Crime versus Cruelty: Part 1

[Penguin40 1,714]

Note: Starilen nation is fictional. Any relation to reality is coincidental.

 

Starilen, Central Europe. 2026.

 

“What are you up to?” somebody asked.

 

“Nothing anyone would care about,” another man replied.

 

“Why are you falling out, why?”

 

“I just do what I find right. And I will do whatever I find right to give them their rights.”

 

“Who are you?”

 

“That’s the last question you should ever ask. Who even cares who I am, when they know my objective? And that will be your last question.”

 

And he forced a knife covered with blood, into the other’s stomach. The victim yelped.

 

The hunter got out a pistol, and shot the victim’s chest fifty three times before the pistol was empty. Soon the whole body was covered with blood and unrecognizable.

 

The hunter got out a handkerchief, wiped the pistol and knife clean of fingerprints, burnt the handkerchief, and threw it away.

 

ELSEWHERE

 

It was a pretty large building the murderer was now in. An important government building.

 

The murderer was up in a small room, with four guns, two knives, and two fingerprint cleaners. The room was meant to hold documents, and that was why the murderer was here. Or, he would rather be called a rebel.

 

He looked into one document, a detailed map of some place. He got out of the room, set nicely in an abandoned corner of the building. Nobody noticed him - he had everybody distracted as he didn’t want any bodies lying around.

 

Nobody knew him as the murderer of James Relion, a major government official concerned with law enforcement. His murder had filled a serious hole in the so called invincible but cruel government. A single leak can sink a great ship, as they say.

 

He sneaked out into a washroom, noticing two guards and a man somewhere in a corner in a secret room he knew of, but not able to see him. He got out a camera, setting it up in a good place where it could see and hear all without being seen.

 

He then got in a position to listen carefully himself.

 

“All the money you want will be given. How’s ten million dollars? Just let me out and do the job. Torment them, as the leader has said. DO IT, or you know we will torture you beyond your imagination,” the man said, bribing the guards into doing some cruel act.

 

“The loyalties of the police force are to law and justice, not to the government!” the guards shouted in unison.

 

“You want to suffer a fate worse than death? Fine then!” the man replied with a demonic laugh, before getting out a gun.

 

The rebel kicked open the entrance to the room, stole the official’s “torture drug gun” and fired on him, before stabbing him thirteen times in succession. Next, he got out his own gun, equipped on it a silencer, and shot the official seven times on the head. The room’s floor was bloodied.

 

The guards fled, but the rebel said, “Hey innocents, where you running? I’m not gonna kill you, you’re just following the true law. I am here to bring about a revolution against whoever is cruel. LET THE WORLD KNOW THAT I AM HERE TO DESTROY CRUELTY!” the rebel now shouted in an infuriated voice.

 

“Wait, what, what? So you’re out to stop all this cruelty and corruption?” one guard asked.

 

“You are right,” the rebel replied. “But… I will have to murder lots of people.”

 

The rebel pointed a gun at the guards. “One of you is a spy or a traitor who supports cruelty. Admit and I might leave you alive! Else… I might have to do the job myself.”

 

Scene cuts to black.

 

There was a shot.

 

“Wrong man.”

 

“Hey, I don’t care anyway.”

 

Another shot.

Edited March 5, 2017 by tweezers

[r_F.A.M.E1 158]

Good  ^_^ 

[tweezers 1,034]

Approved.

 

-Minor spelling corrections.

-Rephrasing.

-Underlined and changed the colour of the subtitles.

 

It gets a bit vague in places. For example, instead of saying "some cruel act", you could mention what it is in the conversation, or instead of just "an important government building", it could be "the parliament" or something.

 

Also, violence just for the sake of violence doesn't really work. You're much better off making it believable and maybe a tad bit less over the top.

[r_F.A.M.E1 158]

Approved.

Ha! I was faster than ya.  :P 

 

No kill please

Edited March 5, 2017 by r_F.A.M.E1

[Penguin40 1,714]

Approved.

 

-Minor spelling corrections.

-Rephrasing.

-Underlined and changed the colour of the subtitles.

 

It gets a bit vague in places. For example, instead of saying "some cruel act", you could mention what it is in the conversation, or instead of just "an important government building", it could be "the parliament" or something.

 

Also, violence just for the sake of violence doesn't really work. You're much better off making it believable and maybe a tad bit less over the top.

(cough) I purposely made it vague :cough: mystery :cough: :P anyways, tanks!

[r_F.A.M.E1 158]

(cough) I purposely made it vague :cough: mystery :cough: :P anyways, tanks!

How do you write these amazing stories? Can you be my English teacher?

[Penguin40 1,714]

How do you write these amazing stories? Can you be my English teacher?

:cough: take inspiration from other stories :cough: improve grammar :cough

[Tofu 6,773]

 take inspiration from other stories

Plagiarism

---

Anyways great story!

[Penguin40 1,714]

Plagiarism

---

Anyways great story!

Thanks! And by inspiration I mean, uh, learn from em, dont copy!

[sre123 595]

Thanks! And by inspiration I mean, uh, learn from em, dont copy!

You cough a lot. Take some medicine. :P 

---

Jokes aside, nice story! :) 

[pieface101 285]

This story in a nutshell:

Everyone gets murdered brutally by a psychopath who murders people for the sake of murdering people.

 

In other words, my kind of story!  :P

 

creepy laugh  :ph34r: 

Edited March 5, 2017 by pieface101

[tweezers 1,034]

This story in a nutshell:

Everyone gets murdered brutally by a psychopath who murders people for the sake of murdering people.

 

In other words, my kind of story!  :P

 

creepy laugh  :ph34r: 

To quote the Joker; It's all about sending a message.

[Penguin40 1,714]

This story in a nutshell:

Everyone gets murdered brutally by a psychopath who murders people for the sake of murdering people.

 

In other words, my kind of story!  :P

 

creepy laugh  :ph34r: 

 No, not quite your kind as the guy has bigger purposes 

To quote the Joker; It's all about sending a message.

eh?

[r_F.A.M.E1 158]

So when part 2?