Fail in New Years Map - yes it was lag, and an Epic Nightmare - again due to lag! Keen to find out the News? Hale and heartily I am to tell you that the News are simply in the next paragraph, so keep reading!

 

Let us start off with the first news, the horrifying incident in the Masters of Parkour contest: Parkourist @SwiftSmoky's club came second in the annual Masters of Parkour contest, but, during the contest, when @SwiftSmoky successfully conquered the building at Contest's Stage 2, something horrific occurred and he self destructed! Was it lag? Was it a glitch? Well no one knows for sure!

 

Coming up second: a gold box miss due to lag! Player was playing a Polygon CP just yesterday night, and the Holy Siren rang! The Siren that announces not the dropping of a nuclear bomb, but a valuable box - a gold box. As took his Dictator, hoping to easily take the gold box, he soon flung himself towards the crowd of Gold Box Hunters. He used the ramp beside the capture point to get on an opponent Tank. As he was perfectly under the gold box, he expected nothing but crystals, BUT, the obnoxious lag got him again. He lagged through the Gold Box, and missed it! Only because of his nemesis! Yet another tragedy, may he cry in peace...

 

At third place: a calamitous disaster that made the entire nation loose the war. Player @PracticeParkourStunt was carrying the enemy flag towards his base. As he drove through the narrow gorge of Aleksandrovsk, an enemy laid a surprise attack on him. @PracticeParkourStunt willingly activated a double damage in order to exterminate the enemy. He fired his railgun ray at him. As he twitched his eye hoping that he would escape, the most unexpected thing happened - he escaped. He was full of bliss because lag had stabbed him in the back so many times that not even your Math teacher can count. He drove, he drove, he drove as fast as he could towards his base, as soon as he was about to enter the flag zone, the 'total disaster' happened: 'PracticeParkourStunt lost the flag'. He was unhurt, undamaged, yet the flag was magically dropped, only due to lag. Moments later the enemy nation retrieved the flag, and slaughtered @PracticeParkourStunt. May the nation rest in peace...

 

Later on: on the same day, @PracticeParkourStunt and @google3_tanker_TURBO had set out to the latest New Years Map to parkour in it. They went to the very edge of the map hoping to conquer just a small hut for fun. As the jumper, @PracticeParkourStunt, went straight towards the helper, he lagged. Instants following, due to his lag, the helper missed to shoot @PracticeParkourStunt and he fell down... upside down. He received the ultimate shame of parkour. May he rise again, one day...

 

At last place: the epic nightmare, that made an entire clan lose the Domination series... only because of Lag. The clan was in group E, and they were about to have the first battle against the opponent team. The 12 minute match started, and, with great sorrows, the entire team was crushed, wrecked, blown away, and any atrocious verbs that can describe it happened. It was a XP/BP match, and they missed almost all of their shots, only due to the diabolical lag. May the clan rise again...

 

This was all from the PPS is bad at writing Lagging News Entertainment. I hope that you have enjoyed both my article and my news. Even if you did not appreciate my writing, know that all Tankers are brothers and sisters because every tanker has one common nemesis: Lag.

Sorry for the long post, here is a potato:

 

Note: News were based on real events.

 

-by @PracticeParkourStunt

Edited December 27, 2016 by PracticeParkourStunt

[Blackdrakon30 2,943]

- Changed the white text to standard to make it easier to read (White tends to be too harsh)

- Slightly altered the last three sentences of the introduction to make it flow better

- Altered one word from "loose" to "lose" to be correct in the sentence

 

Approved.

 

 

Great job, I really enjoyed reading this one.  :D 

Edited December 27, 2016 by Blackdrakon30

[PracticeParkourStunt 2,542]

- Changed the white text to standard to make it easier to read (White tends to be too harsh)

- Slightly altered the last three sentences of the introduction to make it flow better

- Altered one word from "loose" to "lose" to be correct in the sentence

 

Approved.

 

 

Great job, I really enjoyed reading this one.  :D 

 

 My intent? 

 

Dude. This was supposed to be 'Intent', as in 'Interested?' Making it 'My intent?' and then telling readers to 'then keep reading!' is just... messed up  :mellow:

[Tofu 6,773]

Well written PPS

[yonatanthesuper 314]

potato :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Ninja 10,468]

Nice to myself and and a Potato in one article :P

[yonatanthesuper 314]

intent means ,"my point" ",my meanings" "my feeling",idea ,"plan".he meant for short interested? keep reading.

Edited December 27, 2016 by yonatanthesuper

[marto85 631]

Nice article! By the way, if you want to get rid of the lag go to the Netherlands, since the servers are located there and not in Russia.

[TTK_229 1,080]

Gratz PPS

[TTK_229 1,080]

- Changed the white text to standard to make it easier to read (White tends to be too harsh)

- Slightly altered the last three sentences of the introduction to make it flow better

- Altered one word from "loose" to "lose" to be correct in the sentence

 

Approved.

 

 

Great job, I really enjoyed reading this one.  :D 

BTW you missed another "loose"...somewhere.

[PracticeParkourStunt 2,542]

Well written PPS

Thanks :)

 

potato :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Just a 9gager thing

 

Nice to myself and and a Potato in one article :P

?

 

Nice article! By the way, if you want to get rid of the lag go to the Netherlands, since the servers are located there and not in Russia.

Really?

[Penguin40 1,714]

Mult, stop insulting me! :annoyed:

 

 

jk jk, ik you referring to HD, :p also, brilliant job m8, very hilarious take on this topic particularly the news bit xD

 

[Ninja 10,468]

?

 

9Gag, ok?

[gabriele02 3,813]

Subscribed.

[marto85 631]

Thanks :)

 

Just a 9gager thing

 

?

 

Really?

I believe so.

[Blackdrakon30 2,943]

Dude. This was supposed to be 'Intent', as in 'Interested?' Making it 'My intent?' and then telling readers to 'then keep reading!' is just... messed up  :mellow:

intent means ,"my point" ",my meanings" "my feeling",idea ,"plan".he meant for short interested? keep reading.

 

My bad. I have never heard of "Intent" being used as an abbreviation of  "Interested"..

 

Opinions about Abbreviations:

 

Abbreviating "interested" as "intent" doesn't make sense because "Intent" is a word on its own, and "Interested" is a separate word on its own. Also, the word "Intent" isn't even contained in the word "interested". If it was, it would be "Intentrested" which sounds lame. The two words have very different meanings.

 

Is this some abbreviation that's popular in a certain country? 

 

 

Edited December 27, 2016 by Blackdrakon30

[Jwimmer 2,835]

First off, it is jif. Yes, you are correct that the signal from your router to the Tanki servers does not travel at the speed of light (3.00x10^8 m/s), but it is still extremely fast. Great article. I found myself agreeing with everything, especially with the lag happening on the New Year's map.

[yonatanthesuper 314]

My bad. I have never heard of "Intent" as "Interested", which is an abbreviation that makes no sense whatsoever.

 

 

More about Lame Abbreviations:

 

Abbreviating "interested" as "intent" doesn't make sense at all because "Intent" is a word on its own, and "Interested" is a separate word on its own. Also, the word "Intent" isn't even contained in the word "interested". If it was, it would be "Intentrested" which sounds lame. The two words have very different meanings.

 

Is this some abbreviation that's popular in a certain country? It most certainly isn't used in the United States.

 

 

god hell let go of it already.

[PracticeParkourStunt 2,542]

My bad. I have never heard of "Intent" being used as an abbreviation of  "Interested"..

 

Opinions about Abbreviations:

 

Abbreviating "interested" as "intent" doesn't make sense because "Intent" is a word on its own, and "Interested" is a separate word on its own. Also, the word "Intent" isn't even contained in the word "interested". If it was, it would be "Intentrested" which sounds lame. The two words have very different meanings.

 

Is this some abbreviation that's popular in a certain country? 

 

 

No, it is not an abbreviation, it is a synonym. I got it in http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/interest?s=t

 

First off, it is jif. Yes, you are correct that the signal from your router to the Tanki servers does not travel at the speed of light (3.00x10^8 m/s), but it is still extremely fast. Great article. I found myself agreeing with everything, especially with the lag happening on the New Year's map.

-_- No, it is gif. Gif stands for Graphics Interchange Format. Since the full name has Graphics it it, and in Graphics you pronounce G and not J (Jraphics would be seriously weird) GIF will sound as GIF, not JIF. Even though many dictionaries say that both of JIF and GIF are acceptable, I don't care :P

And to be exact, the speed of light (in a vacuum) is:

 

 

299 792 458 m / s

 

 

Edited December 28, 2016 by PracticeParkourStunt

[google3_tanker_TURBO 369]

Hhhhhhhhhh

It features meh! (in one part )

nice article though 

(the best part is when we parkour)

[tousif_the_master 2,240]

+1

 

 

Nobody knows it better than me.

 

 

Btw, Yes that GIF is laging.

 

 

 

 

[NERF836 202]

Ooooo dat potato.

[railguniz4noobz 2,394]

9gag

No. Bad PPS.

Edited December 31, 2016 by railguniz4noobz

[NERF836 202]

I hate lag, lag stinks.

[PracticeParkourStunt 2,542]

Happy New Year! 

Oh wait, am I late? Darn it, lag.

 

 

Hope you understood this joke