The Kidnapping: Deadly secrets

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

Dear Destrod,

 

Thanks a ton for reading this and giving me feedback on how to improve it.

 

Thanks

LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH

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Amy jolted to consciousness. The smell of rancid milk greeted her. In front of her stood her three captors.

 

“So then. I assume you’ll tell me to call my dad and ask him for money?”

 

“You’re smarter than you look, Amy, I’ll give you credit for that. But no, that isn’t what we want from you.”

 

“Well, what do you want from me then?”

 

“Nothing. We have to keep you captive because we recently found out that you’re the only one who knows what really happened to your mother, and why it happened. Can’t have anyone telling the cops.”

 

“So… what? Is that code for “ We’re gonna kill you”?”

 

“No… well, yes, but not right now. When we do, I want you to feel every little bit of pain, for all the pain you inflicted upon me, Amy.”

 

“What pain-” before she could finish her sentence, she was knocked out cold again.

 

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Charles was worried sick. After turning on the TV, his stomach churned even more. The helicopters showed a damaged building, with chipped paint and broken playground equipment. Charles could only wonder if Amy was safe. He tried to remember what Stacy had said. 'Everything will be fine', he said to himself, Amy is quite alright. Maybe… maybe the school’s still on lockdown. Despite what he said, he knew that quite the opposite was true. The thought that something might have happened to Amy wasn’t something Charles wanted to think about. He almost got a heart attack when there was a knock at the door. He opened the door to find the face of a distressed cop. Now it was clear what the problem might be.

 

“Sir, this is about your daughter.”

 

“Come in, please. Let’s discuss this over tea. I’m afraid I may fall to the floor otherwise.”

 

So the visitor entered Charles’ cozy home. In the entrance, just above the door, there were paintings of animals. To the right was a small kitchen, littered with different food and ingredients. Charles motioned for the cop to follow. Soon they were sitting on a couch with cups of tea in their hand.

 

“Sir-” Before the cop could say anything, Charles put his hands on his face.

 

“I know why you’re here,” tears fell to the floor, “It’s my daughter… it’s Amy, isn’t it?”

 

“I’m afraid so.”

 

“What… what happened to...her?” Charles’ voice broke

 

“She’s missing sir. We’ve searched the whole school but there’s no sign of her.”

 

Charles couldn’t bear it anymore. He wiped tears from his eyes and asked the policeman to leave. He promptly shut the door and began walking towards his room. As he entered, he went towards a picture of Stacy. She looked very happy in that picture. An emotion which seemed almost alien-like to Charles.

 

“Stacy… I… I thought I would be enough to protect her… to protect Amy… But now that she’s missing and you’re not here, I don’t know what to do. If only… if only you were here.” He continued sobbing and put his head against the picture. As he was crying, he heard something fall to the floor. He bent down to the floor and picked it up. He recognized it. It belonged to Stacy. He cleared the tears from his eyes and unlocked the old iPhone 5. The first thing that jumped at him was the WhatsApp message. He found a chat with the title “MC”, he didn’t understand the meaning of the acronym, but what he did understand was the message.

 

The message read “Well Charles, you’re pretty smart. Tell me, what do you think is gonna happen to this beautiful young lady here?” Along with it, was a picture of Amy, with many bruises on her face and tattered clothes.

Edited November 27, 2017 by LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH

[Destrod 2,634]

Approved.

 

- Multiple additions of commas, addition of speech marks, capitalization of letters

- Addition of pronouns

- Spelling correction

 

The concept isn't original. Although it is better executed than the last one, the whole ' my daughter is missing but I'll invite the policeman for tea anyways' concept was cliché, although your actual writing ability is getting better gradually.

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

Approved.

 

- Multiple additions of commas, addition of speech marks, capitalization of letters

- Addition of pronouns

- Spelling correction

 

The concept isn't original. Although it is better executed than the last one, the whole ' my daughter is missing but I'll invite the policeman for tea anyways' concept was cliché, although your actual writing ability is getting better gradually.

Thanks for the feedback!