Impersonation - Chapter Two

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

Previous Parts:

Chapter One - A Surprise Attack

 

 

 

 

The Task

Leroy, after gaining consciousness glimpsed around wildly. He was in a dark room where only a slit of a window provided light. He was tied up along with his allies. Beside him, sitting upright and awake was Bob, the head of the unit, cursing himself under the breath. Leroy consoled him. “It is not your fault. We were not well informed about the danger. I can’t believe our department didn’t notice it…”

Bob managed to smile. “These really aren’t just regular bandits.” Leroy nodded. “Whoever they are, they are well organised. Who do you think is their boss?”.

Bob pondered for a while “Umm… JOHN CENA!” Leroy glared at him. He then decided that it was up to him to plot the escape.

 

He felt the knot. It was a tough army knot, impossible to break through. He wondered how the enemies knew about it. However, his thoughts were interrupted by the creaking of the steel door. Several armed men entered and nudged everyone awake. Even with their legs tied, most of them managed to stand.

 

A well-built man walked into the room. In the dim light, a big scar was visible on his face stretching from the temples and across his left cheek. “Such a big catch, huh. Nice!”

An ally of Leroy’s gathered enough courage “What are you monsters planning?”, he asked boldly.

“Chaos!”, the man snarled back. “Let the people of Harper get terrorised and bow before us! We will take over the whole place, and no one will be spared, except probably, the KFC employees. We love chicken. It’s so darn tasty.” The scarred man took a closer look at each of them. When his gaze fell on Leroy though, horror spread across his face. But the next moment, it was replaced with an evil smile. He whispered something in the ear of one of the guards, and the guard nodded.

 

The men trained their weapons at them. Leroy closed his eyes waiting for the obvious. He remembered his family. This wasn’t the life he had dreamed of in his childhood.

Shots echoed in the room followed by blood-curdling screams and cries. It was horrifying.

As sudden as the firing had started, it stopped, and silence consumed the room.

Leroy heard a sound which brought back hope in him.

His heart was beating.

 

He opened his eyes to find all his friends dead. No one had survived except him. But why?

A guard walked towards him and suddenly grabbed him by the arm and half-dragged him out and across the hall. The whole hall looked as if it had been recently refurbished. Who was financing this terrorist organisation?

They came to a sudden halt in front of a door. They entered the room without knocking. “Such mannerless Neanderthals.”, He wondered. This room also was dark. “These guys are probably bats.”, thought Leroy.

The scarred man sat on a revolving chair, his back facing him. Another person stood by him. What was amazing was the fact that they weren’t hanging from the roof.

 

Leroy was too bewildered to speak anything. The scarred man broke the silence. “You must be wondering why you are still alive.”

“Because we ran out of bullets?”, suggested the other person.

“Shut up, Ron! ...So where was I? Yeah, we left you out because we want you to do a task for us…”

“Yeah, order some KFC chicken for us and pay for it!”, ordered Ron.

"Stop this disgusting behaviour, you MORON. It's HORRIBLE!”, groaned the scarred man.

“HOW DARE YOU SAY THIS, JAKE! It’s finger-licking' good!”

“For God’s sake Ron, I am NOT talking about chicken! Yeah, so about the darned task…you see this picture?” The scarred man, Jake, handed Leroy a small photograph. The person in it looked just like him.

“It’s me.”, he managed to blurt out.

“No, it’s not…”, Ron replied, “It is of our leader. He was badly injured in a blast by the military. He barely survived. But the threat still remains…”

“And that’s where you come in my boy.”, Jake stared coldly into Leroy’s eyes.

 

“You will be his double.”

Edited August 9, 2018 by P.4.R.K.O.U.R

[LOLKILLERTOTHEDEATH 1,921]

Approved!

 

To put it simple, this second part to your story is quite brilliant. I really enjoyed reading it. The imagery was vivid and crisp and the interactions between the characters all seem to be there for a reason, from Leroy to Jake. There were very few minor mistakes, mostly relating to hyphens. That being said, I noticed a few very minor things that could be improved.

• Make interactions slightly different: Not really even a problem, but usually villains rant out their extremely evil plans to completely uninterested heroes. I feel that it would be quite nice if you could use a sort of sarcastic undertone for the future rather than the villain plainly announcing their plans. Nevertheless, the part where there's talk of saving KFC makes this tiny problem virtually non-existent.

• Format: Not that big of a problem again. I just felt that it could be formatted differently (although I didn't do that as you requested for it not to be changed format-wise.)

[thethiefofvictory 339]

Loved it, better than last time. Mention of KFC is even better! :D

 

I can see now where the name (Impersonation) came from...

Edited July 7, 2018 by thethiefofvictory

[Chronicle 164]

There's not much I can say apart from maybe developing the senses to create a vivid image, you nailed some of them, try use all of the five. It was really intriguing, hats off to you.

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

A big thank you to the mod for the effort he put. But I guess you didn't get the KFC joke right. Jake says Ron's behaviour is horrible and Ron misunderstands it as an insult to the chicken. In the published version the slogan 'It's finger lickin' good' doesn't quite match. So I edited it back.

Edited September 15, 2018 by P.4.R.K.O.U.R

[Person_Random 4,991]

A big thank you to the mod for the effort he put. But I guess you didn't get the KFC joke right. Jake says Ron's behaviour is horrible and Ron misunderstands it as an insult to the chicken. In the published version the slogan 'It's finger lickin' good' doesn't quite match. So I edited it back.

 

And since the forum has apparently died and the newspaper contests have become pay to win, I am leaving this forum. If anyone can't find anything to write about, feel free to send me a PM. I will give you the basic plot of the story and you can write the sequels changing it in any way you wish. I don't think anyone will, anyway.

Bye dead fellas and mults, RIP.

I'm sorry for your losses.  I feel the same way and I even wrote a pretty caustic letter back to the news team.  Please don't leave.  I wanted to leave as well, but "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" according to my writing teacher.  I felt like that every time I was rebuffed after my writing contests and I am sure some of my fellow classmates did too.  They are not quitting and neither am I.  If someone doesn't like your style, write what they like or make your style so good that people will have to like it.  I began as a knockoff loser.  I should feel worse.  Well, I hope you see this before you leave.  Because I am feeling like I want to impart wisdom on you, here it is:

 

It isn't about winning.  It's about trying your best.

 

-P.R.

 

P.S.  Please come back.  Your style is much better than mine.  I've never been able to write either comedy or tragedy well.  You, on the other hand, at least have mastered one of those.

 

P.P.S. Please come back.  I don't want someone to impersonate your style.  I want you to finish writing.

Edited July 7, 2018 by Person_Random

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

K. Probably not gonna leave AWS. At least its not full of noob buyer mults.

But I sure am leaving contests. Full of such biassed crap.

[thethiefofvictory 339]

Caustic

I learnt a new word just now.

[Person_Random 4,991]

I learnt a new word just now.

Nice.  It was a vocab word.

[P.4.R.K.O.U.R 329]

Nice. It was a vocab word.

Lol. You learnt this in Vocab class or scanned an oxford dictionary? Edited July 11, 2018 by P.4.R.K.O.U.R

[Person_Random 4,991]

Lol. You learnt this in Vocab class or scanned an oxford dictionary?

Writing class.